back to article UK govt to launch a tech creche for military-focused startups

The UK's Ministry of Defence is to launch a “defence and security accelerator” for startups dabbling in so-called “miltech”. A helpful MoD press release explained that the creche will be “an innovation hub that will accelerate ideas from conception through to application, against challenges that seek to maintain military …

  1. hplasm

    Giant Airships!

    That is all.

    1. lafnlab

      Re: Giant Airships!

      ... with laser beams!

      1. sandman

        Re: Giant Airships!

        and shark tanks!

    2. Lars Silver badge

      Re: Giant Airships!

      Well perhaps, but then again the last and first giant British airship crashed on its maiden flight.

      1. SkippyBing

        Re: Giant Airships!

        'Well perhaps, but then again the last and first giant British airship crashed on its maiden flight.'

        Not true, the R101 crashed on its maiden voyage, but the R100 completed a successful trials programme and was only terminated after the R101's accident. Guess which one was a government programme...

        1. Trigonoceps occipitalis

          Re: Giant Airships!

          R100 - designed by Barnes Wallis. If I had only 0.1% of his capability as an engineer.

          (Also Wellington, Dam Busters' bouncing bomb, tallboy, grandslam.)

  2. KjetilS

    Maybe make bomb detectors? I'm sure the MOD is interested in that.

  3. TRT Silver badge

    Put down the weapon...

    You have 10 seconds to comply.



  4. Nigel99

    ownership of patents

    Will HMG take over ownership of any patents that it feels is in the national interest?

  5. Chris G

    “defence and security accelerator”

    This sytem will rapidly send any interesting ideas to the CSC (Chiefs of Staff Committee) where it will be discussed by the Chiefs of the armed sevices who will then refer it to the relevant Quangoes,Civil Service committees, the Ministry of Defence and anyone else who can delay having to make a decision until after everyone has been paid off for purchasing useless American products that are overpriced, non user servicable and unfit for purpose.

    1. Trigonoceps occipitalis

      Re: “defence and security accelerator”

      The MOD wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat and recycled as firelighters.

      Apologies to Douglas Adams

  6. C. P. Cosgrove
    Thumb Down

    Ummm !

    Am I not right in thinking that HM Gov and MoD have a track record in technological development ? And it's not a good one !

    Chris Cosgrove

  7. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    Creche. I had to look that one up. According to Pons online, in British english it's a nursery whereas in American english it's an orphanage. Hmm.

    Anyway, the article got me thinking about Brit-specific problems with military technology. So far I have come up with 1.5 points:

    1. No proper planes for the new carriers. Since I'm pretty sure that there won't be an app for that, that's the 0.5 point mentioned.

    2. You guys still drive on the wrong side of the road. (In my experience, the trickiest bit about that is entering roundabouts the right way.) So how about an app that uses GPS to sense when you are operating somewhere where you should drive on the right side (heh) of the road and reminds you about that in the gentle, soothing tones of a CSM?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Our grant parents didn't fight the NAZI's to end up driving on the German side of the road, thank you very much.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        That doesn't explain Japan though ;) But clearly an awesome opportunity for Aussies and Brits to do personal imports with the steering wheel on the side they are familiar with :D

  8. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    What the Future Needs are Novel Seeds and Able Feeds

    One of the objectives set out in the SDSR [PDF, 96 pages] under the heading “Promoting prosperity” was to “maximise the scope for commercialisation of technologies developed for government national security purposes” – and, encouragingly, “explain the problems we need to solve rather than specifying in detail what the answers must look like.”

    Hi, Gareth,

    Do you see that ElReg has already been given an exclusive foretaste of a readily available to suitable client base novel technology covering practically everything encouraged and needed for government national security purposes and securing its secrets and applications against misuse and abuse and intellectual property theft via virtual means and alien memes ........

    And that is not a question awaiting dispute and an unnecessary answer whenever a definite fact, cloaked and toying with fiction.

    And thanks for the heads up on the UK MOD's RFI and the initial direct email contact address/virtual point of presence.

    Oh, and a simple dummies guide in words of not too many syllables expanding upon the base root principles to deliver high end product and prosperous programming/fabulously rewarding bounty, could be a real flyer here:-) creating all sorts of government and national and international security problems for those seeking to keep secrets secret even whenever they have no idea of the secrets to be guarded and remain only known by a very select few because of the panic and pandemonium, madness and mayhem the release of the information and knowledge would surely generate and guarantee.

    Such as may then be highly classified AI and NEUKlearer HyperRadioProActive IT is rendered an almightily effective strategic and awesomely simple and complex tactical weapon system. However, in its dual/multiuse system role, is it also an absolutely fabulous new tool for development of ...... Future Bigger Pictures and Greater IntelAIgent Games Plays ....... and that makes it also universally attractive to a massively rich range of globally connected players with proactive state and professional non state actors at their call and/or in their employ, which would then put Blighty in a competitive bidding situation in an open market place.

    Yeah, shit happens eh, all the time .....

  9. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    More about Future Needs, Exotic Seeds and Erotic Feeds

    That headline, El Reg/Gareth …. UK govt to launch a tech creche for military-focused startups …. headlights all that is wrong and guaranteeing serial failure in a military operation with civil public and private administrations executing maladministrations.

    Ideally, although sadly not presently appearing to be the case with the current poor crop of military force chiefs and ill-ordered indians, should that headline be rearranged to herald …. UK MOD to launch a tech creche for government-focused startups

    And raising finance for such an operation would not be at all difficult with special forces delivering requests for compliance and non-refusal.

    And methinks that is certainly something quite novel and Great Game changing and more than just worthy of consideration/comprehensive virtual exploration, should the UK MOD be/wish to be a quality leading force rather than sub-prime reactionary government caretaker akin to being a thoroughly hacked, formerly crack unit.

    It is not as if, with the easily available ubiquitous technology at everyones fingertips, implementing radical fundamental change with the mentoring and monitoring of future events with present conditions nurtured to root favourable goals and generate further advantageous starting points, is difficult. The current times and present virtual spaces and cyber places have made everything required ridiculously easy.

    Or do you disagree, and fail to see the ease?

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How about a five-inch gun factory? Made inside a 3D-printer?

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Untrustworthy sods

    Having had my hands burned by the lying gits at DSTL and CDE I'll give this a miss. Ripping off IPR, forcing you to hand over IPR and FUTURE plans to one of their favoured consultancies as 'we dont think you're the best to develop your ideas'.

    The CDE is run worse than a car boot sale with inexplicable decisions on who gets funding.

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Re: Untrustworthy sods

      Now that is certainly something we can all surely agree with you on, AC, and which now has resulted in the quite desperate and rather unseemly scrabble for novel third party intellectual property reported on by El Reg here ..... UK govt to launch a tech creche for military-focused startups.

      Any smarter military minded bod is always going to ensure that governments never get their hands on the virtual crown jewels and future likely planning details of any significant technology. They just aint worthy and will always be looking to sell off everything to highest bidder whilst they use and abuse every possible opportunity to feather their nest and guarantee a long retirement at the considerable expense of somebody/everybody else.

      Methinks some secrets they might be taking away with themselves after significant terms in executive public office and which be subsequently shared and used for self enrichment and private third party personal gain are right treasonous, just like in days of yore in an age which cared and wasn't at all easily hacked.

  12. Cuddles


    Aren't these "innovation hubs" generally called catapults these days? Seems a shame to miss out on that name given the context.

    On a side note, the Satellite Catapult just up the road remains the most disappointingly misleading name I've ever seen.

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