back to article London's Winter Wonderland URGENTLY seeks Windows 10 desk support

The annual Christmas kitsch fest that is Hyde Park's Winter Wonderland in London is desperately seeking two desktop bods to provide IT support for Windows 10. The job ad, which was posted today, reads: "We are URGENTLY seeking candidates for 2 X Desktop Support Engineers for a short term contract opportunity based at Hyde Park …

  1. DJV Silver badge
    Trollface

    But...

    ...each time a new Windows version comes out, Microsoft tell us how much better it is compared to the old version. So, shirley by now, it must be absolutely perfect and not need any support as there can't be any downtime or problems of any sort!

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. fidodogbreath Silver badge

      Re: But...

      So, shirley by now, it must be absolutely perfect

      ...and don't call me Shirley.

      Someone had to say it...

    3. cosymart
      FAIL

      Re: But...

      That's just the rub they don't say it's better than the previous version, they use words like "better productivity" and "Redesigned screens". They never, ever try and sell it as a better OS... come on it would leave them wide open to all sort of litigation.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: But...

        Plus they can't sell itbas a better OS. Linux has 100% of the market share there.

    4. TeeCee Gold badge
      Facepalm

      Re: But...

      Give me the right set of applications and users and I'll show you how any system ever made can be royally fucked up.

  2. Your alien overlord - fear me

    And the salary is £8/hour and all the mince pies you can eat.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      ... whilst wearing stupid Elf/Pixie costumes.

      1. ElReg!comments!Pierre

        Cut the snark, it's a perfectly good job

        Only slightly less gratifying and desirable than dogshit handpicker, or vomit strawsnorter for example.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Cut the snark, it's a perfectly good job

          It's perfect timing for service delivery managers at outsourcing companies - isn't Christmas one of the regular "resource action" periods?

          It may not pay as well, but at least you get to improve your self respect by possibly helping people and wearing an elf costume.

        2. a_yank_lurker Silver badge

          Re: Cut the snark, it's a perfectly good job

          Done some genuine turd squeezing in my time (long story) this job makes being knee deep in sewage sound like a very pleasant experience with very nice aroma to boot.

  3. 2+2=5 Silver badge
    Joke

    Job description

    > It added: "You will be based on site, supporting users inside the attraction in a troubleshooting and proactive IT Support capacity."

    and the bit they missed out; "preference will be given to those of slight physique, willing to dress as an elf."

    1. Little Mouse Silver badge

      Re: Job description

      Magical powers would certainly come in handy when it comes to "proactive" IT support.

      1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

        Re: Job description

        Nah, you've just got to think like a manager and solve all the problems before they even occur.

  4. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
    Joke

    Just...

    Throw all the Windows 10 devices into the Serpentine and go home. Job done.

    See icon

    1. Mark 125
      Linux

      Re: Just...

      Seems sensible to me :)

    2. Mephistro

      Re: Just...

      Why the joke icon?

      1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

        Re: Just...

        Just trying to have a bit of fun. We all know that there are some Windows FanBois lurking here (as evidenced by the downvotes) so I didn't want to dig them too hard in the ribs.

        This is the season to be jolly isn't it?

        1. Chika

          Re: Just...

          Yeah. I'm jolly enough that I found work before I could be lured in my desperation into what looks like a dead-end job with little job satisfaction. Office 2010 on W10? Something stinks in central London, methinks.

          Hah Bumhug or something like that...

          1. Danny 14 Silver badge

            Re: Just...

            Its not their fault. Last year it was all working just fine on windows 7. They shut everything down after christmas and all was well. This year they booted up server 2012r2 and it came back up. Lots of updates but all fine.

            Windows 7 booted up to an odd strange looking OS. "Bob, I thought you clicked NO to that upgrade?"

            "Thats right! I closed the upgrade screen"

            "Fucking hell Bob what have you done! Youve killed Santas PC"

      2. Stoneshop Silver badge
        Linux

        Re: Just...

        Why the joke icon?

        Because you would actually want to re-purpose perfectly good, and probably recent, hardware, and throwing it in the Serpentine would probably be in violation of e-waste directives and all that.

    3. Captain DaFt

      Re: Just...

      "Throw all the Windows 10 devices into the Serpentine and go home."

      >Crowd of MSCE holders< "OH no you wouldn't!"

  5. Doctor_Wibble
    Facepalm

    Maybe Oops?

    They forgot to put them in the original job ads, didn't they?

    One being urgently required is explainable e.g. an accident, but two of them are suddenly needed urgently? Maybe it really is due to a coincidentality of unfortunatisms but to paraphrase, 'losing one is unfortunate, losing two looks like carelessness' or possibly I just seriously offended a lot of people...

    1. Glenturret Single Malt

      Re: Maybe Oops?

      To quote more accurately, one is an accident, two is coincidence and three is sheer bloody carelessness.

    2. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: Maybe Oops?

      DevOops?

  6. WolfFan Silver badge

    I'd be willing to give it a go

    Of course, they'd have to fly me across the Atlantic and put me up (in a good hotel) and fly me back. And pay my going rate: $50/hour for the first 8 hours a day, four hour minimum, $100/hour for the next 8 hours a day or part thereof, four hour minimum. They want... 12 hours. That's $800/day. And that would be after taxes, thank you kindly, I know how HM Gov is. Bloody pirates.

    Now where's that old UK passport?

    oh, wait... they don't want to pay that much? Guess that I won't be going, now will I?

    1. chivo243 Silver badge

      Re: I'd be willing to give it a go

      No way. Not enough for me. Not for that job. Not at my age. $800 for a 12 hour day? However, if I was younger....

      1. Danny 14 Silver badge

        Re: I'd be willing to give it a go

        Sounds cheap for someone who could fix W10.

  7. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    Bwahaha, must be an epic fail by a PHB who deemed it not neccessary to have an IT team for win10...

  8. cambsukguy

    Sounds like MS could get some free publicity

    ...by supplying a team for them from their London office and giving the wages to charity.

    1. Adam Jarvis

      Re: Sounds like MS could get some free publicity

      If it was three MS Senior Management, you could probably fund Shelter's Winter Budget for the homeless for several years. Trouble is, doubt they could or would do it.

      Three from MS Marketing might a good start, they could hardly do a worse job, staying at MS instead, for those days.

    2. veti Silver badge

      Re: Sounds like MS could get some free publicity

      You don't think anyone at Microsoft knows how to run that software configuration, do you?

  9. JustNiz

    Wake up and smell the coffee already.

    How are there so many stupid managers out there that keep basing new projects on Windows even though there is metric tons of evidence that it is a completely unreliable POS?

    1. kain preacher

      Re: Wake up and smell the coffee already.

      You seem to think that this is pure windows issue. Any idiot that puts tech in place with no support deserves what they get. You are assuming that windows is crashing or doing some thing stupid rather than end users not knowing how to due some thing. the fact that they waited this long speaks volumes. You also assume that there is a Linux alternative. With out knowing the software you can't assume there is. You also assume that that Linux would make this perfect. The fact that they waited this late to ask for help with known dead line speaks volumes. Having a hard deadline you do not wait two weeks before to start looking for help.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: Wake up and smell the coffee already.

        "You also assume that that Linux would make this perfect."

        Why are you assuming the only alternative is Linux? The OP never mentioned Linux.

        1. kain preacher

          Re: Wake up and smell the coffee already.

          On el reg people who usually bash windows tend to push linux.

          Blink I justed noticed the El reg gives 130 minutes to edit Vs 10 minutes it use to.

    2. Chika

      Re: Wake up and smell the coffee already.

      How are there so many stupid managers out there that keep basing new projects on Windows even though there is metric tons of evidence that it is a completely unreliable POS?

      1. Managers tend to believe the glossy brochures thrust at them by the various concerns that push Windows and often have no idea what the alternatives are.

      2. Windows isn't necessarily unreliable, though it is very unforgiving if you try to set things up without the requisite amount of planning. Mind you, I could say the same about most systems - "It just works" is a marketing slogan and nothing more.

      3. In this particular case, if they are looking for support this close to Christmas then they must have been spectacularly unlucky or, more likely, ridiculously stupid. Any project that gets this close to its target day in this condition would smack of poor planning and I pity anyone that has to deal with it.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    They should try switching it off and then back on again ...

    1. hplasm
      Happy

      @MakingBacon

      They should try switching it off...

    2. Chika
      Trollface

      MWAHAH! Your complimentary ITIL certificate is in the post...

  11. Andronnicus Block
    Alert

    Too little time left for me to apply...

    Not enough time* for me to update my CV - even if I knew anything at all about Windows 10, which I don't** - and get it across to them before Christmas.

    * To explain, a CV done properly takes IMHO quite a bit longer to tailor for a job than say registering with the register - something I started to do last December, then put to one side while I dealt with something more urgent and finally got around to completing it earlier this week.

    ** Might be an advantage - I see quite a few jobs advertised where "experience would be useful but is not essential" - could these be two?

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Err...sure...

    Please work 12 hours per day with 7 days a week until further notice or you drop dead and we can then hire two more support bods

    1. Jon 37

      Re: Err...sure...

      To be fair, given the date, it's 7 days solid work, 1 day off for Christmas day, then 8 days solid work, then the contract ends. The attraction closes on 2nd Jan, and doesn't re-open until November.

  13. kain preacher

    Not sure this is a window issue as it's some bought some thing with out a clue and got caught out in the cold. I'm mean it could be that windows 10 is doing some thing stupid but I doubt it. Nope sounds more of a cause some was looking for solution on the cheap.

  14. Dwarf Silver badge

    Urgent requirement

    The "Urgent requirement" Implies that someone didn't know that Christmas falls on the same day every year and they have 364 days to plan for the next one.

    As they say : A failure to plan is a plan to fail

    Add in the fantastic day rate and extended hours and short term nature of things - Looks like we know which way this one is going.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Urgent requirement

      It's remotely... very remotely possible that they had Win7 and someone (PHB?) hit the "upgrade" button. Or so much for giving the benefit of the doubt.. there's an idiot running amok and their village wants him/her back.

    2. Korev Silver badge

      Re: Urgent requirement

      The "Urgent requirement" Implies that someone didn't know that Christmas falls on the same day every year and they have 364 days to plan for the next one.

      2016 is a leap year, maybe that's what confused them...

  15. Infernoz Bronze badge
    Facepalm

    Basically they are f'd if they want any decent independent staff immediately, because they probably aren't offering enough notice/pay for experienced sysadmin contractors, especially for people who have the energy to do long shifts.

    I suggest that they'd do better finding/paying an IT services business to provide more staff for three shifts rather than two, possibly remotely, and forget the crazy idea of double shifts for tech. work! A IT services business may also be able to provide extra or higher grade staff, when needed to fix larger or more difficult issues faster.

    1. Alan Brown Silver badge

      "I suggest that they'd do better finding/paying an IT services business "

      but but but... that will cost even more than what they hadn't budgetted for.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    To quote a line from "The Bad Santa"

    "Wish in one hand, shit in the other. See which fills up first"

  17. Carl D

    Saw this classic comment on the AskWoody site the other day:

    "So many users expending so much energy trying to make Windows 10, secure, private and stable… The answer is obvious, but for the few that logic has eluded let me spell it out for you…

    W.I.N.D.O.W.S. S.E.V.E.N."

    Sums up the entire Windows 10 fiasco perfectly, in my opinion.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I agree with that comment entirely

      but would omit from that statement the word "10"

  18. This post has been deleted by its author

  19. This post has been deleted by its author

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You've been BEOD (Bleu Employee Of Death) also known as SSM'd (Support Smurf Melted).

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    10 is the problem

    Last place i worked ran 10 with no problems. Place before that ran 10 with no problems. Current place i work runs 10 with no problems.

    So is 10 fucked or are you all just shit with new tech?

    1. Hans 1
      Windows

      Re: 10 is the problem

      @AC

      > Last place i worked ran 10 with no problems. Place before that ran 10 with no problems. Current place i work runs 10 with no problems.

      > So is 10 fucked or are you all just shit with new tech?

      Three jobs in just over a year ... hm ... assuming, of course, the first employer did the upgrade on day 1, very unlikely ... so, what is the story ? You are AC, so you can name the companies you worked for, right ? Why do I sense a BS moment ? Next, you're gonna tell me it's your corporate policy to jump shit every couple of months ...

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Santa uses Windows? If I'd only known.

    If I'd only known my miserable childhood logistics of Christmas was all the result of shitty MS Windows, I'd have been much accepting of the wrong present, without the tears.

    Don't know how MS continue to do it, but we all seem conditioned to accept this crap OS from an early age. There are genuinely better OS's out there now, we all need to move on.

    Using Linux Mint yesterday, I closed Firefox, forgetting I was even working in Linux, somewhat surprised not to see the Windows Desktop, thinking I was still in Windows, it happens sometimes.

  23. Oh Homer

    The Grinch who stole all the Windows 10 laptops at Christmas

    Please...

  24. chivo243 Silver badge
    Windows

    Only once..

    ...have I seen a personal computer with Win10 on it... I've seen hoards of vendor field engineers with Win10. What's up with that?

    1. Captain Badmouth
      Headmaster

      Re: Only once..

      "I've seen hoards of vendor field engineers"

      Hordes, love-unless it's a hidden cache?

  25. Lyndon Hills 1

    Not just Win 10

    Re-read the article. The job spec isn't just Win 10/Office. More to the point they want Exchange, phones, voicemail and networking.

    1. Chika

      Re: Not just Win 10

      Matters not. They could be running Windows XP and it wouldn't matter. I think most of us get it - a project with its arse hanging out needs urgent underwear before it gets any colder.

    2. Robert Baker
      Joke

      Re: Not just Win 10

      "More to the point they want Exchange, phones, voicemail and networking."

      ...and shooting? ;-) (or "and their heads examined"?)

  26. The obvious

    The ad asks for 'best price'

    I don't mind doing events which are often short bursts of long hours, but for 15 near-consecutive days of 12 hour shifts over the Christmas period firefighting something that's obviously been poorly implemented - that quote is going to involve numerous 0's...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The ad asks for 'best price'

      Naaah, they'll use 0 hour contracts, where they call you when and ONLY when there is a problem ... the two that were initially hired never turned up, hence the "urgency".

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The ad asks for 'best price'

        Thats still poor planing. Ive worked contracts were they had techs on stand by in case some does not show up and or need more many power then originally planed for.

  27. wolfetone

    Support for Windows 10 and Office 10?

    Would just be easier to work as an elf there instead of that ham-fisted requirement.

    1. Chika
      FAIL

      Support for Windows 10 and Office 10?

      Quite.

      "Yeah, put in Windows 10 because it's nice, new and shiny but I don't want to give up my old reliable Office 10."

      Been there...

  28. The Vociferous Time Waster

    Haha

    All you folks talking about 800 a day rates are dreaming - you can pick up Windows support chimps really cheaply so you don't have to pay more than £150 for one. You don't even need to pay VAT as they don't earn enough to be VAT registered. No matter how good you think you are there is a paper MCSE who will undercut you.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Haha

      Not quite. It's not you who doesn't have to pay VAT because they don't earn enough.

      My company is VAT registered and annual income is no where near the VAT threshold. I just have a lot of customers who ask about VAT payments and I've won contracts because we are VAT registered.

      IMHO, once you setup your LTD company, get VAT registered.

  29. Robert Baker
    Happy

    Oi, HBO!

    Winter (Wonderland) Is Coming™!

  30. Robert Baker
    IT Angle

    THere's a golden opportunity here

    What's the betting that one evening, the flashing lights on the rides suddenly start scrolling the message "Switch to Linux — you know it makes sense"? :)

  31. Nick Ryan Silver badge

    Winter wonderland has been running for a while now...

    Winter wonderland has been running for a while now... so why the sudden need for two hands-on possibly junior level (ad seems to imply this) staff. Sounds like the place is a total mess IT wise and they've been royally dumped on. Mind you, I'd suspect that this kind of place has a scary turnover of staff.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Inhumane bastards

    Win 10 AND Christmas shit!

    1. kain preacher

      Re: Inhumane bastards

      Could be worse Xmas and vista and or windows ME on PII450 and 128megs of ram.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    There's snow way I'd do this

    It does rather sound like, if not a walkout for technical reasons, it's angry users. And they only get even snippier with elf hats on.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tech Support

    It looks like they've ran out of outsourcing IT appointments after the numeric Windows 10 crash/issues.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Experts

    Wow, with all the Windows experts in The Register comments I'm surprised they didn't reach out directly

  36. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    Sounds familiar? --> Christmas Blunderland

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