back to article Inside our three-month effort to attend Apple's iPhone 7 launch party

It's been a number of years since an Apple PR staffer admitted to one of our reporters that The Register was on a blacklist. We also learned that they were under strict instructions never to admit to the blacklist – presumably because it would make one of the world's largest companies look, you know, pathetically petty. And …

  1. WolfFan Silver badge

    And you have just added at least another 10 years to your time on the, ah, 'waiting list'.

    1. Trollslayer

      So have nothing to lose by doing this.

      Vultures forever!

      1. BillG


        Apple donates to both U.S. political parties, but publicly remains neutral. Many companies like Apple do not invite PR organizations that demonstrate any sort of extreme political bias - or extreme bias of ANY kind, i.e. hating Microsoft and loving Linux. I have run against this with PR groups in the past.

        Inviting those that are critical of your products isn't a big deal, as these parties can be used to turn their heads and turn them around. OTOH being directly critical of the company (i.e. slave conditions in Apple factories) might get one banned.

        Blacklisting those that are critical of you is a PR no-no as it can and does turn critics into enemies.

        Reading the emails, Apple handled this very, very badly. Apple should read history, arrogance is how empires fall, as Intel is learning right now.

        1. Q.Werty

          Re: Bias

          Apple is analogous to Bob Dylan. Shaped modern music, voice of a generation, never once gave a phuque about his audience. Never speaks to them in concert. Does the opposite of what they want. Mangles his songs and corals hem out so no-one can understand them. Only gives an interview once in a generation to Rolling Stone. Once made the world's greatest rock albums. Now retreads pre-war Frank Sinatra songs. Does he care? Will he talk about it? Does he give a flying one what you think. Will your bad review of his latest gig or concert affect him or what his fans think one iota? Etc etc

          Adam Lashinsky's book 'Inside Apple' will give you a clue as to why there is no point antagonising Hely and his minions. Out of 60,000 or so Apple employees, less than half a dozen are empowered to talk to the media,

          True story. A tech journalist actually got through to someone in Apple's UK PR team. Being good at his job he declined to attribute the quote to a spokesperson. He dug around Linked in and identified the female concerned and quoted her by job title and name.

          His story went online. Around 3am (AM) - due to the time difference in the USA - his phone rang. It was a menacing call from someone in Cupertino demanding to know where he got the name from and warning him to NEVER attribute a name of an Apple PR person again. By the time the sun had come up the Linkedin profile of the person concerned had vanished.

    2. Bob Vistakin

      You're applying for it wrong

      Other media outlet take note - kiss Apple butt or become little people.

      Never mind, the way things are heading it won't be a problem for long.

      1. Planty Bronze badge

        Re: You're applying for it wrong

        And this is what iPhone plebs fail to understand. £100 of thier iThing purchase goes into a media schmoozing fund, so BBC RCJ and the like get freebies and jollies, in exchange for saying nice things about everything apple.

        It's a perfect circle of awesomeness, and if you are too stupid to see this, then you would never know and actually think these people genuinely love these products and are buying them.

    3. Triggerfish

      Actually I think I'd rather read a series of articles where you troll Apples press team into breakdowns, over reviews.

    4. EddieD

      Fuck 'em.

      If they're not prepared to accept criticism, they've got things to hide.

      The Emperor never knew he had no clothes, because no-one told him

    5. streaky

      'Reg will be around long after Apple are consigned to bankruptcy court, maybe Bill Gates won't save them next time.

      We know who you are, Apple.

    6. BenR

      The question you should be asking yourself is: does that mean that everyone who is invited to Apple's events can be relied upon to self-censor any negative comments? (Quick clue: the answer's yes.)

      As evidenced by sites like Gizmodo publishing articles like this:

      And this:

      All published very quickly after the outcry against 3.5mm jack removal hit the fan. Very much looks like cozying up to Daddy.

    7. deevee

      Apple idiots

      They could invite you, but then they would have to "arrest" you!

    8. SeanR

      it's apple

      there's be another waiting list released in 12 months, and everyone will want to be on that one.

  2. Trollslayer

    Arrogant twats

    May the lose that 13 billion dollars and more, especially after not paying overtime a few years ago and anti-competitive practices.

  3. Bloodbeastterror


    I thoroughly enjoyed that. It reinforces my loathing of Apple.

    1. kmac499

      Re: Bravo...

      Why don't we all got to the "Tax Head Office" building in Ireland and watch the launch there.. A bit like the imaginary Museum of Curiosity on Radio 4; it sounds like it has an infinite amount of space. (or possibly infintessimal.)

    2. Fink-Nottle

      Re: Bravo...

      Great stuff! It put me in mind of something Groucho Marx said: "Please accept my resignation. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member".

      1. h4rm0ny


        I was going to say something very similar. Namely that I will trust El. Reg to report on Apple for as long as they're not allowed to.

    3. jeffdyer

      Re: Bravo...

      Just a little tedious if you ask me. And an inordinate waste of time.

  4. Arthur the cat Silver badge

    Try the top man

    If Barbra Streisand can use Steve Jobs as a help desk, why don't you call Tim Cook and ask for a ticket?

    1. Adam 1

      Re: Try the top man

      Agreed. You should see if Barbra can get you a ticket.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Try the top man

        Be sure to mention your Irish ancestry ...

  5. ma1010
    Big Brother

    If one compared companies to countries

    Apple would be, IMHO, the Soviet Union. The Party is all-knowing and wise. Anyone who criticizes The Party goes to the Gulag (of non-communication from Apple).

    Everything is a state secret until we release it. The Party owns everything (in the name of the People, of course). The Party is 100% in control of everything in a top-down dictatorship. The Party does nothing wrong -- if the People's Phones do not work correctly, this is not Party's fault - people must be holding them wrong.

    Sounds a lot like Soviet Russia to me. Somehow, Apple have done well, either because of their approach or despite it. Somehow, Soviet Russia survived for quite a while, too. But then it fell apart. Is Apple starting to show a few cracks?

    Folks like me just have an innate dislike and distrust of tyrants like Apple and won't have anything to do with them or their products. I'd pick MS over Apple any day, although I'm far from fond of Satya's new regime. And Linux is the best of all. Yes, you've got Linus' potty mouth and temper to deal with, but it does have entertainment value. And overall, the Linux devs have done a magnificent job and done it in an atmosphere of freedom and collaboration so very foreign to Apple's entire existence.

    1. heyrick Silver badge

      Re: If one compared companies to countries

      "Yes, you've got Linus' potty mouth and temper to deal with,"

      Really? I recently installed Ubuntu on one of my older machines, a slow transition from the world of Windows. About the only aggravation was it needing to install a bunch of non-distro codecs in order to play video, and Brasero routinely trashing DVD-Rs because it ignores me telling it to burn at 4x and instead hammers the drive to something stupid like 48x which, of course, fails.

      Am I now to expect Linus to turn up and start swearing at me? If so, let me know when and I'll go put the kettle on. No waitlist, honest...

      1. Alan Brown Silver badge

        Re: If one compared companies to countries

        "Brasero routinely trashing DVD-Rs because it ignores me telling it to burn at 4x and instead hammers the drive to something stupid like 48x which, of course, fails."

        For some inexplicable reason Ubuntu install a fake cdrecord package (wodim) which is a fetid pile of dingo kidneys.

        Get the cdrecord PPA onboard and things will work properly - and k3b is much more usable than brasero

        1. Ian 55

          Re: If one compared companies to countries

          Everything is more usable than brasero. If you don't want to install most of KDE, xfburn is good at just doing what you need.

    2. Soruk

      Re: If one compared companies to countries

      In Soviet Russia, Apple reviews you!

      1. Androgynous Cupboard Silver badge

        Re: If one compared companies to countries

        The first and probably last time a comment beginning "In Soviet Russia" was actually amusing.

    3. This post has been deleted by its author

  6. gerritv

    Here's a novel idea

    What if all the media not invited just don't report on anything from the unveiling? Apple needs to get their head out of the clouds, and that would certainly deflate them a bit further. You (The Register) are after all providing them free advertising by your reviews, something for which you don't even get one of their samples.

    Stop doing their advertising for free.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Here's a novel idea

      Beeter idea - all media sites provide zero coverage to these arseholes.

      1. heyrick Silver badge

        Re: Here's a novel idea

        Better better idea - get ahold of whatever the new ShinyShiny is, tear it down, point out every possible reason why it sucks. If they so dislike negativity, then clearly every initial review will simply be glossing over the bad parts, so some balance is required.

        Since ShinyShiny is expensive, maybe this could be crowd funded?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Here's a novel idea

          So your answer to reviews you assume are lying because the reviewers are afraid of getting blacklisted is to publish reviews are you know are lying?

          1. heyrick Silver badge

            Re: Here's a novel idea

            "So your answer to reviews you assume are lying because the reviewers are afraid of getting blacklisted is to publish reviews are you know are lying?"

            How did you read that into what I said? If there are negative points (and there will be - in my entire life, I have yet to see anything flawless), I would say pointing out these issues to be more truth telling than lying. Unless you have a very bendy definition of what truth and lies are, in which case maybe the "approved" Apple magazines are for you...?

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Here's a novel idea

              If the review is one sided in only pointing out the flaws, then it is no better than a review that ignores flaws and points out only the advantages. Maybe "lying" wasn't the right word to use, how about "spin" then. Either way, an honest review takes a balanced approach and doesn't try to form a nit picky list of everything that could possibly be seen as a flaw by someone somewhere as you appeared to be suggesting.

        2. WolfFan Silver badge

          Re: Here's a novel idea @heyrick

          If El Reg were to do anything close to what you suggest, then Apple and those who either like Apple products or don't care either way will, correctly, conclude that everything from El Reg is biased against Apple. Doing what you suggest would result in Apple being seen as the victim here. Worse for El Reg, if nothing but negative reviews show, then undecideds will look elsewhere for unbiased reviews. If El Reg is the lone voice in the wilderness, then they will be ignored on this subject. And it&s just a short step from there to being ignored, period. Do you really want that?

          Please note that multiple news organizations which did get seats at the 'event' have published negative reviews of Apple kit. I'm thinking of the screaming about the hockey puck mouse. Of the screaming about the Mighty Mouse. Of the screaming about the iOSization of OS X. I can think of lots more examples. The difference is that El Reg goes way, way, WAY out of their way to pump up even minor problems, so much so that it's hard to properly pump up stories about major problems (cough... Irish non-taxes... /cough) beause of the overheated language about trivialities such as, oh, being denied a seat at an Apple PR special. And, frankly, if the same tone applies to all stories about Apple, then those who are not virulently anti-Apple will simply tune out and let the, and I quote, 'fuck crApple' crew wank all over each other to their heart's content.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Here's a novel idea

        Can't do that. Too many clicks. Look at this article for example. Nearly 200 comments (and god knows how many views) from people who claim to either hate or not care about Apple.

      3. Frank Bough

        Re: Here's a novel idea

        What do you suppose the media is for, if not that?

        Apple are being pricks but El Reg have been stoking this particular fire for over a decade. What's pathetic is that they're finally caving in.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Here's a novel idea

      Well, I'm watching the broadcast now and as I expected, there is so little to report that I'm presently looking at some Nintendo bloke explaining how Mario works. What they have NOT fixed is the ancient idea that people may move country, so bollocks to that.

      Personally, I would strongly support a complete blacklisting of Apple 1 month before until 1 month afterwards any events and publicise the reasons why, but that would be a hard decision for El Reg because you need the visitors. That said, your refusal could go viral, and THAT could become more a problem for Apple than honest reviews would be.

      Meanwhile we have progressed past the App Store on the broadcast, and we're back to words like "excited", "amazing", "proud", "inspiring", "couldn't be happier" and "we're just getting started", oh, and charity projects. Again a hint that there is f. all to report on the Apple front itself. Oh, wait, iWork has collab facilities now. Yawn. They remark how "beautifully responsible" this is, well, duh, you're on a LAN and I'm willing to bet the switch doesn't see any other network traffic. Anyway, back.

      I'm naturally biased here, but I think Apple's PR department is acting here like a schoolyard bully which had at one point his trousers pulled down - not professional, unbelievably petty and definitely not compatible with a company I'd like to buy gear from to run a company. What if something doesn't work and I say the wrong thing? Will they then stop support. or will my company land on a "waiting list" before I get any support (thankfully, in that case I can take them to court properly in the EU and UK, eve post-Brexit - and yes, we would).

      Basically, Apple strips here many reasons to choose them - if there was ANY other alternative between Microsoft (absolutely no way) and Linux (always on servers, but we need some decent desktop apps which make Linux a difficult choice).

      Now we're at watches - but I've watched (sorry) enough. I'll read a summary somewhere later.

    3. Captain DaFt

      Re: Here's a novel idea

      Better idea.

      <Angel Face> Simply state that Apple has gone quiet and quote their response when contacted by El Reg.

      Then fill out the article with a "Best of Apple" reprint, selected from the ones mentioned in article.

      Close article by wishing Apple the best, and hoping that they have some announcements to share in the future.</Angel Face>

    4. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: Here's a novel idea

      While I wholeheartedly agree, I'm not sure that it's the clouds that Apple needs to get their head out of.

      Anyway: full marks for El Reg for keeping true form and on the ball!

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Here's a novel idea

      > What if all the media not invited just don't report on anything from the unveiling? Apple needs to get their head out of the clouds, and that would certainly deflate them a bit further. You (The Register) are after all providing them free advertising by your reviews, something for which you don't even get one of their samples.

      It's pretty weird. On the local radio this morning, like regular news radio, they actually took like 2 whole minutes to read out all the features (including no mention of all the negatives around no headphone jack). Figured it was paid.

      Instead of places like The Register going radio silent, I feel like they should report just whatever fake stuff they want. Claim the iPhone 7 will have a built in pacemaker. Get traction with people to the point where people are buying iPhone 7s and throwing away their pacemakers because they think they don't need it anymore. Then when it evitably goes bad, just point out that Apple refused to provide information and it is their fault the coverage went ary.

  7. Mr F&*king Grumpy
    Thumb Up

    Game, Set & Match to the Vultures

    Well, I'm a long time Apple customer, and I can't say that I regret that, although as things stand I can't see anything they offer that appeals to me, or would, when my 2008 MacPro finally gives up (yes, 2008 - that's why I like(d) Apple products)

    But Apple, the Company, well, really a bigger bunch of self-important narcissists would be pretty hard to find. Probably impossible. Certainly not outside of California.

    And this thread is just hilarious. Alan Hely, if you're reading this - no, of COURSE you're reading it, it's about YOU after all - I do hope you've got enough self-awareness to realise how totally ridiculed you have been.

    1. Ben Boyle

      Re: Game, Set & Match to the Vultures

      2009 MBP here - probably wont be buying another unless they bring back the 17". Trying to use X Code on anything smaller is an exercise in frustration and while, yes, I could buy a larger display the point of the portable is that I can, well, PORT it and use it when I'm away from my comfy abode or uncomfy office.

      1. Geoffrey W

        Re: Game, Set & Match to the Vultures

        Hey, 2006 cheap Gateway laptop here, and still being used most weeks. Started on Vista and currently on 7 and may shift it to Linux sometime, perhaps when 7 becomes deprecated. I like its keyboard so much more than those crappy modern chiclet keyboards, or whatever they call them, so I do most of my "Writey" stuff on it. Apple aren't the only company to make long lasting comps.

        1. James Hughes 1

          Re: Game, Set & Match to the Vultures

          2009 Acer Aspire 1301, running Ubuntu since purchase - just upgraded to a cheapo i5 replacement*. The Acer is still working, just, but getting flakey. It hardly ever actually been turned off so its run time is huge.....Was cheap when I bought it, it's done well.

          Macs are not the only fruit.

          (* Took DVD drive and SSD with OS on it out of Acer, worked first time in new PC, does that work in Windows?)

        2. Sgt_Oddball

          Re: Game, Set & Match to the Vultures

          My Wifes old vaio is the same (also from 2006 though with XP... it's currently running 8.1. but i might plus Mint on it for the kids), though I actually prefer the keyboard on my 2011 lenovo which is still going strong and plenty fast (for a £42 ebay junker.... try finding a 2011 macbook for that money that still works as good....)

          1. Alumoi Silver badge

            Re: Game, Set & Match to the Vultures

            Erm, guys, let's stop with the measuring.

            Everybody knows Dell's D820 and D830 are what laptops should be. Max out the memory, slap a SSD and you're all set.

            And you still find fans and batteries at decent prices.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Game, Set & Match to the Vultures

      For balance....

      2015 macbook Pro retina

      ipad Pro (big one)

      iPhone 6s

      Love Apple's products but can't stand the company.

      PS. I also run Linux on pcs, laptops and servers and have phones and tablets running Android.

    3. N2

      Re: Game, Set & Match to the Vultures

      Well, I'm a long time Apple customer, and I can't say that I regret that, although as things stand I can't see anything they offer that appeals to me, or would, when my 2008 MacPro finally gives up (yes, 2008 - that's why I like(d) Apple products)

      Ditto for 2006 Macpro, my upgrade will probably be your old one in a few years time.

      The sooner this company gets its head out of its arse & produces something useful instead of soon to be redundant, expensive throw away toys the better.

  8. Dan 55 Silver badge


    I'm sure it was jag-wire.

    Whatever it was it was rather silly, the diktat came down from on high, and they'll never back out to save face.

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      Saving face becomes a questionable effort when said face is covered in tar.

  9. emmanuel goldstein

    You couldn't make it up...

    What a bunch of twats.

    Apple, I mean!

  10. Bob Rocket

    The Shawshank option

    Write a letter (not email) a week to Tim Cook, sure he can ignore you but persistence pays off.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The Shawshank option

      Dear Mr.McCarthy,

      In response to your repeated enquiries, Apple has allocated the enclosed funds for your review projects. In addition, the Apple Store has generously responded with a charitable donation of used iPads and chargers. We trust this will fill your needs. We now consider this matter closed. Please stop sending us emails.

      "From now on, I'll send two emails a week".

    2. Jediben

      Re: The Shawshank option

      They tried it with Jobs. He took the easy way out instead of replying.

  11. albaleo

    To be banned or not to be banned

    Not sure what the intent was here. In some ways, Apple is doing the Reg a favour by blacklisting it. It gives you that manly touch. (Hmmm. Is that what I meant?)

    Anyway, in support of your struggle against the fruity beast, I have only licked my MacBook Pro twice today.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: To be banned or not to be banned

      Licking your laptop?

      * tries it *

      I'm a proud Windows licker!!!!

      1. albaleo

        Re: To be banned or not to be banned

        "I'm a proud Windows licker"

        I hope you were holding it correctly.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: To be banned or not to be banned

        I'm a proud Windows licker!!!!

        With Windows 10? <shudder>

      3. MrDamage Silver badge

        Re: To be banned or not to be banned

        > "I'm a proud Windows licker!!!!"

        Very good. Now adjust your helmet, and wipe your chin.

  12. billium
  13. Forget It

    Well could Adam ever get back in to the walled garden

    to take another taste of the Apple?

    Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven.

    Milton 1667

  14. Khaptain Silver badge


    Consumerism is based upon the stupidity of it's audience.

    Apple understand's the need for it consumers to never know any true facts, all it requires is that the "payed for" media publishing articles continue tp promote the ideal that buying an Apple Product will provide a seat at the table of the Gods..

    Apple do have some good products, although not all, but that is not their even their core business, regardless of their initial goals they have simply become a marketing and distribution outlet and hey are very, very good at it.

    Hence, El Reg will never get an invite because they are likely to make an honest review, which is far too much of a risk in relation to "Steve Jobs'" marketing strategy procedural guidelines..

    I can easily imagine that their actual strategy goes along the lines of "If you can fool most of the people most of the time, you've won".

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I don't get in trouble for reading this story. The wonders of having an IP address that begins with 17.

    1. Martin Summers Silver badge

      Re: Hopefully...

      I had to Google that to confirm but yes I can see why you'd be worried. I'm surprised the black list doesn't extend to filtering el Reg at the firewall. Side note, does Apple really need 16 million IP addresses?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Hopefully...

        Yes, I noticed a few days ago they have a full class A (experimenting with VisualSniff :) ) which is IMHO a tad wasteful - that would have helped a lot of people in need of IPv4 static addresses.

        1. Sebastian A

          Re: Hopefully...

          I get the feeling that the likes of Apple would rather destroy something than give it away.

          (not that you can "destroy" an IP address, but they'll never let someone else use something even if they don't have a use for it.)

        2. perfgeek

          Re: Hopefully...

          16 million IP addresses does indeed seem like a lot, but the amount of relief that might have provided had they managed to return say half of them to the overall pool would have been minimal. Only ever so slightly postponing the inevitable.

          And in the case of Apple, they perhaps use a goodly chunk of those IPs not on a per-employee basis as much as in their cloud presence.

      2. NeilA

        Re: Hopefully...

        Whilst Apple clearly don't need 16 million IPs, at least they are in the right industry. I'd like to understand why Ford have a need for 16 million IPs.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Hopefully...

          > I'd like to understand why Ford have a need for 16 million IPs.

          IoT for Ford cars.


      3. Rainer

        Re: Hopefully...

        Apple got in very early in the IP-address game.

        At some point, they also wanted to launch their own ISP (don't remember the name) - it's long since buried.

        When I got my first dedicated server, I got a sheet of paper from my co-lo where I could select the number of IPs I needed. Anything from 1024 to 8 was possible.

        That was in 2001.

        They could of course have returned them, but they (probably) rightly assumed they would become very valuable. And you don't return IPs unless you know they're more of a burden than an asset.

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Hopefully...

        What you should really be worried about is the 16 million allocated to the Department for Work and Pensions in the UK.

        One for everyone soon to be unemployed?

  16. Charlie Clark Silver badge


    To be honest I have a degree of sympathy. You seem to manage to combine persistence with a little too much snide and sarcasm — maybe this goes with the territory? — but I can't see it being very persuasive with the gatekeepers: unless you're Donald Trump calling someone a moron usually doesn't get their vote.

    What I would do is go with this kind of information to Samsung, Huawei, et al. and see whether it opens any doors. Apple's attitude seems to be that it doesn't need "lowly" media like The Register. Of course, any company with a product to sell needs the media whores to get the message out, especially if the innovation train starts to slow.

    I like Apple's approach to streaming the event as well: Safari or Edge. Because? This says more about arrogance and fuckwittery than anything else: they're excluding around 70% of internet users like this. That's obviously a lot of customers they're not interested in either!

    1. kierenmccarthy

      Re: Interesting

      I think your sympathy may be misplaced. It may be worth considering that the content of each Apple email was knowingly false. The sarcasm was simply a way of acknowledging the fact I was aware of it.

      1. heyrick Silver badge

        Re: Interesting

        "The sarcasm was simply a way of acknowledging the fact I was aware of it."

        Sorry. Apple doesn't understand sarcasm. I was in a one-to-one chat a while back with the "complaint" that a non-GPS iThingy doesn't know where it is, there is no legitimate method to register a WiFi SSID to a location (other than having a GPS enabled iThingy in its proximity), and Siri is so utterly broken that you can't even tell it "assume I'm HERE" (wherever "here" is). So all of the location-based questions fail with "I don't know where you are".

        After going in circles for half an hour (I was bored, nothing on telly) and getting no "joy" and "wondrous feelings" (etc), I let my default British sarcasm kick in.

        Which was somewhat deflated by a completely took-the-sarcasm-seriously response. I mean, my God, it's almost as if I was speaking to Siri itself.

        So. No. Don't expect sarcasm to be a recognised behaviour pattern.

      2. Charlie Clark Silver badge

        Re: Interesting


        Like I said, I'm not a journalist so I don't know what you have to do to get on with companies. I'm usually pretty abrasive myself, but it still strikes me as odd that you think you'll get anywhere by essentially insulting them. Doesn't seem that smart to me but whatever works.

        In any case, it doesn't sounds like you missed much: Apple removed the headphone jack from the phone; played some catch up with Android and ported retro games. And still no new Macs.

        So, pretty much as Paul Graham predicted at PyCon in 2012: Apple has run out of ideas.

        1. nijam Silver badge

          Re: Interesting

          > ... it still strikes me as odd that you think you'll get anywhere by essentially insulting them...

          I feel you're missing the point. Given that Apple is apparently incapable of recognising sarcasm, there was nothing insulting there. A patronising restatement of facts (perfectly acceptable, given Apple representatives' patronising restatements of non-facts), maybe, but no actual insults.

          Plus, ElReg is the blacklist, so Apple aren't even listening.

  17. CRod

    Too bad there isn't a way to confirm if someone requested a seat after yours and received one at one of the other media outlets.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's not unique to tech - Ferrari has a blacklist that has included various high-profile car reviewers who dared to say they were anything other than brilliant. What's interesting is when the said journo ends up at a significant publication, then suddenly they're no longer blacklisted...

    Maybe Apple reads the comments on El Reg and realises that commentards who think anything you need to pay for is, by definition, inferior, isn't their target market so there's nothing much for them to lose by not having coverage?

    TBH, the main reason I real the Reg is to see how you're taking the p^ss out of stuff rather than to get really informative reviews...

  19. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    The damage seems all to Apple

    Russell Baker once described covering the US Senate as "waiting for someone to come out of a room and lie to me." What does physical presence offer a reporter as against watching the webcast? If reporters get to ask questions (and dare ask questions that don't qualify them for permanent wait list status), then yes, there is some slight harm. If not, the events sound a bit like the opening show for the latest Star Wars movie: bragging rights, and a chance to commune with fellow enthusiasts.

    (Yes, I'm ignoring the expense of buying the toys to review.)

    How about making a stunt out of it? Say a small charitable fund offering $10/head for every authenticated slot on an Apple live event media waitlist?

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    IP Addresses

    The same question could be asked of HP, IBM and a good few others.

    As for the topic under discussion,

    As the general concensus of this site is that Apple is Evil etc etc, why not just stop reporting anything they do. Become an Apple free zone.

    Go on, you know you want to.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: IP Addresses

      HP, IBM, Apple etc. all got their IP addresses before the Network Address Translation concept got going; when the Internet was built from WAN links between campus LANs; and when the great unwashed only had dial BBSes as an option.

      So it made sense for big organisations to be given class A or B addresses. The place I worked at circa 1990 got a class B, just like that... and with only about 2000 nodes in the LAN.

      1. Mage

        Re: IP Addresses

        "So it made sense for big organisations to be given class A or B addresses. "

        No, it never did. USA greed.

        There must be 100s of millions of unused never mind wasted IPs in USA.

        1. Naselus

          Re: IP Addresses

          "No, it never did. USA greed."

          I think it's more 'incompetence' than greed. Hence a class A being used for the loopback... because I really, really need 16 million possible addresses to test my NIC is working.

    2. PNGuinn

      The same question could be asked of HP ...

      Now there's a thought ...

      Turn up at a prestigious fruity event with an appropriately large and outrageous "presentation" of some kind, bring lots of folks along, be very gushingly nice and persistant ...

      You know, you've done it before - you naughty vultures.

      For bonus points, video stream the thing while a few hacks try to dodge "security" and get into the hall. If they succeed, keep a low profile inside but video stream that as well, including the inevitable ejections.

      Pro tip: I was told many years ago of a London Uni who, one rag week, sent a bunch of students into Harrods with collecting tins in the form of a crocodile of stapled together plastic macs. (No that'd be too cruel - leave it for next time.) 'Arrods security made the classic error of breaking up the crocodile - so all the bits went off in different directions. I was told it was nearly an hour before they found and ejected all the bits.

      Wholet you inn then?

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: As the general concensus of this site is that Apple is Evil etc etc

      They have disdain for all the mega tech corps. Yet it's only when they take the piss out of Apple that it upsets you....

  21. GrumpenKraut
    Thumb Up

    Holy crap!

    This is why I love El Reg.

  22. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge

    Smart move, Apple

    I just peeked at some live feeds. If The Reg is thinking what I'm thinking, it's probably in Apple's best interest that you're not covering it. It's singing, a couple of iPhone game releases, and desperately trying to convince people that iWatches are a big thing.

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Re: Smart move, Apple

      Exactly what I was thinking.

      You don't need to be there in the flesh as Apple did say several times, it was all streamed. That means you don't have to sit and endure all the boring crap that seems to take around 80% of these events. You could be playing Pokemon go while keeping a watching eye on the event.

      That would be far more productive in the long run.

      Frankly, it is time apple stopped these cringe worthy events and just got the journo's to play with the new kit for a lot longer. Replace the presentation with a few dozen PPT slides.

      Then the world would be a better place all round apart from here where the Apple Haters (see previous posts in this thread where at least one post said 'I hate Apple') would not have an opportunity to vent their spleen. win some, lose some.

      I did chuckle at the emai thread. It was just like trying to get blood from a stone. Well done El Reg for persistence well beyond the call of normal duty.

  23. Anonymous Coward

    Fuck crApple.

    See title.

    What, you need more?

    1. kmac499

      Re: Fuck crApple.

      "crApple" Luv It; right up there with crApita (tm) Private Eye

  24. zanto

    screw them

    it's shiny, over priced, has rounded corners and that's about it.

    why are they even relevant on a tech site? shouldn't they be covered by some fashion or tabloid channel?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: screw them

      They almost always are.

      If it weren't for the entertainment value of seeing them screw up and get ridiculed, I'd say Apple were pretty much useless.

  25. Lee D Silver badge

    Apple are p****s

    Ask them about this when you see them:

    "Free VPN Proxy by Betternet | Unlimited VPN to Access Any Site"

    Rated 4+

    Asked them to at least rate it as high as Google Chrome (which is rated 18+ as it allows unlimited access to the Internet) so that kids in school or at home aren't able to basically bypass any kind of age restriction on an Apple device:

    Official Apple Response:

    "Though I do understand your concern with the application, it is the developer that determines the rating of the app as the iTunes Store is solely a store front for the purchase."

    2 years on, the app is still rated 4+.

    How many parents realise their kiddiewinks can install a free app that lets them get onto porn, when they set up their iPads with their family age restrictions fully turned on? And that that app is offered by Apple itself with knowing consent and only the developer (who at one point advertised it as "bypass your school filters" on the iTunes store) can get that changed.

    Whereas Google Chrome is still rated 18+ on the same store for allowing you to go on "any website"...

    1. d3vy

      To apples credit they do allow you to create kids iTunes accounts linked to a family account so that an adult has to authorise all downloads.

      It works really well too.

      Personally my kids have an iPad each MY phone is an HTC, my tablet is a nexus and my PCs run windows, I have an apple work phone, which occasionally pops up saying the kids want to download something... Never anything dodgy.

  26. GitMeMyShootinIrons

    Perhaps one day....

    You may be invited to an Apple event. The first one after the Dell takeover of Apple. That'd be a Dell of a thing.

    1. Adam 1

      Re: Perhaps one day....

      Nah. You know if they somehow implode and lose all that hundred gazzillion dollars stashed in the bank and have to lay off their engineering and marketing talent then it will be Microsoft that buys them out for $100 billion. Then they will use that new found IP to change the way that you end a call (dragging the contact to the trash).

  27. Will Godfrey Silver badge

    A suggestion

    At the start of any review of any Apple product:

    "We asked Apple for information about XYZ but they refused. We have also frequently asked to attend their events but they have always refused that too."

    1. graeme leggett Silver badge

      Re: A suggestion

      Could add

      "we asked for an interview but no spokesman was available"


      "their words are spoken by an actor"

      1. nichomach

        Re: A suggestion

        Actor-wise, can we see if the guy who used to do Gerry Adams in a silly high-pitched squeak for the Beeb is still available? Let's see how those keynotes sound then...

    2. nijam Silver badge

      Re: A suggestion

      > We asked Apple for information about XYZ but they refused

      Why not "We asked Apple for information about XYZ but they said they weren't competent to answer."?

      And when you do get your hands an Apple product (e.g. by buying one, if you dare), review it by simply listing the features it's claimed to have, and mark each one "we don't comment on rumours or speculation". Short review, obviously, but more useful than a sycophantic one.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Its all your fault

    In your emails, you did come across as desperate to attend. Why do you even bother?

    Its only a fucking phone and a watch, after all.(although Apple would like you to think it is manna from heaven, blessed by St.Jobs as his last dying wish for the sheeple which also wipes your bottom everyday after sitting on the throne)

    Unless you are a secret admirer of all things Apple and a hypocrite.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Its all your fault

      I don't read that as desperate, but despite snark I also expect El Reg to maintain balance - a lack of bias, as it were. That's hard if you don't have access to direct information sources.

      So, no bi-annual jollies to Cupertino for El Reg journos just yet then.

      Time to find an overpriced Epipen - I'm just about going into anaphylactic shock as I've found myself increasingly allergic to American hyperbole. Apple is not alone in this, though, this self-congratulating disease has spread throughout the whole of Silicon Valley. Ugh.

      From now on I'll read the summaries afterwards..

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not missing much

    Seems the "big news" is that the new phone has no headphone jack - a fucking stupid idea if you ask me that I really hope doesn't spread to other phone manufacturers, or other media player makers.

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Re: Not missing much

      too late.

      Apple has copied some Androd devices that don't have the jacks.

      I get the feeling that in a couple of years the headphone jack will be a distant memory mores the pity.

      1. VinceH

        Re: Not missing much

        "too late.

        Apple has copied some Androd devices that don't have the jacks."

        Well, this is one time I'm happy to ignore the fact that someone else got there first - and let Apple take the credit blame.

      2. Dr Dan Holdsworth

        Re: Not missing much

        So, some time next century Apple will finally work out that adhering to one of the many international standards on connectors is actually quite a good idea...

    2. Gray

      Re: Not missing much

      The new Apple phone now requires wireless earbuds. Retail price: U$159 per pair.

      Imagine fumbling with an U$80 earbud and dropping it; watching it roll under someone's foot or into the gutter or off the platform.

      "Oh well, I'm so glad I bought a spare pair!"

      Apple has ever since founding assumed that anyone with the taste to purchase products by Apple has also shown the good taste not to be poor, or frugal.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Not missing much

        "Oh well, I'm so glad I bought a spare pair!"

        There's a new Beats headset that also supports this wireless thing. Too bad Beats doesn't make headsets that actually produce quality sound, though, so I guess the wait is for someone like Sennheiser to show Apple how it's done.

        1. alexmcm

          Re: Not missing much

          Bose have very nice bluetooth, noise cancelling headphones that I am sure would work with an iPhone.

          Only $500 AUD !

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Not missing much

            Bose have very nice bluetooth, noise cancelling headphones that I am sure would work with an iPhone.

            Starting from an assumption that an iPhone can actually do a reasonable job of sound reproduction (don't know for sure, but it does a damn good job recording sound with Røde mikes + app), using Bose would be almost as bad as using Beats :).

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        The new Apple phone now requires wireless earbuds

        Really? Didn't you see that it comes with a pair of wired buds and an adaptor to allow you to continue to use any others you've already got?

      3. D@v3

        Re: Gray

        "new Apple phone now requires wireless earbuds"

        No it doesn't.

  30. James O'Shea

    this isn't going to be popular, but

    Given that Apple _knows_ that El Reg doesn't like them

    Given that Apple _knows_ that the majority (possibly the vast majority) of those who read El Reg on a regular basis don't like them

    Given that Apple _knows_ that nothing they do will change either of the above

    Exactly why should Apple give El Reg access? They're going to get bad press anyway, no matter what. This way they don't help El Reg mount the attack. For those who would have El Reg buy an Apple device, take it apart, and expose all the problems... this means that Apple would be using EL Reg as their hardware beta test people, and having El Reg pay for the privilege. As the people who would be reading El Reg's ripping up of the hardware would be people who already don't like Apple and would be unlikely to buy Apple products anyway, they don't lose a damn thing. They lose nothing by not letting El Reg in... and the space that El Reg would take up can be given to someone who they_do_ care about.

    And all of the posts above about 'crApple' and how the commentards would never buy an Apple device further reinforce their position. Not to mention the vast number of other anti-Apple comments spread all over El Reg. For example, at least one commentard saw fit to attack Apple in a comment about Samung's Note 7 having problems. Apple knows quite well that they simply cannot win at El Reg, and see no reason to expend any effort on the matter. Frankly, if I was at Apple, I'd simply put a filter on any mail from El Reg and dump it straight to the trash. But that's me. I'm famous for having a bad attitude.

    1. graeme leggett Silver badge

      Re: this isn't going to be popular, but

      Apple get a hard time on merit, partly the things they get wrong and partly because they don't engage.

      It's the same for other manufacturers.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: this isn't going to be popular, but

      Well, reading most of the comments Microsoft should keep El Reg far, far away. It looks to me instead people writing for El Reg has no problem attending and reviewing MS products - and reviews may be not positive. The problem is the Apple mindset, they believe to be perfect, and any dent in their self-created image is a criminal offense to them. It is truly pathetic.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "they believe to be perfect..."

        No, it's called marketing and image perception. Do you really think that any business interested in protecting and promoting it's brand is going to say "you're right, it's not as good as it could be".

        You'll be wanting politicians to answer questions and tell the truth next...

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: this isn't going to be popular, but

      I don't have a problem with Apple limiting who shows up at their shindigs... just have the backbone to acknowledge it. Tell El Reg "you're not welcome here, since we feel you don't give us a fair shake in reviews".

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: this isn't going to be popular, but

      Exactly why should Apple give El Reg access? They're going to get bad press anyway, no matter what.

      I think that's unfair to El Reg - they will laud something sensible too. What they're doing now gives more the impression that Apple's hiding something and consider El Reg intelligent enough not to fall for the gloss and glory tour they mount twice a year, which is rather what I expect of a publication.

      In other words, it suggests Apple is actually scared of EL Reg, which I find quite funny in itself.

    5. Malcolm Weir

      Re: this isn't going to be popular, but

      @James O'Shea.... what makes this thread interesting/newsworthy is not the question of whether Apple grants El Reg access, but that Apple / Ted Miller / Alan Hely *lies*, blatantly, about not granting them access.

      The honest/smart/decent thing for Alan Hely to have done is simply to have said something like:

      "Sorry, your publication is listed as not being acceptable for 'in person' invitations to Apple corporate events. I'll let you know if that changes. Meanwhile, you can always watch the live streams. Have a nice day."


  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wow, I've never seen so much hate in one place...

    Time to chill people (and no, I'm not a Fanboy).

    1. Adrian 4

      Re: Wow, I've never seen so much hate in one place...

      Hate ? Seems more like amusement to me.

      I don't hate apple. I applaud their industrial and fashion design, and their (former ?) ability to show the rest of the industry how to do things right.

      In most cases, their control of the development process means their products are not for me - but I recognise they're fine for less experimental users and will happily use them in that context.

      But PR like this is petty. it's the tail wagging the horse. Sack them, Apple.

  32. NanoMeter

    The Fruity Cargo Cult

    Calling them "The Fruity Cargo Cult" probably hadn't anything to do with it.

    1. Brewster's Angle Grinder Silver badge

      Re: The Fruity Cargo Cult

      The list of insults is long and should be repeated in a new article for our entertainment.

      1. J. R. Hartley

        Re: The Fruity Cargo Cult

        "Fruity Foxconn rebrander" is an all time personal favourite.

  33. Mr Dogshit

    Can you still say "blacklist"?

    I thought that was potentially offensive to persons of negrosity.

  34. Dwarf

    This is simple

    They need you more than you need them.

    All you do is to report on other vendors releases and completely block apple (or anyone else). Extra points are awarded for reporting on competing and similar products on Apple's release dates as does scoring the "missing" product as zero.

    Here's a link for a similar points based system

    If they don't like what you report on - as long as its based on fact, then there is little to argue about, although I'm not a lawyer !.

    It would be foolish to believe that the marketing droids are not scouring all over the various press / youtube channels to see who's saying what about their latest idea. You could even compete with "will it blend" by coming up with something equally useless, like "will it make my tea"

    Personal view point. Whilst they came up with some good ideas (corners aren't one of them), all their products are over priced - extra FLASH memory and 4G support for example.

    • They have a phone like the rest of the market,
    • They have a tablet thing like the rest of the market.
    • They have an Intel based laptop like the rest of the market
    • They have an Intel based desktop like the rest of the market
    • They do that silly wrist job thing too.

    When I'm thinking Apple, I'm wondering if its a Granny Smith or a Braeburn. They were around first and will be far beyond the current technology company that uses the same name for no logical reason.

  35. Mark 85


    More like a whitelist as it's easier to manage. The defense industry had (maybe they still do) a whitelist of favored reporters and news outlets. If Joe from XXX News was whitelisted it was because he was a "good guy" for the business. Bob from XXX News never made the list because his articles weren't favorable.

    Come to think of it, many night clubs that are "fashionable" have a whitelist also. Which takes me to the following.... Apple isn't the product of choice for most of us for the enterprise. Their market seems more for consumers of the Kartashian ilk. IOW, not tech savvy, not concerned about privacy, or security, or much of anything else behind the shiny. They (Apple) have chosen their bed and they can have it.

  36. J. R. Hartley

    This is brilliant!!

    And Apple are cunts.

  37. Mage

    Sycophantic Coverage

    The Big UK & Irish Newspapers are sickening with their daily promotion of Game of thrones / Apple / Disney releases etc.

    Apple most get more free sycophantic coverage than any other commercial operation on the planet, though this week a few papers mentioned that the Model 6 actually is poorer for phone calls than all other leading phones, especially in your left hand. No doubt they will make up for it with totally uncritical coverage of the iPhone 7.

    Keep up the good work, Mr Vulture.

  38. katrinab Silver badge

    Coverage elsewhere

    Look at for example ""

    "The iPhone 7 will also have an improved camera system to keep up with rivals. The iPhone used to have the best camera in the business, but the iPhone 6S faced stiff competition from not only Samsung, but HTC, LG and rising star Chinese firm Huawei."

    Has the iPhone every had the "best camera in the business". It is fine, but the Microsoft / Nokia phones are generally considered to be the best for camera performance, even if they aren't so good at anything else.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Coverage elsewhere

      Has the iPhone every had the "best camera in the business".

      I was wondering that too - is there a comparative review confirming this or is this more like every company being "world leading" when you read their marketing?

      I found that one of the more interesting symptoms of getting older is an exponentially rising dislike of marketing BS to the point of total intolerance. Sadly, that Dark Force is strong in Apple.

    2. Andrew Jones 2

      Re: Coverage elsewhere

      "Has the iPhone every had the "best camera in the business"."

      Well.... it really depends -

      If you ever watch any "top 5 best" or "top 10 best" segments on the The Gadget Show.... Apple basically win the top spot of every one, every single time, best camera, best phone, best screen, best newcomer, best innovative bollocks etc.

      It's a shame really - because the obvious sycophantic bias for any product that Apple makes that they demonstrate - makes it impossible to believe anything they say about literally any other product they ever feature - because if they can be biased to one company, the likelihood is they can be biased toward another (eg Best Drone - may not actually be the best drone, but rather the drone from the company they like the best)

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ok. The article was an interesting read but it is a known fact that you never win if you try to take a bully head on. You need to metaphorically piss in their cornflakes or scratch their car in the middle of the night. My advice would be to go under a pseudo name and assuming there is Q & A at the end (I have no idea if this is the case) stand up and say "Hi there!! Kieren McCarthy from The Register and ask some trivial question". This will show them that all their efforts failed and give them the metaphorical middle finger :D

    On another note you really SHOULD write to Tim Cook. This will trigger an internal process to deal with the letter. Believe me I know this - I have inside information on this one ;-)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      How do you actually write to Tim Cook?

      Just out of interest - he seems to be interfacing a lot less with the outside world than Jobs. Not that Jobs was out much, but you could at least sometimes hear of email replies.

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Why don't you just rock up to the next Apple event and demand to be let in as they are impinging on your 'Human Rights' if they don't?

    Obviously wear a GoPro to capture the kerfuffle in glorious 1080p.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      Obviously wear a GoPro to capture the kerfuffle in glorious 1080p.

      .. or a Windows phone, just to rub it in (evil grin).

  41. Grunchy Silver badge

    Yes, I've been boycotting Apple for years.

    I do have an iPhone though! It was turned into tech recycling at the local Staples & I liberated it from being crunched in their machine.

    I never used it though. So, so much for that.

  42. Slx

    It's a classic high end product marketing tactic. They're creating an allure of exclusivity, exactly like a high end department store, a night club you can't get into very easily, a fashion event at Paris Fashion Week, that kind of thing.

    You're writing articles about how hard it is to get into their 'exclusive' press conference, giving them tons of free publicity about how exclusive their product is.

    The reality is it's an expensive (yet affordable) high-end smartphone that is absolutely mass market and basically as common as muck. A lot of mid-end consumer product brands do this - mostly in fashion, cosmetics, automotive etc.. It's just a bit unusual in the IT sector as we are still getting used to the concept of marketing IT products as "affordable luxury" consumer goods.

    What Apple has done in a way that most IT companies have never really achieved is turn an IT device into a highly sought after consumer good. They are still very much IT products, but they cross the line into areas of design and marketing that would have usually been reserved for high end audio-visual devices that are 'fashion statements'.

    It's *very* clever marketing. You really do have to hand it to them!

    1. VulcanV5

      Rubbish, Mr Cook.

  43. Peter X

    This is the wrong thing to do, but I'd be tempted

    I'd be inclined to report fully on Apples competitor phones and make direct comparisons. But (and here's why it's wrong), *always* get the technical specs of the Apple product wrong. Heh... just for laughs.

    *If* you did that, would Apple PR be forced to contact you? Just, you know, out of interest. Because that could be really fun!

    1. VinceH

      Re: This is the wrong thing to do, but I'd be tempted

      Nah - do comparative reviews, but because Apple haven't supplied something to review, use a mock-up. The obvious choice would be to make your Macbooks and iThings with Playmobil, but cardboard could provide some fun - for example if you test whether the things are water resistant:

      "After holding the [other make/model] under water for 10 seconds, we were still able to make calls with it - but when we tried the same test with the Apple iPhone n it just became soggy and fell apart in our hands."

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: This is the wrong thing to do, but I'd be tempted

        Nah - do comparative reviews, but because Apple haven't supplied something to review, use a mock-up.

        As a Have I Got News fan, could I propose a tub of lard?

        It has as extra advantage that that choice will utterly baffle the Americans :)

        1. werdsmith Silver badge

          Re: This is the wrong thing to do, but I'd be tempted

          As a Have I Got News fan, could I propose a tub of lard?

          It has as extra advantage that that choice will utterly baffle the Americans :)

          I do believe that Americans are quite familiar with lard.

          1. VinceH

            Re: This is the wrong thing to do, but I'd be tempted

            I suspect it's the reference to HIGNFY (and therefore the in-joke to UK viewers and El-Reg readers) that AC means would be lost on the Overpuddlians.

  44. W Donelson

    High school drama queens

    El Reg and Apple

    *Godzilla Facepalm*

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    bitter much?

    Look, at the end of the day, Apple is a hugely successful company. They can do whatever they want, including not paying tax. You may not like this or agree with it but look at what's actually going on in the real world.

    In contrast the reg is a relatively miniscule website and on the face of the comments less than 100 people support your cause. Lets bash apple? I'm sure they'll continue to do just fine whether you review their products in a positive/negative way - or even review them at all.

    The email exchanges are funny but you're in no better a position than you were before. Apples responses are equally childish, but so is the regs attitude towards Apple.

    Grow up, move on. Focus your efforts on a positive cause.

    Summary - both as bad as each other!

    1. Alexander J. Martin

      Re: bitter much?

      Nice try, Alan.

  46. JeffyPoooh

    Let's work on revenge then...

    El Reg should dedicate themselves to investigating Apples tax affairs and launch international public campaigns (e.g. petitions) to force extraction of additional 'billions and billions' tax dollars from their offshore coffers.

    That's perfectly do-able and would be most satisfying.

    Even if you only caused a minor ripple, it'd still be millions and millions.

    Good luck.

  47. Anonymous Coward

    Do you get similar problems...

    ...trying to attend Microsoft Surface or Windows Mobile events?

  48. Magani

    In a nutshell...

    "We will of course make all media aware of how to cover the news..."

    That's Apple's micromanagement to a tee. You WILL write it the way we want it or you don't get to see the new ShinyShiny.

    Saint Douglas had it right: "A bunch of mindless jerks who were the first against the wall when the revolution came."

  49. Tromos

    Have you stopped beating your wife?

    Try asking Apple a few loaded questions (some variation of the title above). You will either start getting some replies or will be in an excellent position to produce articles such as:

    "Apple refuse to provide a date by which the exploding earphones problem will be rectified."

    1. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

      Re: Have you stopped beating your wife?

      The issue with most of these ideas is that they require El Reg to first drop editorial standards, which I (a) don't think they will and (b) would find regrettable because that would land them in tabloid territory.

      Not a good idea IMHO.

      1. JetSetJim

        Re: Have you stopped beating your wife?

        > land them in tabloid territory

        err - doesn't the big red banner saying "The Register" at the top remind you of tabloids anyway?

  50. Samibouni

    The Henry Root Emails

    I admire the persistence & dedication that this shows. It's either good journalism or boss-level time-wasting.

    It reminded me of the Henry Root letters although he was a little more wide-eyes & optimistic - a more innocent time.

    I'm hoping that this will lead to:

    - a budding romance over the next few years

    - a series of meta-level satires aimed at our tech overlords - they've got interesting ideas but seem hell-bent on world domination

    - a tie-up with Private Eye

    - a football match between the Apple PR team & El Reg's attack-dogs on Christmas Day - that would warm the heart & I think you're the man to make it happen

    In the meantime, thanks for being the prick in the tech world's balloon. No-one wants to be a prick, but it's the duty of any good journalist when faced with a guff-cloud of hot air.

  51. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    When's the next episode?

    I think this ought to be a monthly feature - especially making this a regular recurrence is going to build up an ever longer list of irritation for Apple PR.

    This should be an editorially independent process (not influencing regular reporting of Apple, nor introduce a bias), but doing this as a monthly could be interesting. Keep it light, but a monthly recurring publication of this is going to be bad PR.

  52. Marty McFly Silver badge

    The pendulum swings...

    I was a huge Apple fan for many years. Then the Macintosh came out and there was no upgrade path for my beloved Apple ][ software. I fell in to the PC world and have lived there for many years.

    By chance I won an iPad (zero) in a drawing when they first came out and I fell back in love again. I have bought a number of iThingys since then. Recently, the pendulum has started to swing back the other way. iThingys are expensive and continue to have a bunch of stupid limitations.

    Things like Apple TV not playing Amazon Prime (Hello Roku). Or AirPlay development seeming dropped after I spent $$$ on a bunch of AirPlay speakers. Siri stopped working on three devices when I did an OS upgrade and has not come back (Genius bar says to nuke & pave, no thanks).

    And now iPhone 7 with no headphone jack?!?! Just who are they kidding with that one?? Like I want *another* device to charge and maintain. Plus I have used the headphone output to pass audio to other devices (stereos & such). Besides, the BlueTooth functionality on iThingys is dodgy at best, frequently requires iThingy reboots in order to connect to a device inches away. Plug in headphones are tried, true and 'just work' - unlike the promise of Apple's devices.

    I hate to say it, but on my next iThingy refresh, I am going to switch vendors. Apple, I just don't love you any more.

  53. wt29

    Simply lying

    Your Apple correspondent is simply lying. End of story. There patently is no waiting list and he doesn't have the balls to just state "We don't like you and you are blacklisted".

    Gutless, arrogant shits.

    Good luck for next year! Your patience in this is epic. It what makes me read The Register!

  54. Steve Button Silver badge

    Not sad or pathetic

    By blacklisting a few publications like yourselves and TWiT you are teaching everyone else to play nice and write favourable reviews or you'll get more of the same.

    ... And you guys still have to write about them anyway for the traffic, and because it would be sad and pathetic if you "boycott" them because they are still relevant.


    And by making a fuss about it you are being played even more.

  55. Chris G


    The sound of iPple trying to ignore Kieron and hope he goes away.

    Unfortunately for them, it ain't gonna happen.

    Apple does make some good products but their marketing strategy is to lock in customers as much as possible in every way possible, they know that, the Reg knows that and so does anyone who can think for themselves and walk around with their eyes open.

    So why does Apple have to pretend that they are not a ruthless marketing organisation at the level of professional journalism within the industry?

    Fanbois will continue to buy what they like regardless or at least they have so far. It is a mistake that catches up with most manufactureers however, that markets are ALL customer driven and sooner or later one has to allow for changes in the market place that are too big or too strong to be influenced by Apple.

    Of course if they did get an honesty attack there would be no more fun like this article, a masterful exchange of correspondence that shows the petty attitudes of giant corporations that can't take a little criticism.

    Kieron, beware of Tim Cook saying aloud in front of his security team; " Who will rid me of this meddlesome journalist?".

    Keep piling on the pressure in the same subtle way, I love it.


    Steven Fry

    Why not simply hire Steven Fry as an El Reg opinion technologist to cover such events?

    Watch Apple PR spinning "Wait you're Steven Fry? Sure... El Reg?... Waitlist... Fry... Sure... Reg...Arrgh!"

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: Steven Fry

      Brilliant! I'd actually pay good money to watch that.

      (As long as we both mean the same Mr Fry - his first name is Stephen.)

    2. munkiepus

      Re: Steven Fry

      Not too sure stephen fry would be that keen to work for the reg :D

  57. Joeman

    Apple, liars? never...

    Apple is a cult and they don't want people attending their sermons who aren't believers.

    Clearly Apple don't consider TheRegister readers are the correct audience for honest review of their new product. Well they got that right. I certainly wont be buying a new iPhone7, but when the new Google Pixel is released - a phone for proper techies - i'll be buying one ASAP.

    1. werdsmith Silver badge

      a phone for proper techies


  58. We're all in it together

    All hail Plankton

    Plankton, of Spongebob Squarepants fame, brainwashes his customers in one episode to take over the world and steal the secret Krabby pattie formula.

    There were large parts of the live streaming / presentation at the unveiling yesterday that looked worryingly similar. But I couldn't see buckets on the presenters heads. Perhaps they used the new wireless earphones?

    All hail iphone 7. All hail waterproof watch 2 (but don't use it waterskiing or scuba divering) etc

  59. jzl

    Actual Journalism

    I don't always agree with The Register, but it's this sort of stuff that keeps me coming back.

  60. Paul Westerman

    Any 27B/6 fans in?

    Reminds me of this

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: Any 27B/6 fans in?

      From this day on, yes. Paul, thanks for bringing 27B/6 to my attention; please accept a virtual pint as a token of my appreciation.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Any 27B/6 fans in?

      Thanks for the pointer :)

      This *is* so like 27B/6.

      BTW: Another new reader/fan has been created.

      Your virtual commission has been earned ........ Enjoy !!! :) :)

  61. Version 1.0 Silver badge
    IT Angle

    Who are Apple?

    I don't think I've bought anything from Apple since the White Album ...

  62. Bronek Kozicki

    Oh, sweet sound of silence

    I, for one, am very happy NOT to see sweeping coverage of Apple events, and minimally improved products, on El Reg pages at the same time when every bloody TV station and newspaper are full of Apple adds (often called "press coverage", by some accident) and subtle reminders that "now is the time to upgrade your phone/watch/computer".

    In fact, a 1 month blacklist before and 1 month after an event, for coverage of any Apple products, would be a really good thing. This could be even draped into some or the other ecological or social stance, and as such popularized in other media.

  63. Sanlorenzo

    Apple blacklist

    Sadly no matter how witty and honest your writing is, I suspect we all find that most large concerns are blindly suffering from a culture of irresponsibility, created by "plugging people in" to systems instead of careers, and made famous in the UK by David Walliams and Mat Lucas. This effectively turns an organisation into corporate moron. In your case the truth is more pointed and interesting, as you have so entertainingly demonstrated; though the synthetic arrogance created by Apples internal systems is apparent, as is the frustration of the Apple people you correspond with. Keep up the good work, we all look forwards to reading your narrative as we watch as the corporate moron heap itself, hopefully prior to waking-up and reinventing itself, post-Jobs.

  64. Pat Att


    I don't always agree with your line, but this is a great read. such persistence. Poor Alan must have been turning the Cupertino air blue every time you send an email.

  65. Yves Kurisaki

    Now now..

    Now now The Register.. don't worry, there are other kids to play with.

    Here, have some candy.

  66. Dez Scotland

    Be nice to people on your way up...

    Apple need to remember they almost went bust before the iPod

    After many years of iPhone ownership (since iPhone 4) I have jumped ship and moved to Android

    Apple are overpriced and usually behind the in features. Most "new" iPhone features are copied from other platforms and manufacturers.

    Ironic for a company so frequently in court sueing their competitors for exactly the same thing.

    Apples future died with Steve Jobs, Cook is driving Apple back towards the brink and there can be little sympathy offered to a company who bends and evades paying their taxes globally.

  67. Dascott1966

    Be nice to people on your way up Apple...

    Apple need to remember they almost went broke before the iPod was released. Perversely Microsoft bailed them out after an anti competition ruling if I remember correctly?

    After many years of iPhone ownership (every release from iPhone 4 upwards) I have jumped ship and moved to Android

    Apple iOS has been the main selling point as iPhone hardware is overpriced and always behind the in features.

    Most "new" iPhone features are copied from other platforms and manufacturers - kind of ironic for a company so frequently in court sueing their competitors for exactly the same thing.

    Apples future died with Steve Jobs, and Tim Cook is driving Apple back towards the brink. There can be little sympathy offered to a company who puts so much effort into bending global tax laws to evades paying their taxes at the "real" local rate.

    Android hardware is way ahead of Apples and Android has long since caught up with iOS. Same goes for Apple vs Google Play stores.

    Watch your back Apple... the night of the long knives is just around the corner and you are obviously too busy counting your cash reserves to see what's rightly coming your way.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Be nice to people on your way up Apple...

      Steady Dez - you need to get a proper Windows mouse so you can right click and then cut and paste rather than submit a draft from one account on your Macbook and a finished version from the Windows 7 PC...

  68. VulcanV5

    The problem here is . . .

    . . . is that Alan Hely works for a small start-up tech company which lacks the financial resources to shield itself against potentially damaging publicity from giant media corporations such as Vulture Inc. Nor, because of its puny size, can Mr Hely's employers afford the staffing costs of a professionally-run Department of External Affairs, or even hire in a single individual with the faintest idea of how corporate Public Relations actually works.

    Though this is all a bit distressing for those, like me, with an innate goodwill towards any little business hoping one day to be a big business, there's nothing we can do about it. Even a megabucks media colossus like Vulture Inc can't do anything either, for the well-nigh heroic benevolence shown by Kieren McCarthy has obviously been in vain.

    For now, and for the foreseeable future, this frail, tremulous Californian enterprise will just have to struggle on, not only against the twin obstacles of lack of working capital and absence of communications expertise, but also against the reputational damage wrought by that unfortunate, though entirely accurate, marketing sobriquet to which it is so memorably linked:

    APPLE. Frightened To The Core. ©

  69. clickbg


    Well in one perfect world where this thing called "freedom of the press" really exists I`d expect other outlets to protest this practice by not going to Apple events.

    But here in our reality the press is dead. Most of the outlets are nothing more than advertising companies for the highest bidder.

    Kudos to El Reg for trying to protect the dying art of journalism however!

  70. Jeremy Maccelari

    And that's why I won't touch Apple products. Arrogant ****ers...

    1. Yves Kurisaki

      Yes, Google is sooooo much better.

      Not arrogant at all. No lobbying, ever. No influence exerted on the press at all.

      And obviously, they don't evade taxes.. imagine!

      Much better to use Android and be safe in the knowledge that no one is using you or treating you like a product.

      Well done.

  71. Maldax


    I would suggest a nice sexy clickbait headline for every Apple announcement/launch etc.

    "Swanky new iPhone 7" with an 40 point font article "Nothing to see here"

  72. Sil


    I'm pretty sure if you asked Phil Schiller why The Register is still blacklisted, he would answer that's because Apple is courageous, The Register occupies too much precious room in San Francisco and it's time to move on.

  73. David Nash Silver badge

    Not all mainstream coverage is positive

  74. goldcd

    Might I just suggest

    That each Apple product launch is greeted with The Register's review of the latest piece of iKnockoffTat available from the local market?

    I would be much more interested in the "iDolphin" or whatever triple-sim monstrosity is available.

  75. Flywheel

    Sod 'em!

    What a bunch of arse - sod 'em. Watch it remotely from your favourite pub/bar and write an approximation of what you think they said. Your nose is obviously not brown enough.

  76. Rainer

    Yeah, has some entertainment value

    But really, El Reg, didn't you get the message? Apple does not want you at their Keynotes/Events.

    It's within their rights to invite only those they like. It's a private event.

    I got this mental image of you trying to enter a club where the bouncer had already sent you away (very friendly, but with flimsy excuses - he just doesn't like your face) multiple times.

    Or it's like you apply for a job-opening (or a apartment-rental) and they reply to you that the job/apartment has already been given to someone else. But you still see the ad online and try to re-apply, which makes you look like an idiot.

    I do agree that being there, being able to use the devices in the hands-on area or even talking to one of the executives is more useful than just watching it in the live-stream.

    But that's not going to happen for now.

    1. Swarthy

      Re: Yeah, has some entertainment value

      If Mr.. Allen had said "You are not welcome", or had invitations been issued (except not to El Reg), then this article would have been a non-thing. This was not actually documenting an attempt to get into the Apple Press Event, but rather it was documenting an attempt to get Apple to admit they didn't want El Reg, and possibly provide a reason.

      1. Rainer

        Re: Yeah, has some entertainment value

        Did you ever get an honest answer from HR why they didn't hire you?

        (I actually did, once, but that was in 2004-ish and from a large Swiss bank - and their reasoning was very spot-on, actually).

        Anyway - I've been in a position where I basically had to lie to a customer (or be very economic with the truth) because TPTB had decided not to come forward with the full truth (which would have been the right thing) but rather come up with some BS excuse that may or may not have made sense to some dimwit (but somebody with a few more braincells will easily have seen through it).

        So, I feel sorry for the gentleman from Apple, whose job is to entertain clowns like Mr McCarthy.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Yeah, has some entertainment value

          "Did you ever get an honest answer from HR why they didn't hire you?"

          Only very rarely. And what do you think of HR when they aren't forthcoming? Variations on "shiftless jerk weasels", I reckon. And yes, this is the analogy you've applied to Apple PR. Well done.

  77. Tempest8008

    Go covert

    You said in your email that you had other people in journalism who would be happy to give up a seat for you.

    Time to work another angle. Find one of them who IS willing to give you up a seat and get in using their credentials.

    Job done.

    Or pull some Mission Impossible crap and crash it. Find out who the caterer is and get in that way, or better yet the lighting/multimedia company who is streaming the event (you can guarantee Apple contracted that out) and get in with them under the guise of reviewing their streaming setup.

    Go for it!

  78. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    seems a new editorial policy is required

    From now on, replace every reference to Apple with Apple (unofficial blacklister of ElReg) (c) (etc)...

  79. Barracoder
    Thumb Up

    Aluta continua!

    It's so much funnier if they keep blacklisting you but, please, don't stop asking!

  80. alpine


    Is this all Applespeak or do all Californians talk like this now? Absolutely DIRE.

    "Thanks for reaching out"

    "my colleague Michaela, copied here, is our point person,"


    1. azaks

      Re: Applespeak

      "reaching out" (not to be confused with "reaching around") is the formal form of address - "touching base" is the more casual. Being "super excited" however spans both, and is usually used in concert.

      e.g. "hey, thanks for touching base, I'm super excited to get the opportunity to talk to you about..."

  81. Dick Pountain

    Smartie Phone?

    Love all the pink and mauve there - just like a big tube of Smarties

  82. gzuckier


    you should also print Apple's side. for instance, when they say Kieren can't get in because there won't be enough room. I notice your article pointedly does NOT mention Kieren's size so I can only assume there is something to hide; perhaps Kieren is very large, like Godzilla size.

  83. gzuckier

    business as usual

    The keyword being business. Print a bad review of an automobile, never get invited to the press junkets and early model previews and so on provided by that company again. Pan an upcoming movie, never get invited to a media preview by that studio again. Bad review of a book? Never get a preview copy again. Etc. And losing that early "exclusive news" is more deadly to a publication than losing advertisement money.

  84. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I wonder if Alan Hely in Apple PR or Marketing has realised.

    That if his name, Alan Hely, is mentioned enough times and indexed by Google that whenever anyone searches for Alan Hely, Apple PR marketing keynote product launch or similar keywords that articles like this one:

    will be spewed out?

    Finally, a use for SEO.

  85. Florida1920
    Paris Hilton


    Paris and I have heard of them.

  86. dbayly

    To anyone who has endured as an employee of a large corporation, it's obvious why El Reg is blacklisted, at some point a senior manager took offence at something on the website and The Register was a added to the "Do not revive" list. That worthy has probably moved on, been disgraced or died, but the listing remains. Large corporations are not flexible in this matter. Executive dignity must be preserved at all costs, even at the risk of being pompous.

  87. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All this talk of Apple "not admitting the truth" and yet..

    The PR guy is quite explicit. He says: "Our media list consists of *media we work with* and who review our products and as you know we don't have a relationship with the Register and I don't believe you review products"

    He is absolutely explicit that just being from a media organisation isn't enough to get you in. Nor just reviewing products. You have to be a member of a media organisation Apple works with. And that does not include The Reg.

    It's also hardly surprising it doesn't include The Reg, because you consistently write negatively about Apple. You're perfectly entitled to, of course, but why on earth would Apple make it easier for you to do so?

    1. azaks

      Re: All this talk of Apple "not admitting the truth" and yet..

      I think you might be missing the point here

      >> You have to be a member of a media organisation Apple works with.

      If I were cynical, I would call this a total corruption of the process for disseminating impartial information. When a vendor gushes about their product, grains of salt are liberally applied - when a respected and supposedly impartial non-affiliate does the same, it carries far more weight. Cherry-picking media orgs by how much smoke they blow up Apple's arse and calling it "impartial" is just another shining example of how the company operates. Great for the bottom line too - next-to-free advertising for the cost of a few bits of shiny.

      1. slhilly

        Re: All this talk of Apple "not admitting the truth" and yet..

        But not only does Apple not have a "process for disseminating impartial information", Apple is *not obliged* to have such a process. Indeed, it would be mad for Apple to have such a process. That's the job of the journalists.

  88. azaks


    I'm about as far as an Apple fan as you could get. I dislike most things about the company - from their over-hyped and over-priced products, blatant tax evasion, and "our shit doesn't stink" attitude to the problems that accompany tech products.

    But I have to question your approach to getting the desired outcome (unless the desired outcome was just writing this article). You come across as passive aggressive and self-righteous - I wouldn't be inclined to help you out (FFS - lecturing the guy about his OOO?)

    Unless the guy is really slow-witted, he knows what you are really asking and trying to trap him into admitting it. Why play games? - just ask him directly.

    1. kierenmccarthy

      Re: hmmmm.....

      > Why play games? - just ask him directly.

      Good idea.

  89. Dick Kennedy

    Hey, do you know what's "pathetically petty"? You guys banging on about how Apple doesn't like you, year after year. But at least you don't let it bias your coverage. Oh wait, you do. Weren't you guys journalists once?

    1. Anonymous Coward

      bait: taken

      I, for one, appreciate it-- and not only because the whole world's love affair with Apple is mildly appalling. Non-AC because of ${reasons}

  90. Sleep deprived

    This petty behavior reminds me...

    a recent consultation on the overhaul of a commercial street. All options were considered, such as removing a car lane to add a bike path, enlarge sidewalks, etc. The organizers insured there was one merchant per table of 8-10 people. The guy at our table didn't want to identify his store. You can be petty, big or small...

  91. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hey Apple

    Up your nose with a rubber hose!

  92. Tarw

    I'm not sure why but I read your emails in the voice of David Brent.

  93. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just post a review declaring the IPhone to be the latest incarnation of magnificent innovation, which will lead us into a Golden Age of technology, and ...... <continued on p97>

    Invite guaranteed.

  94. Q.Werty

    Jony's best mate

    That's an excellent wind-up of Hely and I feel and sympathise with your pain and frustration. But you may have miscalculated. This guy is no fifth-tier PR goon. He sits at the Right Hand Of God You've poked the tiger in the eye. A two-minute Google reveals: "Alan Hely, Apple, European communications director Amiable but tough, the Glaswegian is credited with much of the success of the Apple brand in Europe. He helped create the massive buzz around the launch of the iPod and iPhone as well as the Apple stores in Regent Street and Covent Garden. Trusted by Steve Jobs's inner circle and a friend of chief designer Jonathan Ive, Hely has been with Apple since 1995". You may get lucky when the IPhone 23 is launched.

  95. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Big dumb companies usually think they know best. They're often wrong. And sometimes they're wrong to their own detriment.

    Silly, petty, punitive activity like Apple is apparently doing often eventually ends up biting them down the road, especially in today's world of "social media" (read: gossip, rumor, and puffing on the interwebs). Right or wrong, word travels fast, much faster than any lumbering corporation could ever hope to control, or spin.

  96. Number6

    More Entertaining

    I find Kieran's trolling of the Apple PR team to be far more entertaining than any Apple news conference. Unless someone can come up with the equivalent of the Gates W98 BSOD of course, just to show that even the mighty can trip over their shoelaces occasionally.

    Mind you, they get several tech points deducted for having their email software configured to send read receipts, one would have thought they'd be a bit more secure than that.

  97. Philip 5

    Perhaps it's because you're completely biased against them and constantly take the piss out of them? Just a wild guess.

  98. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ironic coming from El Reg

    Where posting something they don't like, gets the post banned without recourse or justification.

    Which could be argued, "make them look, you know, pathetically petty".

    Funny when a reporter complains about Big Corp treating them like that, since he's so important...

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