back to article The future of Not Reality is a strap-on that talks to my smarting ring

My ring smarts. This is only to be expected, having exposed my ring for long periods to the burning sun. More fool me, you’d think, but you’d be wrong. Ensuring my ring is open to the elements is good for my health and well-being. And slipping it onto my finger is surprisingly comfortable. Hang on, what I meant to say was …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Meh...

    Until they come up with something like 'Better than life' , I won't be buying into this whole 'Virtual Reality' crap...

    1. DailyLlama

      Re: Meh...

      You mean to tell me you spent 6 years playing the prat version of Rimmer? Oh that's a classic!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Facepalm

        Re: Meh...

        Should have checked the microdot on the 'i' on Rimmers swimming certificate...

        1. psychonaut

          Re: Meh...

          yooooou twonk

          1. Gazareth

            Re: Meh...

            Back to Reality remains my favourite Timothy Spall performance.

    2. EddieD

      Re: Meh...

      I prefered the series 2 version of BTL.

      Far more sinister.

  2. Oengus

    Why

    We want to implement the option that you can share your status on social media. You can share how much vitamin D you consumed. (found on the Helios Smart Ring website)

    Why does all of this IoT crap have to have a social media link? When will these people get a life. All the more reason for not having social media...

    The next thing you will read will be how these devices have been hacked and are used by criminals to tell in real time that you are not in your house (you are outside basking in the sunlight to get your Vitamin D score up) so they can safely break in and help themselves to your other kit. Alternatively there will be an attack on the users of the ring exposing them to excessive UV causing melanoma and other skin cancers...

    Also, because it uses Bluetooth LE and has no On/Off switch just think of the tracking capabilities...

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: Why

      I'll put my fitness tracker in the tumble dryer (set to low) and I'll put my UV tracker in the UV box I use for photoresist - that should up my activity score nicely!

      Meanwhile, I'll take my dog for a walk amongst the bluebells by the local brook.

      Second thoughts - I'll just attach the activity tracker to the lunatic spaniel's collar.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Lunatic dogs

        "Petcube’s entertaining ‘Bites’ model, which you load with edible treats that can be fired individually across your kitchen or living room by tapping on a button in the app."

        Unless mounted on the ceiling, any self respecting Black Labrador will work out how to get into the thing the minute you leave the house.

    2. Terry 6 Silver badge

      Re: Why

      Oengus Better than you say. The possession of one of these gadgets is a pretty good clue that you would have saleable techie kit that's worth nicking. (And money to splash on such stuff of course).

    3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Why

      "Why does all of this IoT crap have to have a social media link?"

      Because they are marketed and developed by Californians (I nearly said Yanks, but that's insulting the sensible ones, there are some), and engendering competition and being the "best" is the number on priority for these people. Doesn't matter what it is, it HAS to be competitive and YOU have to BE THE BEST!!!one11!!!11!

      1. Swarthy

        Re: Why

        "Why does all of this IoT crap have to have a social media link?"

        Skinner Boxes - the lot of 'em!

  3. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

    Petcube

    I like the idea of a feature for firing pet treats around. I wonder how long it'll be before someone hacks one of these to weaponise it?

    1. Morten_T
      Happy

      Re: Petcube

      " I wonder how long it'll be before someone hacks one of these to weaponise it?"

      No reason to hack it.

      1) Fire pet treat at enemy

      2) <Bad Mr. Burns Impression>Release the hounds</bmbi>

  4. Doctor_Wibble
    Devil

    Gestures

    That thing you do with your hands, it's very bad.

    .

    Ref just in case, take your pick, I'm going for an English.

  5. Oengus

    Inbuilt obsolescence

    Reading the Technical specs for the battery in the Helios Smart ring I wonder about the usable life

    • LiPo battery
    • 14mAh capacity nominal
    • 3.7 V nominal
    • 80% Capacity after 150 charges
    • Battery life 24 hours
    Based on this you will need to recharge each day and, with the battery life down to 80% after 5 months, I wonder how many charges before the battery life is down to the level where you won't have enough charge to measure your daily exposure - at which point you will need to buy another ring.

    Can I modify the ring patent to include a solar cell to provide the charge to keep the battery topped up and to provide the power to run the ring while exposed to light?

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Stevie Nicks

    "which might have been Stevie Nicks – unless that was just rumours"

    In your Dreams, Mr Dabbs, unless you're really A Man of The World. Articles full of Second Hand News like this would make a good start to Monday Morning but I'll let you Go Your Own Way though I advise you you to Never Go Back Again. Some of your puns may have gone Over My Head.

    1. 's water music

      Re: Stevie Nicks

      I'll just leave this here

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Stevie Nicks

      Such extensive knowledge must be quite an albatross around your neck.

  7. not.known@this.address
    Go

    Converged reality??

    When they manage to get a headset that can do the same as the current generation of fighter pilot skidlids (allegedly displaying data put together from all available sensors) I will be impressed.

    Just imagine being able to walk down the road seeing the view as picked up by all those nice CCTV poles and millimetre-wave traffic camera speed sensors! Not to mention all the dashcams/headcams, mobile phones, body-worn cameras, Bluetooth-enabled drones...

    Makes me glad I "wasted" all that time playing 3rd-person games like Resident Evil and Silent Hill...

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: Converged reality??

      If you're looking at your surroundings from all those different viewpoints I think you will find yourself weaving dizzily across the pavement and into the path of oncoming traffic. But at least you'll know the traffic is there!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Converged reality??

        "[...] I think you will find yourself weaving dizzily across the pavement and into the path of oncoming traffic. "

        That's me on my daily walk - trying to avoid all the mombies on their blind and unpredictable courses.

  8. Alister
    Thumb Up

    Thank you for your ring piece,

    Mr Dabbs...

    Good article.

    Why, what did you think I meant?

  9. Sureo

    "pointless gadgets that purport to solve problems from which nobody suffers"

    Today's technology, solutions without problems. Paradoxically it has produced large numbers of billionaires.

    1. Terry 6 Silver badge

      Re: "pointless gadgets that purport to solve problems from which nobody suffers"

      Making billionaires.....So, I'm sure, did selling Snake Oil, Patent Remedy, devices for giving electric shocks and so on. ( Allowing for inflation £10m in 1901 would be over a billion today; see http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/bills/article-1633409/Historic-inflation-calculator-value-money-changed-1900.html).

      Plus ca change.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "pointless gadgets that purport to solve problems from which nobody suffers"

        A fool and his money are soon parted. The saying is documented as dating back to at least 1587 (possibly even 1573 - http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/a-fool-and-his-money-are-soon-parted.html) but I think we can be very confident that the idea is older still.

        It's also a sustainable way of doing business - it's not like we're going to run out of fools for the foreseeable future.

    2. Lyndon Hills 1

      Re: "pointless gadgets that purport to solve problems from which nobody suffers"

      Today's technology, solutions without problems. Paradoxically it has produced large numbers of billionaires.

      Also quite a few new problems...

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The best stand was...

    The smart colostomy bag.

    I kid you not :o

    1. Alistair Dabbs

      Re: The best stand was...

      That's not my bag.

    2. Asylum_visitor

      Re: The best stand was...

      Do you really need an email to tell you when the bag is full? Surely the smell is a dynamic indicator??

  11. Daedalus

    Chuckle all you want...

    ...but one guy made a zillion dollars selling sticky octopuses that you throw at the wall.

    To get rich, sell worthless stuff to nitwits.

    1. GrumpenKraut
      Thumb Up

      Re: Chuckle all you want...

      Sticky octopuses versus smart anything:

      Sticky octopuses don't need batteries, don't leak your data, and importantly don't pretend to solve a problem.

      And the winner is: Sticky octopuses. Case closed.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Coming soon - non-invasive diabetes glucose monitor

    For those with diabetes - a smart patch that can continuously measure glucose levels accurately from your sweat.

    The article has an irrelevant eye-candy picture.

    1. Daedalus

      Re: Coming soon - non-invasive diabetes glucose monitor

      "The article has an irrelevant eye-candy picture."

      Thank Heaven we don't see that kind of thing around here.

    2. Michael Thibault

      Re: Coming soon - non-invasive diabetes glucose monitor

      >The article has an irrelevant eye-candy picture.

      Sweat is exuded with near-perfect uniformity across the entire skin surface: true-to-life, or Not Reality?

      It seems the marketing department is in on it.

  13. Charlie van Becelaere
    FAIL

    Wearable Technology Show

    I would have preferred its being called the Wearable Technology Fair, simply for the acronym.

  14. jon 13
    Megaphone

    "That’s like buying an electricity generator that runs off the mains.

    Well Power Stations do get electricity bills, I had to "threaten" to cut one off if they didn't settle their arrears way back in the good-god-how-many-years-ago. So I understand your analogy but present this tediously anecdotal point to undermine it.

  15. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Take, for example, Illuminated Apparel’s interactive glow t-shirt.

    Dabbsy, if you made that video, I shall be visiting you very soon to transport you to Trafalgar Square where you will be publicly disembowelled with a rusty hacksaw blade for "services" to videography!!!!!

    1. Alistair Dabbs

      Re: Take, for example, Illuminated Apparel’s interactive glow t-shirt.

      I know what you mean but I wasn't in the mood to run around requesting permission from hundreds of people who might be included in a landscape video.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Take, for example, Illuminated Apparel’s interactive glow t-shirt.

        Do you really need permission for a short clip in a public place where there are stills/video/CCTV operating all over the place? I didn't realise it was so strict. Is that UK law or El Reg policy? Either way, I'm glad I'm not in your business. Sounds too much like hard work.

  16. W.S.Gosset Silver badge

    !!

    >Helios...futility

    As soon as you described how it actually operated, I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.

    Genius. Spot on.

  17. W.S.Gosset Silver badge

    Nausea

    a side note:

    >During one Augmented Reality demonstration I felt compelled to remove the headset as a feeling of nausea crept over me. The developer suggested that I might not have been using my “dominant eye”,

    No, it's actually a common problem with attempting to imitate real-life perception with a hardware generated image. The hardware imitations usually have timing issues, and that messes the brain up. Nausea is a common reaction, or at least "disorientation".

    For example, until screen refresh rates picked up, pure-3D goggles often had users feeling nauseous. Even on shifting to LCDs (whose images remained between refreshes), fast "movement" could create nausea, or at least a feeling of wrongness/disturbance. (LCDs are typically restricted to 50Hz refresh: "old-fashioned" CRTs with high speed did not have this problem.)

    I even have problems in movies. Any panning shot has me shaking my head and rubbing my suddenly swimming eyes and protesting gut, as the slow "refresh"rate created by the original cameras' slow speed (24Hz) makes me feel like I've suddenly been smacked in the head with a whisky bottle that's then been poured into my veins. The image suddenly becomes this long, slow, mad, blurry, smear. Queasy and swimmy and disorientated.

    (The weird thing is, most people don't know what you're talking about if you mention it. You can actually get a movie on DVD or whatever, and pause it in the middle of some panning, and actually point on the screen at the details being blurred sideways, and they won't get it.)

  18. Olius

    It sounds like Helios isn't going to be the lord of the rings.

  19. David 18

    How about a necklace instead of a ring...

    ... then you can pretend you are starring in the film Wedlock when the battery decides to explode.

    Seriously though, you'd have to be mad to put a potentially explosive device in a ring - we all know how hard it can be to get a ring off in a hurry. Quite likely to get dinged and dented on a finger too.

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