"Captain Haddock cosplay contest at a Geography teachers’ convention"
oh, very good.
I’m on stage with a gun pointing at my heart. There is the sound of nervous shuffling as those sitting in the stalls squirm in their seats. Then silence: the audience quickly falls still and holds it breath. The man armed with the musket is raising the muzzle to take better aim before slowly squeezing the trigger… He pauses. “ …
of when I was in the Army. I was qualified as a Regimental Signals Instructor, and I've got thirty halfwit Troopers sat in front of their terminals as we go through the ComBAT application for BLUEFOR tracking,plotting, etc, when one of the younger scroats puts his hand up and informs me that his isn't working properly.
I go over and check, and sure enough, there's some real lag issues and a weird response input - the mouse isn't moving quite right and keypresses seem to be wrong or delayed.
Took me a while to realise one of the other morons had unplugged that terminals keyboard / mouse and plugged his in (stupid long cabling because of the desk setups) and was responding as best he could to whatever he could see his mate doing.
hmm... I had similarly amusing one, luser complaining that his password didn't work, reset it in AD... he still said it didn't work... reset it to something I knew in AD and tested it... straight in... switched it to must change on next log in and handed over for him to log in, it failed again... getting very strange now, so I log in, works for me, let him reset the password...
he then complains that when he types M it puts N there and vice versa... and sure enough, a quick glance confirms that the keys have been swapped over on the keyboard, I touch type so was getting in no problems, he doesn't... at this point the guy sitting opposite ran off rather quickly for a fag.. that bastid...
Sadly, can't do that with modern 'ergonomic' keyboards, as the keys are all different sizes and shapes. No more spelling the longest single word insult you can think of with no repeated letters on the top row of a coworker's keyboard...
I think the best one 'we' came up with was 'dickbreath'
unplugged mouse because wire was in the way.
Surely you could eject the "delegate" with a FAIL mark? but maybe its not a pass/fail situation you are just there to impart the knowledge.
Even then - I'd have ejected him for "Failing to meet course minimum requirements" - fees still payable.
So MOOCs are better than live training courses. It depends on whether you're a degenerate - sorry, I mean delegate - or an expectant trainer.
I'm still wondering how the Uzi also travelled to 1918.
I liked this until I saw it on:
He is beardless tho'.
I'm disappointed no-one recognised the photo. It's Chung Ling Soo, the world-famous conjuror, who died on a London stage in 1918 while performing the notorious bullet-catching trick. He was an enigma: it turned out he wasn't Chinese at all but an American who maintained his pseudo Chinese disguise on and off-stage for years. The Christian Bale & Hugh Jackman movie "The Prestige" includes a sequence based on him.
I had two main methods to make it run smoothly.
1. Identify the smart-arse know it all ASAP and set a trap for him in not giving him some important info (that would have been given later in the course) so he screwed something up when charging ahead. That always put them in their place.
2. Always go at the pace of the slowest trainee. Yes it may annoy the smart-arse but it meant that the 20 people that turned up all went away trained and knowing what they were doing. Seen way too many courses where the trainer is a lazy arsehole that just panders to the two smart-arses and leaves the rest behind.
Or make the smartass (there always is one, isn't there*) your assistant. Works quite well as long as they're not also an asshole. Also, he'll be the first guy they'll ask the next day/week/month after the training when they run into any problems.
* Yeah, okay. Sometimes it's me, when I'm on the receiving end of any training. But technically it's not smartassery when it's true. And you can do it in a way that is actually helpful.
My favourite training course was where I was told to teach WordPerfect to an audience of secretaries and such.
The day arrives and HR come over, hand me a video tape, and say to play that instead, as it was an introduction to MS Office 4.x.
The tape was duly played after lunch, and I got the lowest marks ever from participants. Well, those who could stay awake, at least...
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