Not enough spelling errors and not a single "yo!"?
This week, Microsoft tried to connect with college-age kids, and it did not go over particularly well. An after-party invite sent out to interns in San Francisco tried its best to be cool, like fresh straight from the fridge daddy-o cool. The end result was predictable. My roommate received this email from a Microsoft …
I saw this and assumed it was just a wind-up. You know when your dad turns up at a party wearing MC Hammer harem pants demanding that...
...look,I'm making this up. I was trying to think of an analogous moment which is comparable to that horrifically embarrassing email. There isn't one.
Microsoft have reached peak cringe, fam.
" I was trying to think of an analogous moment which is comparable to that horrifically embarrassing email."
Got one: Your date arrives just in time to meet your parents... Who are heading out to a Rocky Horror Picture Show viewing... in full costume.
"Dammit dad! If you have to wear fishnet stockings in public, would it kill you to at least shave your legs??"
"Innocent young college kid goes for a "meeting" with a stranger and then wakes up the next morning, in an unfamiliar box, with a massive, alcohol-induced headache and suddenly realises that someone has ...
... installed Windows 10 on their laptop."
I think you mean "wakes up in a bathtub full of ice with a note on the mirror saying 'Welcome to Windows 10' scrawled on it."
He's a yank, their beer just makes you sick without the joys of being drink.
Even most English beers don't cause you to be drink, it's still about consumption rather than transformation. Although after a few pints of Death or Glory, you do start to wonder what exactly is flowing through your veins.
This e-mail isn't some error. It's Windows 10 in text format. Soon all MS internal and external correspondance will be in this format.
Hey bae accountants, we just got flung some dope revenues and need to drop the latest receipts on you.
I'd say it was written by Tay, but there's no mention of a final solution.
I may just be square and unhip, but the last thing I want with my work environment is to go to an after-party and play beer pong with any of them I have my own circle of friends and I keep my work life professional.
It's my experience of work parties / social that they want you to pretend to be all relaxed and "yourself", but they don't actually want that - the politics carries on. And if you do let yourself be yourself that tends to be remembered in the morning (especially if you're a woman where social and work standards tend to differ even more).
The Internet-phrasing is just silly to be. But the idea that I should be professionally introducing myself to a company I want to work for by playing "beer-pong" is just down-right off-putting.
Well, I had to search just to sort out what the <3 was about. As the most popular record on urban dictionary has it, it's a ball sack that some folks mistake for a heart.
To think I've been wasting my time studying the object model for several MSFT applications and didn't have time to learn about ASCII hearts. I'm clearly not MSFT material.
>>"Surely 'bae' is not a derivative of 'baby' but a truncation thereof? "Contraction" is a less-precise possibility."
Phonetically it is a contraction, but we are in a written forum talking about a term used overwhelmingly in a written form. (I have only ever heard "Bae" used in a real-world conversation once). Therefore neither contraction nor truncation are appropriate, but derivation is correct.
I would add the "</pedant>" closing tags, but to be honest, I never am not in pedant mode.
Also, "waifu" in English means something other than your Japanese definition as it is frequently applied to non-fictional people.
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I was staying down with my ex-, looking after my 7-year-old daughter not long ago. Had great fun, especially once she dialled into the sense of humour again and didn't get upset just because I was mocking her.
One the last evening, she got ready for bed and was hanging around in the living room with me. I said it was time for bed. She then said a word that shocked me to my very core and caused me to send her to bed immediately with stern words.
I mean, really? RyanAir speak? How dare you young lady, off to bed with you now, this instant!
Although it was in jest, and taken that way by her - she especially knew that she'd "scored a point" against me with that! - I was also semi-serious. I think I'd have preferred her to use a four-letter word, so long as it was used in the correct manner, appropriate and in-context.
But "chillax"?! Really? From my daughter? Hell, no.
This email reminds me of that.
Then they can freely borrow this text:
Fo' sho' imma totally lit wit yo job offa to hang deep an do shit wit yo Widaz 10 viral thang
Amma givin' it props and tha hi-dawg.
Deep an hi luv for M$ (an M$ ain't denotin no string variable reference in standard Basic, I am l33t an codez).
Ps does Kim still work for you? She sounds nice.
To clarify, the job acceptance clause is at the end of line 3 and line 4 cleverly combines an illustration of the student's future loyalty to the company and their deep knowledge of coding.
I initially thought Bae was misspelled Bay.
Thanks for your explanations, guys, now I know what this is about:
With MS revenue taking a hit, MS San Francisco no longer has the funds to pay hookers, so they thought they could invite some students for a party, much cheaper, less chances of getting std's etc.
every now and again they they try to crack the "cool", the "hip" or whatever term is hip/cool this week, and they only embarass themselves more each time. Perhaps they should observe the lessons of parenting and study the results, both short and long term of what happens when dad tries to be cool. But hey, what do I know, only two kids in the house...
When I left university ICI invited lots of us to attend their "assessment centre" which was three days in a hotel being assessed for their fast track programme. They put out a slightly cringeworthy invitation during day one for all of us to attend their "bar, disco, nibbles and hair down session" (it was the 70s). The invitation was plastered with FREE BAR! in each corner.
Some of the interviewees did the student thing and drank as if it were going out of style, leading to several falling over and some in-your-face mutual dance floor groping and tongue hockey.
The next morning I noticed a long queue at reception - all the party drunks were leaving. The drunkathon had been part of the "assessment centre" and they had been rudely awoken by personnel department staff letting them know their services would not be required.
when your parents try to act all 'hip" like they're teenagers, only to end up acting "lame" instead (and embarrassing the offspring, but it's their job to embarrass offspring, so go figure)
seems applicable, to me...
Can't be too hard on MSFT, after all lots of big companies outsource recruitment to people who show all the signs of having considerable amounts of unused cranial space.
But, it makes ya wonder. This email was written to attract a certain demographic: let's say, young urban singles in SF. Since MSFT is committed to diversity and finding talent from wherever, I can't help but wonder if there are other emails written in a style that is equally cringe-worthy?
I want to see the emails they send out to the Indian kids in Bangalore, the black kids in Baltimore and the cool French kids in Montreal. Maybe they just pipe some English through a jive filter?
"Since MSFT is committed to diversity and finding talent from wherever"
"diversity" is *HIGHLY* overrated. If it's not skills-related, it should _NOT_ be JOB-related, for hiring or any other reason. But it would figure that Micro-shaft would focus on non-job-related "things" as a hiring basis, such as being a "hip" youngun' who understand the lingo of that letter... (we need more 'insert non-job-qualification-characteristic here' in our employ).
yeah, diversity may be thought of like a well established alloy (in someone's dreams) but REALITY is more like a POORLY DONE alloy, something that shatters under stress, or bends well before the design load is reached. Making 'diversity' a primary hiring factor just WEAKENS the outcome, overall, because you're not focusing on hiring people who can DO! THE! JOB! - you're playing "social goody-goody" instead. Typical stupidity of the left, yeah.
"Wow, I think my alloy needs more LEAD in it. There's no LEAD representation here. Better get some LEAD in it, otherwise the LEAD representatives will SUE ME for NOT ADDING ENOUGH LEAD because it's POORLY REPRESENTED based on the available metals and their percentages in nature..."
No, your headquarters in Redmond, you twats. Sure, they are sort of close, but its like saying San Jose and San Francisco are the same city...
Please stop associating your company with my city, we quarantined you guys over on the other side of Lake Washington for a reason, hell, we let you have half of Bellevue, FFS...
Although as far as the IRS / SEC / FTC / etc. is concerned, Microsoft's HQ is in fracking Dublin (as to avoid paying their fair share of taxes).
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