back to article Tesco Mobile does what? Hahahahahahaha. Sorry customers

Tesco Mobile’s 4.5 million customers might want to get ready to panic note that call centre customer support is to be outsourced to Capita from 1 August in a five-year contract worth £140m. The grocer’s MVNO arm is to transfer around 550 permanent staffers under TUPE regs and around 240 temps will continue to work for Tesco …

  1. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    Trollface

    £140 million over 5 years for 800 staff

    That works out to £35000/year per staffer.

    Hey Calldesk guys ! Any of you making anywhere near that ? You might want to strike until you get it !

    Optionally : call those guys in India/wherever and tell them what their salary should be. That'll be sure to help ):D.

    1. TonyJ Silver badge

      Re: £140 million over 5 years for 800 staff

      Oversimplification.

      What your bottom line is on your payslip is not what it costs a company to pay you and to employ you -e.g PAYE and NIC contributions; running costs; HR and other personnel management costs; potentially having to compensate staff who can't move, systems integration, etc etc

      And after all that Capita need to make a profit otherwise it's only a matter of time before jobs are lost.

      Note...I am not commenting about Capita, Tesco, morals, ethics, good or bad decisions etc here, just that there are costs to businesses at the end of the day that people so often overlook.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: £140 million over 5 years for 800 staff

      I've heard it said that an employee costs twice what they're paid as salary, which makes the average salary £17500.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: £140 million over 5 years for 800 staff

        I've heard it said that an employee costs twice what they're paid as salary, which makes the average salary £17500.

        Well, the add on cost per employee is more like 35%, including NI & pension costs, holiday and sick leave (when you're off and being paid, somebody else has to be paid to do your job), then you've got training, internal support functions, payroll, HR et al, plus accomodation & facilities, and IT infrastructure, telephony, CRM and desktop. However, that 35% is per capita of call handlers, there's overhead on top of that form line management - directors don't handle calls, senior managers don't handle calls, but they're still part of your total cost build, including their high salary, better pension, bonus and car etc. The value of that line management overhead is very variable, and depends on the breadth of the management pyramid and how much they are paid.

        So £35k per employee is an entirely realistic figure that I can recognise, but probably translates to a circa £20k salary for the staff in the call centre.

        Under TUPE and UK living wage and pensions laws, there's now little real financial advantage in outsourcing to a UK based outsourcer, so my guess is that Tesco TUPE their staff to Crapita, and then Crapita move the work offshore, all of which is already planned.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Give him credit

    ' Andy Parker, Capita CEO, said his company works with “household names” and will “leverage our customer experience transformation expertise” '

    At least he didn't say 'leverage our customer experience improvement expertise'

    1. Ed_UK

      Re: Give him credit

      "At least he didn't say 'leverage our customer experience improvement expertise'"

      I think you failed to grasp the underlying metaphor. Once they've enlarged the paradigm and internalised the footprint, the delight will be a quantum leap off the roadmap while they penetrate the customer. While leveraging the goal, keeping both eyes on the triple-play scenario will become readily attainable.

      It's the sort of talk which gives 'talking bollocks' a bad name.

      (With a nod to an esteemed former colleague and probably Mr. Unwin).

  3. adam payne

    "Apparently, Capita is to “enhance” Tesco’s already “award winning customer service propositions”, with the integrator relying on tech and “service design methods” to keep the punters hanging on the telephone happy."

    Enhance really wasn't the word I was thinking of when I read this.

  4. Mage Silver badge

    Oh dear

    Oh well, I only got a free Tesco SIM so as to have a disposable number for Facetwit.

    So I suppose I'll manage.

  5. BigAndos

    Tesco mobile have been known for having some of the best customer service scores in the business. Wonder how they'll be doing come 2nd August...

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Should be?

      Tesco mobile HAD been known for having some of the best customer service scores in the business.

  6. djstardust

    What a shame

    Having had the misfortune of moving my contract to Vodafone and experiencing the worst CS ever, it was refreshing to call Tesco last week regarding my son's contract. Yet again the phone was picked up straight away and the issue solved immediately.

    I had been thinking about moving over as I had been so impressed with their CS, but now Crapita are involved I will give it a miss.

    Why do companies deliberately screw themselves up when everything is working fine? Answers on a postcard .......

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: What a shame

      Why do companies deliberately screw themselves up when everything is working fine?

      More profit if they're already doing well, more cost savings if they're doing badly. Sometimes both at the same time.

      1. Triggerfish

        Re: What a shame

        They model themselves on crack dealers. Get you in on good service and all signed, pass you on to the guy who is cutting it for profit.

      2. Terry 6 Silver badge

        Re: What a shame

        My guess, based on how "professional" manager types think , is that they see CS as being a pure expense and don't recognise it as contributing to the value of the product. SO they think that it can be provided cut-price without harming the "core" product,

    2. jzl

      Re: What a shame

      "Why do companies deliberately screw themselves up when everything is working fine?"

      Being perfect costs too much. All you actually need is to be slightly better than the other guys.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    “leverage our customer experience transformation expertise”

    Wanker

    1. BongoJoe

      Re: “leverage our customer experience transformation expertise”

      ...and that's only if you're doing it right.

  8. Nikki Radir

    Tesco Mobile have been good to me...

    I bought a Motorola Moto G 4G from them on tick, zero-interest on £108, plus a very decent monthly deal. Just finished paying for the 'phone (at £4.50 a month...), and it's still good for everything I want to do. An early tech support call was dealt with courteously and well.

    Was that too good to be true?

    Anyway, I shall now be looking for a SIM from someone else. If only more people read El Reg and Private Eye, and boycotted all firms like Capita, that seemingly regard their employees and customers with contempt.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    leverage our customer experience transformation expertise

    plain English: make capita more money by reducing quality of customer service. Hey, tesco punters, cheer up, what's not to like?!

  10. Rich 11 Silver badge

    Crapita

    I see Tesco are moving their phone business into the Value range....

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    “award winning customer service propositions”

    What on eart is that?

    Is it something like the Porn Oscars?

  12. Templogin

    “leverage our customer experience transformation expertise”

    Sorry? I only speak English. You always know when you are in the vicinity of a complete cock when they start any sentence with leverage. He only missed out on the opportunity of using - into the 22nd century - at the end of the sentence.

    Crapita are just truly awful.

    1. phuzz Silver badge
      Joke

      "you are in the vicinity of a complete cock when they start any sentence with leverage"

      Unless you've just asked the question "How are we going to move that big rock with these long poles?"

  13. SingaporeGrip

    KPI Capita

    Globalisation working for the ordinary UK worker as usual then? And I expect the Tesco customer will get the full Capita experience so that will be an all round win. What was it Private Eye use to call them Crapita?

  14. PeterM42
    Go

    It's time......

    ......to switch to GiffGaff.

    1. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

      Re: It's time......

      Too pricey and credit expires. Try 3

    2. Green Nigel 42

      Re: It's time......

      My Mrs & daughter are on Giff Gaff, both find the 3g excruciatingly slow, irrespective of the signal strength.

      The rest of the family are on 3, far quicker and includes 4g at no extra cost. Only criticism is the still patchy coverage including in my house, however thier wifi call feature solves that.

  15. njwnjwnjw

    How can I get some satisfaction? My aqua M4 got lost 9 months ago and my insurance allowed me to upgrade to a I phone SE6 and pay the excess . When I upgraded at a Tesco store they transferred all my numbers etc etc but didn't transfer the existing insurance on to my new phone from the Aqua. So ive been paying insurance on a phone that doesn't exist anymore . Now my phone has got wet and I now need a new phone but Tescos has refused to give me one due to the mix up by their people at the shop. I've spoken to a manager "Munereet" at Tescos insurance and she has stonewalled me at every thing I say to her about using common sense but she says I have to wait 8 weeks for the complaints procedure to be processed. I am losing buisinness everyday without my contacts and phone. I was told in the store it wud take 5 days but ring after 3 .So rang and explained "all over again".I rang after 3,4,5,8 and 9 days explaining each time . Then spoke to this Munereet but she was totally no help at all, and I mean NO help .Just keep repeating you have to wait up to 8 weeks. Where do I go from here please . My wife and son both have phones with Tescos too.Shall we all cancel our contracts etc etc .

  16. anonymous boring coward Silver badge

    “leverage our customer experience transformation expertise”

    It will be transformed, all right...

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