back to article TRUMP: ICANN'T EVEN! America won't hand over internet control to Russia on my watch

Just when you thought discussion over the transition of the internet's technical functions couldn't get any more ridiculous, here comes Donald Trump. "Trump opposes President Obama's plan to surrender American internet control to foreign powers," reads a press release put out by the Trump campaign on Wednesday, as senators …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tj9M34DzAKo

    Can't wait, believe you me. Its going to be huuuuggggeee!!!!

    1. VinceH

      Bah. I want to upvote you for the clip from The Dead Zone, but downvote you for the daft comment - so on balance, you get neither.

      Handy clip to link to when the subject of using biometrics for security crops up again, though.

  2. wx666z
    Go

    The clip is safe,neither Trump or Clinton involved

    Classic movie from the '80s clip...

  3. Bloodbeastterror

    Are you Americans seriously not embarrassed at how this absurd buffoon has made it this far...? Really...?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      not yet

      Top comment above from a Yank and if he wins maybe I am embarrassed though more terrified. I am not embarrassed because I belong to neither of the two categories in this meme which is so far the only people he has won over, fooled, etc.

      https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XSw-VvSj--/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/xls9rkjo06pnpnjivacr.jpg

      1. shanejoel

        Re: not yet

        A Yank. lol you guys still mad about the war for independence?

        1. Version 1.0 Silver badge

          Re: not yet

          I think it's a safe bet that had Trump been around in the mid 1700's, he would have been firmly pro-business, and for States Rights... and would have fired Washington as a big government lackey and promptly lost the war.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: not yet

          We got revenge for that on the 24th of August, 1814. So now we're even.

    2. shanejoel

      A good portion of us tire of the wussified emasculated society we now live in. Trump is his own worst enemy in that he does not articulate well, but in the end, his decisions, such as not letting muslims over run the country as Europe is in the process of doing are sound and correct. The US is completely unrecognizable from when I was young, and not in a good way. I cannot stand the popularity contest that is our political system, and it will matter little who gets in as we swirl around here 20 trillion in admitted debt that can never be paid back thanks to both parties of our infiltrated, and treasonous government.

      1. goodjudge

        "The US is completely unrecognizable from when I was young, and not in a good way"

        I believe the Navajo, Sioux, Cree etc. where saying the same thing 150 years ago...

    3. Lars Silver badge

      @ Bloodbeastterror

      Careful there, are you Brits seriously not embarrassed at how those absurd buffoons has made Brexit possible, and I trust the Americans not to elect Trump.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        America wouldn't take Mexico and Canada meddling in its affairs, why should Britain let the EU meddle in hers?

  4. kain preacher

    We are praying after the election ever one will forget about him.

    1. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

      Whether or not he wins?

      1. kain preacher

        I mean after he loses.

        1. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
          Happy

          Understood, but I found the idea of him winning and then being forgotten anyway amusing enough

    2. sabroni Silver badge

      re: We are praying after the election ever one will forget about him.

      Stop praying and organise to stop him, because from where I'm sitting it looks like he's getting a free pass to spread bullshit while Clinton is still expected to act like a presidential candidate. Trump will be president if you aren't very careful.

  5. Yes Me Silver badge
    Angel

    Me too

    "President Obama's plan to surrender American internet control to foreign powers"

    I would be against that too, if it existed.

  6. A Ghost
    Mushroom

    All hail the new Golden Don!

    Trump is going to be the next President of the United States, no matter what you think.

    He always was. It was set in stone a few months back.

    And the shock will be massive to you, because you just didn't see it coming, listening to all the leftard bullshit.

    Trump represents a new age - a turning point. He represents the little man, the average man, the real man. The men that are prepared to fight and to go to war, unlike posers and leftards that can only post comments on a forum and call it activism.

    This is why Trump will win:

    His supporters are more numerous than your particular pet. They are better looking. They are smarter. They are better traveled and more worldly wise. They are richer and more independent. They are not weak and are self-reliant.

    They subscribe to family values, seeing cultural marxism and little georgie sorrows's foundations for what they are: A direct attack on the nuclear family with the bullshit promotion of lgbtaqasfu rights.

    Well, this is where it gets interesting, and this happens to also coincide with the point y'all have not being paying attention about: blacks, the poor, the gays, the queers, all luuuuurve Trumpy baby, and they will vote for him. And they will vote for him in greater numbers than fucking broken crooked hillary - a fucking warmonger and cunt of the highest order.

    America will be made great again. And Trump is the man to do it.

    And America will keep all its guns, and it will keep their inalienable rights and amendments, because they see how we have been so sorely fucked here in Europe, with grown men turned into fucking pussies that don't have the bollocks to even post a fucking comment on a Register article.

    They won't let that happen. You will NOT take the guns off the Americans. You will have to pry them out of their cold dead hands. Because, just to reiterate, they do not want to end up as the fucking totalitarian hell-hole that is the uk, france, germany, where fucking words are illegal, where fucking thought is illegal, where asking a fucking question is illegal.

    You see, fellow Europeans, this is the difference between us and them. They are not fucking pussies like the rest of you. They are prepared to give their lives. You won't even post a comment of a forum

    So, mock all you like, name call and 'can't even' as much as you like, like the little bitches you are.

    Donald Trump - The Golden Don - The Donald - is going to be the next President of the United States of America. The greatest fucking country on Earth. The only free country left on Earth. And you will cry, you will be posting little snarks about it in the Guardian in a years time. Can't even. That's right. You fucking can't even.

    This was set in stone a few months back by the way. It was a foregone conclusion. I advise you all to jump on the Trump Train: DON'T BE A CHUMP - SUPPORT THE TRUMP!

    It just goes to show, what a false sense of security you have all been led into. Oh, and btw, Jeremy Corbyn has a much chance of being the next Prime Minister of England, as Shrillary Crooked Clinton has of being the next President.

    There's a change a-coming.

    There's something going on here Mrs. Jones, but you don't know what it is, do you?

    Clinton is going down. The dynasty is over. The Bush's are going down - another dynasty over with. And you don't even see that as a good thing, the simpleton fuckwits y'all are. Brainwashed, truly brainwashed.

    The IT field and the nerds have lost all respect from the common man. You have no will to power. You can not fight - you are impotent. You don't even have the fucking bollocks to post a fucking message on a forum when May and her Tory Stasi spy on you and data rape you to hell and back. Scared of the Police probably. Laughing stock. That is what you are.

    America leads the way in freedom. It is the greatest country in this world, and not one other country will fuck with them. And now they have a new truly Glorious Leader - his name is: Donald Trump.

    All hail the Golden Don!

    This is the dawning of a new age.

    The beautiful, the black, the clever, the brave, the queer, the cool - this is our time now. You had yours, you fucked it up. Now it's time to put things right. There can only be one man to lead us in that job.

    The Donald.

    Dr. T.

    The Golden Don.

    Pretty soon, it is going to start hitting home to you, just how much you leftards have been lied to, and you will be angry. Most of you will displace that anger by turning on your own, turning on yourselves even. But enough of you will come around and join our side: The Right Side. There can be no other.

    History is on our side, my friends.

    All hail Pepe. The frog that refused to be boiled.

    Top Kek.

    Yes, things have been 'interesting', but they are about to get 'exciting'.

    And you don't know what the difference is, do you? Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Jones...

    Well you are about to find out. I really can't wait to see the look of shock on your faces. After you have been warned and warned and warned, after you had the internet at your disposal but chose to live in an echo chamber.

    We are the beautiful, the brave, the black, the bisexuals, the best of men and women.

    What a time to be alive.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      Can i have what you just smoked?

    2. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      I don't even know which vote button to press on this one

      1. Poncey McPonceface

        Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

        > I don't even know which vote button to press on this one

        I clicked both just in case. Godammit I don't want to vote the wrong way on the internets.

        If that was satire, by Jesus it was on the _nose_. And if it wasn't, God help us all. If it was meant to be deliciously ambivalent, well played!

    3. veti Silver badge

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      Next time someone asks me about Poe's Law, I'll point them to this post.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      Another reason not to vote for trump.

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      Y'all better get used to saying "President Trump."

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

        >Y'all better get used to saying "President Trump."

        Even if he wins he will quickly tire of governing because that is real work and probably let Pence take over not even six months in. Can't fly to NY every night when you are POTUS.

      2. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

        Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

        Nah, it will 'El Presidente Trumpo' for me. After all, he is acting more and more like a dictator (south american type) every day.

        He is totally delusional if he really things that the Mexican Government will pay for his Great Wall. They won't.

        1. Lars Silver badge

          Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

          'El Presidente Trumpo'. hmm I think he's more like here:

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FPrJxTvgdQ

          The problem with that guy is that he never grew out of puberty, and a rich father, doesn't happen to all rich kids by any means, but with him it just vent that way.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

        >Y'all better get used to saying "President Trump."

        It'll never get old - in British English trump means fart - it's a delicious irony, doubtless lost over there on both counts.

        1. veti Silver badge

          Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

          No, we'll never get used to saying "President Trump".

          Sniggering it, maybe. Sobbing, perhaps. Chortling, for sure. But saying?

          Not gonna happen.

    6. Winkypop Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      Hmmm,

      7/10 for sheer volume (tl;dnr all of it)

      2/10 for accuracy

      1/10 for use of a Poe.

      Needs slightly more nut-jobery!

      Have you ever considered investing in river-based NY infrastructure

      1. MrDamage Silver badge

        Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

        >"Needs slightly more nut-jobery!"

        I wouldn't mind a bit more nut-jobery right now myself.

        Fnar fnar.

    7. smartypants

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      "America will be made great again"

      ...by being led by a dangerous idiot - a man who seems literally incapable of understanding anything and is surrounded by people for whom truth is not just unimportant but something to be bulldozed through?

      I can't think of a man more unsuited to fill the shoes of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln than Trump. He is so unsuited to office, and so shameful a choice for leader, that even past presidents of both sides are disgusted at the possibility.

      This isn't 'leftard' thinking. If you don't hold the truth to be dear, then there is no way to measure right from wrong and you may as well start clapping the next aid worker bombing mission.

    8. Roger Kynaston Silver badge

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      FoTW? I know that it isn't complete gibberish in terms of grammar but ...

      You have brightened up a drab Thursday and for that I thank you Sir.

      1. Dr. Mouse

        Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

        I'm REALLY hoping that comment was a joke...

    9. Dan 55 Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      Where's the Joke Alert icon? I can't tell if you're serious or not with the nuclear war mushroom cloud mutual assured destruction and mass death icon.

    10. Yesnomaybe

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      For real? Or is that post cleverer than we give it credit for? I mean: As a spoof it is spot-on!

    11. Olius

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      This might be one of the finest pieces of satire I've ever read.

      Are you Craig Brown?

    12. Tom Paine

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      Magnificent satire! You should work this character up into a newspaper column or suchlike.

    13. Bernard M. Orwell

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      " He represents the little man, the average man, the real man."

      I am still laughing, mate! Best troll post ever!

    14. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      Family Values AND anti Muslim ... now please remind me, is he on wife number three, or four?

    15. Mooseman Silver badge

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      "Trump represents a new age - a turning point. He represents the little man, the average man, the real man. The men that are prepared to fight and to go to war, unlike posers and leftards that can only post comments on a forum and call it activism."

      So Trump represents the average little billionaire?*

      Good to see the usual extreme right wing BS advertising itself by the key words "fucking pussies".

      " the fucking totalitarian hell-hole that is the uk, france, germany, where fucking words are illegal, where fucking thought is illegal, where asking a fucking question is illegal."

      Yes, damn our totalitarian hell hole where morons like you can spout uninformed bollocks on internet forums without fear of consequence. Idiot.

      *assuming he ever proves it of course

    16. GrumpenKraut
      Trollface

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      Holy Golden Troll! I admit that I initially took that serious. Good one! ----- you ----->

    17. Hollerithevo

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      Awesome! I laughed till I cried. This is such a brilliant example of the fantasy that is cult thinking. I don't think I could have written a parody more excruciating than this.

    18. Mike Moyle

      Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

      I had to scroll back up to make sure that it wasn't an AManFromMars comment.

  7. Mark 85 Silver badge

    First off... I'm embarrassed. And very worried about the state of the Republic. And so, I'd like to apologize to the rest of the world for our elected and wannabee elected officials. Somewhere, things have gone seriously wrong and we find ourselves in the middle of something like a TV reality show.. without the laugh track and every stupid action affecting the lives of millions.

    This election and the coming years are going to be scary to say the least.

  8. Steven Roper

    I honestly don't know who'd be worse

    If Clinton gets in, woe betide the men and boys of the US, because she'll make "being male in a public place" and "unlawful possession of a Y-chromosome in the vicinity of a woman" federal felonies. You think feminism over there is bad now? Watch what it becomes under her!

    Yet if Trump gets in, his rank idiocy will turn the entire planet against the US - such parts of it as aren't already hollering for their guts. He's shown he can't run a company, what makes anyone think this buffoon can run a country, much less the most powerful country on the planet?

    I've never seen the left-vs-right political divide this deep or extreme. Either way, the US is on the brink of a civil war the moment one or the other wins. If Clinton wins, the gun totin' hayseed Trump supporters will declare war on the nation's police and military the moment she tries to take their guns away. Yet if Trump gets in, the loony left will start screaming for re-elections and shifted goalposts, just like the Remainers did after Brexit. So between the extremists of the loony left and the rabid right, it's going to be all the moderates in the middle who pay for it.

    And the moment the US tumbles into its next civil war, there's China, waiting patiently in the wings behind their "nine-dash line"...

    The future doesn't look bright.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I honestly don't know who'd be worse

      > "Yet if Trump gets in, his rank idiocy will turn the entire planet against the US..."

      You mean even MORE than Obama has managed? That would be quite a trick. Besides, as a US citizen I'd rather they oppose us cleanly and not just hold us in contempt for electing an apologetic fool like Obama.

      1. Dr. Mouse

        Re: I honestly don't know who'd be worse

        You mean even MORE than Obama has managed?

        Actually, most people I speak to have seen Obama as a reasonable President. He hasn't gone around starting random wars all over the planet, and has moved international relations forward. Basically, I believe the world's view of the US has improved since he came to office. Admittedly, not by a lot, and it wasn't difficult, but at least he seems to care about both his own people and the rest of the planet.

        As far as Trump goes, I fear for the planet with him in control. I don't know whether his persona is real or just a character he portrays, but I do believe he may be the most dangerous man to run for POTUS ever. I can see potential for war and death planet wide if he is elected, and I wouldn't leave him in charge of a chicken sandwich, let alone a nuclear superpower!

        1. MonkeyCee

          Re: I honestly don't know who'd be worse

          "You mean even MORE than Obama has managed?

          Actually, most people I speak to have seen Obama as a reasonable President. "

          There are Trump advocates who sincerely believe (with much truthiness) that Afghanistan is Obama's war. As in, he declared war and invaded them, so this mess is his fault.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I honestly don't know who'd be worse

        >as a US citizen I'd rather they oppose us cleanly and not just hold us in contempt for electing an apologetic fool like Obama

        Obama is the best president you've ever had by a country mile. It's to your shame that the legislatures blocked his attempts to bring your society into the early 90s, but his election was a landmark moment nonetheless. That is the widespread view internationally, whatever you heard on Fox.

      3. Lars Silver badge
        Thumb Down

        Re: I honestly don't know who'd be worse

        @ Big John

        Like the USA Europe would have voted for Obama both times. Bush would have lost both times in Europe because he was a fool. Try surfing European news sites every now and then. You have created your problems all by yourself regarding Obama.

    2. Suricou Raven

      Re: I honestly don't know who'd be worse

      I am confident that Hillary will not be responsible for instigating nuclear war.

      I cannot say that about Trump.

      1. MacroRodent
        Mushroom

        Re: I honestly don't know who'd be worse

        > I am confident that Hillary will not be responsible for instigating nuclear war. I cannot say that about Trump.

        My thoughts also. Forget about moving to Canada, If it were possible to move off-planet, there would be a queue after Trump got elected.

        Even without nukes, the planet would be in peril. Both he and his vice-presidential candidate are rabid climate change deniers.

    3. Olius

      Re: I honestly don't know who'd be worse

      "You think feminism over there is bad now? "

      Nope.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I honestly don't know who'd be worse

      If as you suggest either Hilary or Trump leads to civil war in the USA then bring it on. Bring your warfare and mass murder back within your own borders and leave the rest of us alone.

    5. Mooseman Silver badge

      Re: I honestly don't know who'd be worse

      "If Clinton gets in, woe betide the men and boys of the US, because she'll make "being male in a public place" and "unlawful possession of a Y-chromosome in the vicinity of a woman" federal felonies. You think feminism over there is bad now? Watch what it becomes under her!"

      And you know this because..? Oh yes, that's right you made it up. You're spot on about Trump though.

      I admire your belief that the gun totin' nut jobs will attack the govt and police if Clinton wins - I've yet to see one instance where a redneck will actually shoot anything that can shoot back.

      And for your information the rerun of the referendum was started by... a Leave voter. And Nige the twat stated that a small majority was not a mandate to act on the referendum result, assuming he was going to lose. Funny how it's all ok now that the morons won isn't it?

      There is no left-right divide in US politics. There's right...and really right wing.

    6. Naselus

      Re: I honestly don't know who'd be worse

      Dude, seriously, false equivalence.

      Clinton is a normal politician. She's a bit sleazy, she's a bit wooden, and she says what people want to hear. She lies a bit and she bends the truth a lot. But that's about it; she's not much different from another term of Obama.

      Trunp, on the other hand, has levels of sleaze that haven't existed in US politics since prohibition (which, given the history of US politics, is really saying something). He says anything that he thinks will get a cheer, including addressing groups who are better off being avoided altogether, and the scope of his lying and flip-flopping is so immense that I've repeatedly wondered if his whole campaign is actually evidence of senility.

      You really can't compare the two. You can disagree with Hilary if you like. But you can't merely disagree with Trump, because he doesn't even have a firm enough platform to disagree with. He's a dangerous loon, and you'd have to have the political awareness of a headlouse to actually support him.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I honestly don't know who'd be worse

        > "Clinton is a normal politician"

        Most amusing. Normal politicians are not quite as corrupt as she is, by a country mile at least. Also they don't need to ride the coattails of their spouses to power, nor do they have to badmouth the sexual victims of said spouses. And most of all, they usually have some talent for their jobs. Hillary does not, and has to fake it with dirty money and blackmail info acquired while her husband was president.

        And that thing about "lying a bit?" It is to laugh. Mrs. Clinton has lied so long and so often that it's easier to just assume she's lying whenever she opens her mouth. Witness this crud about catching "pneumonia" just last week. Not even her most rabid supporters really buy that one. But who cares? The lapdog press dutifully repeats the lie as truth anyway. They'd better, or there will be Hill to pay.

        1. Dr. Mouse

          Re: I honestly don't know who'd be worse

          Mrs. Clinton has lied so long and so often that it's easier to just assume she's lying whenever she opens her mouth.

          So she's a politician. It easiest to assume that any politician is lying whenever they open their mouth. I know of very few politicians who would not openly lie if it suited their agenda, and those few will never get to the front benches.

          I tend to go by a line I read (I think in a David Gemmel book, one of the Drenai saga): "In any broth, the scum always rises to the top".

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I keep wondering...

    ...why is Mr Trump wanting to ban shredded cheese in the good ol' US of A?

    He keeps telling us that he wants to Make America Grate Again!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I keep wondering...

      Wisconsin mafia.....

  10. Tom Paine
    Facepalm

    Wishful thinking

    World collectively bangs its head against wall

    Except in America, where 40% of the electorate (Jack and Hortense) think that sounds perfectly reasonable and are even more convinced Trump's the candidate for them.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Wishful thinking

      If your namesake had kept his fat mouth shut and stuck to making corsets we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

      (Is that a Steve Bell reference by the way?)

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Megaphone

    Never let the truth...

    ... get in the way of a political statement at election time!

  12. DropBear
    Facepalm

    I think it's quite likely that making any judgement calls of their own regarding the danger the internet may or may not be in is pretty much impossible for the average American (or member of any other nation). You and I may scoff, but they just have no way of telling - so when Trump harps on these allegedly horrible dangers a lot of his supporters might conceivably think "well, even if it isn't as he says, there must be some truth at the root of the issue..." and of course anybody else trying to convince them it's all bullshit is just exactly what you would expect any opposition to do; it's safe to disregard completely.

    In our brave new world truth long stopped to be of any relevance (and not only in politics...), there's only somebody asserting something, somebody else asserting the opposite, and a bunch of folks unable to make any meaningful judgement of their own, left with the single choice of deciding who they prefer to believe - which mostly boils down to who they think is more likeable, or to put the same thing differently, mostly just who is saying what they'd prefer to hear. Anyone wishing to refute that, please explain how else can Trump be where he is.

    I can only see two ways to stop this sort of thing; one would be to first educate in _all_ relevant arts then keep up-to-date with new developments continuously absolutely everyone to a level where they can meaningfully assess any claim to its true merit on their own. Yes, that includes (among many many others) microbiology, higher maths, quantum physics and climate modelling. Needless to say, this isn't happening within a century - quite likely, ever at all. The time of polymaths is well and truly gone, and even at the time they were rarities.

    The other would be to educate absolutely everyone in logic, statistics, critical thinking and the art of debate to a level where even not being able to make a judgement on a claim themselves, people could at least correctly recognize the virtues of somebody else's argument dismantling that claim. Granted, this would still need a functional opposition where sufficiently informed parties never fail to call out bullshit whenever it inevitably appears, but I reckon it would still work. Unfortunately, I see the chances of this happening only indistinguishably little better than the previous case.

    A third way would be to have only some selected prominent individuals trained to a level where they can assess various claims then have most laypeople trust the views of some of these; unfortunately that's pretty much what we have right now, and it's proven to be an utter failure. *sigh* We're doomed, aren't we.

    ...Elon, about that Mars thing you said... did you mean it...?

  13. Random Handle

    It's gonna be Euge

    We're gonna build a firewall and Kaspersky's gonna pay for it

  14. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    "This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it."

    -- Admiral Josh Painter, USN (fict.)

  15. Frumious Bandersnatch

    Trump deserves a Nobel Prize for this

    Being living proof that the magnetic monopole exists? People have won one for less.

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