back to article Paint your wagon (with electric circuits) but leave my crotch alone

The contents of my pants are hot. Given recent experience, I would venture to say they’re even too hot to handle. Getting too close to those hidden quarters of the scorching Dabbs family jewels could cause one to swoon in a dead faint. I know this because my smartphone told me. Well, it didn’t actually tell me. And no, I don …


    Thirteen kilograms less Dabbsy?

    How many less Jubs is that?

    1. Ben Bonsall

      Re: Thirteen kilograms less Dabbsy?

      Combining this:

      Alistair’s weight-loss smugathon continues, taking the total so far to 13kg.

      with this:

      … or, since I went vegetarian this year,

      Leads me to believe it's not so much weight loss, as dangerous malnutrition...

      1. Ben Bonsall

        Re: Thirteen kilograms less Dabbsy?

        (and, 3.09 jubs)

      2. Simon 4

        i would have kept quiet...

        ... about the vegetarian kick....

      3. Fungus Bob

        Re: Thirteen kilograms less Dabbsy?

        "Leads me to believe it's not so much weight loss, as dangerous malnutrition..."

        There's a difference?

    2. Darryl

      Re: How many less Jubs is that?

      I would hope only the two. Otherwise, he would've been eligible for a small role in the Total Recall remake

    3. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: Thirteen kilograms less Dabbsy?

      Either that or cargo shorts. Good ones are about 15 quid on amazon.

      I have banned the SWMBO from buying me clothes after the last "fashionable" pair of trousers she bought me for my birthday resulted in a new cracked screen. It is a choice of cargo, cargo or cargo now.

      The only downside is that you cannot run - having a 5 inch phablet beat against your leg is quite annoying. For those occasions you need an armband. Not something I will wear all day, but more than sufficient for a couple of hours of exercise.

  2. tiggity Silver badge

    holding phone in hand all the time

    Passers by might not assume you are lost & using Google maps ....

    They might think you are playing Pokemon Go or other AR game

    1. lglethal Silver badge

      Re: holding phone in hand all the time

      I cant decide which is worse - looking like a lost tourist or looking like someone who would play Pokemon Go.

      1. muddysteve

        Re: holding phone in hand all the time

        > I cant decide which is worse - looking like a lost tourist or looking like someone who would play Pokemon Go.

        Go for being a tourist every time.

        1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

          Re: holding phone in hand all the time

          Reminds me of something Harry Rowohlt once said about Stuttgart: "Were I forced to live there, I'd always carry a map in order to make people think that I'm a tourist."

  3. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    Heat does have a way with electronics, doesn't it ?

    It's a bit ironic. Progress has transformed our PCs from towering, heat-belching monsters to cool, near-silent and immensely more powerful tools, only to give us handheld scorchers that sometimes even catch fire.

    I really do hope that we'll get room-temperature superconductors some day. It will be a blessing in more ways than one.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Heat does have a way with electronics, doesn't it ?

      If your phone is a "scorcher" or shuts off from the heat in your pockets, you need a new phone. They shouldn't even get hot while in use, let alone when just sitting your pocket!

  4. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "emerging products such as AgIC’s circuit marker pen"

    Maybe it's age playing tricks on my memory but I'm sure that sort of thing was about decades ago, primarily for repairing boards with damaged traces. Maybe "re-emerging" would be more apt.

    1. MrT

      I remember using something similar in the 80's, though it was more like a Tippex bottle in application, rather than a pen - very useful for repairing heated rear screen elements that have been damaged when removing carelessly placed garage advert stickers, for example.

      1. Anonymous Custard

        @Doctor Syntax - not "re-emerging".

        These days it'd have to be "rebooted" or "reimagined", and probably starring Dwayne Johnson.

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge


        You're right. It was Dalo that made pens. They were loaded with resist so you could draw out your circuit board and etch it.

  5. AndrueC Silver badge

    Given that my most recent experience of builders taught me that they are unaware that the waterproof silicon gel is supposed to be applied to seams inside a shower unit rather than on the outside

    Not entirely true. A lot of modern shower frames are designed to leak inside so you have to seal them on the outside so that water can get out and go back into the tray. If you only seal a shower frame on the inside you may well find that it leaks.

    "As mentioned, a shower should be sealed right down both wall profiles and bottom profile on the OUTSIDE and I often seal both wall channels on the inside also but the bottom profile should be left unsealed on the inside."

    1. Alistair Dabbs

      >> modern shower frames

      This guy did exactly as you said. The water poured into the seams on the interior, trickled into the screw holes and soaked into the wall. A week later, the paint on the other side of the wall was bubbling up and flaking away, along with the plaster.

      1. AndrueC Silver badge
        Thumb Up


        The chap who did mine thankfully knew what he was doing. But then he was more of a 'highly skilled handyman' than a builder. But I hate anything remotely involved with plumbing. I don't mind wiring something up to the mains but water is another matter. Electricity might kill you but at least it stays in the wires and as long as you tighten the screws is unlikely to catch you out. But water will go wherever the hell it likes and leap out at you from anywhere at any time. It can be sneaky as well as you found out. Gradually leaking out and only making its presence felt when it's done a load of damage.

        I had to fit a new dishwasher(*) week before last and I'm still feeling behind the cabinet every day or so to be sure that the hose connection isn't leaking. The cooker that I replaced at the same time concerns me not one jot. It's wired. It's working. End of.

        (*)Replacing one that was 17 years old so I forgave it the small puddle it made on the kitchen floor :)

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          "(*)Replacing one that was 17 years old so I forgave it the small puddle it made on the kitchen floor :)"

          I wouldn't. At 17 years old it should bloody well know better!!

    2. MonkeyCee

      Oh gods...

      Plumbing is just a mind bender for me....

      In the Netherlands, getting the builders and the plumbers to talk to each other, except to agree it's neither of their faults, is the biggest pisser. I've ended up doing a bunch of the building type stuff myself otherwise we go for weeks without a shower.

      Current bullshit is the shower cabinet no longer leaks on the sides, or where the panels meet, but the drain trap seems to overflow. I say seems, because actually catching the bugger in action doesn't work, and seems to either dump 1-2 liters or 10+, without any clear reason why.

      I'm at the rip it out and put in a bathtub stage.

      I'm lucky tho. One of our neighborhood buddies had their next door "indoor growing arrangement" spring a leak, which saturated two storeys worth of wall and a ceiling with a green tinge.

  6. brotherelf

    Isn't that what all those fancy strapple health devices are for, vibrating when your phone rings?

    There, problem solved, and if you don't like to wear it around your wrist, you can wear it around your ankle, or, I guess, your mantenna. I'm not sure the "counting steps" part will work all that well in the latter case, though.

    1. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

      Wankle, anyone?

    2. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Or as my friend S.B. liked to ask, "how do you wear a pocket watch on a nudist beach?"

      1. GrumpenKraut

        I am NOT going to tell you!

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Use a sundial instead.

        [ leaves it to your imagination... ]

      3. Wandering Reader

        Easy, so long as you use an Albert

      4. Montreal Sean

        "Or as my friend S.B. liked to ask, "how do you wear a pocket watch on a nudist beach?""

        I'm sure Christopher Walken could tell you.

    3. ma1010

      Thanks for putting THAT picture into my head. Now I can imagine someone strapping on such an accessory, removing their number from the "Do Not Call List" while simultaneously signing up for every phone spam list they can find.

  7. Whitter

    "weather triggered the ... alarm"

    We once had a neighbour who's burglar alarm suffered similarly, though it was wet weather that it suffered from. It took months of phoning the police to check-up on the "break-in" (particularly after they had asked us to stop) until such time as the police decided the bother of getting the owner to fix their alarm was less than the bother of talking to us again.

    1. My other car is a Stryker LAV

      Re: "weather triggered the ... alarm"

      When my brother was at university, he had a few classes in a relatively new building. He complained it was all-too-frequently having false fire alarms during his classes.

      And the department it housed? Electrical Engineering & Computer Science.

      (Obviously it wasn't uni professors wiring alarm systems. (Grad students, maybe...) Builders are crap unless you're my brother-in-law -- not crap; just expensive, because "you get what you pay for" and he never uses cheap materials.)

  8. Dan 55 Silver badge

    Noise is the way forward

    Set your phone to sound like a fire alarm and you won't miss calls. People who give a damn about others are obviously getting more and more outnumbered by the day by the people who don't, so you might give up on all that worry and internal struggle and join 'em.

    1. Baldy50

      Re: Noise is the way forward

      Living in Spain at the time and had different ring tones for mother/father, other family, friends, clients/ customers and fuckwits.

      The quietest least annoying on this old Nokia was Sicada, it's a noisy bug when it's on your window and you are trying to have your siesta, had the phone set to increment the volume so I'm in a restaurant and the thing is in my jacket pocket.

      I didn't click at first until I saw waiters scanning the room intently looking for the bug, quickly and discretely reached into my pocket and cancelled the call, as the volume went higher and higher they were approaching my location.

      I looked over the other side of the room after the phone stopped and the waiters went past me, my friends and family at the table had by this time clicked as well and we had a good laugh about it.

      I was even looking for the bloody bug myself at first, changed ring tone for the fucktards the next day as I had unwittingly become one too.

      1. Chris Hance


        How long did it take to mix the tracks for all the overlapping categories? I can't imagine "mother/father, other family, friends, clients/ customers and fuckwits" are all mutually exclusive groups.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Noise is the way forward

      Just knitted myself an email notification tone for my phone. Middle grandson was happily pushing toy cars round a playmat whilst mum was videoing the happy little chappy. He grabs a toy ambulance and starts pushing it round, yelling really clearly and at the top of his voise "nee naa nee naa nee naa". Couldn't resist it. Grabbed a copy, extracted the audio, cropped, tidied and equalised. Perfect.

  9. Mage Silver badge

    Heat & Electronics & fans

    The vision switching electronics in BBC used to overheat (1970s). The window mounted aircon fitted to help would ice up In warm weather. So back of 19" rack bay would be opened and a big fan sat on a stool to help cool it.

    1. Anonymous Custard

      Re: Heat & Electronics & fans

      Sounds like the old Archimedes that used to sit in the lab when I was a student (going back 20 or so years ago) which worked fine in winter, but in summer required a periodically refilled beaker of liquid nitrogen to be sat in front of its air intake for it to operate for more than about 10 minutes before giving up with heatstroke.

  10. MrT


    Do you carry any other items of, erm, 'baggage' in the same pocket? That's what used to turn my phones off (or at times reboot them), with things pressing/holding down the power button. Solution was to put the phone in the other way up so the button was away from any protrusions or interference. Picking the pocket on the side away from the one you dress may remove another possibility, unless you are Longrod von Hugendong and can, for example, disable the security grid at the Rock'n'Roll History Museum without using your hands...

  11. Shadow Systems

    A semi-serious question...

    Why do you not use a holster with a belt clip, clipped to the outside of your pants, so it doesn't overheat in your pocket (& is easier to fling away in a hurry if it catches fire)?

    If it's a fashion thing then I'll take your word for it since I don't give a flying fek about fashion; I keep my cellphone in a belt clip holster clipped to my shoulder beside my ear & call it my electronic parrot. I could probably clip it to my pants... if I wore any. =-D

    /runs away gleefully streaking everyone

    1. l8gravely

      Re: A semi-serious question...

      I agree, belt holster is the way to go. I tried carrying a wallet up front due to pains in the hip, but even with the "loose" jeans, it was still too much.

      I'm amazed how many women carry their phones in the back, and yet don't break them nearly as much I would think. I did that with a second phone and managed to put a crack in the screen and a bend in the case, just from sitting on my not too considerable ass. I'm 185lbs, 6'2" so I'm not that obese...

      1. Jeffrey Nonken

        Re: A semi-serious question...

        I use a holster myself. I've been quite happy with the Naztech Gladiator; tough canvas with a magnetized flap, comes with both a belt loop and a spring clip, either of which it locks to with a 180 degree twist. Very robust.

        Disclaimer: nought but a satisfied customer.

  12. lawndart

    Is this really a Dabbsy article? Where's the music video?

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken
      1. GrumpenKraut
        Thumb Up

        Andreas Dorau: Fred vom Jupiter, OMG!

      2. lawndart

        Brilliant, thank you

      3. Chris G

        I just listened to bits of several of the videos on the page you linked to.

        Now I know why so many Germans come to Ibiza, to get away from that,,,,music?

        Quirky I like but this I don't have a term for.

        I carry my phone in a back pocket much of the time, here it's midnight and the temp is 29, not sure what the max was today but I never have a temperature related shut down.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Two words:

    Cargo shorts. I carry my phone in one of those extra two pockets and it works perfectly - on one hand it's very easy to reach, on the other it doesn't either pop out or crush my, ahem, other equipment whenever I sit down.

  14. frank ly

    Kids nowadays

    "... arming tweenagers with cheeseboard and soldering irons ..."

    When I were a lad, we had to make do with breadboard and tallow candles.

    1. Shadow Systems

      @Frank Ly, RE: Breadboard & Tallow.

      Bread & tallow? BAH! Back in MY day we had to make do with Beer & raw whale blubber on slabs of clay!

      *Shakes a palsied fist*

      Danged WhipperSnappers! Get off my lawn!


  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Dont' put phones in your pants pocket

    use a holster on your belt.

    If you want to look more James Bond than geek then get a shoulder holster.

    1. ma1010
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Dont' put phones in your pants pocket

      Yeah, especially if the case is one of those clever gun-shaped ones! Live out that Bond fantasy! Impress all your friends AND the police. Let everyone know what a sad wanker you are.

  16. Tikimon

    Wot? Don't have a Real Man's phone?

    Those Hello Kitty models aren't the most rugged things yanno.

    I live in the American South, and my S5 works fine in my pocket on the hottest days we get (100F+ or 38C+). It happily tracks my route in a front pocket while mountain biking too, which generates loads of extra heat.

    But then it's reasonably waterproof as well. Might humidity be a factor in Dabbsy's shutdowns? I won't speculate on what lifestyle specifics could be increasing the local moisture content in his pocket.

    1. Solmyr ibn Wali Barad

      Re: Wot? Don't have a Real Man's phone?

      Well, no man but a Real Man can carry a Hello Kitty phone in public. One has to have balls of steel to do that.

  17. Marcelo Rodrigues

    Where in hell are You?

    In summers I (routinely) face temperatures of more than 38 Celsius degrees, with more than 80% air humidity. Never had a mobile resetting or turning off. And I use them on the left front pocket of my jeans!

    Corrosion killed one though. And one Nokia had the screen replaced, under warranty. It got all white with the heat.

  18. Allan George Dyer

    How about a Noise Cancelling Ringtone?

    With thanks to Old Tom and TP.

  19. Jim Ettles 1

    Shirt pocket

    My phone survives in a shirt pocket. I doesn't usually get much over 40deg C in summer here.

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