back to article Help wanted: Uber boss Travis seeks babysitter for him and his execs

Following a string of damaging revelations about its atrocious corporate culture, Uber is seeking fresh help to clean up its act. Uber boss Travis Kalanick announced on Tuesday he will try to hire a chief operating officer to help him run the San Francisco-based toxic upstart. Good luck, Trav, given that putting Uber on your …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I recommend

    Carl Icahn for the position.

    1. Youngone Silver badge

      Re: I recommend

      You jest, but he's almost the sort of person they will get.

      This is a job for someone who is almost at the end of their working life, so won't care too much that this will make them unemployable.

      It will also pay really well and leave plenty of time for golf or fishing or whatever.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: I recommend

        "It will also pay really well and leave plenty of time for golf or fishing or whatever."

        I'll do it!!! I really don't need a lot of cash and only have about 10-15 more years of working life left before retirement. 300k per year for 4 -5 years should set me nicely and I can retire early. Cash only though, no share options in lieu of salary, although I'll take share options as added extras so long as I call sell'em ASAP while they have some value.

    2. JimC

      Re: I recommend

      There's a Mr Battistelli in europe who seems to be an expert in toxic organisation cultures and might be available soon...

  2. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Where do I apply?

      "Kalanick and Camp are each worth over $6 billion, while Uber is a money sink."

      How much of the $6b is in Uber shares though?

  3. Your alien overlord - fear me

    Mary Poppins or Mrs Doubtfire?

    1. frank ly

      Sadly, Barbara Woodhouse is no longer with us.

  4. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  5. Bob Rocket

    Lost Control

    I get the impression that Travis is no longer in control of the business and this new COO position has been forced upon him by outsiders who are now running things. I imagine he will be kept on as the face of Uber until he has outlived his usefulness and then he will be sidelined.

    The justifiable paranoia will do for him in the end (they really are out to get him).

  6. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Joke

    Peer

    Well, how about a British Peer of the realm, Baroness Harding of Talk Talk?

    Lots of experience in fighting fires on more than 1 front.

  7. Potemkine Silver badge

    Advice for Mr. Travis

    Do like other companies in trouble, change your company's name.

    I'm sure plenty of commentards will have a lot of witty suggestions ^^

    1. Lotaresco

      Re: Advice for Mr. Travis

      "Do like other companies in trouble, change your company's name."

      You mean something to fit with Uber's vaguely Germanic name but to reflect better the caring, sharing side of the company that wishes to look after its workforce and passengers? Something touch-feely.

      How about "Protection Team", although it would probably be better rendered in German rather than English.

      They could have a nice new logo to go with it, something that represents, protection, safety and the lightning fast response of the taxi company.

    2. Tom 38 Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Advice for Mr. Travis

      Rebu

      It would be just like Uber, but the drivers only use reverse.

  8. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Unhappy

    Clearly needs someoene with personnel management experience.

    I think I know someone he'll get alone with just fine.

    Personally I'd like Uber to die but that's just me.

    They'll be another change-the-market-by-establishing-a-monopoly-using-the-internet-as-a-cover business along in a minute.

  9. Horridbloke

    Only one candidate

    These folks are fools. They realise they're fools, they've admitted they're fools and they want to stop being fools.

    Mr T would be perfect for the role.

    1. Cereberus

      Re: Only one candidate

      Out the whole A Team Mr T would be the worst option (or B A Baracus to be correct)

      How can anyone have pity for Uber? Their drivers yes, the company no.

      Better options:

      Hannibal: He would at least have a plan to sort them out

      Murdoch: Might not be the best choice to sort problems but being mad he would probably fit right in

      Face: The company already appears to have at least two faces - one more shouldn't be a problem

  10. Lord Schwindratzheim

    COO?

    What UBER needs more is a morale compass...

    1. kain preacher

      Re: COO?

      Nope they need a Motto like do no evil.

  11. dan-o

    Doc Martin

  12. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Toxic?

    I think you believe in a longer attention span than the public and the press have. The American political world is one in which the path politician/functionary -> felon -> pundit no longer excites surprise; indeed there is a member of Congress who was impeached and removed from the federal bench years ago.

    And before the Britons here tell me "Only in America" (copyright Don King, q.v.), remind me how long Robert Maxwell carried on after being declared unfit to head a publicly traded company.

  13. Tikimon
    FAIL

    Spin and a Band-Aid...

    Bah! In our sound-byte modern world, the standard response to criticism is to issue a mealy-mouthed press release and announce some dubious plan that will magically Make Everything Better. Which is of course a stalling tactic to deflect attention until everyone forgets and moves on to another news item.

    Assuming they actually do hire this person, who believes that Uber will actually listen to them and change?

    A-hahahaha... haha..

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