This trend could be stopped instantly
By naming the victims.
Or plying the firemen with some booze before they "operate".
An East London man is breathing more easily today after fire fighters came to his rescue early this morning - they used a hydraulic pedal cutter to remove a metal ring he had slipped over his dangly bits several days before. The unnamed chap arrived at King George Hospital in the London Borough of Redbridge where staff …
How about dousing the todger with ice water to shrink it
Problem is that the constriction stops the blood getting out. I'd expect that an audience of laughing medics, nurses and firemen would normally cause loss of wood, in this case it can't go down. But you're onto something. If the problem is that the engorged tool won't go back through the ring, the application of a few leeches to the swollen end should relieve the pressure, shrink the beast, and enable a fireman to shove the pork sword back through the ring.
Leeches: An essential tool for the well prepared A&E department.
Give it enough time and leeches might make their way back into usage as they are good for quite a few uses e.g. haemotoma & used by quite a few vets in animal treatment
.. after all use of maggots e.g. debridement in hospitals is getting more & more widespread & that would have been regarded as unlikely not many years ago
Leeches: An essential tool for the well prepared A&E department.
Probably will not be very effective - the bit which is filled with blood is under the surface. The leach is not going to get as far as that - they are effective in relief of too much blood in the capillaries, like after grafts and microsurgery.
If it works it will probably be even more effective in preventing more idiots trying it (just post some anonymized pictures on the wall in the johns as a public service here and there).
I would think the idea of some one jabbing a needle into your penis would make the wood go down.
That is what you think. And I would, too. But given that there is all kind of kinky variety out there, I bet to some it has rather the opposite effect.
But given that there is all kind of kinky variety out there, I bet to some it has rather the opposite effect
You could search on, ooh, let's think...... "bdsm" and "cbt", and maybe "needle play" (Winces and crosses legs).
But probably best not to search from work; And remember, you can't unsee some of the things you might come across. Furthermore, I suspect that even the stuff that Google turns up will fall foul of the puritanical legislation passed by the sphincter of parliament during the Blair years, and reinforced by his modern day protege, May.
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"I think the real question is why use metal?"
Have you got any idea how hard it is to chorme plate one of the silicone ones?!? There's a reason the expression "Oooh, shiny!" exists... Seriously though, they sell plenty of half-ring screw-together / stick-together (magnetic) ones, they're just a lot more expensive (and keep one wondering what happens if one fails to, uh, copmletely clear the gap at assembly time, especially with the magnetic ones)
Alas, if it's blocked the egress of the corpus cavernosa, there's nothing you can do, it's stuck like that...
Still, it's not the worse I've heard about... Back in the late 70s, there was a wonderful publication "World Medicine" that specialised in the slightly more chatty side of medicine. It had a scintillating vignette, telling the story of a couple admitted on the same stretcher, the man had got his prepuce speared on the wire of a partially expelled IUD, and the medic had to perform an intra-vaginal circumcision using modified obstetric instruments to spare his dick.
Sex sometimes seems to be more trouble than it's worth.
>You don't even need the jaws of life. Just have 4-5 fairly burly firemen walk into the room, and the biggest one swings a fireaxe back over his head and then tells the others "OK, hold him still."
I don't know about that. Five fairly burly firemen, taking turns or all at once? Sounds pretty steamy to me! *fans self*
what some people will do. Moving away from men to the fairer sex the worst problem I came across, in a medical capacity, was a young lady(?) who had inserted a light bulb where it is usually very dark. The light bulb had then imploded.
Very messy, and very long time removing all the pieces from a confined space.
There is, or rather there was. 'Sticky Vicky' (who was married to the local Chief of Police) had a 'naked magic act' & could pull all manner of stuff out of her lady parts. When I saw her I think the finale was either a string with about 10 razor blades or a walking stick. Quite entertaining if you like that sort fo thing
The Lady in Benidorm you are thinking about is Sticky Vicky : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sticky_Vicky
She is 74 now , her daughter opens the show for her, I think one of the things she was famous for was firing ping pong balls but she may have done tricks with light bulbs as she is billed as a stripper and illusionist.
If you google Sticky Vicky, about 5 entries down is a Vimeo for those with enquiring minds.
"that said, surely it's about time someone studied why so many chaps seem to be able to get the things on, but struggle to have it off. So to speak"
I believe the issue is the blood supply coming in enters via an artery nearish the centre of the appendage.However many of the return points are on the outside and are therefore restricted by the ring. As it's your blood that causes it to swell in the first place, the lack of return prevents it flopping as it were.
So no matter the amount of cooling you do is going to help (other than make it drop off completely).
Hint: instead of using say a curtain ring, use the proper thing! If to embarrassed, go to B&Q and by an rubber "O" ring from the plumbing section... at least you can cut that off in an emergency!
“It had been like that for a couple of days. I think it must have got to the point where he knew he needed to do something about it…. it was swollen and a funny colour.”
OK, you might look like a bit of a dick going to A&E with a ring stuck on your dangly bits, but surely you would want to get it sorted out fairly quickly and not wait for a couple of days and potentially risk some irreversible damage after that amount of time.
Many years ago, I recall "New Scientist" commenting on a report in a medical publication on the eye-watering subject of gentlemen's injuries caused by hand-held vacuum cleaners.
It seems there were a number of cases of chaps getting their, err, chaps into these devices, either "accidentally" or for their own reasons. Apparently believing this would be quite safe, the unfortunate visitors to A&E had interactions with the internal fans.
Just thought I'd share....
 The name "Hoover Dustette" sticks in my addled memory for some reason
 "It turned itself on" (editorial response: and him to, presumably)
 I recall a comment along the lines of "driven to new lengths by the experience..."
If you think bell end rings are bad speak to someone that works in the NHS about objects found up the rectum. Infinitely more stories but you never hear about them because of patient doctor confidentiality.
Maybe el reg could do a F.O.I. to the NHS for some numbers on foreign anal objects. You'll need to make sure they understand you don't mean MEP's though.
Google suggests that the normal* procedure for penile aspiration to relieve priapism is to use an 18-gauge needle (outside diameter 1.27mm), which requires a significant amount of pain relief. Penile Injection Therapy (for the opposite condition) uses a much smaller needle. Presumably something to do with blood being thicker than trimix.
Can't say I'm keen on the thought of either...
*For some value of "normal".