back to article Dixons, UK's fifth 'emergency service', brushes off Brexit scare stories

Dixon Carphone - which, god help us, wants to become the fifth emergency service in the UK - this morning played down the personal impact of market “volatility” that a post-Brexit vote will “inevitably” cause as it reported bumper profits for fiscal ’16. The retailer said like-for-like group sales edged up three per cent year- …

  1. tiggity Silver badge

    There's only so long

    They can keep making profits on selling unwanted warranties, overpriced cables, low quality / high price "tech support", persuading mug punters they need to buy expensive anti virus and office suites

    .. at least you would hope so..

    But the fool some of the people all of the time, some of the people some of the time approach seems to be working for them

    1. 2460 Something

      Re: There's only so long

      Haha, warranties are the best money maker there is :)

  2. Michael Souris

    And the fourth?

    Taking their prestigious place right behind the fourth emergency service, Domino's pizza.

    1. 2460 Something

      Re: And the fourth?

      Isn't it the AA? and not the alchy one.

      1. Linker3000
        Headmaster

        Re: And the fourth?

        No - the 4th emergency service is the Coastguard.

        /I think we have a few left.

        1. Mage Silver badge

          Re: And the fourth? the Coastguard.

          So would that make the RNLI 5th? (which despite Royal in name) is also Ireland's much loved rescue service.

          Isn't there a mountain rescue outfit and one for spelunking?

          So DixonCarphoneWarehouse wants to be 7th or 8th?

          Doesn't the Army or Territorial Army or something respond in emergencies?

          What about gas leaks, fallen power cables, collapsing dykes etc?

          1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
            Angel

            Re: And the fourth? the Coastguard.

            "collapsing dykes"

            There's probably a highly non-PC joke about that involving Friday nights and booze, but lets not go there....

        2. 2460 Something
          Happy

          Re: And the fourth?

          Daily Mail to the rescue :P

          It once billed itself as 'Britain's Fourth Emergency Service'

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: And the fourth?

            Shouldn't that be

            Daily Fail - Britain Formest Agent for self desctruction

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: And the fourth?

          After the RNLI/coastguard combination in the UK are the various mountain rescue, cave rescue, plus various other volunteer search and rescue organisations. The AA wouldn't even make it into the top ten on a proper list, let alone Dixons....

    2. Alister

      And the third: not the Ambulance Service

      As in the UK, the government has never acknowledged the NHS Ambulance services as an emergency service, which is why their staff are expected to work until state retirement age, unlike Police or Fire service staff.

  3. Frank Zuiderduin

    The went bust in this country...

    So I have a bit of a problem taking anything they say seriously.

  4. inmypjs Silver badge

    "we expect to find opportunities for additional growth"

    Yep CPW has plenty of opertunity, they could have had some growth from me if they hadn't supplied the worst customer (non)service experience I have had from any company in the last 3 decades.

    So plenty of opertunity but I doubt they will grasp it, the only people in CPW that seem to give a shit are the sales droids and then only while they think there is a chance of commission.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "we expect to find opportunities for additional growth"

      "we expect to find opportunities for additional growth"

      Yes, they will add a bit more to their margins when their suppliers raise their prices and blame it on someone else.

      Dell +13% on Thursday evening, according to one of our partners.

  5. Don Dumb
    Terminator

    Burying the lead

    Chief Exec Seb James also said that:-

    "We're going to see lots of screaming and shouting, but my message to my team is to absolutely make sure we do everything in our power to ensure our leaders get access to the single market and make sure we heal the rifts that this debate has caused in our society,"

    So all the bullishness is dependant on the UK staying in the single market - that's a fairly big risk right there.

  6. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    They lost my business forever...

    When I went into the Portsmouth store to buy a pair of quite expensive headphones as an Xmas present. I had politely asked the sales droid to open the locked cabinet that they keep them in, and instead of actually doing that, he just looked at me and asked what mobile phone I had and whether I wanted to upgrade to a new tariff.

    Even when I pulled him up short for terrible service and told him to forget the sale as I was no longer interested in buying from them - I just got that mindless zombie expression that appeared to have not an utter clue as to what he had done wrong or why I was saying it.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: They lost my business forever...

      Not necessarily their fault, the higher ups would have insisted they say it unless they get the sack.

  7. Chris Hills

    I would suggest the fifth emergency service is the regional gas distribution networks which respond to gas leaks (under the umbrella of 0800 111 999),

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    > under the umbrella of 0800 111 999

    I think you'll find it's now 0118 999 881 999 119 725 3

  9. John Crisp

    RNLI

    I always found it ironic that as a lifeboat crew we were never allowed a blue light on our cars to get to the station, but the boat had one.

    We also had numerous gentle reminders from plod to obey the laws of the highway. At all times.

    And frequently chastised by the harbour authority for speeding in restricted areas whilst on a shout (and now the boats are tracked in real time)

    'Sorry sir, your wife/daughter/son is dead. They'd have lived if we'd got there 3 minutes earlier. But you will be delighted to know that I didn't break a single law en route'

    And life and death can be measured in much less time than that.

    If I'm drowning drive as fast as you can please.... :-)

    (I know... don't make bad situation worse, but still.... )

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