back to article Politician claims porn tabs a malware experiment, then finds God

Congressional candidate Mike Webb had an immediate explanation for the porn tabs in his browser: he was conducting his own malware experiment. The Republican, who is vying for Virginia's 8th district, posted a screenshot of his computer to his Facebook page about a call he had received from a staffing agency, but failed to …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Spooky ghost

    I'd have gone for this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enisEolQXnw

    1. ritey

      Re: Spooky ghost

      Another reason not to shake the hand of a politician.

      1. Alumoi

        Re: Spooky ghost

        Why not? As long as your watch is still there after the shake...

  2. Robert Moore

    Stats

    80% of men admit to looking at porn online.

    In other news. 20% of men lie about looking at porn online.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Stats

      60% of women admit to looking at porn online.

      In other news, 40% of women lie about looking at porn online.

      1. MJI Silver badge

        Re: Stats

        60% of women admit to looking at porn online.

        The other 40% watch Poldark

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Stats

      In other news. 20% of men lie about looking at porn online

      Or consider the other 20% download it and watch it offline...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Happy

        Re: Stats

        Well nobody can prove I do, just check with my ISP! Oh look, the neighbors WIFI is still open.. WOOHOO!

    3. jonathanb Silver badge

      Re: Stats

      20% of men don't look at anything online and get their porn from the top shelf of the local newsagent.

  3. David Webb

    I don't see the problem

    He looks at porn, no big deal, if it's legal in all aspects then why not?

    Obviously, if I were a politician my excuse would be "I'm trying to find ways to help the adult entertainment industry, these people are a cornerstone of our society and if I can pay $19.99 to look... wait, there is free porn on the internet? Fuck".

    1. Grifter

      Re: I don't see the problem

      I'm pretty sure that the only big deal is the one he's making about it. Fucking douchebags the lot of them, just fucking own it, instead of these ridiculous mental gymnastics which in this case he went above and beyond with.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I don't see the problem

        Was going to say he probably needs the Ned Flanders wing of the population to get elected but looking at that district all he needs to do is to promise more government (I know hard for a Republican, until they get elected that is). Fairfax is the land of million dollar homes built on the public's dime.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I don't see the problem

      The problem is that he's one of those holier than thou Christian conservatives who think they should be allowed to regulate what others do according to their own morality.

      It is because he's a hypocrite who was caught looking at porn when he'd probably vote to ban online porn if he had a chance (which he probably won't get now) not because he was simply caught looking at porn.

      The fact he's tying himself into verbal knots trying to explain this away with several different stories just makes it all the more newsworthy. Sort of a Streisand Effect via verbal diarrhea! I doubt it would have registered (sorry) on the Reg's radar or even got much notice outside the state of Virginia if he'd simply said "I apologize to my supporters for that, I experienced a moment of weakness and will pray for the strength to do better" and left it at that.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I don't see the problem

        ie. I am all for religious freedom as long as it is only my religion we are talking about.

        1. Mark 85 Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: I don't see the problem

          Which one of the two major religions? Star Wars or Star Trek?

          I'll go now... seems the pub has opened and I need to quaff a few for penance.

          1. War President
            Mushroom

            Re: I don't see the problem

            Sir, are you implying that Firefly is not a religion?

      2. zarvus

        Re: I don't see the problem

        He also doesn't seem to have any respect for the area voters' intelligence that he thinks they would fall for b.s. like he's shoveling. He seems to have no problem lying to everyone and does so without conscience.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I don't see the problem

          >respect for the area voters' intelligence

          Did you happen to catch who we have at top of both our tickets this year (who both also won Virginia)?

      3. Rich 11 Silver badge

        Re: I don't see the problem

        or even got much notice outside the state of Virginia if he'd simply said "I apologize to my supporters for that, I experienced a moment of weakness and will pray for the strength to do better" and left it at that.

        Or he could actually have been honest and said, "Sorry about that, folks. I was having a wank when my press officer called and suggested I upload a screenshot for the staffing story. I should have closed the tabs first but I really wanted to get back to them while I was still in the mood."

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I don't see the problem

        Yes, the bible thumping brigade will shout from the heavens (or at least from inside a Target store) that godless heathens are destroying this once-fine land and the LGBTQ community are plotting to destroy them. Meanwhile, they are often the ones found taking "wide stances" in public restrooms, engaging in extra-marital affairs (with successive wives and wives-to-be), sexually abusing children, or having a wank at the office.

    3. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: I don't see the problem

      I see a problem.

      He is a liar which on top of it is breaking one of the ten commandments: "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain"

      Granted, that probably makes him perfect for the position he is running for.

  4. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

    Holier-than-thou?

    God Bless!

    I'll fap to that!

    In other news, it is rumored Bill Clinton has allegedly been spotted boarding the "Lolita Express" several times. Now that MAY be going a BIT too far even for the cigar-wielding man.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Holier-than-thou?

      >Holier-than-thou?

      And yet Trump is representing that usual wing of the political spectrum. Nice.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Holier-than-thou?

        In fact Trump is one of the few candidates I can think of who can't take the moral high road over Slick Willy.

        1. David Webb

          Re: Holier-than-thou?

          Trump : I looked at porn, I admit I look at porn, with Mexico I built a wall, with porn, I erected something else! MAKE PORN GREAT AGAIN!!

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Holier-than-thou?

            ...and those tiny hands probably make it feel really big....

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Holier-than-thou?

          "In fact Trump is one of the few candidates I can think of who can't take the moral high road over Slick Willy."

          Little known fact: "Slick Willy" was President Bill Clinton's Secret Service designation. Also a name I danced under in the 70s...

  5. Eddy Ito

    Meh, it's the D.C. 'burbs which makes him an R in a D district. He should have tried to push it over the top and include some tabs with real kink, maybe a splash of S&M which would at least be appropriate for an R in D land.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      the usual

      Nah tends to be Democrats who get caught with high profile lady prostitutes and Republicans who get caught with teen boys.

    2. ThomH

      Out of a tedious sense of fairness: Webb is running as neither a Republican nor a Democrat; having tried but failed to get anywhere near obtaining the Republican nomination he's officially an independent.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Ah kk I see

        Ah one of those total dingleberry local yocals that appear in local elections for cycle after cycle but never get any higher usually for very good reasons. Was going to say like Todd Akin but wow just found out Missouri actually elected him 5x to the House (pretty sure that district is a funky shape to avoid the poors and the coloreds). The show me Ferguson state comes through in the clutch.

  6. King Jack
    Thumb Down

    Man Up

    Just grow a pair and admit it. Who knows you could get a few more votes for being honest.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Man Up

      I have sinned my brothers, does tend to work for getting the elderly to forgive you (and sending checks again) or for the Governor of Arkansas to pardon you.

    2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Re: Man Up

      The problem with being an honest politician is that you immediately have a disadvantage against the dishonest ones, who are free to use dishonesty as an effective tool against you.

    3. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      Yeah, grow a pair

      Admit you made a mistake in going to a sub-par site like xHamsters instead of going to YouPorn like everybody else.

      1. Alumoi

        Re: Yeah, grow a pair

        Shirley you mean redtube.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    thought process

    See headline and think this is probably about a US Republican. Click link ding ding ding. At least this one probably isn't a child molester wrestling coach with dreams of someday being Speaker of the House. Progress not perfection.

    1. ecofeco Silver badge

      Re: thought process

      Republicans politicians are proven closet pervs.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: thought process

        Not a fan of that party (or either really) but nah the other 98%+ are not. They are just in it to make life better for the persecuted rich old white males.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: thought process

        Yea, Bubba says so!

    2. ThomH

      Re: thought process

      He's technically a Republican Party reject; he failed to obtain the nomination so is running independently. It sounds like he may fail even to create a spoiler effect.

  8. ecarlseen

    Wrong shaming

    Shouldn't the real shaming be that he's using Yahoo! in the year 2016?

    1. asdf

      Re: Wrong shaming

      Was going to make a bing joke but even they are beating Yahoo these days. Yeesh.

      1. Dadmin
        Angel

        Re: Wrong shaming

        Yahoo! Searches ARE Bing, you moron. They use the same data and come from the same gateway.

        Now, I remember back in 1997/98 I was working at a well known Unix house and my new cube mate went out of his way to tell me that he's a "christian." What a fucking idiot. Anyway, this stupid asshole does porn watching AT WORK. I busted him TWICE. Fucking religious people are just bags of useless shit with a shirt, and sometimes a hat. Fucking BUS WANKERS!!1!

        1. asdf

          Re: Wrong shaming

          I was just looking at market share numbers. I forgot who is in bed with who these days. When both of them together are less than %10 of the market I feel I can be forgiven for not really giving a flying fsck about either. Personally all my searches either go through duckduckgo (granted small share also but no user tracking is king) or if I have to go through Google they go through disconnect.me

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Wrong shaming

          >went out of his way to tell me that he's a "christian."

          You wer lucky. I had one who belonged to Opus Dei. For some reason he could never walk straight.

          1. Roger Varley

            Re: Wrong shaming

            T'Opus Dei - ee, tha wor lucky! When I were t'lad ........

            etc etc

    2. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: Wrong shaming

      >Shouldn't the real shaming be that he's using Yahoo! in the year 2016?

      I came here to say that! Well done, well done.

    3. TechBearMike

      Re: Wrong shaming

      He also maintains the conviction that AOL is where all the cool kiddies hang out. <retch>

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Wrong shaming

      Is Yahoo still the default in Linux Mint?

  9. Kimo

    I could never vote for a man that admits...

    ...to using Yahoo search.

  10. Robigus
    Facepalm

    "Perhaps what does not kill you does make you stronger"

    He probably has no idea of the irony of paraphrasing Nietzsche.

    1. psychonaut

      He probably thought he was paraphrasing kanye west

  11. hellwig

    Private Browsing

    Use a private/incognito tab for that stuff people. It's what they were made for!

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Ballad of Mike Webb

    Mike Webb was looking forlorn,

    He'd been spotted surfing for porn.

    An eagle-eyed nosey servant of Satan,

    Destroyed the story Mike was creatin'

    By telling the press that Mike was a pervert,

    Spending his evenings soiling his shirt.

    We all laughed at the bit about Layla,

    But that gave Mikey a humour failure.

    His explanation on saving the net,

    the daftest crap from a politico yet.

    But when the story became overblown,

    Michael Webb just searched for Ivone,

    Checking first that his kids weren't at home,

    He sat in his study, strokin' the bone.

  13. FozzyBear

    Surfing porn sites for "research" purposes. It's like reading Playboy for the articles.

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      They had some great articles. Its hard to think of a significant American author who hasn't written for Playboy.

      These days, the writers have passed away, and Playboy doesn't do nudity. Oh well.

    2. TechBearMike

      He probably finds pictures of naked tribal people in National Geographic profoundly erotic as well.

    3. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
      Happy

      Hey, there were some GREAT articles in there! :-)

      // I love election years...

    4. MJI Silver badge

      Playboy articles

      Someone at a previous job had a copy, and I had a look just to read an article on TVR

    5. Stevie Silver badge

      It's like reading Playboy for the articles

      The articles on cars.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ivone

    Was worth a Googling.

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: Ivone

      Or a Yahooing, in the case of this politician!

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    So hispage hits are up 25%

    I wonder how high the " "IVONE SEXY AMATEUR." page hits have gone.

    Mines the dirty mac with the suspicious stains at the front

    (eeeew!!)

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Has anyone asked Layla or Ivone...

    ...what they think of all this unwanted publicity?

    We need URLs to be able to find out their opinion.

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge
      Trollface

      What makes you think it's unwanted ?

      They have nothing to be ashamed of, they're offering a purely commercial service in the capitalist capital of the world. All business is good business for them - and having a politician as customer is a Good Thing (TM) for anyone !

      1. Naselus

        The way the Republican party is atm, they've probably already been offered seats in the Trump cabinet tbh.

  17. LDS Silver badge
    Joke

    It was Chrome to inject those tabs...

    ... because he was using Yahoo! and should have been punished.

  18. Alan Bourke

    They always find Jeebus don'[t they

    Pathetic.

    1. Vic

      Re: They always find Jeebus don'[t they

      I found Jesus again the other night.

      Marvelous. If a little heavy on the wallet[1]...

      Vic.

      [1] £7 for a 330ml bottle. We split it 7 ways :-)

  19. Spacedman
    Joke

    I got accused of this once. It was actually a Google Analytics tab with a truncated title.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It was actually a Google Analytics tab...

      ...what's wrong with 'Goo'?

  20. Triggerfish

    Network admin

    Not one and maybe I misread it, but just curious, how many sys admins here would like a user who said I I started surfing dodgy sites to see if I could get infected with a virus / malware to see if it really would come crashing down and fuck up data?

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      I'm pretty sure that argument wouldn't pass HR and he'd have his pink slip (oh, the irony) in less than an hour.

    2. Naselus

      Re: Network admin

      In fairness, his experiment for next week was detonating a dirty bomb in his office to see if it really would be as devastating as people claimed.

  21. Nigel Cro

    Wouldn't get my vote...

    Not because he likes porn.

    Not because he has caught god.

    Not because he still uses Yahell.

    Not because he is a liar.

    All of the above are acceptable traits in public officials (I am a realist).

    But mainly because...

    He is several different types of stupid!!

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge
      FAIL

      Re: Wouldn't get my vote...

      I was thinking the same thing... stupid is as stupid does.

      For f*ck sake, why didn't just minimize the browser and open a new one? Oldest trick in the book and he failed.

  22. DwarfPants

    Check,Think, Adjust, Post (Green cross code of social media)

    Who in their right mind posts something to the internet (particularly when in a public position) without giving it a once over to make sure it does not contain anything that the outside world has no right to know about. Not really thinking about pron here, but innocuous stuff like web mail tabs, other applications etc.

    Official duties whilst browsing pron, head in hands, face palm (maybe just bang head on desk,hands not available) we should set an award like the Darwin awards for spectacular political suicide where IT is the weapon of choice

  23. PassiveSmoking

    Could be worse

    At least he wasn't caught reading the Daily Mail. There's just no living something like that down.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Could be worse

      He's in the States. The electorate would merely think he's "well read".

  24. scrubber
    Joke

    Finally...

    A politician gets out in front of the NSA's blackmail threats in order to try to bring them to heel.

  25. Francis Boyle Silver badge

    I'd make a comment

    but I have to go get my FEC file infected. Seriously, that's almost as good as the preacher who had to hire a rent boy to "lift his luggage".

    1. FredBloggs61

      Re: I'd make a comment

      They are for rent you know, nobody says what you have to rent them for...

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    not as good an excuse as the one given by some MP a few years back whilst being found on Hampstead Heath (for non UK readers a well known haunt of Gay men cruising in London) in the middle of the night. "I was just out Badger watching"

    yeah right of course you were......

    1. Naselus

      I think you're conflating two tbh.

      Ron Davies (lab) was the badger watcher; he was caught on Clapham Common (another gay haunt in London) at 2am.

      Alan Amos (con) was the one who was caught on Hampstead Heath; he was photographed indecently exposing himself and didn't have much excuse.

  27. Jamie Kitson

    A Psalmist Indeed!

    The psalm and its five disciples.

    1. Nick L

      Re: A Psalmist Indeed!

      I thought I might have been first with it... but no. Have an upvote!

      I would like to point out that in a twist to traditional pronunciation guides, in this instance the P is fully sounded and the S is silent.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    OPSEC or.. a time and a place for everything

    Maybe I just have a strangely-wired libido, but I can't imagine mixing work related and porn related tabs. If I was in porn mode, having work related tabs open would just kill the mood. Or maybe I'm just in the wrong line of work!

  29. Tikimon
    Devil

    Priorities!

    Nobody's commented on how the porn was the first thing he opened? Browser tabs populate left to right, and he doesn't seem to close tabs as a habit.

  30. BusyPoorDad

    This guy is a Walter Mitty (Stolen Valor) POG also

    His comment "Thanks for the Tab Check Ranger Buddies" is due to his false claim that he was an Airborne Ranger.

    His thinking is that since he was a legal clerk assigned to the 2nd Ranger Battalion, that automatically made him a Ranger. It did not, a Ranger is someone that has completed the Ranger course of training and awarded a "tab" (patch that goes over the unit patch)

    So being called on his false claim of having a Tab, he waffles and tries to twist things just like he did with the porn.

  31. J. R. Hartley

    What we are witnessing here is a compund mental breakdown.

  32. Shovel

    Go Go Gomez

    Oh, if I had wings, like this dove!

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