back to article Reg now behind invisible HTML5 Bitcoin paywall

Readers will be aware that these are tough times for the media. And The Register is no exception: like many other publishers we need to diversify our revenue base. So we set a team of developers to find disruptive ways of funding our journalists, pun-generation labs and to ensure our founders' long labours are properly …

  1. Zmodem

    nobody uses bitcoin

    1. Wensleydale Cheese

      "nobody uses bitcoin"

      You do now.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        The rumor that somebody uses Bitcoin is the real April Fools joke :)

        1. Danny 14

          I did my april 1st bit! All the laptops in sainsburys are set to el reg now.

          I didnt want to touch the ipads as i might have burst into flames.

          1. Zmodem

            "You do now."

            i pay with real money with a debit card

            1. m0rt

              Anyone else noticed that every comment gets a TROLL icon? :D

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Thumb Up

                Did you notice the troll icon is click-able?

                1. Anonymous Coward

                  Tappable, please. And the effect is very pleasing.

              2. chivo243 Silver badge


                Funny eh, El Reg must have some snooping powers too as we were discussing this prank in the office yesterday... I'm disabling my microphone Monday!

            2. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              "real money"

              this could descend into a meta-physical, economic debate as to whether any money is truly real.

              I guess "commodity" money had a "real" representation when the gold standard existed.

              Lots of (name your fiat currency here) "money" just exists as some number in a database on some computer somewhere, and that's not even thinking about bitcoin.

              (the short version) Seems to me "money" is a virtual numbers game that the ruling elite continually tweak to their advantage ( no surprise there ). The ruling elite don't like bitcoin because they don't control it .

    2. e^iπ+1=0


      April Fools on a Saturday means not enough appropriate articles on El Reg. Thanks very much for this one, Team Reg.

      May be even worse next year - Sunday!

      1. bombastic bob Silver badge

        Re: Saturday

        I almost fell for it. then I saw the date on the comments and I'm like "o...k..." and I bothered to look at the links. Suffice it to say that the patent link was EQUALLY brilliant, and the other ones, amusing at the least.

        Well done El Reg, it made me smile.

    3. Steve Channell
      Thumb Up

      Uncanny Predictor of the future

      I remember El Reg stories about MS Linux and Visual Studio on Linux (both on 1st April), turning out to be true. I'm going to stop clicking on the adverts just to generate fees :'-)))

    4. -tim

      nobody uses bitcoin

      Its good to see that TheReg has a «best practice» security plan in place and is looking ahead to when they get p0wned by ransomware.

    5. J. R. Hartley

      Really? Like the way no-one listens to techno?

    6. Oh Homer

      Re: nobody uses bitcoin

      A few points:

      • First, April Fool!
      • Second, had it actually been real, I'd rather contribute to El Reg with CPU cycles than bandwidth-eating spam
      • Third, however I fear that might fall foul of the Computer Misuse Act and friends. especially without an opt-in/out disclaimer
      • Fourth, did I mention April Fool?

    7. ezekielchariot

      I used Bitcoin last week to buy all the parts I needed for a dual xeon PC upgrade, all off Amazon

      How is it that people arent using Bitcoin ?

      Very quick, very convenient and no CC companies ripping me off

      I purchased a bunch of x11 miners last year using bitcoin.

      Some of my customers are using Bitcoin to buy engineering supplies off me in NZ as I added it as a purchase method with 25% discount.

    8. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Now it makes sense

      The sensationist click bait.....

      1. Danny 14

        Re: Now it makes sense

        cycle sucking adverts and spam on el reg? adverts. how quaint.

  2. agatum

    As I was reading this I actually thought this to be a good idea; I'd gladly give you some of my processor time in exchange for your hard work. And after you mother******* successfully rickrolled me (yes I clicked the 'source code here' link) I still think it's a good idea.

    I've never been rickrolled before and years since I was last succesfully april fooled. And now laughing my ass off, thanks el reg. Maybe because of this kind of stuff I keep coming back here, after some 15 years now.

    1. heyrick Silver badge

      The problem with El Reg is that half of the stories could easily qualify as April Fools.

      I mean, wasn't there one just the other day about a bunch of countries on this side of The Atlantic demanding secure encryption with a convenient back door? <sigh>

      1. Pompous Git Silver badge

        "wasn't there one just the other day about a bunch of countries on this side of The Atlantic demanding secure encryption with a convenient back door?"
        No worse than a bloke I once worked for. He wanted new ideas, but only "thoroughly tested" ones.

    2. dajames

      (yes I clicked the 'source code here' link)

      I was rather expecting that link to lead to a lurid flashing banner saying "April Fool" ... that it was a rickroll was just icing on the cake.

      Well done, El Reg! Have one of these --->

      1. David Webb

        Being rickrolled totally sucks, it sucks so bad I had to replay the video a few times because you know the rules and so do I, so I just want to tell you how I'm feeling, got to make you understand.

      2. JLV

        trusting rickrollees

        Hmmm, we can see the truly moderately paranoid amongst us.

        Knowing that it was a rickroll, I clicked on the link.

        Nothing. Just some random YouTube archival page that wasn't loading. Had to tell NoScript to let it pass for now.

        Still nothing. Turns out it also needed Flash and I haven't had that in years.

        Have a beer on me for your bravery ;-)

    3. JonP

      I clicked the link too, but have java script disabled so ... irony or something.

      Thing is it's not a bad idea, if someone lingers on page (possibly even reads it) for 20-30s ... I imagine bit coin mining has got to the point where it probably isn't worth the effort, but there are new 'bit coins' all the time, mine, cash in, move on .. it could work. couldn't it?

      1. bombastic bob Silver badge

        "I imagine bit coin mining has got to the point where it probably isn't worth the effort"

        let's look for space aliens instead...

      2. FlippingGerman


        I think the main reason it's slowed is that electricity now costs more than you'll get using normal hardware. But if it's someone else's machine you're not paying for that, so it seems like it could actually work.

    4. Paul 129

      I missed the links!

      Read the article, called shenanigans and checked the date.... Ah ha! Dropping into the comments, ID Missed the links!!!! went back, the patent one had me laughing!


    5. Danny 14

      A techie changed the IE intranet.url GPO target to a rickroll page one april fool. People were not best pleased, I was surprised he kept his job.

  3. ammabamma

    Oh oh.

    Javascript you say?

    I heard from a friend (of a friend...) that one of the Shadow Equation Broker Group's leaked attack tools was a dynamic reverse redirect rewrite router written entirely in Javascript and embedded in the new SHA-256 certificates. Supposedly it silently redirects your browser to a harmless looking "Rickroll" video prank page. The music video has a special carrier signal embedded in ultrasonic and infrasonic frequencies that hack any IoT devices within speaker range to mine (?i:bit|scrip|doge|\w+)coins to crowd fund the Patreon of the NWO's Lizard chemist research to develop a a fair-trade, carbon neutral chemtrail chemical

    1. e^iπ+1=0

      Re: Oh oh.

      "The music video has a special carrier signal embedded"

      The signal is, of course, embedded in the video, and is covertly picked up by one of these handily available scanners:

  4. bazza Silver badge

    April 1st?

    1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

      I suspect it's not a coincidence, but would be hilarious if it was genuinely patented :)

    2. Anguilla

      Huh??? My FRIDAY copy of "The Reg" always arrives around 05:00 GMT - on MONDAY arvo in Hong Kong.

  5. Alistair

    4 feet of snow outside and I get this.

    You clicked on a link on an article containing "The Register" "Paywall" "bitcoin", I'm surprised your system is still working. By now the NSA, the GCHQ, the Ukranian and German agencies are all arguing about who you belong to.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This story could have worked a few years ago, but now everyone knows that literally no amount of GPUs can compete with ASIC. Good effort though.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    1. Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not had breakfast yet

      Just had brekkie, though I daresay I hadn't when you posted. My favourite from the Reg time machine.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Not had breakfast yet

        "Just had brekkie, though I daresay I hadn't when you posted. My favourite from the Reg time machine."

        Which particular post?

        You can get the direct link to a commentard post by clicking on its date field.

  8. Notas Badoff

    Side effects

    And here I was going to congratulate you at how your background processing somehow made FireFox run more smoothly, using much less CPU.... Oh dear, why is it running better?? An April Fools trick by Mozilla?

    1. Danny 14

      Re: Side effects

      Probably all the other stories about tesetting your router, alt f4 speeds up your browser etc have kept the idiots off the web.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Side effects

      More ordinary blokes than usual still sleeping off last night?

  9. tedleaf

    How many will this story catch out ?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Only Charles9, who will go on an amphetamine fuelled anti-javascript rant. As usual.

      1. Kiwi

        ...who will go on an amphetamine fuelled...

        See that brightness above my head? That's the light of understanding that has finally been illuminated! (well, in this case anyway!) Much thanksness!

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nice one

    Although if you'd run it on any day other than 1st April, you'd've got me! (It actually does sound like a decent idea for getting El Reg some moolah (and I'm not technically good enough to know whether it's actually feasible or not), the which I'd not mind at all))

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Nice one

      Indeed. I'm actually hoping El Reg does implement something like that !

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Disappointed in El Reg

    If you had true commitment to the gag, you would have actually patented this, so you could have linked to a real patent instead of one of Apple's.

    7 out of 10, but it could have been 10/10 with that touch!

    1. Korev Silver badge

      Re: Disappointed in El Reg

      I just like seeing the Sun logo on the patent office page's Favicon :)

      Netcraft suggests they're running Sun One Webserver on UPUX, which may not be strictly true!

    2. John Browne 1

      Re: Disappointed in El Reg

      If you haven't spotted the connection between the Apple patent and the Reg project, remember that money transfer-wise the plain paper bag is the spiritual ancestor of the Bitcoin.

    3. Simon Sharwood, Reg APAC Editor (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Disappointed in El Reg

      Well I'd love to tell you that we plan April 1 gags months in advance and even spend on patent applications to make them more real. But we're just not that organised. And do you know what it costs to file a patent?

      1. bombastic bob Silver badge

        Re: Disappointed in El Reg

        "And do you know what it costs to file a patent?"

        It's under $1000 last I priced it, if you can manage your own paperwork and patent search and are filing as an individual, not a corporation. Yeah 'paper bag' needs to be re-invented, especially in Cali-fornicate-you. Nice Job!

        /me needs to re-invent "wheel" next

  12. Ironclad
    Thumb Up


    Nearly had me, Just the fading text was a step too far

    1. Mark 85

      Re: Nearly

      I thought it was my eyes due to some medication at first and hesitated to comment. I'm glad someone mentioned it and now I can feel almost sane.

      1. Pompous Git Silver badge

        Re: Nearly

        "I thought it was my eyes due to some medication at first and hesitated to comment."
        Ivabradine (Coralan) certainly has that and similar visual FX. Somewhat akin to LSD visuals, but it's no fun having to take it to keep my heart pumping...

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Nearly

      Nah, it was this typo...

      "Frankly were surprised this hasn't been done before."

      ...that gave it away for me. No El Reg journo or editor would ever miss out the apostrophe in "we're"!

  13. MrT

    Nice one, Team Reg...

    Has anybody seen my chameleon? It wandered over this article, made an odd clicking noise, and now I can't find it anywhere...

  14. Bloodbeastterror

    What a relief...

    I thought there was something wrong with my eyes...

    1. Shooter

      Re: What a relief...

      Currently sick as a dog with some sort of plague. I thought the fading text was just another symptom.

    2. anoco

      Re: What a relief...

      You can say that again. I was reading it in bed after a rough night when I noticed it and thought "wow, that stuff is still hitting me after 12 hours!!" Mudderfockers...

  15. Colonel Mad

    Thank God I had Flash disabled!

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So thats why

    My PC CPU temperature suddenly jumped from 36 to 93C and fans are running at 100%

    Wonder if we can blame Windows 10 this time?

    In other news, I debugged the problem with my BIOS, seems that there is indeed a problem with corruption over time related to power usage/standby but the fix is just replacing the chip.

    Despite putting it in a socket a swap with nearly identical machine it did not work, any ideas?

    This is on a very old HP netbook but I bought a new battery for it not 3 months ago so would rather like to get it going again if possible.

    (yes, see the joke, ha ha hardy ha ha ha)

    1. Uncle Slacky Silver badge

      Re: So thats why

      You could always install Linux on it instead - just remember to install TLP to maximise your battery life.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Most ingenuous

    It's nice to see you guys can still hatch a cunning plan.

  18. TheProf
    Thumb Up

    Making money

    Well done. You deserve every penny you make from this ingenious scheme.

    Will it work on an iPhone?

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Re: Making money

      El Reg decided not to run it on mobile phones as the results of the Note 7 closed beta test were suboptimal.

    2. Marlboro Lights

      Re: Making money

      Goddammit! It's even running on my Nexus 5X. I just saw the last paragraph fade out.

      What happens when I navigate off the page?

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Making money

        "I just saw the last paragraph fade out.

        What happens when I navigate off the page?"

        You fade out. Hello? Hello? Are you there?

        1. Aladdin Sane

          Re: Making money

          Just nod if you can hear me...

  19. Trollslayer
    Thumb Up

    The best ones

    make you think "You know, this just could work..."

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I thought that my eyes were screwed while reading it on my phone until i got to the end.

  21. Nick Kew

    Bug Report

    Sorry, I have to report a vulnerability in your script. Purely as proof-of-concept, I hacked it and took delivery of my first physical bitcoin.

    1. e^iπ+1=0

      Re: Bug Report

      "took delivery of my first physical bitcoin."

      Haven't you heard that some of these asteroids out there consist of such rich yields of bitcoin that it will soon be economic to mine them? Particularly if they strike Earth

      Some reports have suggested even without an asic!

      I think the 2038 flyby may offer rich pickings:

  22. dbannon

    B4 Midday

    Hmm, I've always understood 1/4/* gags had to be done before midday. And for a set of Register readers, myself included, midday passed some time ago !

    So, while great gag (I read it to the end), I'm calling foul !

    1. Andrew Jones 2

      Re: B4 Midday

      I believe that really only works when you are talking about pranks in the real world, when you talk about internet pranks - they actually run for about 48 hours because of the fact you are dealing with multiple timezones.

      1. GrapeBunch

        Re: B4 Midday

        We might someday have a saying around these parts: "It's always tomorrow somewhere."

  23. Timbo

    Frankly - new El Reg reporter?

    "Frankly were surprised this hasn't been done before. "

    I glad "team" Frankly was surprised....they often doesn't get much praise in the first instance !

    Unless you meant Frankly is an individual, in which case it should be "Frankly *was*..."

  24. stephanh

    This has actually been seriously considered

    See for example:

    However apparently around 2011 people gave up on the idea since it just cannot compete with dedicated hardware.

    There are still lots of proof-of-concept Javascript bitcoin miners on Github, so it would be technically very simple to set this up. It just wouldn't make any money...

  25. GrumpenKraut

    Totally had me...

    Being a bit unwell presently, I thought "hell, looks like the text is changing to me, maybe I should stay in bed."

    Well played, you bastards. -------------->

  26. Slef

    And I was just about to give you up!

    1. Haku

      They'd never let you down.

  27. Mad Chaz

    6h20 am: get up before work and do a bit of el-reg reading. Wonder wtf my eyes aren't awake yet and the text keeps doing weird things. Click stupid link and realise what day it is. Well done El'reg, well done.

  28. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge


    Gives the game away just before the start of the article.

    "1 Apr 2017 at 04:01, Team Register"

    The story was probably concocted yesterday evening down the pub

    And another thing - what's this troll malarky? Give me back my beer (icon)

    1. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

      Re: Hmm

      And another thing - what's this troll malarky? Give me back my beer (icon)

      You'll be pleased to know I can see your beer icon when I hit reply.

      As well as the troll icon there was some other 'text scrolling' crossing the icon selector when I made a post earlier today. That seemed entirely meaningless. I guessed it related to April 1st but couldn't figure out what. Perhaps it wasn't rendering properly in my browser.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Good plan :3

    Not a bad idea, given that Javascript can now run shaders on the GPU via WebGL. Could likely get a respectable hashrate!

    1. stephanh

      Re: Good plan :3

      WebGL doesn't cut it anymore for bitcoin mining, but the upcoming WebASIC standard might be useful for this (currently available under an "experimental-" prefix in Firefox Nightly).

      This allows web designers to embed "WebVerilog" into their HTML. WebVerilog is a hardware description language like Verilog but fully sandboxed for security using an actual physical sandbox.

      Once your browser (Firefox for now, but Edge support is already announced) downloads the WebVerilog, it is then re-transmitted to the nearest chip foundry where a custom chip is fabbed. This is then delivered and installed into your computer or mobile device using a drone. (For Apple devices this may involve heating the device up to 600 degrees Celsius to dissolve the glue). At that point the Javascript "onload" handler executes and the web page is now ready to use its custom hardware.

      Clearly this allows a website to use custom hardware for bitcoin mining, which is currently the only cost-effective way to mine.

      Note that you may need to practice some care visiting websites using this upcoming technology, since the cost for the custom mask needed to fab the chip (typically starting from $1,000,000) will be added to your telephone bill.

  30. spudmasterflex

    Loving the way the text subtlety changes from grey to black on the article, thought I was still drunk.

  31. Anonymous South African Coward Bronze badge
    Thumb Up


    Applause from my side!

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    This was a good one and I fully support the idea!

    Please blurr out more stories about stuff I don't like reading about anyway, it makes the world a better place :)

  33. Christoph

    But will El Reg be using Dance Dance Authentication to log on?

  34. creepy gecko

    Where's our dosh???

    Surely the commentards should get a share of the bitcoins raised from this wonderful endeavour?

  35. John Savard


    "On this of all days" - in other words, mining bitcoin for a short time in JavaScript is too slow to be useful, and so this story celebrates April Fool's day.

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge

      Re: Obvious

      fixed: "A plugin is required to view this content"

      /me self-slaps and grabs coat

  36. Chris Miller

    Best April Fool (after this one, of course) I've seen so far:

    and it's slightly tech related!

  37. OffBeatMammal

    first thought was "this could work" followed by "sure I've seen it before" ....

  38. JeffyPoooh

    Where's my beer icon?

    Pure comedy...

  39. DeliberatusFreeman

    sleazy way of getting profit out of others for free

    Is 'BoB' getting his commission on this sleaze?

  40. Milton

    At least El Reg can try its luck ...

    Apparently Fox News cannot take the risk of publishing April Fool stories, because none of their "readers" can distinguish them from the, um, real news.

    The story was headlined "China infiltrating millions of Americans' family homes with cyborg dogs", which alleged that "Chinese agents, disguised as Hispanic immigrants to avoid police attention, have been dognapping family pets and replacing them with undetectable robodogs programmed to spy on every aspect of Americans' lives". It went on to explain that "The stolen pets have been disposed of in Chinatown enclaves all over the USA, accounting for the rise, noted first by food hygiene agencies during 2015, of ultra cheap meat in oriental takeaway and delivery meals. The FBI had dismissed 142 previous reports as 'fake news' until a Republican congressman in Arkansas reportedly choked in a Chinese restaurant, regurgitating Mystery Chow Mein and a collar marked 'Bruno'."

    The story was spiked by a senior editor on the advice of Sean Spicer, who said "Trump would go nookular."

    Steve Bannon was last seen scuttling away with a pad of blank Executive Orders, muttering "A wall, a wall, a yooge great wall ... we must keep the dogs outside the Beltway. Watch the kennels! ..."

  41. Lee Mulcahy

    Got me for all of about 2 minutes, especially after I followed the patent link

  42. Peter X

    My Eyes!

    Genuinely, opened the article but was also naffing around with a music player... so brain not fully engaged... looked at the article and thought my eyes were going a bit funny!

    As for bit-mining... yeah, great idea, except - and I think I speak for the majority of readers here - "We're all browsing using modified commodore-64s! So, the mining operation might take... some time"!

  43. MonsoonX

    Good One!

    I finally can forgive you for making my old RSS reader stop working with El Reg.

    Even made it so I couldn't mouse over to see what the link really was.


  44. Hans 1

    Fading Text

    Bloody hell ... I gave my blood yesterday and thought the fading text was a consequence of it, thought about going back to bed once I had finished reading.

    As for mining, fair enough, just go for it! I guess I have not been clicking enough ads, sorry, el'Reg, I tried my best ;-).

    Yes, I am a freeTard so I give my blood because of the remote chance it might save a life or two, you never know... feel knackered for two or three days, well worth it.

    EDIT: Thinks about this for some more, checks date, ok, well done, got me!

  45. talk_is_cheap

    The real joke is that it's not a bad idea if people are allowed to op-in to such a system. It would also need to be coded to use GPU cycles rather than CPU cycles if it's to generate any meaningful results.

  46. wayne 8

    I was thinking "my eyes, what's wrong with my eyes?"

    Glad they finally mentioned the fading text.

  47. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    great gag...

    I've been in a coma for the last few months, and just woke up this morning. It's been stressful, but waking up on April 1st has the advantage of only seeing lighthearted news stories. Thanks El Reg, for helping with my recovery, this was a great gag. Not quite as good as the articles that imagine if Trump won the US election. Those are a stroke of genius!

  48. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Great idea - why not

    The content of theregister is good. I couldn't justify the drain on the family expenses, paying a subscription wall. When reading at lunch breaks generally, why not allow the PC to pay with power for what I'm reading. Feel's like the company pay's for me reading in terms of power, but then again they install all sorts of software that wastes many CPU cycles all day long doing irrelevant stuff in terms of monitoring.

    Great idea - it makes sense - well done!

  49. jake Silver badge

    C'mon, guys.

    It's only 9:15 PM on the 31st in your San Francisco office.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: C'mon, guys.

      Well, it was 9:30PM on the 31st in San Francisco when I posted it, not 1AM on the 3rd. I guess ElReg's definition of "lively, stimulating and noisy" is different from that of the rest of the world...

  50. Zaxx

    Nice job...VERY nice patent. Only using 4-5% on 2500K rig...

  51. Adam JC

    God damnit El Reg!

    I'm sat reading this on Monday morning thinking my eyesight is up shit creek! Bitcoin mining aside.... -_-

  52. Fraz
    Thumb Up

    Are my eyes going?

    It is 5am, but I genuinely thought my eyes were going for a good few minutes there. Or I was having a stroke or something. That's a very subtle and sneaky trick. So, whilst I knew the Bitcoin paywall was a joke as soon as I read the "you'll be funding quality journalism" sentence, the other trick definitely got me.

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You had me for a minute till I realised it took you longer than a queue for a hot dog in alton towers to implement https.

  54. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I was enjoying the joke regarding bitcoin mining, but as someone who has had problems with an eye lately, I was getting worried about my sight again as the paragraph I was reading kept getting dim.

    Nice combination of jokes but I'm glad you added the paragraph about the fading!!

  55. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Personal, little thought opinion:

    Famous news sites like Register should delete this kind of prank on 2nd April and limit the prank just on the day. Many sites do. Continued presence of this kind of prank confuses a lot of Eastern people until it's not funny anymore. People just know what day it is, hardly any of them read the tiny date after the headline when they read a news.

  56. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bitcoins are like time shares.. once bought impossible to get rid of

  57. streaky

    Seriously though..

    I tried this once as an experiment a few years back on one of my sites to a percentage of requests and it is, technically, a thing. Didn't really get out the lab because mining bitcoins even with asics is a complete waste of time but it was interesting.

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