back to article Swede suffers shrinking penis after dentist fits mouthguard

Swedish authorities are investigating the mysterious case of a Smaland man whose wedding tackle went into rapid decline after his dentist prescribed a mouthguard to cure him of grinding his teeth. Apparently 90 per cent of Swedes involuntarily grind their teeth. The condition can lead to jaw pain, damaging their own gnashers …

  1. Francis Boyle

    It's always a good day*

    when there's action on el Reg's todger trauma desk.

    *Schadenfraude - I don't mind if I do.

  2. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    "the plastic used in the mouthguard"

    Keep that plastic for pool-based todger mishaps.

    Make mouthguards out of ceramic.

    If that fails, call in a psychiatrist.

  3. Dr_N Silver badge

    Obviously...

    ... the new dental apparatus interferes with his ability to masticate.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Re: Obviously...

      I saw what you did there.

      But seriously, could it be that Swedes can generate extra testosterone by grinding their teeth?

  4. Sleep deprived
    Happy

    " there appears to be no suggestion that the dentist had recorded the patient’s penis size before"

    That's convenient if you want an enlargement operation for free...

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Småland...

    ...is the name of the creche in Ikea stores.

    Won't someone thinking of the CHILDREN?!!!

  6. rjmx
    Trollface

    Maybe it was in the wrong place

    Did they tell him he was supposed to put the mouthguard in his mouth?

    1. David Pollard

      Re: Maybe it was in the wrong place

      Or maybe he wasn't holding it right.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Plastics are scary

    Some chemicals added to plastics act as estrogen analogues and such. These are associated with genital birth defects and gradual feminisation, particularly in children. I haven't heard that they can also cause immediate impotence. Hardly surprised though.

    My guess: the manufacturer used the wrong chemical and/or WAY too much. Quality control these days....!

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I wear a mouth guard and I don't have this problem so it does sound like they are using the wrong plastic.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If a plastic can cause shrinkage could a different type cause growth?

    stuffing LEGO bricks in my mouth right now!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: If a plastic can cause shrinkage could a different type cause growth?

      Yes, they can cause growth... of manboobs.

      Or cancer.

      Luckily for you, LEGO is still thinking of the children putting them in their mouth. LEGOs, that is, and the children's safety.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    maybe my penis enlargment pump has been made out of the same plastic, because it's not helped at all? I'd be promised I'd gain at least four inches, so I should be 11 inches by now :-)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Rigid specifications

      Dewd, WHY are you using a penis pump made from plastic? I understand that there's a Russian model made of honest steel, forged from the guns that fought at Stalingrad!

      1. brotherelf
        Trollface

        Re: Rigid specifications

        Ah, the five-inch gun thread is over there --->

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wife says..

    Now I know what men need if they want to be just like Bieber.

  12. AlexS
    Holmes

    Don't tell Trump.

  13. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Leeches?

    "...firemen the world over could be spared having to deploy their angle grinders to free foolhardy chaps who get their vitals stuck in: ring spanners, steel rings, or plumbing."

    Could they not use medical leeches? it may be slow, but would certainly be possible to go from one organ engorged with blood to one organism engorged with blood.

    Paris - she should stay away. Though if she were to visit the fire station afterwards, the fireman would no doubt be eager for her to inspect their pole.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Leeches?

      although the leeches would be drawing off blood (good idea by the way) the blood would continue to fill inside the member......think of it like a toilet cistern, every time you flush it fills back up again. You would end up with a lot of happy well fed leeches and one not-so-happy corpse.

  14. Dr Patrick J R Harkin

    Having recently given up my GMC licence to practice, I shouldn't diagnose, but...

    ...this article might be worth reading while considering this case.

    Just saying.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Koro_(medicine)

  15. Captain Server Pants

    That dentist

    She must've been really hot :)

  16. mosw

    It's not the product.

    Clearly he is just holding wrong.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The solution is simple.

    Make the teeth guards out of the same stuff they make Swedish penis pumps out of.

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