back to article IBM: Voluntary redundo offer? Ticked. Min stat terms? Ticked

IBM is hoping to lighten monthly payroll costs by, er, dangling minimum statutory redundancy terms in front of UK staff who volunteer to cut short their career at the creaking tech titan. As El Reg revealed yesterday, Big Blue told staff in the Technical Services Support unit it was forming an Employee Consultation Committee …

  1. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    On the upside, you lucky lucky IBM'ers...

    You might get to meet George Clooney or Anna Kendrick as per the movie "Up in the Air". If you are even luckier then they may do the consultation by videolink...

    “Right Management offers practical guidance to individuals on moving to the next stage of their career and will include access to face-to-face workshops; career coaching; internet based transition workshops; and other online resources,”.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: On the upside, you lucky lucky IBM'ers...

      I had a VC redundancy meeting from another company.

      The guy on the VC got my name wrong. The local HR bod had to correct them.

      Aren't IBM shooting themselves in the foot here? I'd not fancy joining them these days if all they're paying out is statutory for redundancies!

      1. Steve K Silver badge

        Re: On the upside, you lucky lucky IBM'ers...

        The guy on the VC got my name wrong

        With "Anonymous" for a first name it must happen all the time...

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: On the upside, you lucky lucky IBM'ers...

        >> I'd not fancy joining them these days if all they're paying out is statutory for redundancies

        you'd fancy joining them at all, under any circumstance? Huh

  2. Miss Lincolnshire

    IBM's redundancy policy is a sad indictment of both the callous attitude of large American corporations and the lack of protection UK employees get compared with our European cousins. Without turning this into a separate debate commonsense says that is only going to get worse in the post Brexit world.

    Redundancy used to be what happened when companies were financially $%*&ed. That IBM can get away with this when it is purely an exercise in taking names out in order to replace them with cheaper ones and make even more profit is frankly disgusting.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Not just IBM who screw you

      I used to work for another US computer org. For most of my time there it was that case that when they kicked you out of the door for getting older without permission they'd give you a decent lump sum. The generosity gradually went down over the years, but was still not too bad when I got shafted in 2006. But very soon after that - way before 2010 - they were giving statutory redundancy only.

      But I'm fairly certain that even those rapacious bastards never expected anyone to accept the bare minimum statutory amount voluntarily. As well as, you can be sure, being made to sign a compromise agreement, so they couldn't talk about it afterwards.

      Posted anonymously. You know; the CA and all that.

      1. Dabooka Silver badge

        Re: Not just IBM who screw you

        I'm not sure how a CA / NDA could be expected if paying out stat redundancy. If you're going, you're going.

        Obviously I'm talking about in relation to the terms of redundancy, noting to do with the role as such.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Redundancy used to be what happened when companies were financially $%*&ed.

      Don't kid yourself, IBM is absolutely financially $%*&ed.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    But don't we need to import IT skills...

    Or so the government and the large companies seem to insist? Seems to be a lot of UK-based techies being shoved out of the large companies, but our leader keep telling us we need to bring in immigrants with IT skills....

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: But don't we need to import IT skills...

      Exactly the same happens in the US. Good local staff are exited then the company bars itself from ever employing them again and applies for a bucketful of H1-B visas to bring in people from abroad because "we can't get the required skills locally".

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: But don't we need to import IT skills...

        But here in the good ol' U. S. of A., they aren't required to pay you anything. And in most states, you're an "at-will" employee, meaning they can show you the door at any moment for no reason whatsoever. Hand you the money they owe you - for work performed, and unused vacation pay, provided you're not working for one of those "infinite" vacation companies where you accrue no vacation time and don't have a right to take time off - and they're done with you. No severance required. It's the American Way!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: But don't we need to import IT skills...

          But here in the good ol' U. S. of A., they aren't required to pay you anything. And in most states, you're an "at-will" employee, meaning they can show you the door at any moment for no reason whatsoever. Hand you the money they owe you - for work performed, and unused vacation pay,

          Of course, there is one upside to "at-will" employment; you can leave on a moment's notice as well. Get a new job lined up, with a definite start date, then be sure to take on a load of extra projects at the old company just before you leave. On Friday afternoon email everyone and tell them you start a new job on Monday.

          1. Jim 68
            Paris Hilton

            Re: But don't we need to import IT skills...

            This was always the old selling point when Cisco produced that white paper nearly two decades ago about "at will" employees being able to pick and choose the best compensation. Unfortunately when everyone is going down the H-1B route there aren't many "opportunities" to choose.

  4. Natalie Gritpants Silver badge

    Don't see the point of accepting those terms, May as well stick around on full salary while they get around to forcible redundancy, and drink plenty of free coffee while job hunting on company time.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Why sign anything?

      Why sign a compromise agreement in that circumstance?

      The minimum a tribunal will award is statutory minimum anyway. Might as well run up IBM's cost by taking them to Court

    2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      It's a good way of selecting all the good staff who plan to get out before the rush,

      Except in the case of IBM they all left a decade ago

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Free coffee at IBM? Ha ha ha ha!

    4. This post has been deleted by its author

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Based on former colleagues

    They gave up waiting for the next round of compulsary lay offs and just walked.

    Sure they miss out the few days pay redundancy may have given them, but at least they have jobs that they like again....

  6. Howard Hanek
    Headmaster

    It's Traditional

    IBM in ancient times was known as Molloch. His temples were giant furnaces in his image where human sacrifice was practiced several times a year. Sometimes the priests who had outlived their usefulness were sacrificed as well. His worship has retained that climate of fear so common today among IBMers today even among senior staff.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: It's Traditional

      I daresay that you could replace "IBM" with "corporates" as they all seem to practice this.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You never hear the one that kills ya...

    I got the IBM bullet about 30 seconds after I turned 60. Senior OMG certified architect with 10 years selling into USDoD and NATO. My manager who considered himself my personal friend during those last five years actually cried real tears when he put the bullet in my neck... said he had a gun to his neck too.

    So yeah, competence and experience is too expensive to support IBM's pimpage of shareholder value so they're hiring scads of eager young beavers that don't know any better. They're getting three-for-one for us silverbacks.

    I wouldn't work for IBM nor would I purchase a product or service from IBM even if my life depended on it (and it once did depend on it... shame on me for being such a tool).

    Fool me once, etc etc.

    Your Mileage May Vary.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Enhancement"

    no longer really exists. The current CSC enhancement is probably less than an extra fortnight for any senior staff. The days of getting a big enough lump sum to pay for your own retraining have gone: now you get enough to survive a rapid hunt for a replacement job.

    During that hunt, people decades younger than you will keep you from even attending interviews on the basis that your "skills are out of date" without any understanding of what those skills are or that, just like a doctor who graduated in the 80s, you might have actually stayed up to date with progress in your field over the years.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Interesting take on redundancy

    Seems odd that if the roles are redundant they want you to work 3 months notice period as part of the deal. Plenty of time to gather things ready for the next role and a potential security risk, not to mention it may be an issue if the taxman decides it wasn't really a redundancy and you get taxed on all the money.

    Having been made redundant at the end of last year by a US company as soon as we had the deal done and I had signed the paperwork I told my team and was gone within 2 hours with the package and pay in lieu of notice.

  10. Neiljohnuk

    "Oh dear, how sad, never mind".

    So Idiot Bleeding Management have finally realised they can stiff their direct I'm Bloody Marvellous employees almost as well as they stiffed us whilst using their usual "your only a fucking contractor" refrain. Well suck it up buttercups, be you computer grads, sports science grads, ex-services forelock tuggers, there's a whole world out there and it doesn't owe you a living, be grateful your going to get the statutory minimum, not as much as the 'packages' of old, but a bloody lot more than the sweet fuck all we got.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "Oh dear, how sad, never mind".

      <pedant>

      "your only a fucking contractor"

      Sorry, but I must point this out:

      "you're only a fucking contractor"

      </pedant>

      I know. I'll get my coat.

    2. Miss Lincolnshire
      Facepalm

      Re: "Oh dear, how sad, never mind".

      That's the deal with being a contractor and the choice you make. Your complaint is as valid as that of a nonconscript squaddie that moans when some bugger shoots at him.

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