back to article Microsoft touts SQL Server 2017 as 'first RDBMS with built-in AI'

Microsoft is due to announce what it's calling "the first RDBMS with built-in AI". In other words, a community technology preview of SQL Server 2017 with additional support for R and – for the first time – Python. Expected to be announced Wednesday during Microsoft Data Amp, the preview release will introduce in-database …

  1. Your alien overlord - fear me

    "it wouldn't be a Microsoft announcement without some mention of the cloud" - normally just saying they're living under one would suffice !!!

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Oh dear!

    Build in AI huh?

    "Alert: Your database has processed 1024 operations, 1024 operations should be enough for everybody, I'm going to shut down. Please turn me back on tomorrow, thx!".

    Yeah... let's not do that :)

    1. Korev Silver badge

      Re: Oh dear!

      If you'd have said 640k transactions I'd have upvoted you ;)

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Unspeakably wicked

    We all know every byte of data in Azure SQL Server is copied to the NSA

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Unspeakably wicked

      SQL encryption can ensure that clear data never travels across Azure.

      Also Microsoft offer solutions around bringing your own keys with Thales hardware that can specifically stop third parties getting data from Microsoft - even with a court order...

      1. Gio Ciampa

        Re: Unspeakably wicked

        3 words...

        Mandated Back Door

  4. Brian Miller

    Pre-trained neural network

    "The company claims SQL Server includes "built-in AI" as it introduces pre-trained neural network models for sentiment analysis..."

    How much analysis is need for what people think about Vista and Windows 8? (Yes, I switched over to Linux as my main OS when my new laptop came with Windows 8. Yes, I upgraded it to Windows 10, the nine that is not nine, but I'm sticking with Linux.)

    1. Geoffrey W

      Re: Pre-trained neural network

      Comment of the week. Wonderful stuff.

  5. Silviu C.

    So they found a way to bring Clippy back?

  6. Mage Silver badge

    Ha Ha

    Only for a MS definition of AI.

    The company that brought you:

    The racist Chatbot

    The Ribbon.



    Active X in a browser

    All the rubbish versions of Windows before 3.1

    Putting GDI into Kernel for slight speed up of games/video on NT4.0 (less speed up than a new PC), so graphics drivers for printers / screens could BSOD what had been a stable OS

    Windows ME, Vista, Win8.x, Win 10


    and much more stupidity

    Maybe it's AI for cows or mares. Do MS know what AI actually is?

    1. Geoffrey W

      Re: Ha Ha

      Runner up comment of the week. Come on. Try harder. You can do it!

    2. Captain DaFt

      Re: Ha Ha

      "Do MS know what AI actually is?"

      Considering their history with their OS and software I'd say they think AI means "All Inclusive".

      Maybe it was just a fever dream after trying to use it once, but I'd swear that Word has an option for sorting socks somewhere in that ribbon thingy.

      1. hplasm

        Re: Ha Ha

        "Do MS know what AI actually is?"

        It's what Ali G says whilst using SQL Server, innit?

    3. Tom 7

      Re: Ha Ha

      AI in this case is a neologism for back door - Arse Inspection.

  7. fidodogbreath

    You can call me AI

    SQL Server includes "built-in AI" as it introduces pre-trained neural network models for sentiment analysis and image featurisation

    "Cortana, learn what all the images mean to humans, in every language and cultural context."

    Then off to the pub...right?

  8. Geoffrey W

    Calling all penguins! Calling all penguins! Your presence is urgently required on article 5.

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Calling all Penguins!

      Wot! are you waiting for MS to release the Linux version of it?

      All two of you will have to wait a wee while. The AI is being re-programmed to give only one answer,

      "I can do this better on a Windows host'.

      1. Geoffrey W

        Re: Calling all Penguins!

        Wot? Noooo. MS is doing something. They need some snarking. Your little bit will do for now.

  9. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    All the better to connect the garbage in to the garbage out.

  10. HmmmYes

    I'd wait for the per-core pricing first.

    1. Dwarf

      I'd wait for the per-core pricing first.

      ...on the GPU's I presume

  11. Wiltshire

    "Do MS know what AI actually is?"

    Additional Income.

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