An opportunity arises!
I will market a Styrofoam "head" containing a simple sound chip with a looped sample burned in.
The "ears" will be speakers.
One simply places the headphones over the "head" and pressure-activated micro-switches turn the thing on, delivering unobtrusive-to-the-owner playback of "Hey Mickey" to the hackers, earworming them for their trouble.
The device will be completely and utterly airgapped since it will never need an upgrade over the web. Should the hackers ever develop an immunity to "Hey Mickey" (all-but impossible), a mail-in card will cause a new proprietary chip to be sent out that can be substituted for the original. This new chip will contain the subscriber's choice of "Sugar Sugar", "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep" or "Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes".
Premium subscribers can access nuclear options like "Da Da Da", "Two Little Boys", or "I Was Born Under A Wandrin' Star".