Reavers! Google patent would affix pedestrians to car hoods Google has been granted a patent on a system that would adhere victims of car strikes to the vehicle for their own safety. US Patent 9,340,178 describes a substance that would be hidden under a protective layer, only to be exposed on impact to adhere pedestrians or crash victims to the car rather than tumbling to the pavement …
Seems like a decent idea to me. Maybe the reason Google are the first to patent it is because makers of autonomous vehicles, rather than "drivers" are likely to be liable for injuries. Suddenly there is an incentive to develop vehicles which do less damage to those they hit.
Pity about getting them off at the end of the lift though
Kind of like the idea that you could stick some fat **** to the front of your car and use them as an extra bumper (and yes wit my bulk I could protect against a large impact, but your fuel economy is going to suffer).
I do wonder how it will cope with car washes, kids playing football and other such normal things?
It will depend greatly upon what you hit next and how many pedestrians you've collected along the way. Remember, while smaller pedestrians present a smaller target, large pedestrians do block more of your vision which ups the difficulty. As always, a large fraction of the score will depend on form and style as you enter the water complete the maneuver.
Actually, all I could think of when I read this was the "Pedestrian Harvest" mode from Carmageddon:
I'll admit that the way the 'sea tanks' harvested mankind in 'the kraken wakes' was the first thing that sprang in to my mind.
However after further reflection, I realized that if Google ran collection centres, then they could become the real life equivalent of the Solylent corporation when the search business collapsed.
Dogs, cats, birds, bricks, trash cans, coke cans, Ameri-cans, Mexi-cans, Angeli-cans, Can-adians...
What about hail? Or very big bugs?
Next up, Google patents Mr Garrision's IT.... where something or other is 'gently inserted into the driver's anus to keep them in place...'
fuck the door and the coat, I'm taking the window exit...
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How much would you pay to remove an angry squirrel, or even a cat, that's landed upon and subsequently been stuck to your car all night?
At least the birds you strike would likely be dead and easier to remove, not that avian entrails drooling down the front of your car are to everyones taste.
Stupid idea.
"That thar be a fine piece o' ass, me Googies, aye?"
"Aye!"
"Ready wi' tha hack Petey? Hit it. Whoa whoa slow down fer fook's sake, we wants 'er kickin' an' screamin' whilst we rapes 'er!"
After we'd had our way with the uppity c*nt, we unjacked the hack an' sent the self-driving car on its merry way, with that fookin' c*nt still glued to the bonnet, naked and defiled..
...and the stereo blaring good ol' Ludwig Van....
Then plows into a bus? Pedestrian sandwich. At least without the glue, the pedestrian might have been thrown clear.
Also, I can see ne'er-do-wells throwing things at google cars trying to make it stick. Soon you'll see them driving around with beer cans, traffic cones etc. adorning every surface.
..20 mph impact. Large surface area of skin (especially in summer) in contact immediately stops.
Skin grafts for the rest of your life instead of a broken bone or two, if you're unlucky
These days (in Europe), bonnets and bumpers are designed to hit the leg in a certain place and then throw you roughly at the area just below the windscreen wipers.
We may complain about cars often looking the same, but a lot of the front end is designed to minimise pedestrian injury as much as possible.
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