back to article Bong: Let me talk to Trump

The Mar-a-Lago Club is like the 1960s. If you can remember it, you weren't there. Let me be clear: I have no memory at all of any long, debauched evenings at the luxurious Miami mansion belonging to Donald J Trump. Not one. So that's cast-iron proof, if any is needed, of my uniquely close personal relations with America's new …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Entitled

    Not normally much of a fan but Government money is "ambient crowdsourcing" is tremendous.

  2. Voland's right hand Silver badge

    +1

    "please delete according to publication".

    Priceless.

  3. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Happy

    Brilliant!

    Just brilliant. Puts it all into perspective

  4. jonathan1

    Awesome!

    Oh that was very enjoyable, thanks for this light relief.

    "Government money is ambient crowdsourcing" is utter genius.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "please delete according to publication".

    Tis nice as an article. But how are we supposed to distinguish between this and satire?

    E.g. How many people here are aware that Boris "BullingdonBoy" Johnston had two Brexit articles written and ready to post, one pro and one anti? And that only one of them initially saw light of day, but inevitably in due course the 2nd one came out.

    "Delete according to publication" indeed. Or maybe "delete according to who's ahead in the polls"?

    http://news.sky.com/story/boris-johnson-vs-boris-johnson-brexit-arguments-for-and-against-10619817

  6. steve 124

    disappointed || appalled

    El Reg, please refrain from comments on our current election process whenever possible. It's obvious many of your editors have a leftist slant and I get enough of that crap from our own propaganda machine here in the states.

    I'd like to remind you that I didn't participate in your Brexit process and we (the colony) decided to remove your input from our political process over 200 years ago.

    I come here for tech, not politico.

    Thanks,

    The people of the United States of America.

    1. frank ly

      Re: disappointed || appalled

      "The people of the United States of America."

      Did you get to represent them as a result of a majority of the popular vote or was it an electoral college thing?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: disappointed || appalled

      ...you do realise the election's over, right? Whilst the Register's influence is nearly as pervasive as the FBI's this article is unlikely to affect the outcome of the vote.

      Meanwhile, we have every right to comment on the appointment of a moron to high office. Maybe its you who should embrace a bit of healthy iconoclasm back. You can start with Nigel Farage, Theresa May, Boris Johnson...

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: disappointed || appalled

      "It's obvious many of your editors have a leftist slant and I get enough of that crap from our own propaganda machine here in the states."

      There's not much to be done about this. First, it's Britain, a place even more left than New York City. Second, most tech experts are sadly underexposed to higher level political thinking (beyond the propaganda I mean). Couple that to the location and it's a perfect storm of Liberalism. Luckily most of the articles steer away from politics, because as you say, it's a "tech" site.

      Still, some of the commentors here have made me think a bit (and have pointed out my errors on occasion) and the rest are easy to dispose of. Mind you, it does mean you get downvoted a LOT, but I gauge my effect by those downvotes, not the upvotes, particularly when there are no responses other than downvotes.

      1. Duffy Moon

        Re: disappointed || appalled

        "it's Britain, a place even more left than New York City."

        You *do* know that we have a right wing government in the UK?

        1. phuzz Silver badge

          Re: disappointed || appalled

          "You *do* know that we have a right wing government in the UK?"

          It's right wing by UK standards, but that's pretty liberal by US standards.

          We have our National Health Service for fsck's sake! That's basically communism as far as the yanks are concerned!

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: disappointed || appalled

          "it's Britain, a place even more left than New York City."

          You *do* know that we have a right wing government in the UK?

          It's relative.

          Extreme left in Britain = Labour, Extreme Right = UKIP

          Far left in USA = progressive democrats aka "damn commies". Far-right, alt-right = Republicans ~ "Fascists"

          1. Geoffrey W

            Re: disappointed || appalled

            RE: "damn commies"

            Hey! Commies, and strong leaders (ie fascist dictators), are our friends now. President Elect Trump likes them so they can all come out from under the bed now.

        3. Long John Brass Silver badge
          Joke

          Re: disappointed || appalled

          @Duffy Moon

          "it's Britain, a place even more left than New York City."

          You *do* know that we have a right wing government in the UK?

          Yes but right-wing elsewhere in the world == raging commie in the US

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: disappointed || appalled

        "most tech experts are sadly underexposed to higher level political thinking"

        Is that the sort of thinking that led to Trump being elected? Higher level, you say? It's a different level, I'll grant you that; but I would dispute the "higher" part unless it's the sort of thinking that you have to be high to participate in.

        I think you'll find that tech experts come in all political flavours...if you have to generalise then tech experts tend to be pragmatists because fluffy promises of rainbows tomorrow aren't going to make your mailserver work.

      3. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

        Re: disappointed || appalled

        "... I gauge my effect by those downvotes, not the upvotes, particularly when there are no responses other than downvotes."

        Yeah, about that... I usually find "Le jeu ne vaut pas la chandelle." And that includes clicking the downvote button.

      4. steve 124

        Re: disappointed || appalled

        I agree John, I love getting down votes here because it means I got their goat. I think it's hilarious how Brits feel about Trump, hell I LOVE that Trump made it in. This is folks like me (yes, I'm a white middle aged man in America, and I've worked for everything I've got for over 30 years, from my first car to my nice house, and I started making minimum wage when it was $2.35/hr).

        I absolutely love this election. Unlike Europe, our kids may actually have to learn that nothing is free (from "free" school lunches, medical care, cell phones, housing compensation, etc.). This generation needs to learn that all these "free" things come out of my (and millions of middle class citizens like me) pockets and that the more they get for "free" the less I have left for me. And, unfortunately, they are going to learn what it means to run up the national credit card to $21 Trillion. Fortunately, I won't be around for the latter half of that payback, cause it's going to suck.

        So, yea, downvote the hell out of me... don't care. My guy won and these free loader 20 somethings are going to finally have to go out and work for the crap they want... just like I did. boo, freaking, whoo.

        (commence down vote bots)

        1. Geoffrey W

          Re: disappointed || appalled

          @ steve 124 "(commence down vote bots)"

          Not from me man. I like seeing someone with a bit of passion for politics. Basically you're saying "I'm a white man in the latter end of his life and I fucking hate those young bastards who keep invading my lawn and wanting me to give them something they just DON'T FUCKING DESERVE! And if they can't afford health care then its their own fault and they're going to die and America will be greater because of it."

          You hate someone and you voted to hurt them. Hey, its a firm opinion and I fully respect you for it. Too many are just so limp in what they believe now. Have an upvote. (Coz up/down votes are like polls, huh, and they're so reliable.)

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: " the more they get for "free" the less I have left for me."

          I don't suppose it's crossed your mind that the future of "middle class" folks like you and me (especially if they're a little younger) is just as much at risk as the future of young "working" class folks?

          In the US and the UK alike, it's now the rich vs the rest, and you, me and the rest of the 99% need to get that into our heads and keep it there.

          TLDR: Arithmetically speaking, how do tax cuts for corporates and the rich help anyone except the rich?

    4. Stevie Silver badge

      Re: disappointed || appalled

      Don't attempt to speak for me "Steve 124". I already have an annoying orange-skinned twat doing that and he isn't even the boss of me (in his own eyes) yet. I come here for all sorts of reasons.

      And to claim that "we" removed ourselves is to fall into the same trap as Don the Orange Raccoon when he speaks about "more than half the American People" loving him.

      Only half the electorate turned out to vote this time (making The Donald's mandate more like just over a quarter of the people, just like George the Second's was), and latest research suggests strongly that the whole 18th century independence thing was split Become A Nation | Stay British | Can't Be Arsed To Take A Position at about 33 1/3% | 33 1/3% | 33 1/3%.

      "The people of the United States of America" indeed.

    5. Geoffrey W

      Re: disappointed || appalled

      @steve 124 and others who agree with him...

      With my secret decoder ring I get "I voted for Trump. Stop dissing my man. He's good and really will make America great again. You'll see."

    6. Disk0
      Mushroom

      Re: disappointed || appalled

      If you can't stand the heat, don't set your kitchen on fire.

    7. Lars Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: disappointed || appalled

      "I come here for tech, not politico". Yes, but I think we can all agree that some rather exceptional "politico" has taken place on both sides of the pond. Some Americans claim the shit storm started with the "Brexit" while I would claim it started the moment Trump opened his mouth. Lots of loose talk and a disgusting rhetoric performed by altogether rather unpopular politicians on both "sides". Two divided people half of which feel they won and the rest who feel they lost, all hoping for the best one has to assume. What else is there to say but popcorn.

    8. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      Re: disappointed || appalled

      @steve 124

      Good News! You will not have to put up with the biased liberal media for much longer. Donald has promised to strengthen the libel laws and sew everyone who published everything that you did not like. As a foreign site, The Register - like ISIS - with be cut off from the Trumpernet. In just a few months, we will never have to put up with each other's comments again.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    only the odd few million dollars from our wealthy and successful fathers

    It's actually amazing that he didn't spend it all on coke, hookers, and hot cars.

    I know plenty of people from truly poor families who worked their way up. They're motivated. Rich kids, on the other hand: a bunch of slackers. Kudos to the Trumpster for breaking the mold.

    P.S. nice "heroes" image for a once. Made me laugh. :)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: only the odd few million dollars from our wealthy and successful fathers

      People believe Trump is a dissipated playboy, yet he made good in business (more or less) and now has become President Elect of the United States. Then there's his kids, who by all accounts reflect well on him.

      That ultra-lavish, highly publicized lifestyle Trump has maintained, I think, is primarily designed to make him LOOK successful, so that he will BE successful. In business, perception counts for a lot.

      1. Duffy Moon

        Re: only the odd few million dollars from our wealthy and successful fathers

        How many times does one have to declare bankruptcy before being considered unsuccessful? How much has he increased his initial fortune in real terms?

        1. steve 124

          Re: only the odd few million dollars from our wealthy and successful fathers

          LOL, I don't know Duffy. Let's see how many times the British Empire declares it in the next century and find out!

          ROFL... We just pulled the Trump card, on top of a Full House!

          Don't worry England, we'll bail you guys out once the immigrants start setting up camps for you guys.

          1. You aint sin me, roit

            Re: only the odd few million dollars from our wealthy and successful fathers

            "Don't worry England, we'll bail you guys out"

            Just a few comments above you were boasting about your 21 trillion dollar debt...

            Maybe Trump will declare the US bankrupt.

            1. Geoffrey W

              Re: only the odd few million dollars from our wealthy and successful fathers

              RE: "Maybe Trump will declare the US bankrupt"

              Hey, yeah. Declare the whole country bankrupt and void and start a new one! Somewhere offshore, obviously, and only the very best can live there. It'll be Great. He'll tell you. And skin colour will be important, but still to be decided. Start a University so you can learn how to be a citizen of the new state. Or even declare the whole planet void and raise his greedy eyes upwards. To the Stars!

              Note, I avoided any Trumpton/Trumpistan comments, except this one of course. They're so passe'.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: only the odd few million dollars from our wealthy and successful fathers

            LOL, I don't know Duffy. Let's see how many times the British Empire declares it in the next century and find out!

            ROFL... We just pulled the Trump card, on top of a Full House!

            Don't worry England, we'll bail you guys out once the immigrants start setting up camps for you guys.

            Please use coherent thoughts, you damn yankee

            [if you'd said Y'all you wouldn't have got the downvote]

        2. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

          Re: only the odd few million dollars from our wealthy and successful fathers

          Duffy Moon: How much has he increased his initial fortune in real terms?

          Donald has made a profit, but he would have got more by simply dumping all his money in the S&P 500. Donald is not a business man. He just plays one on TV.

          One of the few good decisions Donald made was not to follow his brother's example. Fred Trump Jr died of alcohol aged 43.

          Donald's has driven casinos into bankruptcy by billing them the expenses required to run his personal luxury jet. The bankruptcies have been a great success for Donald, but not for all the small investors he dumped on. The only thing we know for sure about his current debts are that he would rather have pussy grabbing, Cuba deals and Russia connections in the news than his tax returns.

      2. Hollerithevo

        Re: only the odd few million dollars from our wealthy and successful fathers

        I don't believe he is a dissipated playboy. I believe he is a crooked businessman who has been bailed out first by his father, then by his siblings, and then by Russians. I think he stiffs his contractors and that he is a liar, denying things we can even now see him say on video, uses his 'foundation' illegally to benefit himself, and is the friend of white supremacists and anti-Semites.

        But being that sort of person doesn't stop anyone from attaining high office. And high office does not confer the seal of moral probity on anyone. Perception is all, and a skilled demagogue, which he most certainly is, can appear to be a wonder-worker and genius to those who need to hear a certain message. He indeed has the 'looking successful' down pat; now we will see if he can be successful in running a country.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: only the odd few million dollars from our wealthy and successful fathers

          "he made good in business "

          As I understand things, his business method is to talk a venture up and then skip town with the money shortly before it craters; suing anybody who claims he owes them money afterwards. It's "making good" in the sense that he's escaped prison so far, I suppose, but wouldn't fit my definition of making good.

      3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: only the odd few million dollars from our wealthy and successful fathers

        "he made good in business"

        Are you saying it's untrue that he made a small fortune by starting out with a large one (fortune, that is)?

    2. phuzz Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: only the odd few million dollars from our wealthy and successful fathers

      If only there was someone who'd inherited loads of money from their hotel owning father, but who had worked hard and sensibly invested it?

      I can't think of anyone though...

  8. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
    Happy

    And yet...

    "The Communist Party does not fear criticism because we are Marxists, the truth is on our side, and the basic masses, the workers and peasants, are on our side."

    Speech at the Chinese Communist Party's National Conference on Propaganda Work (March 12, 1957), 1st pocket ed., p. 14.

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: And yet...

      Indeed.

    2. steve 124

      I can't tell if you're posting that to defend communism or not so let me just say... let's see how the Party is taking care of the People...

      http://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/chinas-smog-problem/

      This is what happens when you take the real people's voice away from government... Thank God for Democracy.

      1. Geoffrey W

        @steve 124

        And I can't tell what the heck it is you're saying, or think you're saying. You just voted in someone who believes in totally free markets and de-regulation of everything (or says he does) so that businesses can enjoy their frolic in the sun and do whatever they want and make this country great again; Whereas regulation by government is the only thing that keeps those businesses and people from making our air as bad as that of China. A decade of President Trump (yay Trump card and Full House!) will have us looking more like China, but with big gold plated buildings shining through the smog. It will smell like someone trumped.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Devil

    @steve 124

    Dont worry about it too much stevie!

    Its just the IYI chattering classes of the cities, they are completely lost as to what is happening so resort to sneering at the little people as they usually do.

    Its okay when the little Englanders or Americanders (?!) are the ones being thrown to the wolves but when they turn round (ultimately shown as the silent majority) demand to be heard, well it safe spaces & baby temper tantrums from the socialist socialites.

    They have their head shoves so far up their asses that when the sh#t does hit the fan they think its a nice fresh day. Honestly there is little point talking to them, may as well make fun of them and move on, leave them in their bewildered little world.

    1. Geoffrey W

      Re: @steve 124

      Self referential satire or complete lack of self awareness. My head is spinning...

  10. cd

    Steve, can you provide traction to our movement to rename our nation's capital city?

    We're thinking that Stockholm is appropo.

  11. Geoffrey W

    And may I add the observation here that President Trump is facing a dilemma as to how he proposes to look distinguished when making all those outdoor photo calls with the leaders of the world. Does he propose to keep that red baseball cap ensconced firmly on his noggin when outside with Merkel and Putin, or does he let those long flowing combed over tresses flap carefree and wild in the slightest breeze? He could opt for alternative head gear such as a trilby or a more statesmanlike topper but that doesn't really fit with his man of the people image. Its a problem I'm glad I don't face.

    Best wishes, Mr Trump.

    1. Geoffrey W

      And further...

      If I was a leader of the free world, and thank your god I'm not, I would be sorely tempted to have as many outdoor meetings with him as I could fit into a day.

      "Mr Trump! What a lovely day it is, to be sure. Instead of sitting in a stuffy board room why don't we have a picnic on the lawn!"

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        And obviously, you'd try and time it for windy days...and bring a helicopter anyway, just to be sure.

  12. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Pint

    Bong Steaks?

    Available exclusively through outlet at Silicon Roundabout

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyONt_ZH_aw

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