Birmingham sperm bank pulls plug after just a handful of recruits

The UK's only NHS sperm bank has stopped recruiting donors after a trawl for men prepared to schlep to Birmingham to make a deposit turned up a mere handful. The National Sperm Bank, based at the National Gamete Donation Trust and Birmingham Fertility Centre, at Birmingham Women's Hospital, was launched two years ago with a …

[Swarthy]

This is almost Guillbert & Sullivan quality

The main thing I pulled from this article is that London (and the South-East) is populated by a bunch of Wankers.

Nice! Although that observation my rub some the wrong way, I appreciate the effort El Reg went through to bash this one out.

[TRT]

Re: This is almost Guillbert & Sullivan quality

The Donors of Dudley? NHS Pull-em-more? The Spunkado?

Dear sirs, won't you fill a cup, pull it and fill a cup,

Don't worry, we'll never tell why,

But sirs won't you fill a cup, pull it and fill a cup,

Sweet little fill a cup.

I've snuff and whack-thwacky, and excellent jack-off-y,

I've scissoring, watching, and naives;

I've big ones, all races, coming on faces

Of pretty young sweethearts and wives.

I've treacle on toffee, I've cream in the coffee,

Soft tummies and succulent cocks;

I've choked chickens and grannies, and pretty punanies,

And excellent pearl necklace drops.

Then buy from these filled up cups - not dear are these little cups;

Sailors should never be shy;

So, buy from these filled up cups - not dear are these little cups;

Come - are these filled up cups by!

[frank ly]

Missed opportunity

"But two years on, it had only pulled in seven accredited donors – and one of them has since pulled out, according to a report on the BBC."

Couldn't you have worked 'pulled off' into that sentence?

[Preston Munchensonton]

Re: Missed opportunity

Surprised that "pulled in" wasn't "sucked in". Surely, more context appropriate, no?

[Mark 85]

Re: Missed opportunity

I think it depends... "pull out" in some places is an acceptable but unreliable form of birth control. Nice play on words by BBC I thought.

[Alister]

Re: Missed opportunity

It should have been:

"Birmingham sperm bank tugged after just a handful of recruits"

or:

"Birmingham sperm bank shafted after just a handful of recruits"

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: Missed opportunity

I think "pulled out" after two years on the job was probably quite a relief for the poor sod. Only £35 for that?

[paulf]

Re: Missed opportunity

""Once you have a donor at least 70 per cent along the process, you have income, she said."

I would have thought that once you have a donor 70% along the process they're almost at the vinegar strokes and a deposit is imminent?

[Anonymous Coward]

Spelling Error

It's spelled Wanker not Banker !

[Lodgie]

Re: Spelling Error

Nah mate, it's cockney rhyming slang son.

[Martin Summers]

Obviously people couldn't give a toss

[Halcin]

Anonymity

The lack of success is hardly surprising. The shortage of suitable wankers started the moment a change in the law removed any guarantee of anonymity.

[Dazed and Confused]

Re: Anonymity

And once the CSA realised they could hunt you down, that's 200 kids and they can all claim half of your income...

Have a nice day

[paulf]

Re: Anonymity

Not just that but AIUI they removed the right to anonymity retrospectively so those who donated in the past under the promise of anonymity had that removed long after the fact. In my book that major shift represented a significant breach of trust so it's no wonder they're short of donors.

[Chris G]

Hand crafted

Perhaps if the Deposits department had the right kind of attendants who could assist the donors.......

[cantankerous swineherd]

shame this story didn't have a happy ending.

[Ole Juul]

"a business way of thinking"

"Once you know you've got income in the pipeline, you can use that to offset costs."

He took a course.

[TitterYeNot]

Re: "a business way of thinking"

"He took a course."

And has now also learned that the term 'money shot' doesn't mean quite what he thought it did...

[John Smith 19]

NHS spunks £77K on sperm bank.

Oh dear.

[J.Smith]

It was just a flash in a pan.

[Anonymous Coward]

Humm

"Once you have a donor at least 70 per cent along.."

Yea, when I'm at least 70% along, I'm pretty much committed.

[Anonymous Coward]

As a young man I could find something fap-worthy most anywhere

But Birmingham? That would have to be "gråtrunka"

[Anonymous Coward]

Children are noisy and they smell

They are also the biggest single bad thing you can inflict on the environment with their lifelong carbon dependant existence.

I would rather spill it over the floor/bed/tissue than give someone who denies natural selection (of fertile potential parents) a chance at killing my world some more because "my biological clock is ticking" .... Get a f**king cat.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Children are noisy and they smell

Shame your parents didn't think like that..

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Children are noisy and they smell

Thank you Jeremy.

Could you please remove yourself from this planet the day you retire, as it will be our kids funding the rest of your miserable existence,

Thanks.

[Anonymous Coward]

I misunderstood...

The cute nurse indicated that I should sit in the chair. She then placed the container on the shelf, and told me to deposit my emission into the container. Then she left. I totally misunderstood. It took me over four hours and 17 tries before I finally managed to get a shot into the container on the shelf.

[Anonymous Coward]

Ah, to never have that conversation.

Mummy who was daddy?

Some wanker from Birmingham.

[Anonymous Coward]

Sperm bank ... a handful of recruits

I see what you did there.

[x 7]

Last time I was at New St station I was chatting to a young nurse who asked me if I came there often. Now I think I understand what she was getting at............

[TRT]

The far bigger waste...

was the £1.2m spent setting up a wrist injury clinic next door.

[TheProf]

Sticky fingers

' In the UK, sperm donors are paid a set sum of £35 a visit ...... While private sperm banks charge in the region of a grand for a single withdrawal '

Outrageous! These people are just profiting off the creams.

[magickmark]

Re: Sticky fingers

Or even creaming off the profits?

[Leeroy]

Cut out the middle man

You can have mine for free and it only takes a few minutes !

[Montreal Sean]

The NHS failed.

Failed to take matters firmly enough in hand.

[magickmark]

Fap Fap

"In the UK, sperm donors are paid a set sum of £35 a visit" not exactly splashing out then!!

[TRT]

Re: Fap Fap

It's a reasonable wad to spend.

[hi_robb]

Hmm

Please don't come again soon.

[Anonymous Coward]

Birmingham sperm bank pulls plug

After thirsty employee drinks it dry.

[Anonymous Coward]

Bob Monkhouse classic...

The sperm bank had to close because out of the seven 'donations', 4 came on the bus and 3 missed the tube :)

[Anonymous Coward]

Wow £35 a deposit, ive been throwing away money hand over fist... But seriously, £35 is a joke, considering half of that is likely transport cost to get you there in the first place...

[LINCARD1000]

Not sure about the UK...

...but here in NZ, although the eventual resulting ankle-biters have the legal right to find out who said depositor is should they be interested, however the depositor doesn't have any financial or familial responsibility.

So yeah, the brats can find out who "daddy" really is, but "daddy" is under no legal obligation to have anything to do with them, and that includes meeting them in person.

Terminator icon because something to do with kids and dead parents or something. I don't know, gimme a freakin' break.

[wolfmeister]

heh heh. Birmingham, well i'm surprised. Back in the day if you lived near brum, a common saying was:

"Why did God invent the orgasm"? - "So people from Birmingham would know when to stop"