back to article FT journo roasts channel leaders for spouting bullshit

The great and the good of the channel were chastised and chided at Channels Forum this week, as Financial Times management columnist Lucy Kellaway called on them to lay off the bullshit and waffle for the sake of humanity. FT associate editor Kellaway told the closing session at the Canalys Channels Forum that the tide of …

  1. cbars Bronze badge

    That is amazing

    Wan Long. Legend.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If Kimi Räikkönen was in business he'd be Wan Long :-)

    I once got into trouble for saying to a mobile telco "What's all the fuss about? You basically just sell air time".

    1. kmac499

      I once told a bunch of bankers that all they did, was rent money to a people for more than they rented it from other people. They were not impressed.

  3. EvilGardenGnome

    Obfuscation is as obfuscation does

    Passion actually means any strong emotion. The relation strictly to lust is a modern addition.

    As a tech worker, I can definitely say I feel passionate about my job and employer. It most definitely is not on the love/lust end of that continuum.

    1. James Wilson

      Re: Obfuscation is as obfuscation does

      Indeed. I searched a few online dictionaries just to be sure. Of course in the room that wasn't available to them, so her strategy worked, but if she did that to me I'd be ready to call her on anything she came up with any subsequent times we met. If you're going to be pedantic it helps to be right.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Obfuscation is as obfuscation does

        Yes, you can hat with a passion, just to give one example.

        Having said which it's fair comment to say all this "we're passionate about service delivery" stuff is BS.

        1. phuzz Silver badge
          Paris Hilton

          Re: Obfuscation is as obfuscation does

          "you can hat with a passion"

          In the privacy of your own home, what you and your millinery get up-to is your own business, but I don't think the elReg forums is the place to bandy it about, do you?

          >>>>>> Paris, because she knows how to keep things behind closed doors.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Obfuscation is as obfuscation does

          Do particular kinds of hats take your fancy, or did you perhaps mean "hate"?

      2. Fred Dibnah

        @ James Wilson

        Unable to search online? Yep, that sounds like a tech conference.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Obfuscation is as obfuscation does

      Indeed, thesauruses at dawn. Just take a gander at all the synonyms for passion, and the speaker was a journalist? I have my suspicions. Though I agree with the thrust of the argument.

      1. Alfred

        Thesauri at dawn

        It is an error to take synonyms listed in a thesaurus as being identical in meaning, particularly in the English language.

        As an example, the typical thesaurus lists "evidence" and "proof" together.

  4. Detective Emil
    Thumb Up

    Where can I get a full transcript?

  5. Buzzword

    Etymological fallacy

    No, that's not what "passionate" means. I've made it a habit to stop reading at the first mistake, since it casts doubt on everything that follows.

    1. kend1

      Re: Etymological fallacy

      > I've made it a habit to stop reading at the first mistake, since it casts doubt on everything that follows.

      Found your habit to be a mistake.

      Its easy to skip over what one believes to be false and continue reading for learning purposes. I submit errata for book typos and mistakes in published code samples.

    2. Tony Haines

      Re: Etymological fallacy

      That's kind of what I thought.

      //any dictionary will tell you that passion means “either a strong sexual attraction or the suffering of Jesus Christ on the cross.”//

      Except that it turns out that according to any dictionary - i.e. - the first meaning of passionate is:

      having, compelled by, or ruled by intense emotion or strong feeling

      She was close with sexual desire because meaning 2:

      easily aroused to or influenced by sexual desire; ardently sensual.

      And there were three other options all similar to (1). Jesus wasn't mentioned.

      1. Dan 55 Silver badge

        Re: Etymological fallacy

        Did you scroll down?

        11. (often initial capital letter) Theology.

        a. the sufferings of Christ on the cross or His sufferings subsequent to the Last Supper.

        b. the narrative of Christ's sufferings as recorded in the Gospels.

        12. Archaic. the sufferings of a martyr.

        1. Tony Haines

          Re: Etymological fallacy

          Actually Dan I did - and I just checked; what you include is not present on the page I'm looking at (

          Possibly you're using a different dictionary?

          Nevertheless, even if we accept the archaic Christian meaning for the sake of argument[1], it seems disingenuous to claim that and sexual attraction as the only meanings.

          [1] Which we're not obliged to do, since she invited us to refer to any dictionary.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Etymological fallacy

      I'll take your habit and raise you a top hat.

  6. Whitter

    Not tech, just management

    Her criticisms and indeed examples do not demonstrate her declared target.

    Not that the tech industry isn't full of them, but not because it is the tech industry.

  7. Naselus

    There's an old saying

    A genius makes the complex seem simple. An idiot makes the simple seem complicated.

    There's not a lot of geniuses at the executive end of tech right now.

    1. ecofeco Silver badge

      Re: There's an old saying

      Perfect saying.

  8. The Godfather


    I like this woman....totally agree that much of what is said is utter bullshit.

  9. User McUser

    See also - Mission Statement

    Track 8 of Weird Al's "Mandatory Fun" album.

    Lyrics here for reference.

  10. m0rt

    16 years ago, whilst working for a tech company breaking (and the company did break on the shores of failed dreams) into the weird and wonderful world of Paper manufacturing, there were a raft of dot coms spouting nonsense. I pointed out to the powers that be at the time that if you were going to do a press release, write it in a concise, practical, and above all, readable fashion. That way, people would remember what you said because they could understand that.

    Here are some examples I have just looked up for the hell of it. It is hilarious:

    SAP: Run Simple to Improve People’s Lives

    REALLY? SAP? Famous in IT for really complicated integrations that run overtime and budget enough to even make Governments take not..maybe they should try SAP: We won't kill you.

    Google: organize the world's information and make it universally accessible and useful

    What happened to just Don't be Evil? Leaned the error of your ways? They should try: Google - we index your life so we can help others sell you stuff.

    Apple....I searched. Saw a few things that have been attributed to them. Their own site seems to highlight Diversity Leads to Innovation. All very PC and nice and lovely. Not overly convinced about the innovation site of things, just more what can be acheived with a CEO that is so focused with a vision can push through (Jobs, this is) and a designer who copied Dieter Rams. Then you get this:

    "We believe that we’re on the face of the Earth to make great products, and that’s not changing. We’re constantly focusing on innovating. We believe in the simple, not the complex. We believe that we need to own and control the primary technologies behind the products we make, and participate only in markets where we can make a significant contribution."

    Apple should try: Apple - because you like Shiny,

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Crazy People?

      1. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

        Re: Crazy People

        For those who do not get the reference.

    2. Allan George Dyer

      "We’re constantly focusing on innovating." - so their autofocus is broken, and all the innovation is fuzzy?

    3. Naselus

      "Diversity Leads to Innovation"

      Really? From Apple? A company which doesn't even like you using cables from other suppliers?

    4. nematoad


      "We believe that we need to own and control the primary technologies behind the products we make..."

      "And the products themselves and the users and the whole bloody ecosystem. It's just that we don't like to talk about it."

      Just ask anyone at El Reg about getting a quote from Apple on anything.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So how does she describe a journalist's job?

    > Wan Long, who in an FT profile, declared with exquisite brevity: “What I do is kill pigs and sell meat.”

    Journalism: filling the gaps between the adverts.

  12. itzman

    I remember Lucy Kellaway.

    She is a hoot.

    Some very smart ladies at the FT. Isabella Kaminski. And the one who now runs half the paper whose name escapes me.

    1. TheOtherHobbes

      Re: I remember Lucy Kellaway.

      Gillian Tett?

      Agree about the FT. Some very smart, sharp people. Kellaway can be hilarious.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm passionate ....

    I've been up all night shaggin' my PC up it's peripherals.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I'm passionate ....

      in my experience it's generally connecting the peripherals to the PC that fucks me

  14. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

    Try this in a political pundry meeting and see what happens

    6 goons jump you, tazed, dragged out of the room (even if "differently abled"), be accused of anti-semitism and not strong for Israel, possibly weak on feminism and being a racist to boot, upon which Only Black Lives Matter declares open season on your family.

    Then the pundit declares "this is not who we are"!

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