back to article 'Emoji translator' sought by translations firm

London language translation firm Today Translations has advertised for an TEXT “Emoji translator/specialist.” The firm says it currently employs over 3,000 people fluent in more than 200 languages and offers you the chance to put their talent to work translating the world's tongues. Now, the ad says, the firm needs someone …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nothing

    Well obviously they mean nothing, and are just a form of visual noise and Unicode space pollution.

  2. Your alien overlord - fear me

    Last one is "Seven hookers into bondage at Kings Cross Station" - do I get the job?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      No, you get put on a watchlist

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        you get put on a watchlist

        but only because the watchers are interested in whether you know any 'useful' fellow customers who they can blackmail and bend to their will.

      2. Your alien overlord - fear me

        Shouldn't that be an emoji of a watch and a shopping list ?

  3. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Well since I have zip visual reasoning, I'm with white space noise. [And don't even go to spatial reasoning!]

  4. Neil Barnes Silver badge

    Sometimes I despair...

    We have around a million perfectly good - dare I even say 'cromulent'? - words in English.

    It's four or five thousand years since we moved on from hieroglyphs and pictograms.

    And yet the illiterati seem incapable of using the words and want to return us to ancient history.

    Oh the embarrassment! I die of shame. My body, rotting, pollutes a water table. Disease is rife. Hundreds die. Oh, the embarrassment...

    1. Charles 9 Silver badge

      Re: Sometimes I despair...

      You forget two things. One, the hard SMS and Twitter character limit which ignores word count. An emoji can do in about 5 characters what may take 10 or more. Brevity counts in this medium. Two, the adage "a picture is worth a thousand words," much longer than a text could contain.

      1. Frumious Bandersnatch

        Re: Sometimes I despair...

        You forget two things

        Except that if you use a Unicode character in SMS, then the entire text gets promoted to UTF-16. Or at least that's the way it was the last time I looked into it. So the 5 characters you "save" are wiped out by the 144/2 characters you lose thanks to the 2-byte encoding.

        Anyway, if you want to send a clear, unambiguous message then text is the way to go.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Sometimes I despair...

      "It's four or five thousand years since we moved on from hieroglyphs and pictograms."

      Pictograms? Well, that's a shockingly Western-biased comment. Glad we're not like those ignorant Asians, huh?

      1. Frumious Bandersnatch

        Re: Sometimes I despair...

        The vast majority of CJK characters aren't pictographs. Just saying.

    3. Captain Hogwash Silver badge

      Re: Sometimes I despair...

      Brevity...wit.

    4. Fungus Bob

      Re: Sometimes I despair...

      Don't despair, Buddy Jesus loves you.

      https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/93/Buddy_christ.jpg

  5. David Roberts Silver badge

    First one

    Temple?

    Ambiguity rules.

    1. frank ly

      Re: First one

      It's not a chapel, the entire building is the place of worship so it's a church. Maybe it's a trick question and the correct answer is Whitchurch rail station.

      1. Allan George Dyer Silver badge

        Re: First one

        Charing Cross?

        1. Gary Moore's Plectrum

          Re: First one

          It's good....but it's not right.

      2. Evil Auditor Silver badge

        Re: First one

        Whitechapel? Whitchurch?

        I still wonder where station Grey Square Church is...

  6. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Ken Hagan Gold badge
      Flame

      Re: What a load of bollocks...

      Perhaps the truth is that a picture *costs* a thousand words.

      The time spent typing in two random emoji could be better spent just writing the flipping words. The time spent playing silly mind-games trying to decipher them could be better spent having sex (or whatever it was that the text interrupted). The time wasted because the meaning got garbled in transit is lost forever. The fact that professional translators think you need special skills to figure out what they mean is a really big clue that these hinder communication, not help.

      Use words, you numpty, and whilst we are at it can you shit on that horrible ribbon and bring back a menu with (you've guessed it) some fucking words on it.

      1. John H Woods Silver badge

        Re: What a load of bollocks...

        This is true even of UIs. Why not have words "yes" and "no" instead of ticks and crosses? And why have that weird square shape with a corner missing for "save" ...?

        (I'm kidding, I'm 50, but when I dug an old 1.44 out of a cupboard to show my kids they looked at each other and said, simultaneously "OH! So that's why that means save").

    2. Charles 9 Silver badge

      Re: What a load of bollocks...

      "Anyone that claims "a picture is worth a thousand words" need only close their eyes to prove that little lump of shite to be false."

      Oh? I recall it's devlishly hard to properly convey what makes the Mona Lisa so intriguing to a blind person. So my view stands. A picture can easily be worth MORE than a thousand words. In fact, the best are beyond words altogether and, sadly, beyond the ability of a sightless person to comprehend due to lack of common ground.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Call me cynical

    but as a free ad for the company, this zero-cost effort is priceless. Imagine the online chatter it will generate ... oh hang on ....

  8. Haku

    They all mean the same thing:

    Goddamn millennials!

  9. Aaiieeee

    Competitive Salary

    What does an exceptional person who has their finger on the social pulse, a Translation degree, and 3 years of experience expect to get paid then?

    1. Haku

      Re: Competitive Salary

      They probably expect to get paid in their favourite currencies, "Likes" and "Subscribes".

      1. Richard Jones 1
        WTF?

        Re: Competitive Salary

        How many yak pats is it the the local currency these days?

    2. Kubla Cant Silver badge

      Re: Competitive Salary

      Any job advertisement that relies on expressions like "competitive salary" or "market rate" instead of specifying an actual figure is effectively admitting that they hope to get away with under-paying.

      That's my experience, anyway. When you ask "How much is your competitive salary?", the answer is always a disappointment.

  10. John70

    Why do we need all these emojis?

    Emojis should be gender, race & religion neutral. There is no need for 100's of variations of the same emotion.

    Back to basics :-)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Why do we need all these emojis?

      So how do you emoji a woman without breaking that rule? What if you want to specifically emoji a Christian cross or intentionally intend to compare it to, say, a proper Swastika or even the Nazi one? Just because an emoji is religious doesn't mean it's inherently insulting. Otherwise, someone could be mortally offended by the existence of the letter A simply because his/her name doesn't have one. Don't laugh. People have started fights for less.

  11. VinceH
    Facepalm

    "Here's one of the questions, which asks you to identify three London Underground railway stations described only with Emoji."

    So as well as an ability to translate stupid icons into meaningful text, the successful candidate must also be familiar with the London Underground and its stations?

  12. Kubla Cant Silver badge

    Saving space

    The name "Seven Sisters" uses 13 bytes. As far as I know, emojis are implemented as Unicode multi-byte characters, so the rebus of seven pictures of a woman probably consumes between 14 and 28 bytes.

    What's more, it doesn't specify that they're sisters. They're all identical, so it should be the little-known station Monozygotic Female Septuplets.

    1. Paul Woodhouse

      Re: Saving space

      upvoted for being fantastically pedantic :D...

    2. John H Woods Silver badge

      Re: Saving space

      "As far as I know, emojis are implemented as Unicode multi-byte characters, so the rebus of seven pictures of a woman probably consumes between 14 and 28 bytes." --- Kubla Cant

      It's 4 bytes in UTF8, so 28 bytes. But you only need 8 bytes for "7sisters"

  13. Kubla Cant Silver badge

    No discussion of tube stations is complete without this:

    [emoji of sunrise][emoji of huge weight][emoji of new moon]

  14. David Austin

    Pretty sure...

    ...We're talking about Whitechapel, Swiss Cottage, and Seven Sisters.

    Now let's see them do Mornington Crescent.

  15. Mark 85 Silver badge
    Facepalm

    See icon... this is beyond a "doooooh" moment. Need a Picard icon...

  16. Rattus Rattus

    For their first task, I suggest this emoji translator gets to work on translating that stupid Office ribbon back into feckin' text!

  17. mrfill

    Clearly, these people have been watching the latest series of South Park and think of it as a documentary.

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