back to article Shameless crooks fling Star Trek-themed ransomware at world

Audacious cybercriminals have created an Star Trek-themed strain of ransomware. Hat-tip to Bleeping Computer, which broke the story on the "Kirk" malware, discovered yesterday by Avast malware researcher Jakub Kroustek. The software disguises itself as the notorious Low Orbit Ion Cannon (LOIC) denial of service tool, a …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    TOS beats down TNG

    Picard: Data, Set a course for Romulus maximum warp!

    Data: Your "Data" has been encrypted, please deposit 1000 gold pressed latinum bars into the following account. You have 10 minutes to comply.

    Picard: Data, what the hell is wrong with you? Report to sick bay!

    Data: I can't sir.. I...i've been penetrated by Kirk and only Spock can save me.

    1. Haku

      Re: TOS beats down TNG

      So you're saying Kirk went boldly where no man has gone before.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Coat

        Re: TOS beats down TNG

        And with all the Klingons around Uranus....

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: TOS beats down TNG

      >Data: I can't sir.. I...i've been penetrated by Kirk and only Spock can save me.

      Ties in nicely with the reg story on love robots:

      https://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2017/03/14/reg_love_robot_lecture/

      Hmm now there is a thought, can you catch the clap from a robot. Your knob/map of Tassie has been encrypted.......

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: TOS beats down TNG

      Janeway wouldn't have tolerated this shit.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Could a SETI-type distributed app

    be any hope of cracking the encryption ?

    I know a couple of people whose systems were tanked by the .WALLET scam a few weeks ago.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Could a SETI-type distributed app

      At least in principal that seems a really good idea!

      +1

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Trace the crooks...

    ..IT nerdlings obsessed with Star Trek can't be that common, surely?

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hmm. Sounds like the needs of the many...

    (fx: cryptocrooks being fed upon by the Wraith, assimilated by the BORG or some other horrible Sci-fi-esque fate)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Needs of the many? That would be illogical.

      It seems the needs of the few outweighed the needs of the many from the perspective of the perpetrators.

  5. John H Woods Silver badge

    Doubles every few days ...

    I reckon they've missed a trick here. In my experience data becomes less valuable the more stale it is ... If a mark won't pay a grand when it happens, the chances are by the time it goes up to two grand they'll already be reconciled to the idea the data is gone forever and the increased price will merely solidify that view.

    Start high and discount every few days, dutch auction style, and the deep pocketed victims will pay big for fast access to data, whilst even casual users might eventually pay 50 quid to recover some old photos they barely care about about six months after infection.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Linux

    Kirk Ransomware is Windows© only

    nuff said !

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This computer will play a William Shatner album on endless repeat until you pay us 50 Monero.

    1. Mike Moyle Silver badge

      To be fair, if you intersperse it randomly with Nimoy's (extraordinary) rendition of "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins", you've probably got something that's chargeable under the Geneva Conventions.

  8. Francis Boyle Silver badge

    Bunch of p'taks

    They deserve a battleth up their jack'sie*. (Pardon my Klingon.)

    *Whatdya mean 'jack'sie' isn't the Klingon for arsehole?

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