back to article CERN concern: Particle boffins join backlash against Euro Patent Office's King Battistelli

The European Organization for Nuclear Research, better known as CERN, has joined the list of organizations and media outlets calling for action against the president of the European Patent Office (EPO). In its weekly staff bulletin, the particle physicists' take issue with Benoit Battistelli for targeting and firing staff. " …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Battistelli has been accused of specifically targeting workers that criticize his reform proposals

    Normal PHB behavior, nothing to see here, move along.

    We have all been on the receiving end of it.

  2. Blofeld's Cat


    Inspector: "So did you see the president leave the room after his meeting with the particle physicists?"

    Assistant: "No, but when I came in to get the post that was there."

    Inspector: "I take it there wasn't a temporal rift in here yesterday."

    Assistant: "Well there wasn't then, but there might be now."

    Inspector: "[sighs] Ah. [calls out] Sergeant - when you've finished dusting those broken hadrons for prints, ask Dr Freeman to step in here for a moment ... [glances across room] ... and tell him to bring a crowbar."

  3. Dr. G. Freeman

    Why would there be a rift in the post room ?

    It's on the wrong side of the cafeteria for a start.

    It just sounds like usual politics between us proper scientists who have the ideas and the Admin bods in suits who want to have their cut of the squillions these ideas could make.

    I half expect the EPO will come out with some garbage about everything having to go through them "for approval" or somesuch, so they can squeeze a few extra Euros/Fancs out of the process for themselves and their consultants.

  4. Stoneshop Silver badge

    When it comes to firing

    it would be CERN being the most capable, I think. Although it would be a few atoms at a time.

  5. lafnlab
    Thumb Up

    Particle Pros Protest Patent President

  6. DropBear

    Okay, exactly what kind of titanium-plated Kevlar-clad carbon fiber roots does this bozo have that he's basically immune to more or less everybody objecting to him? Is he the nephew of a Nigerian prince or what the hell? Who is his nuclear-proof support...?

    1. Hollerithevo

      Although I was a Remainer...

      I was a Remainer with a heavy heart, because it is exactly this sort of corrupt nonsense, with untouchable apparatchiks and no accountability, sucking up ££££, that made me vote to remain with 49% of me screaming 'noooooooooo'.

      1. pklausner

        Re: Although I was a Remainer...

        Feel with your screaming 49%, but: the EPO is _not_ the EU, it is an international organisation _like_ the EU. So actually, the Brexiteers did _not_ save you from King Batistelli.

  7. Milton

    The temporal rift that will have soon been gone there yesterday

    The humorous dialogue by Blofeld's Cat made me realise that it is, indeed, only a matter of time before the boffins from CERN come up with a machine to disapparate undesirables at long range and without trace. It'll probably be one of those serendipitous discoveries, like Dick Seaton's bath flying off into space: LHC will surprise and astonish!

    Now, I have some faith in scientists to exercise ethical good sense combined with logical ruthlessness, all in the interests of the long term benefit of humanity. Usually the worst character weaknesses of good scientists are ego and a spot of temper: they're not in a class with the, let's face it, basically criminal characteristics of politicians, who fester with lies, greed, cowardice, hypocrisy and stupidity. I guess I know which group I'd have more trust in, anyway.

    So I will be most happy, and consider my theory proven, as soon as a few a key events indicate that some little corner of LHC is being deployed for novel solutions to the world's problems:

    * Battistelli abruptly finds himself labouring in a deep coal mine in Inner Mongolia

    * All Scientologists are teleported to Epsilon Eridani V, to contest this frontier world's ownership with volcano-dwelling lizards (all of which are smarter than Tom Cruise)

    * Parliament's entire set of Conservative MPs are relocated as textile mill workers circa 1844

    * All grades above mid-management in major oil companies are reincarnated as seabirds

    * Donald Trump slowly vanishes, like the Cheshire Cat, fading until only his anus is visible, still talking ...

    Add your own wishlist here: I'm sure someone from CERN will take note ....

    1. Chris G

      Re: The temporal rift that will have soon been gone there yesterday

      As far Batty'sTelly is concerned, I think if Cern's boys could just manage to place a small black hole at the centre of his executive office chair, he would quickly find new horizons to occupy him.

  8. arctic_haze

    CERN just remembers the history of physics

    Where has Albert Einstein been employed while working on the relativity? Yes, the patent office.

    So if the head of the office used the behavior "worthy of the 19th century" in 1905, he would most probably find Einstein not efficient enough and fire him ending all chances of ever building THC.

  9. Terry Cloth

    Dear Pres. Battistelli: ICANN is holding a senior executive position open for you.

    They feel that you're just their type.

  10. Yes Me Silver badge

    Errm, The Register got it wrong again

    Sloppy reporting. It isn't CERN that's griping, it's the CERN Staff Association, the nearest thing to a trade union for CERN staff members. They are given space in the weekly bulletin, but CERN itself would never ever say such things about officials of another international organisation.

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