the smut level.
Is off the scale.
You could have at least posted this on Friday.
Rooted dildo, ::snigger::
Ah, so much for a professional look at my desk...
Sex toy designer Svakom decided that a vibrator needed a camera on the end, and it also needed a Wi-Fi access point – with the utterly predictable result that the device is hackable. Pen Test Partners – these jokes just write themselves, really – took a look at the device, and the researchers probably wish they hadn’t, because …
ElReg should make a deep dive investigation into the matter, penetrating the issue to the core, & end the story with a thunderous climax revelation!
Don't let them pull the wood er wool over your eyes, don't let them fap you off with buzzword bullshite, make them give it to you straight.
Demand answers, demand full disclosure, & don't settle for anything less than full satisfaction.
I'll get my coat, it's the one with the plastic splash guard over the top...
That's the problem with the sex toys industry: you can't notify them because they understand something different under "a heads up"..
Originally I assumed they must have come up with some nifty image stabilisation if they get decent pictures from something that vibrates, probably viscous damping..
"Not really - sperm cells have a lifetime of a few days, but new ones are created all the time."
The mobile in a trouser side pocket is very close to them for most of every day - and there are many millions present in the testes at that time. So if the radiation can cause mutations then the probability is there. If the probability is low then any mutated sperm are unlikely to be the winners in the fertilisation race.
There are fewer eggs in the ovaries - but even these sex toys will get nowhere as close to them.
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*Sigh* how many times do I have to tell people that battery powered devices like this are completely incapable of generating ionizing radiation since they lack the high-voltage components to do so. You'd need to figure out some way of dumping an entire battery's energy into a burst of a few nanoseconds to get any ionizing radiation, and even then, that radiation is no where near harmful to organic matter.
Being within a meter of another human is going to generate an infinitely larger amount of ionizing radiation (Due to the natural break-down of carbon-18 into carbon-16 as part of life) than a cell phone would produce, much less something like Bluetooth.
"*Sigh* how many times do I have to tell people that battery powered devices like this are completely incapable of generating ionizing radiation "
An awful lot, I'm afraid. With the real mumetal underpants wearers, the argument that microwaves are non-ionising tends to result in some kind of woo that perhaps they make proteins or DNA vibrate in a way that causes damage. Of course you can cause thermal damage to proteins and DNA if you concentrate enough microwaves, but not with wifi. Phones can in exceptional cases cause burns - if they are in contact with skin and the battery and CPU get hot - but that's good old heat, not microwaves.
However, given the intended use of this - er - device, the biggest risk is probably an STD transmitted by inadequate sterilisation between users.
Not so much the Internet of Things, more the Internet of Thing Substitutes, with the same risks.
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I've long been a fan of Pam Ayres, haven't we all, so I feel moved to write a poem to hopefully capture how she would've commented on this story. Here we are:
I got my girl a Siime
To use under her slacks.
She used it up front,
She used it round the back.
It saved my soul
When I was feeling knacked,
I'd fire up my iPad,
And watch the attack.
One day around nine,
She put her Siime
Where the sun doesn't shine,
I was close to getting mine.
I was having a whack,
When I read in The Reg,
That the Siime could be hacked,
My composure was cracked,
So I pulled up my pants,
And put on a bet,
That most of the net,
Had seen her all wet*
(* in the shower of course)
"Well you probably could, but what's the point when there's such a rich seam of idiocy to mine in the real world?"
“No one in this world, so far as I know — and I have searched the records for years, and employed agents to help me — has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. Nor has anyone ever lost public office thereby.”
H.L. Mencken September 19, 1926
One of our ..... associates/acquaintances a few years ago was aware of my skills with computers and one weekend evening asked me to 'give her a hand' with her system, which was misbehaving at the time. The lass in this case was ... gainfully employed ... apparently in the entertainment industry ... There have been umm ... rather a few .. connectible devices manufactured ... mostly USB based, a few bluetooth. She had several and had unfortunately contracted a trojan of some sort in hunting up 'drivers' for one of them.. I'm just *not* going to comment on the rather awkward conversation that ensued.... Firstly having to explain to her that the reason her connections were so terrible of late being that everything she was doing was being tapped off to at least 2 additional destinations, and that the "really nifty ads" for 'outfits' she was getting in her "work email" were (each and every one of them) carrying a copy of one or more trojans.
(as an aside, we did get to know the lass a bit, and some would be quite critical of her, but she was dragging herself out of some very bad places, and is now doing much much better for herself and her 2 children. 'nuff said)
My wife knew about it and had to run off about 15 minutes into the discussion to avoid breaking out in hysterical laughter. Considering the lass in question was only about 3 years older than our eldest, I think I spent the entirety of the time I was there shaded about the colour of the 'fail' icon. I have to give the lass credit, she was quite open about the whole thing, I suspect since it was making her a tidy sum.
WIFI? directly in a ... device... of this nature? *that* deserves a "fail" at the very least.... mind you, bluetooth data transfer rates suck *cough* ass and are liable to fluctuate rapidly depending on *cough* alignment of the antennas .....so I suppose they were hoping to improve *cough* throughput of the data, whilst having the transmitter moving about rapidly.
If I got a sex toy with a camera in it, I would be buying it so that my activities could be viewed.
The fact that it's hackable gives me plausible deniability. "Gee, officer, I didn't KNOW that all my neighbors could see me putting that thing up my behind at exactly 7:00, 6, Central and Mountain time."
I visited one likely candidate and the Director proudly showed me his then current production run of a custom BlueTooth device.
Basically it comprised a BlueTooth App that communicated with a spherical ball in which there was a BlueTooth receiver, a cell handset vibrator and an inductive charger and battery,
The App would be in a remote cell handset and an SMS message directed to the equipped cell handset would trigger the vibrator, The spherical device was intended for use in the vagina of the message recipient.
The Lover 1 would trigger the vibrator to show Lover 2 they were being thought of by way of a clitoral stimulation.
I asked if they sold well in China, to which he replied No, we do 'it' the natural way. Later I learned he made hundreds of thousands of these devices, which likely explained why he wasn't interested in batches of 500 units of our product!
For some strange reason he gave me a sample of the product. I find it ideal for mixing drinks a la James Bond - "shaken, not stirred".
Maybe, in future there could be a competition !
eg. Mine is thinner, wider, bigger, longer,deeper, colourful etc than yours ! All online of course.(to maintain the IT angle)
Hell, there could also be a TV show. Imagine what would be the prizes on offer .
Then theres the serious side to it. Self examination for polyps, Ovarian cancers, other issues, etc. Kind of a DIY endoscope. Think how much it might save the NHS in consultants ! See, there's always a silver lining.Am sure devs they are already working on the apps !
Seriously though, what we should now do is go through the video(s) and if something abnormal shows up email the person it belongs to and "politely" suggest they might want to go for an appointment.
It would also be handy to correlate certain uhm, "problems" to particular users so that we can track STDs.
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