back to article French B&Q equivalent 'hacked' to offer visitors vulgar DIY tools

French DIY goods store Castorama has pulled its website offline after miscreants manipulated the site search function to suggest rude versions of household appliances. Yesterday Castorama.fr's home page was swapped out for a message translation experts reckon means: "Dear Internet, this site's page in unavailable. Thank you …

  1. Groaning Ninny

    "translation experts"?

    Hardly needs an expert, someone with GCSE French from over 20 years ago can get this. I'd hazard a guess and say "internaute" means "internet user", rather than "internet". Oh, and I think you meant "is unavailable", not "in unavailable"...

    Looking forward to reading your translation of Castorama's statement, although for a fee I could do it for you instead?

    1. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

      Re: "translation experts"?

      Mon aéroglisseur est plein d'anguilles

      1. Laura Kerr
        Thumb Up

        Re: "translation experts"?

        Je n'acheterai pas cet disque. Il est égratigné.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "translation experts"?

          Je n'acheterai pas cet marchand de tabac. Il est égratigné.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: "translation experts"? @Groaning Ninny

            I'd hazard a guess that's a euphemism for google translate

            as in

            Je hasarder une hypothèse qui est un euphémisme pour Google traduction

    2. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: "translation experts"?

      Yes, certainly. All the error codes are given as numbers, and it does take an expert to deal with French numbers.

  2. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    Sacred blue!

    1. wolfetone

      Re: Bah!

      "Sacred blue!"

      Not a fan of that paint colour they sell.

  3. Lotaresco Silver badge

    Anyone remember the Michael Jackson defamation on Amazon?

    I can't remember the year, sadly. Amazon used to have the feature where one could recommend products that buyers may like to consider linked to the product they had searched for. The new Michael Jackson CD was linked to scholarly texts on paedophilia, drug abuse etc.

    1. Paul Woodhouse

      Re: Anyone remember the Michael Jackson defamation on Amazon?

      I feel the google search manipulation for "French military victories" was better...

      1. wolfetone

        Re: Anyone remember the Michael Jackson defamation on Amazon?

        Don't you mean "French military defeats"?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Anyone remember the Michael Jackson defamation on Amazon?

      For a company as large and advanced as Amazon have become in recent years (doubly so with the fact that they're almost as much a distributed computing vendor now), you might expect their recommendations would be almost scarily perceptive, the result of borderline should-be-illegal data mining on massive sets of information.

      Yet in practice, they still seem to make understandably stupid suggestions along the lines of "you've bought a £500 DSLR camera two months ago, perhaps you'd like to buy this other similar DSLR camera as well". Er, no. I just bought a DSLR, I'm actually less likely to buy another.

      I bought XYZ textbook for uni at one point; I'm *less* likely to buy a comparable textbook years after I graduated.

      I bought something as a present, it contaminates all Amazon's perceptions of what *I* want.

      To be fair, that last one isn't too likely to be obvious unless you explicitly state it was a present. However, the textbook and camera examples are far more predictable for certain types of product. You can understand the flawed logic behind these recommendations, but that in itself suggests a level of sophistication (or lack of it) that hasn't moved on anywhere near as much as you'd have expected in the past 15-plus years.

      Sometimes it just gets nonsensical.

      I've got a screenshot from just a couple of years back where Amazon.co.uk's recommendation to me was "The Prince" by Niccolò Machiavelli.

      To be fair, I'd considered reading it at some point. However, Amazon's claimed basis for this recommendation was the fact I'd previously bought "LEGO Bricks & More 626: Large Green Baseplate".

      Huh?

      1. Jedit Silver badge

        "I'd previously bought "LEGO Bricks & More 626: Large Green Baseplate"."

        As anyone who's ever trodden on a brick in their bare feet knows, LEGO is both feared and loved.

  4. PhilBuk
    Happy

    A Porn Director Tweets

    I note that the twitter comment is from Marc Dorcel. Would this by any chance be the noted French porn director and producer? Maybe trying to get some publicity by the back door.

    Phil.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: A Porn Director Tweets

      "trying to get some publicity by the back door"? You, sir, owe me a new keyboard.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Castorama isn't the only French site that has been hacked, there are many others that are being used to gather login details to Amazon, Free Mobile and some of the banks.

  6. Rol Silver badge

    Four candles?

    In a Ronniesk fashion.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7LKJXvf_do

  7. Old Handle
    Facepalm

    When they say "manipulation, not hacking" I take it that means all someone had to do was script curl or whatever to do a search for "cock sander" 1000 times, and that would shoot to the top of suggestions for sander.

  8. glen waverley
    Joke

    My favorite flat bladed tool joke

    Bloke is on a road, wet night, car on jack, trying to bash hub cap off with end of tyre lever.

    Young lady driver pulls up beside him and says "Do you want a screw driver?"

    He looks up and says "OK, but can you wait till I change this flat tyre first".

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