back to article Fire brigade called to free man's bits from titanium ring's grip

Dublin’s fire brigade - armed with a hand-held angle grinder - were called to the aid of a man that was unable to remove a titanium ring that he’d miraculously slipped over both his meat and two veg. In yet another example of when choking of the bishop goes wrong, the unnamed male presented his problem member to doctors at …

  1. Halfmad Silver badge

    That image

    Never has the el 'reg put such an appropriate image on an article, bravo!

    *continues crossing his legs*

    1. Korev Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: That image

      He does look like a bit of a cock though...

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So what was the IT angle?

    This has been "eclipsed" somehow

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: So what was the IT angle?

      The "Bootnotes" rubric often indicates the article is Off Topic.

    2. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

      Re: So what was the IT angle?

      I thought the IT angle (grinder) was represented front and centre.

    3. DNTP

      Re: So what was the IT angle?

      Ring dick guy tragically misunderstood network topology while searching for network-accessible adult content, and thought he needed to apply the "token ring" in order to communicate with the porn server.

      1. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Re: So what was the IT angle?

        Upvote for the "token ring" reference. Well played sir.

  3. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

    Titanium?

    Why the fec did he need titanium? Balls of steel? Wouldn't a rubber band or a bit of string have worked as well?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Titanium?

      Balls of steel?

      Looking at the linked picture, I'd say no.

      I suppose the medics considered using leeches, but then thought the best way of discouraging this was to get the fire brigade in with power tools.

      1. Ian Michael Gumby
        Facepalm

        @Ledswinger ... Re: Titanium?

        Leeches?

        If they could get that tongue depressor inside the ring, there's still enough blood flow.

        I would have thought they would have put the bloke in an ice bath, and used a dremel tool.

        I really have to ask what the guy was thinking? Is that what you guys do for fun on that side of the pond?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Titanium?

      I think the thing that impressed/surprised me most - he managed to get his balls in there too??

    3. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Titanium?

      Why the fec did he need titanium?

      maybe he wanted a cameo (or at least a shoutout) in the intro for 'Idiocracy 2'

    4. HAL-9000

      Re: Titanium?

      You Sir sound experienced in such matters

  4. Amazon Wageslave
    Gimp

    Best bit

    From the Irish Medical Journal article:

    Conflict of Interest:

    No conflicts of interest from any author

    1. creepy gecko
      WTF?

      Re: Best bit

      Also amusing that the Irish Medical Journal article can quote ten other articles in its bibliography.

      Ouch!

      [ I'm still feeling ill after looking at the NSFW photo on the article ]

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: Best bit

        "[ I'm still feeling ill after looking at the NSFW photo on the article ]"

        I'm not at work, but thank you for confirming my obviously eminently wise decision not to click that link!

        1. Michael Thibault

          Re: Best bit

          I also appreciate the warning; I am not that curious--yellow, black, or blue. That some people's lives are a warning to others is well understood, thanks.

          1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

            Re: Best bit

            You might not be yellow, black, or blue but the dick in the pic is, curiously all at once.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Best bit

      In other words: none of them had any skin in the game?

  5. hatti

    “Cool irrigation was running throughout to prevent overheating or thermal damage to the skin. A metal forceps was placed under the ring to present past pointing of the axel grinder,” the Journal added.

    I think thermal damage to the skin would have been the least of his worries :)

    1. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
      Facepalm

      I tell you, he was fartin' sparks, mate!

  6. The Nazz Silver badge

    Well, that dispels the myth ....

    That once you go black you never go back*

    Yeah, i'm of the curious nature, i looked. I just cannot contemplate how on earth anyone in their right mind would attach such a thing.

    * mind you it may still apply the the Mrs, pronounced with a lisp, rather in my case the now ex Mrs.

  7. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Unusual

    When I was a small boy, fireman was one of three or four occupations I aspired to. Many stories in The Register make me wonder about my later choice to go into IT, but not this one.

    1. FuzzyTheBear
      Happy

      Re: Unusual

      i can just hear the laughter of the firemen in the backrooms and corridors on that one :)

    2. usbac

      Re: Unusual

      I wouldn't reconsider that choice.

      I really wish I had chosen to be a fireman instead of working in IT. If I were a fireman, I would have been retired years ago (at 45) making about $20K a year more than I do now!

      Running into a burning building, or fixing someone's virus infected Windows nightmare, a tough choice? I know a guy that's a fireman. He actually feels bad for IT people. He says he wouldn't trade jobs with me!

      It's too late for me now.

      Bruce

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Unusual

        The Fireman next door, massive extension, 2 luxury cars, early retirement, decent pension. Rarely does a stitch (at home mostly)

        Focker makes me jealous

  8. Alistair
    Windows

    I keep seeing these

    articles about fire departments getting called in for these events, and bringing in heavy equipment.

    Jeeezus H. if its a small metal band needs removing

    YOU CALL THE JEWELLER.

    They tend to have on hand this marvellous bit of wire, about 22 to 25 inches long that will slice through most metal bands in a few moments of non-violent work. And I'd wager they'd be quite happy to hand the wire to the nurse and let the patient do the job themselves. Something of a fail on the part of the medical staff in my books.

    1. Paul_Murphy

      Re: I keep seeing these

      or like this?

      http://www.callagold.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/P1120875-400x300.jpg?x71152

      From: http://www.callagold.com/all-about-rings/ring-removal/

      1. usbac

        Re: I keep seeing these

        Yes, but (from the linked article):

        "Your jeweler won’t be able to help you if you have stainless steel, cobalt chrome or titanium. These super hard metals are much harder than gold and platinum and that very hardness causes some to say they are a dangerous choice for rings."

        So, an angle grinder is still about the only option.

    2. lglethal Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: I keep seeing these

      I dont know. Having a big blokey man with an angle grinder bearing down on your family jewels would probably discourage you from a repeat performance of that particular trick in the future...

      1. Michael Thibault

        Re: I keep seeing these

        "Having a big blokey man with an angle grinder bearing down on your family jewels would probably discourage you from a repeat performance of that particular trick in the future..."

        Not so sure; after the bright sparks, it's the same brain, after all. We understand that the blood complement is only sufficient to operate one head at a time, and ... here we are to begin with.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I keep seeing these

          "We understand that the blood complement is only sufficient to operate one head at a time, and [...]"

          Wicked Willie*** would possibly agree. Although he was probably never shown in this condition.

          ***Strip cartoon character from the 1980s. Caught the zeitgeist of that era. Very non-PC nowadays - but still amusing in a "been there" way. Some of its many near the bone observations ought to be included in PSE lessons for post-pubertal kids.

          Sort of NSFW.

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicked_Willie

    3. Phil W

      Re: I keep seeing these

      "They tend to have on hand this marvellous bit of wire, about 22 to 25 inches long that will slice through most metal bands"

      If by "most" you mean gold or silver, which are relatively soft metals then yes a jeweler could help. But the majority of ordinary jewelers tools like a ring saw won't cut titanium, cobalt, carbon or stainless steel rings as they're simply too hard. In this case I believe the ring was titanium.

      I'm not sure what exactly the fire brigade used but I imagine it was something pretty powerful, since time as a factor. Although there are Dremel cutting discs that will cut titanium and other hard metals, on anything a couple of millimeters thick or more it's going to use up a few cuttings discs and take quite a bit of time, which this chap didn't have.

      1. Toni the terrible
        Happy

        Re: I keep seeing these

        I think something of the size of a Dremel, not a car opening grinder?

      2. KegRaider

        Re: I keep seeing these

        "Dremel cutting discs that will cut titanium and other hard metals, on anything a couple of millimeters thick or more it's going to use up a few cuttings discs and take quite a bit of time, which this chap didn't have."

        Not to mention the heat build up of said cutting disc on the band!!! Probably needed the fire department nearby to extinguish the phallic flames!

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I keep seeing these

      Jeeezus H. if its a small metal band needs removing

      Looking at the picture, it looked quite a chunky effort.

    5. P. Lee Silver badge

      Re: I keep seeing these

      >YOU CALL THE JEWELLER.

      Ah, the voice of experience!

  9. Simon Harris

    hand-held angle grinder

    I was going to suggest it should be a hand-held dangle grinder...

    ... but if it was in a dangling state it probably wouldn't be such a problem!

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Alien

    I was advised by a Hatton garden jewellers not to get a titanium wedding ring because if you damage your hand/finger and the ring needs cutting off due to swelling (stop sniggering!) most hospitals don't have the necessary equipment.

    1. quxinot Silver badge

      Weird. A good ring cutter isn't all that uncommon in even nursing homes, nevermind hospitals, here. They have to be the type with a bi-metal blade, which the better and newer ones have. The old ones were just steel and would have difficulty on titanium.

      Anyone with a titanium ring can tell you that it's not super-hard. It's strong, but weaker than steel for a given volume (while weighing a lot less, hence the appeal). It's kind of a pain to machine not because of some mythical strength but because it chips out if the feed rates are wrong. Titanium is strong for the weight, but not as light as aluminum, which is what you use where strength matters less but weight is of the utmost importance.

      Tungsten carbide is the nasty one to remove, as it cannot be cut short of a dimond blade. Those instead are simply cracked off as it's very brittle, and simple vice-grips will suffice.

      I'm looking at my ring size and thinking... that poor man's partner(s).

      1. chivo243 Silver badge

        @quxinot

        Vice grips near Mr. Johnson? Whoa nellie! That's almost as bad as getting stuck in the original ring...

      2. W4YBO

        Titanium fire

        A local machine shop has a chunk of melted lathe bed hanging from a wall with a sign that reminds the machinists to clean up their chips. It seems titanium is pretty reactive (why it forms those pretty oxides) and allowing a big pile of swarf to build up in the lathe gap is unwise. Nearly cut the bed off the headstock when a hot chip ignited the pile.

        I suppose the irrigation kept this guy's pile of swarf at a reasonable size.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      In the 1960s a friend who worked for the Post Office radio department related how he slipped while climbing a mast. He then found himself attached to a hook on the mast by his wedding ring. It gave him a deep cut***. After that he never wore the ring while working.

      There was a time when solid metal wristwatch straps were very popular. Not something to wear while working on a car electrics where you could short unfused battery connections.

      My house has door handles at waist height - possibly some building standard. Their shape tapers towards the end. Several times I have found my motion suddenly arrested by a belt loop getting hooked on one.

      *** edited to avoid providing easy El Reg pickings in the words "pole" or "bone"

      1. Toni the terrible
        Alert

        Ring accident

        A colleague of mine lost a finger due to a ring being caught on a spike during a significant fall - he didn't say it was pulled off (the implication) or his finger had to be amputated afterward. Then again he might have been a sawyer, but that wouldn't have been so ugh...

    3. Tikimon
      Devil

      Do I see a new product opportunity?

      We've all noticed that these stories appear regularly. It's reasonable to extrapolate that many more gents do it without being trapped, presumably using something sized a little better. Granted it's a small market (heh) but the global reach of Amazon has made many niche products profitable.

      Clearly this subset of adventurous males need suitable rings made, of a comfortable thickness to not dig in, and in varying diameters. We'll post a sizing guide and a printable measuring tape. In case of need, the user can insert something in two little holes on opposite sides of the ring and unlock the two halves. I could possibly get startup funding from firemen, eager to avoid having to deal with this.

      Now... what can one charge for such a thing, and what the hell to name it?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Do I see a new product opportunity?

        "[...] nd what the hell to name it?"

        "My Precious Ring"

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Do I see a new product opportunity?

          maybe made of "wood".

          Sure I have some curtains "hung" with those :)

          1. Toni the terrible
            Facepalm

            Re: Do I see a new product opportunity?

            There are a number of sizes of curtain rings which might be handy - try before you buy?

            Sadly, I know of a person who used a wooden curtain ring. It is easier to cut off, he really didn't want to go to A&E

      2. smudge

        Re: Do I see a new product opportunity?

        Now... what can one charge for such a thing, and what the hell to name it?

        About £1.50. A Jubilee Clip.

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jubilee_Clip

        1. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
          IT Angle

          Re: Do I see a new product opportunity?

          You can also use those for contraception

          can be easily sold using the phrase "Never a drip with a jubilee clip"

          And its not even friday yet......

      3. imanidiot Silver badge

        Re: Do I see a new product opportunity?

        I don't think you'll be surprised to hear that such a bussiness/product already exists and the market (especially if you operate globally) is not all that niche in fact. There is already too much competition in that market to really make much of a name for yourself.

      4. Captain DaFt

        Re: Do I see a new product opportunity?

        "Now... what can one charge for such a thing, and what the hell to name it?"

        'Ring-a-Ding-Dong'? ☺

      5. mosw

        Re: Do I see a new product opportunity?

        "Clearly this subset of adventurous males need suitable rings made, of a comfortable thickness to not dig in, and in varying diameters. We'll post a sizing guide and a printable measuring tape. In case of need, the user can insert something in two little holes on opposite sides of the ring and unlock the two halves."

        So "One ring to rule them all" then (or at least both).

    4. PyroBrit

      Optional

      My wedding ring is Titanium and at the time of purchase, I had the choice of 99.99 pure Titanium or a Titanium Alloy.

      I picked the pure Titanium as it is softer than the alloy and shouldn't be a problem for emergency services if I get into a situation requiring it's removal. It's certainly too small to go on my dick so the situation in the story shouldn't ever happen.

  11. Lloyd

    Did they try

    Whacking the ring with a hammer?

    I'm just curious as to the noise it made, I'm thinking......

    DONG!

  12. Your alien overlord - fear me

    Where's the back story - how the feck did he get everything through the ring in the first place?

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      By thinking very hard about Anne Widdicombe.

    2. John McCallum
      Facepalm

      One piece at a time

    3. Simon Harris
      Gimp

      The front story's bad enough...

      I really don't want to know what he was doing with the other side!

    4. TitterYeNot
      Coat

      "how the feck did he get everything through the ring in the first place?"

      Carefully.

      And now that you've set me off...

      There was a man from the fair Isle

      Who embiggened his manhood in style

      The thought in his cranium

      Was to use hard titanium

      But for freedom he'd need more than a file.

    5. regregular

      Well, very obviously he tripped and fell.

      How else could that happen?

  13. Peter Mount
    Flame

    They say this is rare... try London

    The equivalent BBC article said that it was a rare event.

    London Fire Brigade: April 2016 - Feb 2017 had 9 callouts.

    9! and that's just for London. They also stated that it's the same number as the previous two financial years combined.

    http://www.london-fire.gov.uk/news/LatestNewsReleases_fifty-shades-of-red-incidents-go-up.asp#.WMqUrB_6zVM

    Fire icon as this involves the fire brigade

  14. Sleep deprived
    Happy

    "Ice packs were applied to the swollen appendages"

    Not cold enough. Rinse with liquid nitrogen and you can recover the titanium ring undamaged.

  15. TRT Silver badge

    5 x 4 x 1.5 cm ring?

    Diagram required.

    Oh. There's a picture. Now I see.

    Ouch.

    Also, why did you miss out on the usual approach of using "Orthopaedic tools such a Giggle saw"?

  16. Pavlov's obedient mutt

    please no

    never again - bone(r) cutters...

  17. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

    Please tell us

    His name was "Dick"

    or, at the very least, "Willie"

    1. P. Lee Silver badge

      Re: Please tell us

      His name was "Dick" or, at the very least, "Willie"

      Well, black and white, so, "Free Willy"

      1. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: Please tell us

        you're reminding me of a sequence from an Austin Powers movie...

  18. regregular

    What people never hear about: all the men who overestimate the size of their junk and end up getting oversized rings that just slide off without doing the job.

    1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      just slide off without doing the job.....

      One has to wonder what the 'job' it's supposed to do actually is? Maybe I live too sheltered a life...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: just slide off without doing the job.....

        "Maybe I live too sheltered a life..."

        I thought your suggestion of string or rubber band earlier was based on experience? But Ann Summers will sell you a silicone-ish c*ck ring, enabling you to try the experience without fear of having to meet either doctors or firemen.

        1. Korev Silver badge

          Re: just slide off without doing the job.....

          You make that sound like a bad thing!

          I was at a colleague's [gay] wedding a few years ago, the fire alarm went off and two engines worth of firemen arrived causing mass excitement! The firemen had a complete sense of humour failure though.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: just slide off without doing the job.....

            "[...] and two engines worth of firemen arrived causing mass excitement! "

            The guests thought the strip show had arrived?

            Just what is it about uniforms and strip shows - of any orientation?

  19. H in The Hague Silver badge

    Ad

    For me, this item is accompanied by ads for De Walt power tools. Related to this story or to my previous browsing history? (Please note that I'm more inclined towards Festool, though I have some deW kit.)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Ad

      Clearly targeting those who enjoy working with wood.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Similar Experience

    Interestingly, we ran into this exact problem at my hospital Stateside in the mid-eighties, and solved it exactly the same way, except the offending object was a wheel-bearing race ("cup").

    The ER staff was rather inexperienced with how incredibly hard was a bearing race, and having broken the wedding-ring-cutter and injured the poor fellow with a hacksaw, decided to call in the head of maintenance, who was fortunately a retired master machinist. They said you could hear him swearing about "educated idiots" all the way to the operating theatre, where they humanely knocked the poor patient out before producing a die-grinder and abrasive wheel.

    The patient got by with only a few blisters from the heat generated by the cutter - came out pretty well, I think, considering ... he COULD have been known as "stubby."

  21. bombastic bob Silver badge
    Trollface

    A new compliment to the 'Darwin Award'

    a new complimentary award needs to be established, to go along with the existing 'Darwin Award', when some dumbass offs himself in a way that demonstrates WHY it benefits society by removing him from the gene pool.

    Well, THIS guy could've removed himself from the gene pool WITHOUT actually dying. By his own act of complete stupidity he nearly DID THE WORLD A FAVOR. Had his maleness been lopped off due to oxygen starvation induced gangrene or necrosis, the world's potential future average IQ would've gone UP a bit. *NOW* we have this guy BACK in the gene pool...

    mentioning 'Idiocracy' again (particularly the intro, where skilled surgeons save the moron's male member after a bizarre jet ski accident that should've kept him from breeding any more)

    Maybe we can call it the "Margaret Sanger" award (due to her belief in 'eugenics'). Extra points for those who get the snark/humor.

  22. madick
    Headmaster

    Sedated? Who?

    From the linked article:

    "Under sedation with Ketamine 100mg, Fentanyl 50mcg and Propofol 150mg in divided doses- the Fire Brigade Department divided the penoscrotal constriction device with an electric hand operated axel grinder."

    I hope it was the patient that was sedated rather than, as could be inferred from this sentence, the fireman with the grinder.

    Incidentally, is an "axel" grinder a specific tool that I've not heard of before, or is it just a 'misspelling' of "angle" grinder.

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