back to article Fire fighters get grinding on London man’s trapped genitalia

An East London man is breathing more easily today after fire fighters came to his rescue early this morning - they used a hydraulic pedal cutter to remove a metal ring he had slipped over his dangly bits several days before. The unnamed chap arrived at King George Hospital in the London Borough of Redbridge where staff …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This trend could be stopped instantly

    By naming the victims.

    Or plying the firemen with some booze before they "operate".

    1. kain preacher

      Re: This trend could be stopped instantly

      How about dousing the todger with ice water to shrink it then aply a blow torch to the metal ring.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: This trend could be stopped instantly

        How about dousing the todger with ice water to shrink it

        Problem is that the constriction stops the blood getting out. I'd expect that an audience of laughing medics, nurses and firemen would normally cause loss of wood, in this case it can't go down. But you're onto something. If the problem is that the engorged tool won't go back through the ring, the application of a few leeches to the swollen end should relieve the pressure, shrink the beast, and enable a fireman to shove the pork sword back through the ring.

        Leeches: An essential tool for the well prepared A&E department.

        1. tiggity Silver badge

          Re: This trend could be stopped instantly

          Give it enough time and leeches might make their way back into usage as they are good for quite a few uses e.g. haemotoma & used by quite a few vets in animal treatment

          .. after all use of maggots e.g. debridement in hospitals is getting more & more widespread & that would have been regarded as unlikely not many years ago

          1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

            Re: This trend could be stopped instantly

            Well - apart from both the article and the comment making me shudder :-) Leaches are used in modern medicine - http://sciencenetlinks.com/science-news/science-updates/modern-leeching/

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: This trend could be stopped instantly

          Leeches: An essential tool for the well prepared A&E department.

          Probably will not be very effective - the bit which is filled with blood is under the surface. The leach is not going to get as far as that - they are effective in relief of too much blood in the capillaries, like after grafts and microsurgery.

          If it works it will probably be even more effective in preventing more idiots trying it (just post some anonymized pictures on the wall in the johns as a public service here and there).

        3. kain preacher

          Re: This trend could be stopped instantly

          You know when they say in case of an erection lasting more than 4 hours see a doc. Well they use needles to drain the blood out. I would think the idea of some one jabbing a needle into your penis would make the wood go down.

          1. Evil Auditor Silver badge

            Re: This trend could be stopped instantly

            I would think the idea of some one jabbing a needle into your penis would make the wood go down.

            That is what you think. And I would, too. But given that there is all kind of kinky variety out there, I bet to some it has rather the opposite effect.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: This trend could be stopped instantly

              But given that there is all kind of kinky variety out there, I bet to some it has rather the opposite effect

              You could search on, ooh, let's think...... "bdsm" and "cbt", and maybe "needle play" (Winces and crosses legs).

              But probably best not to search from work; And remember, you can't unsee some of the things you might come across. Furthermore, I suspect that even the stuff that Google turns up will fall foul of the puritanical legislation passed by the sphincter of parliament during the Blair years, and reinforced by his modern day protege, May.

              1. kain preacher

                Re: This trend could be stopped instantly

                Heat the needle up and stick it in the testicles .

              2. Martin-73 Silver badge

                Re: This trend could be stopped instantly

                AC.. have a 9 month delayed upvote for 'sphincter of parliament'. Due to el reg's xmas carol

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: This trend could be stopped instantly

        blow torch

        Hmmmm...

      3. Jedit
        Devil

        "... then apply a blow torch to the metal ring."

        That's not what they meant by "give him a blow job"!

      4. catlady

        Re: This trend could be stopped instantly

        I've heard of priapism being treated with both medications and insertion of a needle to remove enough fluid to get the swelling down. So why did the FD need to grind off the ring. Seems third-world to me.

        1. DropBear

          Re: This trend could be stopped instantly

          "By naming the victims"

          ...says the Anonymous Coward. Oh, the irony...

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Life imitates art

    I distinctly remember the same thing happened to Norman Price on an episode of 'Fireman Sam' in the late 80's.

  3. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    What is it with bellends and rings?

    Not going to have one near my todger, too many things that can go wrong.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I think the real question is why use metal?

      For gods sake man, use something you can cut through without an angle grinder.

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        For gods sake man, use something you can cut through without an angle grinder.

        I just use a very small elastic band. There's always room left to slide a steak knife underneath and saw the band in two.

        [AC, for obvs.]

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          How about a strip of silk, or mohair scarf, tied with a nice bow. Either would certainly merit, and likely encourage, plenty of useful "research" -- and we all know how important research is. Or are these materials too 'unmanly' for consideration?

          1. Triggerfish

            How about a strip of silk, or mohair scarf, tied with a nice bow.

            Surely a bow tie?

            That way one can pretend to be an elephant as well. :)

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          I just use a very small elastic band.

          I use a MONSTER elastic band, of course.

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Sex toy shops do sell silicone rings designed for the purpose. There's no need to improvise with wedding rings and whatnot.

          1. DropBear
            Trollface

            "I think the real question is why use metal?"

            Have you got any idea how hard it is to chorme plate one of the silicone ones?!? There's a reason the expression "Oooh, shiny!" exists... Seriously though, they sell plenty of half-ring screw-together / stick-together (magnetic) ones, they're just a lot more expensive (and keep one wondering what happens if one fails to, uh, copmletely clear the gap at assembly time, especially with the magnetic ones)

      3. streaky

        Said this before in the article about the guy in Ireland who decided to use a titanium ring. If you're gonna do this use something with a bit of stretch to it..

        1. Captain DaFt

          " If you're gonna do this use something with a bit of stretch to it.."

          And if your fetish absolutely insists on metal, use a pipe clamp, so you can unscrew it when you're through, er, screwing!

        2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          >If you're gonna do this use something with a bit of stretch to it..

          Like a lady (or a gentleman if that is your preference)

    2. Evil Auditor Silver badge

      What is it with bellends and rings? Not going to have one near my todger, too many things that can go wrong.

      Anonymous South African Coward, which is it that you won't have near your todger, the bellends or the rings? We need to know.

    3. hplasm
      Coat

      Which one ?

      "What is it with bellends and rings?

      Not going to have one near my todger, too many things that can go wrong."

      Bellend or ring?

      *edit* Too slow! 'Bin Audited, Evilly...

  4. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    The digital world abounds with information on how to properly size these things so gangrene isn't an option.

    So I'm told. By others.

    1. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge

      Re: Bah!

      Bloody typical, they've gone back to metric without telling us.

  5. wolfetone Silver badge
    Coat

    "The unnamed chap..."

    Prince Albert?

  6. chivo243 Silver badge
    Meh

    Heavy Equipment?

    I would have thought the sight of a "Jaws of Life" would have made any man's tackle shrivel, I'm pretty sure mine would become a scared turtle!

    1. EddieD

      Re: Heavy Equipment?

      Alas, if it's blocked the egress of the corpus cavernosa, there's nothing you can do, it's stuck like that...

      Still, it's not the worse I've heard about... Back in the late 70s, there was a wonderful publication "World Medicine" that specialised in the slightly more chatty side of medicine. It had a scintillating vignette, telling the story of a couple admitted on the same stretcher, the man had got his prepuce speared on the wire of a partially expelled IUD, and the medic had to perform an intra-vaginal circumcision using modified obstetric instruments to spare his dick.

      Sex sometimes seems to be more trouble than it's worth.

      Only sometimes.

      1. PhilipN Silver badge

        Re: Heavy Equipment?

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Car_Trouble_(film)

        "Penis captivus". Learn something new....

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Stop

      Re: Heavy Equipment?

      You don't even need the jaws of life. Just have 4-5 fairly burly firemen walk into the room, and the biggest one swings a fireaxe back over his head and then tells the others "OK, hold him still."

      ("Wait, the ring just fell off.")

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Heavy Equipment?

        >You don't even need the jaws of life. Just have 4-5 fairly burly firemen walk into the room, and the biggest one swings a fireaxe back over his head and then tells the others "OK, hold him still."

        I don't know about that. Five fairly burly firemen, taking turns or all at once? Sounds pretty steamy to me! *fans self*

  7. Simon Ward

    “To put it in laymen’s term, he tried to put his veg in the ring as well but it stopped the circulation and became stuck,”

    Quote of the decade.

  8. Solarflare

    I don't know about anyone else, but the article made mine positively shrivel...

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nurse!

    Dr. Tinkle: Slight bruising, certainly. No bleeding, good.

    Francis Bigger: Just like the service in here.

  10. Cereberus
    Facepalm

    It's amazing.....

    what some people will do. Moving away from men to the fairer sex the worst problem I came across, in a medical capacity, was a young lady(?) who had inserted a light bulb where it is usually very dark. The light bulb had then imploded.

    Very messy, and very long time removing all the pieces from a confined space.

    1. tedleaf

      Re: It's amazing.....

      Finally,light at the end of the tunnel !!!

      I hope it wasn't an old gen type high efficiency bulb,nasty stuff mercury..

    2. Chemical
      Thumb Up

      Re: It's amazing.....

      I think there is a 'lady' in the resort of Benidorm who does similar things with light bulbs, but she can illuminate hers. I am assuming that something proceeded the lamp to achieve this?

      1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: It's amazing.....

        she can illuminate hers

        Is this where the term "Edison Screw" comes from?

      2. theprimate

        Re: It's amazing.....

        There is, or rather there was. 'Sticky Vicky' (who was married to the local Chief of Police) had a 'naked magic act' & could pull all manner of stuff out of her lady parts. When I saw her I think the finale was either a string with about 10 razor blades or a walking stick. Quite entertaining if you like that sort fo thing

      3. Chris G Silver badge

        Re: It's amazing.....

        The Lady in Benidorm you are thinking about is Sticky Vicky : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sticky_Vicky

        She is 74 now , her daughter opens the show for her, I think one of the things she was famous for was firing ping pong balls but she may have done tricks with light bulbs as she is billed as a stripper and illusionist.

        If you google Sticky Vicky, about 5 entries down is a Vimeo for those with enquiring minds.

      4. FozzyBear

        Re: It's amazing.....

        ahhh,

        so the female version of uncle fester.

        Now I need hospital grade mind bleach to get rid of that imagery

    3. anthonyhegedus Silver badge

      Re: It's amazing.....

      ....I'd have put her partner on danger money for several weeks at least!

  11. Arthur the cat Silver badge

    New icon(s) needed

    Crossed legs and/or a face with a very pained expression.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Engineering fail

    You would have thought by now with all the safety engineering there would be an ISO standard, a UL standard and an EN for safety catches for these things. And a livestream of the committee meetings.

    1. James O'Shea

      Re: Engineering fail

      only if

      1 the committee had to personally test the things

      2 the committee included Blair, Brown, and Cameron.

      Now _that's_ entertainment.

    2. Scroticus Canis
      Gimp

      Re: Engineering fail

      A committee designing a cock ring would end up producing a butt plug.

      1. James O'Shea

        Re: Engineering fail

        Only if one T May was on the committee.

  13. Tim Brown 1
    Coat

    Perhaps...

    He might have been better going to a jeweller? Aren't they used to getting stuck rings off?

    In all seriousness, one of their miniature cutters would surely have done the job :)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Perhaps...

      I'm sure H Samuel would love you to get that out on the counter.

    2. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: Perhaps...

      Simply consult your friendly neighbourhood mad scientist.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm pretty sure of this...but don't take it as fact

    "that said, surely it's about time someone studied why so many chaps seem to be able to get the things on, but struggle to have it off. So to speak"

    I believe the issue is the blood supply coming in enters via an artery nearish the centre of the appendage.However many of the return points are on the outside and are therefore restricted by the ring. As it's your blood that causes it to swell in the first place, the lack of return prevents it flopping as it were.

    So no matter the amount of cooling you do is going to help (other than make it drop off completely).

    Hint: instead of using say a curtain ring, use the proper thing! If to embarrassed, go to B&Q and by an rubber "O" ring from the plumbing section... at least you can cut that off in an emergency!

    1. M7S
      Coat

      Re: I'm pretty sure of this...but don't take it as fact

      "Lack of return"

      Sounds a bit like my current pension. By any chance was the man a right banker?

    2. 9Rune5 Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: I'm pretty sure of this...but don't take it as fact

      "However many of the return points are on the outside and are therefore restricted by the ring. "

      More proof of unintelligent design.

      Mine is the one with "Origin of species" in the pocket.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    I am only writing this comment...

    ...so I can use the Paris icon. Somehow it just seems appropriate. I have nothing else useful to add to the discussion.

    1. wolfetone Silver badge

      Re: I am only writing this comment...

      Neither does she.

  16. tiggity Silver badge

    funny colour

    “It had been like that for a couple of days. I think it must have got to the point where he knew he needed to do something about it…. it was swollen and a funny colour.”

    OK, you might look like a bit of a dick going to A&E with a ring stuck on your dangly bits, but surely you would want to get it sorted out fairly quickly and not wait for a couple of days and potentially risk some irreversible damage after that amount of time.

  17. LesB
    Childcatcher

    There are worse things

    Many years ago, I recall "New Scientist" commenting on a report in a medical publication on the eye-watering subject of gentlemen's injuries caused by hand-held vacuum cleaners[1].

    It seems there were a number of cases of chaps getting their, err, chaps into these devices, either "accidentally[2]" or for their own reasons. Apparently believing this would be quite safe, the unfortunate visitors to A&E had interactions with the internal fans.[3]

    Just thought I'd share....

    [1] The name "Hoover Dustette" sticks in my addled memory for some reason

    [2] "It turned itself on" (editorial response: and him to, presumably)

    [3] I recall a comment along the lines of "driven to new lengths by the experience..."

  18. cosymart
    Thumb Up

    Chortle...

    This may, in part, have "stimulated" King's College London.... Not too much I hope, can't have our students getting excited :-)

  19. 9Rune5 Silver badge
    Angel

    How hard can it be?

    ..is what I'm thinking. Almost (but not quite) tempts me to try this at home...

    Icon: Happy fella in a ring.

    1. deathOfRats
      Boffin

      Re: How hard can it be?

      "Happy fella in a ring"

      FSCK YOU!!! Now I can't dismiss that image off me mind.

      P.S.: Somehow I think THIS icon is the most appropriate one for the article and subsequent discussion --->

  20. anthonyhegedus Silver badge

    They could just disconnect the groinal attachment?

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If you think bell end rings are bad speak to someone that works in the NHS about objects found up the rectum. Infinitely more stories but you never hear about them because of patient doctor confidentiality.

    Maybe el reg could do a F.O.I. to the NHS for some numbers on foreign anal objects. You'll need to make sure they understand you don't mean MEP's though.

  22. Alan Ferris
    Alert

    Aspiration

    Surely all they needed was a syringe and a fine needle to deflate the offending part?

    Icon chosen for its picture rather than its significance

    1. deathOfRats
      Thumb Up

      Re: Aspiration

      "Icon chosen for its picture rather than its significance"

      Yeah, sure...

      "All hands man the pumps... blah, blah, blah... "

    2. Warm Braw Silver badge

      Re: Aspiration

      Google suggests that the normal* procedure for penile aspiration to relieve priapism is to use an 18-gauge needle (outside diameter 1.27mm), which requires a significant amount of pain relief. Penile Injection Therapy (for the opposite condition) uses a much smaller needle. Presumably something to do with blood being thicker than trimix.

      Can't say I'm keen on the thought of either...

      *For some value of "normal".

  23. Zebo-the-Fat
    FAIL

    What a ...

    What a prick!

  24. Sleep deprived

    England and Ireland top the list

    Something with the United Ringdom?

  25. Jim 68
    Facepalm

    Sounds like another job for...

    Angle Grinder Man!

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: Sounds like another job for...

      Doesn't one of our fellow commentards go by the handle Brewster's Angle Grinder? Hmm...

  26. Garry Perez

    @Jim. I salute u sir for the Angle Grinder Man reference,

  27. Mark 85 Silver badge

    Confused here...

    Being men, most tend to "overestimate" their size which would lead to getting a ring too large. So.. are these the blokes that underestimate? Sort of like the difference between an honest contractor (rare, I know) and regular contractors?

  28. Fizzle
    Angel

    Willies

    This whole thread is enough to give one the willies thinking about it.

    Gross!

  29. uncommon_sense
    IT Angle

    There seem to be at least two such stories every month.

    Depressing, but dull...

    Could we have some Change, please!

    Make El Reg Great Again!

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