
Whamazon Foods
Brought to you by Whammiee ... <to your wallet>.
Today, Amazon announced it will be acquiring the devilishly expensive Whole Foods Market to the tune of $13.7bn. “Millions of people love Whole Foods Market because they offer the best natural and organic foods, and they make it fun to eat healthy,” said health-conscious Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos in a statement. The transaction …
I used to work with a bloke who shopped almost exclusively at Wholefoods and tried unsuccessfully to convert me. He then revealed one day that he was actually normally short of cash even after we'd been paid. This was because he commuted in every day a fair distance, had a large mortgage and was making maintenance payments to his ex-wife and family. We all thought he was an idiot and might have had more money to save for his retirement like to put into a pension etc. If he'd not shopped there every day.
The one on High Street Kensington smelled appalling when I visited and almost made me vomit. Put me off going anywhere near their stores again
I've eaten bulgur wheat before - it's a major ingredient in a soup recipe that I use.
First time I ate it, I found it a relatively "meh" taste experience. What nobody had warned me about were the after effects. Never have I encountered anything like it for whipping up a southerly gale force 10. Truly thunderous gaseous emissions from the trouser department for quite some time after. Makes baked beans look positively tame.
So, with that in mind, yes - I positively endorse the stuff. Hours of fun.
Your review of bulgur wheat reminds me of the Amazon er, 'reviews' for sugar free gummi bears.
Well worth a read if you've got 5 minutes to spare whilst your bulgur wheat is making its way through your system... ;)
@Snowy & Doctor Syntax
There's another 'food' that should be avoided for similar reasons, fat free Pringles that contain a fat substitute called Olestra
https://www.reddit.com/r/wikipedia/comments/30kq1w/as_olestra_caused_anal_leakage_in_some_customers/
Are you sure it was the bulgur in your soup? I've found it neutral on the stomach (I eat it occasionally, not often). Perhaps your soup contained some other active ingredient? Like my artichoke soup, which is delicious and particularly suitable for serving to a love rival ahead of his big date (or, more practically, eating when next day is at home and involves no social events).
I once hoped to get no palm oil, no sugar peanut butter (for real medical reasons) and tried there. The 'no added sugar' had 'evaporated cane juice', which I believe is...cane sugar, others had fruit sugars, all were eye-wateringly expensive, so I went to Tescos and they had what I wanted. Wholefoods is like one vast 'supplements and copper bracelets' outfit.
"so I went to Tescos and they had what I wanted"
Off topic and not even a shareholder, but since Tesco lost that dysfunctional chief executive and stopped trying to open up everywhere in the whole world, it's actually got quite good.
This might be a lesson Amazon is going to have to learn.
Until amazon buys them out in their quest to become the only retailer left standing.
The latest 're-org' in my local Tesco's has hidden stuff that was once easy to find. Even the staff can't find it.
Got quite good? Lost its way certainly in the 'ease of use' stakes which is probably deliberate in an attempt to get you to spend more. However, I am not alone and only last week I saw one shopper with a trolley full of 'stuff' give up and leave it and the store in frustration.
"The latest 're-org' in my local Tesco's has hidden stuff that was once easy to find. Even the staff can't find it."
Same has happened with my local Tesco just recently.
I swear they use the shuffle of stock to new shelves as a way to eliminate discontinued products, often leaving patrons wandering the aisles looking for an item that just doesn't exist anymore.
I had very good luck with Tesco's evil twin (Walmart) when I was still in bubble boy mode and I needed a way to get my shopping done. I was even pleasantly shocked at the quality and selection of their produce. Their pickup service saved me from the clutches of a well meaning carer that really can't fend for herself inside a grocery store.
To be fair, most WFs have self-serve "grind to order" peanut butter, in salted and unsalted. Some of the larger stores also have grind to order almond butter. In both cases, it's nothing but nuts, plus or minus salt. They also have peanuts (almonds, cashews, whatever) in the bulk bins, for you hard-core, green & granola, grind-your-own-at-home types. If you're going for the bulk bins, also check the price of the pre-bagged "365" house brand nuts; they can be the cheapest alternative you'll find anywhere. Because they have a high turn-around, the nuts are never stale. The only place I purchase nuts out of season these days is WF.
Note: I'm in the lower 48 ... If you live elsewhere, YMMV.
In line with my other comment, the "house brand" 365 stuff is well worth checking out. Especially milk products, canned beans (tinned to you Brits), and things like olive oil. It's not exactly top of the line, but it's quite palatable and often cheaper than anybody else.
Most of their bulk bin stuff is good, and inexpensive, with a discount if you purchase the entire refill bag (ranges from 20 to 50 pounds, depending).
THAT said, forget their produce. It's expensive & moth eaten ("organic", don'tcha know). Their meat, poultry and seafood is excellent quality, but the prices are astronomical. Likewise for bread. And so-called "convenience" food. As for prepared food, well, it's not exactly difficult to make potato salad, now is it? Do you REALLY need to spend that much money on it?
Just to wrap it up, you can make good choices at WF, if you're careful. And know how to cook. I fully expect Amazon to completely bollix this up.
Like TJ's, but without some of the more awesome selections and a lot more expensive (unless, I guess, you follow jake's example and just get the bulk-bin stuff).
Even more annoying than the prices @ Whole Paycheck is the clientele (and staff). I had never heard "Namaste" sound so much like "you fucking peasant!".
Wholefoods Market for anyone who hasn't been one is like a giant health food shop. One where everything is horribly marked up and expensive. It appeals to the hipster demographic. It's a shame because some of the produce is reasonable, but not for that price.
Ah.. that explains why there's not a Whole Foods around where I live in southern Oregon. The hipsters have all been sent north to Portland.
After the CIA narrative outlet "The Washington Post" got bought, I figured the next move would be to get moneyed yuppies eat LSD unawares.
This must be it.
Bezos' Vision:
Whole-Food fed upper-class crusties consensualized by WaPo augmented reality, while Amazon tat & toilet paper ordered via Alexa is being delivered by drone to their well-defended burbclaves as Deep State operatives monitor their contentment level from Blue Horizon spysats.
Yeah well I threw up when I read that. I don't need to throw up, I need to put some weight *back* on***.
Smoke free since June 4th.... been smoking Camel filters since 1982, figured it was time. Now I want a cig, real bad... fucking Bezos... asshole.
Wife doesn't feed me and gets mad if I feed myself. Weird, eh? I corrected the problem, scripting errors.
I'm more curious than anything to see where this goes. As others have pointed out, Whole Foods is more a boutique grocer that caters to picky eaters. Now, granted, this is a growing segment of the market, but there's a reason Walmart and Kroger remain the two chief grocery chains in the country.
Amazon's delivery model to me doesn't mesh well with the average grocery shopper. Particularly in regards to fresh stuff like produce, the average shopper tends to be choosy. They pick through the stocks to be sure they don't get rotten produce, stale bread, moldy cheese, and so on. Something like this REQUIRES a hands-on presence, and that makes things like delivery and even on-site pickup (the approach Walmart is increasingly taking) not as viable an option. For example, I still haven't tried Walmart's grocery pickup system, not just because my bill tends to fall under the minimum but also because almost always one of the things I need to get is fresh and requires the hands-on approach.
Everything Amazon does should be looked at through the lens of an incredibly efficent supply chain company.
Amazon have a distribution and supply chain system that rivals Walmart now. They have national brand awareness, if not global. In taking Whole Foods, they get access to a small slice of well-heeled shoppers who are in the demographic sweet spot - people with money, smartphones and good internet. This is the group that you want to "delight" with the future Amazon shopping experience. Let's face it, grocery shopping is miserable. Maybe Amazon can make it less so using their distribution network.
Once you've got this group in the bag, you can expand to take on the more regular grocery chains.
Next stop: it might be time to look into FedEx/UPS stock and maybe even shipping or a railroad.
You see one must have a cookbook, and kitchen appliances. In Miss Piggy's world she has them as well:
Cookbook: That's the yellow pages.
Appliances: The phone.
Can you say take out? I'm sure you can.
Sorry that this is a bit dated, Miss Piggy's guide to life was back in the 80's, but in many ways still applies.
One of the leaders of competitive pricing buys the dark high priest of customer gougery.
Two possible outcomes:
a) we'll start seeing Earth-Aware (TM) VMs on AWS. An extra $3.50/hr because of the rain forest, even as they probably start buying all-coal leccy. Amazon Books only carries Deepak Chopra. MP3s only Yanni.
b) Whole Foods becomes more reasonable, less of a "lifestyle statement" and actually sells useful stuff for fair prices. They stop over-weighing their items in order to rip you off. They don't peel oranges and then pack them in plastic. They don't sell "discounted" organic avocados at twice the price of other places' organic avocados. Big changes for them.
On balance, I'd expect Amazon to - (b). If Whole Foods is branded 'Amazon', their usual shenanigans would damage the Amazon brand for normal people. So a cautious hope that a fairly useless retailer might possibly change their stripes. And Amazon does have brilliant supply chain management to make it work.
Plus, maybe all the hipsters will leave my area! (hence the choice of icon).
"...and they make it fun to eat healthy"
How does one eat 'healthy'? Do you put it in a bowl with milk?
Toast it, cut it into squares and drop it into soup or do you eat healthily?
If I want to eat healthily, some friends of a friend have just opened a Vegan restaurant, the food is very good although all of them seem to have pale translucent skin and very pale blue eyes they do look healthy. Maybe the colouring is because they are all Slovakian?
Anyway I gave them some help and frre advice while they were statrting up so I eat healthily for free or very cheap, plus, I don't think Amazon will be delivering Bulgur wheat or kale tothis island on a daily basis so I will be spared the temptation.
Reading the comments I am so glad I live in a relatively hipster free zone, they only come here in the summer and then go for the whole experience; ecstasy/designer drug of the moment, jumping/falling off balconies and sometimes hitting the pool and generally all looking the same and talking crap like all of the other crazed clubbers trying to have a good time at €15 plus per drink.
Only 12 more weeks and they'll be gone for another year.
This is great news, no longer will I have to fear pronouncing quinoa in public as I can just get it from Amazon.
Oh wait, I use Alexa, damn I didn't think of that.
Oh well I'll have to stick to wheat grass and hope it's not been run through naked by Theresa May.
Mind Bleach now available on Amazon for a low low price.
why would I start buying food from the little bald chap? Just another oligarch, folks - move along.
For those who had to shop at the G.U.M. store, this is a familiar turn of events. Soon comes The Wall and all you East German fockers will be safe in your enclosure.
Or just an expensive-for-what-it-is retailer.
Seriously, I don't mind the occasional pricey foodie splurge. High end cheese, pate, meat, pastry, fresh prawns.... You know those stores. You know the stuff that tastes so good but is likely not super healthy and nukes your budget.
Whole Foods has never ever tempted me the least. The food might be healthy, and certainly $$$$$, but it's a gouge for hipster dupes and tree huggers and hardly very sinfully tasty. Easy to resist :)
Canada has only 13 WHs and Vancouver's stuck with nearly half of them :( Then again we're also carrying an unfair proportion of this country's hipsters and vegans. Anybody want some?
@ JLV - Nope nope nope. Us central canucks believe that you have a whole damned ocean over there to hide the bodies in. Please keep the Whole Foods crowd at that end. Just spend more time nudging them off the bridges.
I find Galen W's "SuperStore" pricey but quite good. At least I'm *sorta* keeping the money in country.
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