back to article Microsoft's cringey 'Hey bae <3' recruiter email translated by El Reg

This week, Microsoft tried to connect with college-age kids, and it did not go over particularly well. An after-party invite sent out to interns in San Francisco tried its best to be cool, like fresh straight from the fridge daddy-o cool. The end result was predictable. My roommate received this email from a Microsoft …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Unbelievable!

    Not enough spelling errors and not a single "yo!"?

  2. AlexS
    Headmaster

    TRANSLATION

    When you arrive you will be taken to a back room, and interrogated about why you haven't upgraded to Windows 10.

    1. Dave Ross

      Even if you already have!

    2. Mark Simon

      … and how you managed not to …

  3. Tommy Pock

    I saw this and assumed it was just a wind-up. You know when your dad turns up at a party wearing MC Hammer harem pants demanding that...

    ...look,I'm making this up. I was trying to think of an analogous moment which is comparable to that horrifically embarrassing email. There isn't one.

    Microsoft have reached peak cringe, fam.

    1. Captain DaFt

      " I was trying to think of an analogous moment which is comparable to that horrifically embarrassing email."

      Got one: Your date arrives just in time to meet your parents... Who are heading out to a Rocky Horror Picture Show viewing... in full costume.

      "Dammit dad! If you have to wear fishnet stockings in public, would it kill you to at least shave your legs??"

      1. Paul Woodhouse

        I think my childhood officially ended the day I gave my parents a lift to a Rocky Horror concert.

        1. Rich 11 Silver badge

          You were driving while still a child?

          1. TRT Silver badge

            Haven't you seen the sign? Drive slowly children.

            1. AndrueC Silver badge
              Happy

              Or the related sign that we actually had outside our house in the 1970s while the housing estate was being built.

              "Danger, children".

  4. Blofeld's Cat
    Devil

    Ah...

    Some people just never learn ...

    Innocent young college kid goes for a "meeting" with a stranger and then wakes up the next morning, in an unfamiliar box, with a massive, alcohol-induced headache and suddenly realises that someone has ...

    ... installed Windows 10 on their laptop.

    1. agatum

      Re: Ah...

      ... installed Windows 10 on their laptop.

      When in uni I certainly had my share of horrible mornings after all night 'studying' but not nearly horrendous as that.

      1. Triggerfish

        Re: Ah...

        Exactly the sort of dose you regret after a night out.

    2. imanidiot Silver badge

      Re: Ah...

      ... installed Windows 10 on their Macbook.

      (Keep in mind this is the bay area we're talking here. High hipster Mac user density)

    3. Charlie Clark Silver badge
      Coat

      Something's missing

      "where did all that blood come from?"

      Mine's the one with the well-thumbed copy of "Amateur Pharmacology" in the pocket.

    4. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Windows

      Re: Ah...

      ... installed Windows 10 on their laptop.

      At least this method is less dishonest

    5. Faceless Man

      Re: Ah...

      "Innocent young college kid goes for a "meeting" with a stranger and then wakes up the next morning, in an unfamiliar box, with a massive, alcohol-induced headache and suddenly realises that someone has ...

      ... installed Windows 10 on their laptop."

      I think you mean "wakes up in a bathtub full of ice with a note on the mirror saying 'Welcome to Windows 10' scrawled on it."

    6. Updraft102

      Re: Ah...

      Well, that would at least rectify the part where MS said," The email was poorly worded and not in keeping with our values as a company."

  5. a_yank_lurker Silver badge

    Delusions of Competence

    How about treaty these recruits like adults and not 12 year olds? But I forgot this is Slurp whose cluelessness knows no bounds.

    1. Allan George Dyer Silver badge
      Childcatcher

      Re: Delusions of Competence

      Are you saying that your idea of how to treat 12 year olds is to invite them to wild, late-night parties with alcohol? Should we be reporting you to someone?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Delusions of Competence

        He's a yank, their beer just makes you sick without the joys of being drink.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Delusions of Competence

          He's a yank, their beer just makes you sick without the joys of being drink.

          Even most English beers don't cause you to be drink, it's still about consumption rather than transformation. Although after a few pints of Death or Glory, you do start to wonder what exactly is flowing through your veins.

          1. TheVogon

            Re: Delusions of Competence

            "He's a yank, their beer just makes you sick without the joys of being drink."

            Drinking English beer turns it into American beer....

      2. Alien8n

        Re: Delusions of Competence

        @Allan exactly. At least my maths teacher waited till I was 13...

        (I lived next door to my maths teacher and was invited to her house warming party. Copious amounts of home brewed ale at the age of 13, needless to say I was a bit wobbly on the way home)

  6. Ropewash

    HAHAHA

    This e-mail isn't some error. It's Windows 10 in text format. Soon all MS internal and external correspondance will be in this format.

    Hey bae accountants, we just got flung some dope revenues and need to drop the latest receipts on you.

    I'd say it was written by Tay, but there's no mention of a final solution.

    1. P. Lee

      Re: HAHAHA

      >I'd say it was written by Tay, but there's no mention of a final solution.

      Hahaha!

      The first rule of Windows 10 Club...

  7. NotArghGeeCee

    Every time I see "<3"...

    ...my first thought is always "less than 3 what?"

    1. m0rt

      Re: Every time I see "<3"...

      "less than 3 what?"

      Ahhhh, you must be a physicist.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Every time I see "<3"...

        bae <3

        Looks as if someone tried to depict BAE letting off gas.

        1. Ben Bonsall

          Re: Every time I see "<3"...

          'bae <3

          Looks as if someone tried to depict BAE letting off gas.'

          Seeing as bae is Danish for shit, seems legit.

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

            1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

              Re: Every time I see "<3"...

              Ah, the double polaroid moment:

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ofl_UP3apM

              1. m0rt

                @GrumpenKraut Re: Every time I see "<3"...

                'Or rather a mathimaticist?'

                If that was the case, he would have thought: ' What less than 3?' as opposed to 'Less than 3 what?'

            2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

              Re: Every time I see "<3"...

              Yeah, it always looks like a cock and balls to me too. So what *does* it mean?

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Every time I see "<3"...

                "Yeah, it always looks like a cock and balls to me too. So what *does* it mean?"

                I think it means you spend too much time thinking about cock and balls.

              2. hplasm
                Happy

                Re: Every time I see "<3"...

                "Yeah, it always looks like a cock and balls to me too. So what *does* it mean?"

                Asshat?

        2. bombastic bob Silver badge

          Re: Every time I see "<3"...

          "Looks as if someone tried to depict BAE letting off gas."

          or an unusual (and apparently partial) depiction of male anatomy

      2. GrumpenKraut
        Coat

        Re: Every time I see "<3"...

        > Ahhhh, you must be a physicist.

        Or rather a mathimaticist?

        1. Fungus Bob
          Trollface

          Re: physicist, mathimaticist

          Better than a plain, old cyst...

    2. AndrueC Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Every time I see "<3"...

      I still think of that emoticon as 'Ice Cream Cone'.

      So apparently the party is going to include ice cream.

    3. Trigonoceps occipitalis

      Re: Every time I see "<3"...

      Fewer than 3 Shirley?

  8. Oengus

    Language pack

    Microsoft have added a new language pack to Windows 10 and Office 365 - "English (Hipster)". Daily updates required to keep up with the latest buzzwords.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Language pack

      Is it currently up to date then based on that email? Just checking as I don't speak Hipster.

      1. imanidiot Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: Language pack

        Nobody knows. Only a hipster could check that but typewriters don't have spellcheckers

  9. Big-nosed Pengie
    Headmaster

    "An after-party invite sent out to interns..."

    "Invite" is a verb. The noun you're looking for is "invitation".

    Or are you just trying to impress college age kids?

  10. Magani
    WTF?

    UK Connection?

    "Hey Bae intern <3"

    British Aerospace are taking interns?

    1. Felonmarmer

      Re: UK Connection?

      But only one or two.

  11. Pete 48

    Shit

    Bæ/bae is a Danish word for shit.

    Translation:

    "Hi Shit Intern with less than 3 IQ"

    Good to see Microsoft still has a high standard of recruitment, theyre only looking for the shit interns.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Shit

      Ouch… maybe that explains why they've been making a complete tits-up of the usual patch testing regime lately.

  12. charles paul

    Oh man... the mistake Microsoft made is assuming that all of their interns would be cool... Who would be offended by an email like this? (aside from people who are offended by urban slang and getting drunk on Monday nights...)

    Big turds for whoever shared this email.

    1. h4rm0ny

      I may just be square and unhip, but the last thing I want with my work environment is to go to an after-party and play beer pong with any of them I have my own circle of friends and I keep my work life professional.

      It's my experience of work parties / social that they want you to pretend to be all relaxed and "yourself", but they don't actually want that - the politics carries on. And if you do let yourself be yourself that tends to be remembered in the morning (especially if you're a woman where social and work standards tend to differ even more).

      The Internet-phrasing is just silly to be. But the idea that I should be professionally introducing myself to a company I want to work for by playing "beer-pong" is just down-right off-putting.

    2. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      Re: "Big turds for whoever shared this email"

      Whoever shared ?

      There must be over a hundred people who got this, young people hard-wired into Twitter and Facebook and maybe even LinkedIn, and you're wondering about whoever shared ?

      Choose 50, you're bound to be right 90% of the time.

  13. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    All this just to get

    some 'interns' who don't get paid for their work (or even have to pay the employer for the experience)??

    Slurp must be really finding it hard to get (and keep) decent proles.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: All this just to get

      some 'interns' who don't get paid for their work (or even have to pay the employer for the experience)??

      Slurp must be really finding it hard to get (and keep) decent proles.

      It would, however, go a long way to explain the quality of their code...

    2. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      Re: All this just to get

      some interns who will likely be paid more than you.

      FTFY.

  14. Code For Broke

    <3

    Well, I had to search just to sort out what the <3 was about. As the most popular record on urban dictionary has it, it's a ball sack that some folks mistake for a heart.

    To think I've been wasting my time studying the object model for several MSFT applications and didn't have time to learn about ASCII hearts. I'm clearly not MSFT material.

    1. Code For Broke

      Re: <3

      PS. ♥

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: <3

        You are so l33t

    2. Dan 55 Silver badge
      Windows

      Re: <3

      Ok, now I've got that will someone tell me what bae means?

      1. h4rm0ny

        Re: <3

        Derivative of "baby" and usually used by male Internet users to refer to women they'd want to date. See also "waifu".

        Yeah, having a recruiter call me "their bae" would creep me the Hell out and not end well for said recruiter.

        1. Anonymous IV

          Re: <3

          <pedant>

          Surely 'bae' is not a derivative of 'baby' but a truncation thereof? "Contraction" is a less-precise possibility.

          </pedant>

          waifu Japanese version of "English wife", or (fandom slang) A fictional character (generally female) from non-live-action visual media.

          1. nkuk

            Re: <3

            Its an abbreviation of babe. If there was anyone left still using that cringy term I think Microsoft have just it killed off trying to be down with the kids.

            1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

              Re: <3

              And there was me thinking it was Bay Area...something beginning with E related to education in some way.

          2. h4rm0ny

            Re: <3

            >>"Surely 'bae' is not a derivative of 'baby' but a truncation thereof? "Contraction" is a less-precise possibility."

            Phonetically it is a contraction, but we are in a written forum talking about a term used overwhelmingly in a written form. (I have only ever heard "Bae" used in a real-world conversation once). Therefore neither contraction nor truncation are appropriate, but derivation is correct.

            I would add the "</pedant>" closing tags, but to be honest, I never am not in pedant mode.

            Also, "waifu" in English means something other than your Japanese definition as it is frequently applied to non-fictional people.

            1. Pedigree-Pete
              Facepalm

              Re: <3

              I know you're talking phonetically, but if it's a contraction </pedant> shouldn't it be "ba'e. <\pedant>. PP

      2. bpfh Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: <3

        BAE is British Aerospace, no?

    3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: <3

      As the most popular record on urban dictionary has it, it's a ball sack that some folks mistake for a heart."

      Aaaaaah....So, a bit like a certain politician sending commiseration emails ending with LOL 'cos they thought it meant Lots Of Love? LOL

    4. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: <3

      At least if they use E> it doesn't look like you're pointing your dick at the person you just said "Hi" to.

    5. This post has been deleted by its author

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A real Lucy Weston moment

    https://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Princess_Productions

    (SFW)

  16. John Sager

    At least it still has some English(ish) words, though the syntax grates. The way Unicode is going this kind of 'communication' will just be a string of random emojis soon.

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      I have a theory (and it's mine) that this is how and why ancient Egypt switched to hieroglyphs way back when.

      1. LDS Silver badge
        Joke

        Surely Nadella is thinking about building a pyramid for himself... all users who didn't upgraded to Windows 10 will be enslaved for the task.

    2. Darryl

      I saw that iOS10's messaging app will have the ability to translate your texts to strings of emojis, so you're closer than you think...

  17. Lee D

    I was staying down with my ex-, looking after my 7-year-old daughter not long ago. Had great fun, especially once she dialled into the sense of humour again and didn't get upset just because I was mocking her.

    One the last evening, she got ready for bed and was hanging around in the living room with me. I said it was time for bed. She then said a word that shocked me to my very core and caused me to send her to bed immediately with stern words.

    Chillax.

    I mean, really? RyanAir speak? How dare you young lady, off to bed with you now, this instant!

    Although it was in jest, and taken that way by her - she especially knew that she'd "scored a point" against me with that! - I was also semi-serious. I think I'd have preferred her to use a four-letter word, so long as it was used in the correct manner, appropriate and in-context.

    But "chillax"?! Really? From my daughter? Hell, no.

    This email reminds me of that.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Terminator

    My translation - based on the original meaning of bae

    Hello shit intern with tits.

    Was this targeted at female interns with poor results and big chests??

    This? How I feel every morning.

  19. foo_bar_baz
    Windows

    Poor Microsoft

    A big corporation has to look prim, proper and corporate, yet has to compete with trendy startups for young talent.

    1. Captain DaFt

      Re: Poor Microsoft

      What would you expect them to do?

      Actually offer a fun work environment with great benefits and a chance to work on great projects that people actually want?

      (He said with a perfectly straight face.)

      1. Updraft102

        Re: Poor Microsoft

        "What would you expect them to do?

        Actually offer a fun work environment with great benefits and a chance to work on great projects that people actually want?"

        They're looking to hire people, not change their entire product lineup!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Poor Microsoft

      A big corporation has to look prim, proper and corporate, yet has to compete with trendy startups for young talent

      Given the quality of their products I'd say they lost that fight for talent a long time ago. MBAs, no problem, but talented people? Nah.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    If the students need an acceptance letter for any job offering at Microsoft...

    Then they can freely borrow this text:

    Yo Sadnad!

    Fo' sho' imma totally lit wit yo job offa to hang deep an do shit wit yo Widaz 10 viral thang

    Amma givin' it props and tha hi-dawg.

    Deep an hi luv for M$ (an M$ ain't denotin no string variable reference in standard Basic, I am l33t an codez).

    Ps does Kim still work for you? She sounds nice.

    Xxx

    To clarify, the job acceptance clause is at the end of line 3 and line 4 cleverly combines an illustration of the student's future loyalty to the company and their deep knowledge of coding.

  21. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Happy

    What could go wrong?

    Microsoft do have some prior experience in organising a party in San Francisco

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/03/18/microsoft_gdc_sexy_schoolgirl_dancers/

    1. The Real Tony Smith

      Re: What could go wrong?

      "Microsoft do have some prior experience in organising a party in San Francisco"

      And who can forget the wild experience that was the Windows 7 launch party..

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cX4t5-YpHQ

    2. Pascal Monett Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: What could go wrong?

      I was sooo disappointed in that video. A washed-out, blue-glare image with nothing interesting to actually see.

      Did they film that with a Windows Phone ?

    3. Kanhef

      Re: What could go wrong?

      At least Microsoft has helped answer the question of why women don't want to work in the tech industry.

  22. Crisp

    I googled "beer pong"

    Who the hell would play a game that gets in the way of your drinking?

  23. Tuesday Is Soylent Green Day

    I can tell them how it occurred

    Just open the door marked "Marketing Department". Those retards sitting at their desks are the reason it occurred. Please fire accordingly.

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Flame

      Re: I can tell them how it occurred

      Please fire accordingly.

      With a proper flamethrower, not some repurposed squirt gun

  24. Hans 1
    Paris Hilton

    Hey Bae intern <3

    I initially thought Bae was misspelled Bay.

    Thanks for your explanations, guys, now I know what this is about:

    With MS revenue taking a hit, MS San Francisco no longer has the funds to pay hookers, so they thought they could invite some students for a party, much cheaper, less chances of getting std's etc.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I assume the person who came up with the cringingly awful #VOTIN"campaign to get the yoof out for that EU referrendum has had to find a new job now we're #LEAVIN

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    MS will NEVER learn

    every now and again they they try to crack the "cool", the "hip" or whatever term is hip/cool this week, and they only embarass themselves more each time. Perhaps they should observe the lessons of parenting and study the results, both short and long term of what happens when dad tries to be cool. But hey, what do I know, only two kids in the house...

  27. blokedownthepub

    MS have a history of trying to be cool

    It's still there - Hosting your Windows 7 Party

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cX4t5-YpHQ

    BTW - what does <3 mean? I'm 46 and it's not possible to Google it.

    1. Julz

      Re: MS have a history of trying to be cool

      <3 is "Love (heart shape)"

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Never mind the language used, or who is organising it, sounds like an absolute riot!

  29. Dr Patrick J R Harkin

    Obviously a fake. It uses a mixture of cases and the punctuation marks are mostly in the right places.

    And it didn't offer to upgrade my PC to Windows 10.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I will enjoy this joint of fine weed at the office while I light up our new Kubernetes cluster. stand by..

  31. Lotaresco
    Coat

    Double plus ungood decepticle?

    When I left university ICI invited lots of us to attend their "assessment centre" which was three days in a hotel being assessed for their fast track programme. They put out a slightly cringeworthy invitation during day one for all of us to attend their "bar, disco, nibbles and hair down session" (it was the 70s). The invitation was plastered with FREE BAR! in each corner.

    Some of the interviewees did the student thing and drank as if it were going out of style, leading to several falling over and some in-your-face mutual dance floor groping and tongue hockey.

    The next morning I noticed a long queue at reception - all the party drunks were leaving. The drunkathon had been part of the "assessment centre" and they had been rudely awoken by personnel department staff letting them know their services would not be required.

  32. Lost In Clouds of Data
    Childcatcher

    So, were they pushing booze or...

    ...codine and promethazine at this shindig?

    Drank (aka Purple drank) is a chemical concuction that hails from Houston in the the soon to be Texited state\Principality of Texas.

    Inquiring minds demand to know...

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Why not?

    If I got that invite I would just fucking go. To troll them in person, muahahaha...

  34. Herby

    Be careful...

    For what you ask for, you may just get it.

    Please graduating students: The object of drinking is not to get "falling over drunk" (unless you really are an alcoholic). Remember, you only rent beer for a few hours.

  35. bombastic bob Silver badge

    this trope is older than television

    when your parents try to act all 'hip" like they're teenagers, only to end up acting "lame" instead (and embarrassing the offspring, but it's their job to embarrass offspring, so go figure)

    https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Get_a_Load_of_That_Square

    seems applicable, to me...

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Facepalm

    Makes you wonder

    Can't be too hard on MSFT, after all lots of big companies outsource recruitment to people who show all the signs of having considerable amounts of unused cranial space.

    But, it makes ya wonder. This email was written to attract a certain demographic: let's say, young urban singles in SF. Since MSFT is committed to diversity and finding talent from wherever, I can't help but wonder if there are other emails written in a style that is equally cringe-worthy?

    I want to see the emails they send out to the Indian kids in Bangalore, the black kids in Baltimore and the cool French kids in Montreal. Maybe they just pipe some English through a jive filter?

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge

      Re: Makes you wonder

      "Since MSFT is committed to diversity and finding talent from wherever"

      "diversity" is *HIGHLY* overrated. If it's not skills-related, it should _NOT_ be JOB-related, for hiring or any other reason. But it would figure that Micro-shaft would focus on non-job-related "things" as a hiring basis, such as being a "hip" youngun' who understand the lingo of that letter... (we need more 'insert non-job-qualification-characteristic here' in our employ).

      yeah, diversity may be thought of like a well established alloy (in someone's dreams) but REALITY is more like a POORLY DONE alloy, something that shatters under stress, or bends well before the design load is reached. Making 'diversity' a primary hiring factor just WEAKENS the outcome, overall, because you're not focusing on hiring people who can DO! THE! JOB! - you're playing "social goody-goody" instead. Typical stupidity of the left, yeah.

      "Wow, I think my alloy needs more LEAD in it. There's no LEAD representation here. Better get some LEAD in it, otherwise the LEAD representatives will SUE ME for NOT ADDING ENOUGH LEAD because it's POORLY REPRESENTED based on the available metals and their percentages in nature..."

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    "Jine Filter"

    Translates as "Absinthe"

  38. Crazy Operations Guy

    " our HQ in Seattle "

    No, your headquarters in Redmond, you twats. Sure, they are sort of close, but its like saying San Jose and San Francisco are the same city...

    Please stop associating your company with my city, we quarantined you guys over on the other side of Lake Washington for a reason, hell, we let you have half of Bellevue, FFS...

    Although as far as the IRS / SEC / FTC / etc. is concerned, Microsoft's HQ is in fracking Dublin (as to avoid paying their fair share of taxes).

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My reply to the email.

    Word. *Fist in air*

    1. Esme

      Re: My reply to the email.

      DO NOT WANT.

      kthxbye

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Other stories you might like

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2022