back to article You're fired (into space)! Trump tops Martian ejaculation poll

Donald Trump is Reg readers’ top candidate for firing to Mars according to a record poll result. The Reg last week offered you the chance to get rid of that certain somebody in your life by electing them for passage one of Elon Musk’s rockets to the red rock. Chances of coming back from that 55 million km trip? Not so much. …

  1. Buzzword

    that 546km trip

    A mere 546km would get you from London to the Scottish border. Even Trump could manage to find his way back from there.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: that 546km trip

      "A mere 546km would get you from London to the Scottish border."

      But not if it was vertical. And think of the savings on take off weight and life support.

      Incidentally, why no love for:

      Elizabeth Holmes

      Martin Shkreli

      and Binyamin Netanyahu?

      Personally I think they'd trump Trump any day.

      1. Alan Brown Silver badge

        Re: that 546km trip

        If you saved some weight by not including life support (or enough fuel to circularise the orbit) you could launch them all and have a nice lightshow afterwards.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: that 546km trip

      Maybe they mean the rocket will make it 546km into its flight. If that's the case then 1km is plenty.

  2. Anonymous Coward

    Let the hate flow...

    If you could freely murder just one person, who would it be?

    1. hplasm

      Re: Let the hate flow...


    2. adnim

      Re: Let the hate flow...

      To be honest no one... However, I would very much like karma to precise and near instantaneous.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Let the hate flow...

      Who says it would be murder? Trump thinks he's such a genius and he knows more about ISIS than the generals do, so I'm sure thinks he knows more about rockets and Mars than NASA does. If you asked him he'd tell you if he was sent to Mars he could survive there and make Mars great again!

      1. Roq D. Kasba

        Re: Let the hate flow...

        We're honoured that you're sharing your great intellect with us by inspecting the rocket before the team get in there. To do it properly, you'll need to pull this door closed. No, of course there's no way it can take off without everyone in mission control office switching their keys all together

    4. The Wild Tomcat

      Re: Let the hate flow...

      The person Trump says he could shoot in the middle of Fifth Ave without losing any votes.


    5. Lars Silver badge

      Re: Let the hate flow...

      It's not hate it's disgust and I endorse this video,

      and the Fox version here.

  3. Paul Cooper

    Better be the same sex as the winner - we don't want them breeding!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Clinton's too old to have more children...

  4. graeme leggett Silver badge


    "The sneering former tabloid editor said once he’d rather be hated than ignored by you, so his wish has granted"

    And having dumped his unpleasantness on Mars, we would find it easier to ignore him. The signal delay alone would prevent him being asked to contribute his (worthless) opinions in interviews on TV or radio programmes.

    1. MJI Silver badge

      Re: Piers Moron

      The first well know person to be thumped by Clarkson

  5. Bloodbeastterror

    I'm glad to see Blair made the list... For me, the personification of selfish moneygrubbing evil.

  6. Potemkine Silver badge

    Piers Morgan

    Who's that guy?

    1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

      If you don't know then cherish your ignorance and don't let anyone tell you...

  7. Halcin

    No Mixed Gender Groups!!

    Do you really want people like Morgan & Hopkins to become the Adam & Eve of a Martian race??

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: No Mixed Gender Groups!!

      What Martian race? Barsoomian white apes?

  8. From the States

    Boris Johson?

    Get the editor an extra cup of coffee - stat!

  9. Your alien overlord - fear me

    If we sent Trump, people would think Martians are orange and not green.

    1. kain preacher

      no Marv would try and blow the earth up.

    2. xehpuk

      No use to send Trump to Mars. Putin would fly over and get him back.

  10. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    Ok, as long as Musk goes along as well

    Just to keep things orderly on his spacecraft.

  11. Stoneshop

    Trump's ego

    is too big for Mars, and by an utterly coincidental and fortuitious error* the craft that Trump is in will be directed to Jupiter instead.

    * actually, not much of an error, but it will be found to be the same AI that blew up the Facebook satellite recently.

  12. John Smith 19 Gold badge

    Tough call for 2nd seat. So many worthy candidates for a 140 m mile one way trip.

    But I'll go with Murdoch.

    Most of the politicians on that list are trying to pander to an agenda his media outlets (let's not call them "newspapers" shall we? And outlet sounds like sewage outfall, which seems quite appropriate) have created and shaped over the last 50 years.

    Like a slow growing tumor.

  13. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge

    Yes, if

    When you said "Mars" you really meant "Sun."

  14. JustNiz

    George Soros

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    Send the results to Trump

    He is such an idiot, he will probably trumpet them publicly, - never understanding it is not honour.


  16. Elmer Phud

    Read that wrong

    I thought I read it as being a mass being aimed at the surface of Mars for ejecta experiments.

    Why waste on life-support?

  17. Anonymous Coward

    Trump for president!

    Trump for president!

    Trump for president!

    Trump for president!

    Let's make Merica fkin gr8 agin!

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Marissa did worse. In yet another success story for feminism, a lawsuit filed by a former employee claims her and her all star female crew discriminated against men at Yahoo and actively promoted women at the expense of men. No wonder the purple palace is on the verge of collapse.

  19. CanadianMacFan

    Please no

    I'd hate to think that in a 1,000 students of history would be hearing about the great pioneer Trump and how he risked his life along with Clinton (or whoever else) to become the first people on Mars. Everything else will have probably gotten lost as storage mediums change, file formats change, files get deleted accidentally, storage units (hard drives, discs, crystals, etc) get misplaces, etc. They won't remember that Trump is lower that stuff a dung beetle cringes at when it walks on it.

  20. Chris Hunt

    News just in..

    The martians are building a wall...

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