back to article ExaFlash: Cheap, dense, energy-sipper will 'empower humankind'

Nimbus Data has announced its scale-out ExaFlash all-flash array at the Flash Memory Summit, with four models ranging up to 4.5PB raw capacity in 4U. The claims are pretty big and prompt the question: "Is this for real?" Nimbus' overall claims for ExaFlash start from scale and rackspace density and ultimately encompass " …

  1. Version 1.0 Silver badge

    "'empower humankind'"

    Odd, I misread the teaser as "enslave mankind" - still, that's room for a lot of cat videos, the wife is going to love it.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    which comes first? sued again, or sales team fired? Buyer beware.

    Nimbus has been my favorite "tech" company to follow due to the high quality lolz afforded. Just a few of my favorite Nimbus shennanigans over the last few years, all of this is fairly common public knowledge, one need only look through their glass door reviews for validation:

    CEO doing tech support because being an overbearing control freak scales well

    Customers suing the company for failure to deliver on product promises

    Entire teams being spun up in certain geos, only to be summarily fired after a few months

    Sales reps being screwed out of commissions

    Fleeing multiple locations due to burning bridges of local talent

    One can only guess where the company gets its funding, it certainly isnt through VC's or any other form of public funds. Obviously, its not from sales of the product, no one has ever seen their kit in the wild, they certainly dont show up in any competitive bid when we have reviewed products. Perhaps they are simply a money laundering front for some nefarious global gangster syndicate, it certainly makes more sense than the claims they make for their products.

    At this point, and with their stellar track record of success, one has to wonder why bother. There is no exit, there probably isnt even any real actual product. its just one long series of bad jokes masquarding as a company that no one in the industry in their right mind would apply for if they did even an inkling of research.

    1. Flammi

      Re: which comes first? sued again, or sales team fired? Buyer beware.

      Amen brother!

    2. Matt Bryant Silver badge

      Re: AC Re: which comes first? sued again, or sales team fired? Buyer beware.

      " has to wonder why bother...." I would suggest it's because they thought they would have been bought by a bigger competitor or a systems vendor by now. It's Start-up Plan 101 - hype, hype, hype, sell, retire - only the economy got in the way and I suspect their chance of being acquired has passed.

  3. yo_G

    kind of a gift

    ...for Chris Mellor. Keep us appraised of the lawsuits, Chris!

    Seriously, you just cannot make this stuff up, can you?

    In the all-flash enterprise storage space, we have a diverse mix... legacy incumbents... hungry startups... and this guy, spurious freaking Jesus

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I always assumed Nimbus was an elaborate hoax, like that time when Joaquin Phoenix pretended to become a hip hop artist stayed in character for two years, all for a "mockumentary" film. Will Thomas Isakovich turn out to be Daniel Day-Lewis wearing a prosthetic nose and brilliant white false teeth? Will the resulting film be classed as comedy (farce and slapstick) or is it filmed from the customer's perspective as a shocking horror story? However it turns out, you have to admire their commitment to the cause. An Oscar is surely just around the corner for the cast and crew of Nimbus Data Systems...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Bravo

      No-no, it's more like Leonardo climbing into the horse corpse in The Revenant. Thomas is still in there.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Tony Robbins of Storage

    Except at least we know Tony actually makes money selling books and tapes.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tom is so amazing when he goes off his meds

    In the full version of the press release you will discover that ExaFlash also slices, dices, and makes mounds and mounds of Julienne Fries, while simultaneously making the storage admin happier, wealthier, and more attractive to the opposite sex. Direct and channel sales model is guaranteed to be free of any conflict or drama, and the ability to support every swingin' dick block protocol known with File services also on the same device could not possibly carry any risk of data corruption from trespass.

    Given the track record that Nimbus enjoys in the industry, I am highly dubious of ANYTHING this guy says.

    Potential buyers should REALLY read and heed that last paragraph of the article. Insist on a POC. Prove EVERYTHING claimed in the pre sales process. Do not believe that anything missing is "Coming in the next release". Have all sales documents reviewed by your legal team, particularly any NDAs you are forced to sign before the Jesus Box is deployed. Then, keep a copy of all data stored on the device elsewhere on a different platform as well and be prepared to cut over to it.

    Maybe it's everything claimed....but there may be a couple of options for All Flash on the market with slightly less risk. Almost any of them, really.

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