"Sites offering free content often hide malware that can bombard you with ads, take over your computer, or steal your personal information."
MEE: You mean like Facebook and Twitter do?
FTC: "No, no, no. I mean pirates with patches on their eyes and parrots on their shoulders."
PRT: "Yaaarrrgh, matey! I got full use of both me eyes, and I spy two scurvy dogs who are about to be keelhauled for their shiny things. Curse the black spot. YAAAAAAR!"
MEE: Yeah, that guy has two good eyes.
FTC: "Look, the point is that free things from individuals, who are not giant corporations siphoning your personal data for marketing scams, are bad and paying for them through the nose through never-ending service contracts is the way of the future. Not hoarding versions of software locally that could be better served by endlessly updating and fooling with, even while you're using it!"
MEE: But I don't want that.
FTC: "Oh, yes you do."
PRT: "Yaaargh, are you guys needing me anymore in this skit?"
FTC: "No, I'm good. How about you?"
MEE: Yeah, I full up with pirates already. Like those guys at Facebook and Twitter.
PRT: "Yarr, that was a good one, matey."