Married man arrives at A&E with wedding ring stuck on todger

A South African was forced to undergo rare penile strangulation surgery after slotting a wedding ring over his tackle that he was unable to pull off, according to a medical journal. The 28-year-old unnamed man decided the more traditional form of auto erotic asphyxiation just wasn’t for him and so decided to choke another part …

[AbelSoul]

Now that you've gone..

All that's left is a band of gold,

All that's left of the dreams I ho-old....

[Les Matthew]

Re: Now that you've gone..

That would be the alternate version by Freda Pain. :)

[GreggS]

Love is a burning thing

And it makes a firery ring. Bound by wild desire. I fell into a ring of fire.

[GreggS]

Re: Love is a burning thing

Or alternatively;

I hurt myself today

To see if I still feel

I focus on the pain

The only thing that's real

The needle tears a hole

The old familiar sting

Try to kill it all away

But I remember everything

[Anonymous Coward]

A wedding ring...

Either he's got really fat fingers or his wife is easily pleased.

Wonder how many thumbs up?

[chivo243]

Re: A wedding ring...

+1 as I wondered something along those lines.... And remembered the joke about big hands and big feet.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: A wedding ring...

Big shoes and gloves.

[Charlie Clark]

Re: A wedding ring...

I'd always thought this sort of thing was apocryphal but obviously not. If you really must try this kind of thing I believe you can get something called a "cock ring", which is slightly smaller than the average (53 mm according the condom manufacturers).

But, basically viagra in all its forms is what the pros use. Unless their worried about getting the gush.

I'm just off down the park…

[TopCat62]

Re: A wedding ring...

53mm?

That's circumference, right?

[Mutton Jeff]

Re: A wedding ring...

Thumbs up what?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: A wedding ring...

Obviously a "grower" not a "shower".

[BongoJoe]

Re: A wedding ring...

Wonder how many thumbs up?

Depends on up where, I suppose...

[AMBxx]

Doctor stories

One of the joys of having friends in the NHS is the never-ending list of similar stories.

Winced over the story involving a champagne flute - the chap had 'sat on it' accidentally.

[OldTimer1955]

Re: Doctor stories

A champagne flute? At least it wasn't a coupe.

[Arthur the cat]

Re: Doctor stories

One of the joys of having friends in the NHS is the never-ending list of similar stories.

Ditto. The one that's always stuck in the mind was the whole fish that was stuck elsewhere. Gills go in very easily but then open out when attempting removal.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Doctor stories

Bart's have an eyebrow raising selection of objects that have been inserted or otherwise ingested but the most worrisome one is a live anti aircraft munition.

An old colleague's mother worked as an A&E nurse for some time and was a fount of such stories but they tend to pale into mundanity after a while, there are only so many times a primary school teacher losing sex toys in their rectum is amusing. Unless she goes public in her local newspaper and warns other people as a public service

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Doctor stories

A nurse girlfriend in the 1970s told of the use of Babycham bottles.

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: Doctor stories

"Bart's have an eyebrow raising selection of objects that have been inserted or otherwise ingested but the most worrisome one is a live anti aircraft munition."

If they still have it and it's still live that really is worrisome.

[enormous c word]

Re: Doctor stories

:-) I always smile at the story of the guy who slipped in the shower and got his old Nokia stuck where the sun dont shine. Obviously it was a vibrating phone - once word got out, he was deluged with calls which was apparently quite off-putting during the removal *procedure*. I'm reminded of the old Dom Jolly / Trigger Happy TV routine - "Hello, I'm in the theatre. Yeah it's hands-free. No it's shit, gotta go, ciao"

[DrXym]

♬ Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh ♬

Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it

If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it

Don't be mad once you see that he want it

If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it

[M7S]

Ketamine - usually used as an equine sedative

Is there something here we're not being told? It might explain his difficulty pulling it off.

[AbelSoul]

Re: difficulty pulling it off

I see what you did there.

[Professor Clifton Shallot]

Apt

that El Reg made sure to include a link for "Tips and corrections" at the end of the article.

[Anonymous Coward]

"Escorted by his mother"

Oh dear. The sarcasm is never going to end for the poor sod.

[Anonymous Coward]

Mothers always think their children are mentally about three years old, even when you're in your thirties.

...which is how I ended up with a rather attractive doctor checking my prostate (ie a finger right up my arse) with my mum looking on, when I was aged twenty eight.

(it turned out to be appendicitis in case you were wondering)

[Commswonk]

Mothers always think their children are mentally about three years old,

In this case I suspect that she was probably right.

[Paul Crawford]

Come now! Everyone knows that men reach the age of 5, and then the bodies keep growing.

[Doctor Syntax]

"it turned out to be appendicitis in case you were wondering"

AIUI it's an accepted diagnostic technique for appendicitis.

[Montreal Sean]

@appendicitis

That's an unusual test for appendicitis isn't it?

Kinda like the A&E doc who did the same to me when I came in with a possible hernia...

When I later told my physician about it during a checkup, all he could say was "That was very thorough of him..."

[Mog_X]

Re: @appendicitis

Did you feel two hands on your shoulders when he did the examination?

[tiggity]

Maybe he was listening to Anita Ward

And misheard lyrics as "Ring my Bell (End)"

Just looked at my wedding ring diameter, either I have tiny Trump hands or ouch!

[Anonymous Coward]

On the recommendation of friends??

With friends like these who needs enemies!

[astrax]

Thankfully....

...it wasn't a Chinese finger trap.

[Pompous Git]

Thankfully, the oedema - fluid retention - subsidised and after three days of antibiotic use, the man made a full recovery.

I wonder how much the subsidy was.

[hi_robb]

This article reminds me...

That I haven't spokn to my South African friend for ages!

I think I'll give him a ring....

[hi_robb]

And...

I guess they'd done the "here comes the bride" bit and were now trying out the "here comes the groom"

[Haku]

A video recently surfaced on LiveLeak of the removal of a wedding ring from a Chinese man

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=038_1475133562

Probably best you don't watch it at work, or at all if you have any semblance of sanity...

[Anonymous South African Coward]

Looked at my fingers.

Looked at my ring.

Looked at my todger.

Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope

[Zebo-the-Fat]

Pink??

"successful attempt involved the man’s penis being punctured by a 20ml syringe and pink needle to release the stored blood."

Why a "Pink" needle does it just look nice or is it a technical term I have not heard of?

[Gnoitall]

Re: Pink??

IV needle gauge color code. A pink needle is a 20-gauge, a moderately fine needle good for drawing or for IVs in patients with fine veins.

See http://www.registerednursern.com/iv-gauge-needles/ for an explanation.

[Richard Scratcher]

Must have been a very small wedding ring...

...or am I missing something?

[Tikimon]

And he's the BIG one!

This guy gets his wee winky stuck in a wedding ring, so presumed small diameter. But consider that at least a few of his friends (plural!) were small enough to successfully do it and have fun doing so. I kinda pity the men and women of that area.

Of course, it's possible that they lied about having done it and merely pranked the guy...

[AOD]

Plonker!

Title says it all...

[Anonymous Coward]

The Vicar...

...Should've gone to Specsavers

[Ken Moorhouse]

Limpopo?

Are we really supposed to take this story seriously?

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Re: Limpopo?

@Ken Moorhouse

Are we really supposed to take this story seriously?

Of course. This is not Wikipedia. This is The Register, aka Willipedia, and publishers of "Bulgarian Airbags Monthly"

[Pompous Git]

Re: Limpopo?

Seiously, shouldn't that be Limpeepee?

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Re: Limpopo?

@Pompous Git

reminds me of Pee Pee and Po Po from Eurotrash

[Michael Thibault]

"The conclusion?"

This guy was unwittingly presenting impressive credentials for deserving marital shackles. Perhaps fortunately (mostly for, and courtesy, her), there's a little one in the picture already. Darwin is still right, though.

[J.G.Harston]

Removal of wedding ring in a rural area? So that's what they're calling it now.

[Anonymous Coward]

It won't be the first and it won't be the last time a wedding ring has took all the blood out of someones dick.

[Pat Harkin]

When I worked in A&E...

Every unit carried a ring cutter (unfortunate term in the circumstances) which looked a little like a tin opener (if you remember such frippery) - less than a tenner on eBay I'm surprised they needed an oscillating cutter - those things are bulky and harder to control.

[Medical Cynic]

All the E&E departments I've worked in have ring cutters available, which have a blunt bit to slide under the ring between gold and flesh, and a rotary cutter turned by hand to cut through the ring. I'm sure one of these would have worked. Possibly for a thick ring two cuts 180 deg apart would have been required.

[bombastic bob]

all they really needed to do...

all they really needed to do, to get his member 'small enough' to slip the ring off, would be to:

a) show him hot naked pics of radical feminists like Mrs. Clinton, Patricia Ireland, Gloria Steinam, etc.

b) a (naked?) pic of his wife after 30 years and 50 lbs have been added

c) a virtual reality "divorce court" simulation in which he's taken to the cleaners by multiple women making false claims against him and deliberately keeping their own personal income LOW so that HE must pay MORE (and pay ALL of the attorney's fees on top of it).

yeah, THAT'll make your penis pucker!