Never has the el 'reg put such an appropriate image on an article, bravo!
*continues crossing his legs*
Dublin’s fire brigade - armed with a hand-held angle grinder - were called to the aid of a man that was unable to remove a titanium ring that he’d miraculously slipped over both his meat and two veg. In yet another example of when choking of the bishop goes wrong, the unnamed male presented his problem member to doctors at …
If they could get that tongue depressor inside the ring, there's still enough blood flow.
I would have thought they would have put the bloke in an ice bath, and used a dremel tool.
I really have to ask what the guy was thinking? Is that what you guys do for fun on that side of the pond?
That once you go black you never go back*
Yeah, i'm of the curious nature, i looked. I just cannot contemplate how on earth anyone in their right mind would attach such a thing.
* mind you it may still apply the the Mrs, pronounced with a lisp, rather in my case the now ex Mrs.
I wouldn't reconsider that choice.
I really wish I had chosen to be a fireman instead of working in IT. If I were a fireman, I would have been retired years ago (at 45) making about $20K a year more than I do now!
Running into a burning building, or fixing someone's virus infected Windows nightmare, a tough choice? I know a guy that's a fireman. He actually feels bad for IT people. He says he wouldn't trade jobs with me!
It's too late for me now.
articles about fire departments getting called in for these events, and bringing in heavy equipment.
Jeeezus H. if its a small metal band needs removing
YOU CALL THE JEWELLER.
They tend to have on hand this marvellous bit of wire, about 22 to 25 inches long that will slice through most metal bands in a few moments of non-violent work. And I'd wager they'd be quite happy to hand the wire to the nurse and let the patient do the job themselves. Something of a fail on the part of the medical staff in my books.
Yes, but (from the linked article):
"Your jeweler won’t be able to help you if you have stainless steel, cobalt chrome or titanium. These super hard metals are much harder than gold and platinum and that very hardness causes some to say they are a dangerous choice for rings."
So, an angle grinder is still about the only option.
"Having a big blokey man with an angle grinder bearing down on your family jewels would probably discourage you from a repeat performance of that particular trick in the future..."
Not so sure; after the bright sparks, it's the same brain, after all. We understand that the blood complement is only sufficient to operate one head at a time, and ... here we are to begin with.
"We understand that the blood complement is only sufficient to operate one head at a time, and [...]"
Wicked Willie*** would possibly agree. Although he was probably never shown in this condition.
***Strip cartoon character from the 1980s. Caught the zeitgeist of that era. Very non-PC nowadays - but still amusing in a "been there" way. Some of its many near the bone observations ought to be included in PSE lessons for post-pubertal kids.
Sort of NSFW.
"They tend to have on hand this marvellous bit of wire, about 22 to 25 inches long that will slice through most metal bands"
If by "most" you mean gold or silver, which are relatively soft metals then yes a jeweler could help. But the majority of ordinary jewelers tools like a ring saw won't cut titanium, cobalt, carbon or stainless steel rings as they're simply too hard. In this case I believe the ring was titanium.
I'm not sure what exactly the fire brigade used but I imagine it was something pretty powerful, since time as a factor. Although there are Dremel cutting discs that will cut titanium and other hard metals, on anything a couple of millimeters thick or more it's going to use up a few cuttings discs and take quite a bit of time, which this chap didn't have.
"Dremel cutting discs that will cut titanium and other hard metals, on anything a couple of millimeters thick or more it's going to use up a few cuttings discs and take quite a bit of time, which this chap didn't have."
Not to mention the heat build up of said cutting disc on the band!!! Probably needed the fire department nearby to extinguish the phallic flames!
Weird. A good ring cutter isn't all that uncommon in even nursing homes, nevermind hospitals, here. They have to be the type with a bi-metal blade, which the better and newer ones have. The old ones were just steel and would have difficulty on titanium.
Anyone with a titanium ring can tell you that it's not super-hard. It's strong, but weaker than steel for a given volume (while weighing a lot less, hence the appeal). It's kind of a pain to machine not because of some mythical strength but because it chips out if the feed rates are wrong. Titanium is strong for the weight, but not as light as aluminum, which is what you use where strength matters less but weight is of the utmost importance.
Tungsten carbide is the nasty one to remove, as it cannot be cut short of a dimond blade. Those instead are simply cracked off as it's very brittle, and simple vice-grips will suffice.
I'm looking at my ring size and thinking... that poor man's partner(s).
A local machine shop has a chunk of melted lathe bed hanging from a wall with a sign that reminds the machinists to clean up their chips. It seems titanium is pretty reactive (why it forms those pretty oxides) and allowing a big pile of swarf to build up in the lathe gap is unwise. Nearly cut the bed off the headstock when a hot chip ignited the pile.
I suppose the irrigation kept this guy's pile of swarf at a reasonable size.
In the 1960s a friend who worked for the Post Office radio department related how he slipped while climbing a mast. He then found himself attached to a hook on the mast by his wedding ring. It gave him a deep cut***. After that he never wore the ring while working.
There was a time when solid metal wristwatch straps were very popular. Not something to wear while working on a car electrics where you could short unfused battery connections.
My house has door handles at waist height - possibly some building standard. Their shape tapers towards the end. Several times I have found my motion suddenly arrested by a belt loop getting hooked on one.
*** edited to avoid providing easy El Reg pickings in the words "pole" or "bone"
We've all noticed that these stories appear regularly. It's reasonable to extrapolate that many more gents do it without being trapped, presumably using something sized a little better. Granted it's a small market (heh) but the global reach of Amazon has made many niche products profitable.
Clearly this subset of adventurous males need suitable rings made, of a comfortable thickness to not dig in, and in varying diameters. We'll post a sizing guide and a printable measuring tape. In case of need, the user can insert something in two little holes on opposite sides of the ring and unlock the two halves. I could possibly get startup funding from firemen, eager to avoid having to deal with this.
Now... what can one charge for such a thing, and what the hell to name it?
I don't think you'll be surprised to hear that such a bussiness/product already exists and the market (especially if you operate globally) is not all that niche in fact. There is already too much competition in that market to really make much of a name for yourself.
"Clearly this subset of adventurous males need suitable rings made, of a comfortable thickness to not dig in, and in varying diameters. We'll post a sizing guide and a printable measuring tape. In case of need, the user can insert something in two little holes on opposite sides of the ring and unlock the two halves."
So "One ring to rule them all" then (or at least both).
My wedding ring is Titanium and at the time of purchase, I had the choice of 99.99 pure Titanium or a Titanium Alloy.
I picked the pure Titanium as it is softer than the alloy and shouldn't be a problem for emergency services if I get into a situation requiring it's removal. It's certainly too small to go on my dick so the situation in the story shouldn't ever happen.
The equivalent BBC article said that it was a rare event.
London Fire Brigade: April 2016 - Feb 2017 had 9 callouts.
9! and that's just for London. They also stated that it's the same number as the previous two financial years combined.
Fire icon as this involves the fire brigade
"Maybe I live too sheltered a life..."
I thought your suggestion of string or rubber band earlier was based on experience? But Ann Summers will sell you a silicone-ish c*ck ring, enabling you to try the experience without fear of having to meet either doctors or firemen.
Interestingly, we ran into this exact problem at my hospital Stateside in the mid-eighties, and solved it exactly the same way, except the offending object was a wheel-bearing race ("cup").
The ER staff was rather inexperienced with how incredibly hard was a bearing race, and having broken the wedding-ring-cutter and injured the poor fellow with a hacksaw, decided to call in the head of maintenance, who was fortunately a retired master machinist. They said you could hear him swearing about "educated idiots" all the way to the operating theatre, where they humanely knocked the poor patient out before producing a die-grinder and abrasive wheel.
The patient got by with only a few blisters from the heat generated by the cutter - came out pretty well, I think, considering ... he COULD have been known as "stubby."
a new complimentary award needs to be established, to go along with the existing 'Darwin Award', when some dumbass offs himself in a way that demonstrates WHY it benefits society by removing him from the gene pool.
Well, THIS guy could've removed himself from the gene pool WITHOUT actually dying. By his own act of complete stupidity he nearly DID THE WORLD A FAVOR. Had his maleness been lopped off due to oxygen starvation induced gangrene or necrosis, the world's potential future average IQ would've gone UP a bit. *NOW* we have this guy BACK in the gene pool...
mentioning 'Idiocracy' again (particularly the intro, where skilled surgeons save the moron's male member after a bizarre jet ski accident that should've kept him from breeding any more)
Maybe we can call it the "Margaret Sanger" award (due to her belief in 'eugenics'). Extra points for those who get the snark/humor.
From the linked article:
"Under sedation with Ketamine 100mg, Fentanyl 50mcg and Propofol 150mg in divided doses- the Fire Brigade Department divided the penoscrotal constriction device with an electric hand operated axel grinder."
I hope it was the patient that was sedated rather than, as could be inferred from this sentence, the fireman with the grinder.
Incidentally, is an "axel" grinder a specific tool that I've not heard of before, or is it just a 'misspelling' of "angle" grinder.
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