Huge if true: iPhone 8 will feature 3D selfies, rodent defibrillator With the exciting news that Apple is going to hold a conference in June where it will announce new products – only the 15th time it has done so since 2003 – we felt it was time to write down some wild speculation because, like lemmings, you will click on it and we make money when you do. Of course the big news is that June …
Honesty in the technology sector news, what is this world coming to.
Although you neglected to mention that despite featuring wireless recharging, the phone still needs to be plugged into the iCharger for so that you have to buy a $99 charger for each phone security authentication purposes. Oh and the wall cable on the iCharger starts to fray and split after 12 months.
I dont like apple, to expensive, and just wanted to see if it was really true about the defibulator for the rodent, although I did suspect that it might be slightly erroneous.
My mate is apple obsessed and I was looking forward to taking the piss out of him and calling him Hammy the Hamster or something equally childish.
Damn, damn, damn your click "like lemmings, you will click on it and we make money when you do." scam.
Oh, that was fun. And we all had a good laugh. Now, nobody likes a good laugh more than I do... except perhaps my wife, and some of her friends... oh yes and Captain Johnson. Come to think of it most people like a good laugh more than I do. But that's besides the point.
"IPHONE X"
IRL the internal name of every new iPhone is iPx, for iPhone X which is whatever the next series number is. FYI.
But this is iPhone X with added +, which makes it more of a reason to trade in your newish £700 iPhone 7 for £150 to Apple and pay another £700 for iPhone X+. The fact that it is also a veterinary help to small furry rodents and Donald Trump's hairpiece is an added bonus. I would be claiming my place in the AppleStore queue in Regent Street right now, were it not for the fact that I sold off my iPhone 6s after years of being duped by Apple's "buy a minor update" and bought a OnePlus3T instead.
You could have said No and not bought the upgraded phone and kept the old one for another few years.
YOU made a decision to spend that money.
I made a decision to use Apple phones.
I also made a decision to never buy new ones. I get secondhand ones from Pawn shops.
It wasn't that hard a choice you know.
When the next OnePlust comes out will you be first in line for it? I'm sure we'd like to know so that a space can be reserved for you in the queue that will probable run the lenght of Marylebone High St.
Apparently the iPhone 5 was supposed to come with the holographic keyboard and the holographic displays, but mine still doesn't work and I've been the genius bar several times about this critical defect.
Its in the official advertising video here.
If they don't get their act together then my next stop is trading standards.
Did you also report that Wave doesn't charge you phone when you put it in a microwave?
But seriously, some people might think you are serious here :D That video you mention was making the rounds as fact in some place in Asia those days. Top management in the one company showed it to me asking my opinion while I traveled on a roadshow, and were very disappointed when I told them it is probably fake.
"holographic keyboard and the holographic displays,"
Yes, I KNOW I'm responding to a joke post, but....the projected virtual keyboard has been around for at least 20 years, although that video does show what Apple are good at. Taking something and improving the UI. And why are all conceptual holographic displays always semi transparent? Who would want to to be watching video or reading information on a "screen" you can see through? That's gonna cause some eye strain issues with the all the (re-)focusing problems.
Why not remove all sound features from it. Sound is just so sold fashioned. And while you are at it, remove the display, those only crack and limit your runtime anyway. After a couple of itterations you could have the ideal smartphone, an extremely stylish piece made completely from something as bendy as rubber, but as smooth as acryl or glass, but with no electronics inside... well perhaps you could have some on chip oscillators so you can claim that it's an octacore running at x GHz.
You neglected to mention Li Chi Nyut's leak that in addition to eliminating the home button, Apple will eliminate the power button. An enhanced Siri will determine when the iPhone should be used and turn it on for you.
Also, it is rumored that the defibrillator function will also be able to deliver small shocks to your ears if it detects that you're holding the phone wrong.
I feel like I've stumbled into an episode of the Radio 4 panel game where contestants have to spot the five truths hidden among the lies. All that's missing is Henning Wehn claiming that 'der iPhone vas invented by Jesus', whereupon Stephen Fry buzzes and David Mitchell says sarcastically, 'So you think the iPhone was invented by Jesus ... well you're absolutely right.'
US journalists must currently feel likewise.
US "journalists" are the problem as they make up bullshit faster than a cattle truck laden with bovines that have coli bacterium gut problems. I necessary, it is declared "leaked" as opposed to "stitched together from whole cloth while recovering from last night's ethanol overload paid for by some Washington Insider".
The last shooting war they got us into wasn't fun and is still ongoing, the next one will be the last.
whats wrong with bluetooth 4 and quick access to 1000s of devices rather then 3 devices with an iphone 8, before 3d selfies, they should make the camera better, and as good as the xperia z3 atleast with a simple point and click https://s24.postimg.org/7h0xkxwwl/DSC_0005.jpg, selfies are all the iphone camera can take
why, iphones are shit, you can look around the internet for photography samples, they all suck and simple, so they can only do selfies
who are sad enough to actually own alot of apple products, they all suck and don't do nothing much
you can root a xperia and happlly have a full linux, unlike samsung where nothing on google play works even when you phone is'nt rooted
iphones and galaxy's are for the cool, proving they both suck and people will buy it just to be cool, all fashion products are rubbish and never do nothing much
The laser scanning, if true, has potential medical uses.
Do you know how seriously foul the human mouth is? And how unsanitary things like pockets are?
Would you really want something that's been close to a mouth or inside a pocket anywhere near your delicate internals?
For that matter.. Would you really want a surgeon who uses Apple "Technology"[massive coughing fit] to even touch the carcass of the nearest deceased rodent, let alone work on your good self?
Apple kit is just like Chocolate Bars.
1) Each generation is smaller than before
2) Each other generation to 1) costs the same or more
3) Every version leaves the user thinking that it was better before. Take KitKat's before Nestle took over. Now the taste is far too sweet and cheap.
So the new Mac Pro will be the size of the current MacMini.
IT will be prefectly smooth apart from TWO things.
1) a socket for the power lead
2) an on/off switch.
Getting data In/Out and Video out will be controlled by magic.
Oh, and it will cost the same as a Dacia Sandero.
Perfecton does not come cheap (cough-cough)
Paris because even she can see when someone is REALLY taking the piss.
I want a phone small enough to fit somewhere inside my skull. Plenty of room there. Or even a dental implant. Kinetic charging from chewing gum. Siri to whisper the time in a sexy voice. Built-in heart-rate blood pressure and steps monitor. Satnav. Fuck this is a good idea. In fact several implants linked by - what else - blueteeth. Phew! Now I have seen the future 50 years hence I need to lie down and listen to War and Peace.
Oh not finished. Direct link to the optic nerve so no external display. Do not disturb I am watching Star Wars Part Soixante-Neuf.
Well, the article seemed totally reasonable and I was about to book my ticket to California for the unveiling of this wonderful device, I have longed for a phone that was less than 7mm, 7.1 was way too big and I am often called to the scene of rodent cardiac incidents, this would solve all my problems. Then I noticed the obvious - Mole? A Rodent?
With this sort of major error I am beginning to believe that some of the other facts might be less than totally accurate!
El Reg has got it wrong again. It won't be called the iPhone8 or iPhoneX. It will be called the xPhone and will be SUPER absorbent so as to be able to survive the cum showered upon it by over-excited fanboiz. Added features will be whatever Apple deign to allow you to have, and you'd better be grateful or else. Prices will be high enough to make only the stupidly rich able to afford it, which is just as well since they are the only ones gormless enough to think that the interface is anything other than Fisher Price revisited.
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