Ever wondered what the worst TV show in the world would be? Apple just commissioned it Remember when soccer's governing body FIFA spent $30m making a film about itself starring Tim Roth and Gérard Depardieu? Well, the tech world's most egomaniacal company is going to bring its version to the small screen. That's right, Apple has decided to join Netflix and Amazon and get in on the content commissioning game by …
Have you not seen The Star Wars Holiday Special?
>Had to check my calendar to make sure April hadn't come early.
Appril, surely?
It's more evidence that post-Jobs Apple has nuked the fridge and is starting to believe its own PR.
Between getting into the fashion market, making everything ever bigger/smaller/thinner/faster, and building an HQ that's trying to look like the world's biggest halo, Apple is approaching Ballmer-at-his-sweatiest levels of uncool.
I can hardly wait for Apple TV shows to branch out into other careers: iPhone assembly, QA regression testing, IT developer support, digital signal analysis, PCB layout, and more! Hopefully they don't fluff it up with a bunch of personal drama subplots. I just want to come home from work, turn on the TV, and stare at somebody sitting at a desk.
Well, some of those are rather more interesting to watch than software development.
If I imagine myself looking over my own shoulder, it's a pretty boring view - lots of typing, interspersed with soft cursing like "oh shit, it was working yesterday, what's changed?", and getting up for more coffee.
The electronics side is much more TV-friendly - piles of test equipment, and occasional dramatic hardware failures (tantalum caps are the most spectacular).
Though I must agree - PCB layout is even less dramatic than software development; there isn't even the soft cursing element.
...all have failed.
Writing code just isn't exciting. "Hackers" gave us spinning phone booths and 3D mazes. "Swordfish" gave us...musical attitude and slomo explosions.
"WarGames", "The Matrix", "Ghost In The Shell", "Sneakers"...the list goes on. And what they all have in common is the we get glimpses of stuff happening on a computer, because in movie terms that's all we need to know. The actual nuts and bolts of what is being done, from ghost hacking people to writing apps, is fucking boring. There is just no way to make programming cool on screen. That's why...spinning phone booths...
You're right about coding being boring from a spectators point of view, so to make the film/tv show interesting they can only really use coding as a plot point.
Hackers (1995) happens to be one of my guilty pleasures films because it's pure hollywood cheese, and the soundtrack is kickin' (The Prodigy, Leftfield, Orbital, Underworld etc.). Antitrust (2001) isn't that bad, but like I just said one of the plot points is the coding but it's overshadowed by the lies, deceit, theft and murders that happen in it.
TV show wise, I'd really like to see the 1995 series Dweebs again one day, I know it's going to severely dated technological wise but I remember the jokes being spot on. jPod (2008) wasn't a bad tv series either.
>Many have tried... ...all have failed.
Actually, Mike Judge's Silicon Valley is really rather good, and unlike your 'hacker'-based examples it revolves around app developers and coders.
The well-received show Mr. Robot is about a hacker, and makes a fair bit of effort to be more realistic (of course there is artistic licence, and the story is filtered through a straight-up unreliable narrator.)
Still, if Apple is looking to what Netflix did with 'House of Cards' (an adaptation of a proven premise, lead actor Kevin Spacey always a draw), then myself I would have chosen a different topic. Still, it will be easier towait and see how it fares on Rotten Tomatoes than it is to prejudge it!
Oh man, Mr. Robot...
That was a really good show, and I'd argue it wasn't really about hacking at all. Yes, the main character was a computer security specialist, and he did penetrate computer systems, but that was *not* a show about hacking. I hesitate to go into any more detail than that on the off chance of spoilers.
Anyway, I'm going to watch season 2, but I don't think they can go anywhere but down from season 1.
@Sloppy Crapmonster - I don't know whether to upvote you for pointing out that it wasn't a show about hacking or downvote you a million times for saying Mr Robot was really good... Seriously? What a load of crap. From the 'qualify for amazon' gay sex scene, to the 'token females' to the f*cking crap plot twist that just blew any credibility it had left. Purlease.
Actually, Mike Judge's Silicon Valley is really rather good, and unlike your 'hacker'-based examples it revolves around app developers and coders.
I tried Silicon Valley for the first couple of episodes and found it unbearable, personally. And completely lacking in technical accuracy, of course. Magical compression - really?
I know, I know - it's the Gell-Mann Amnesia Effect. But while that explains I'll tolerate (to some extent) nonsense of other sorts in television shows, it doesn't make me any more inclined to watch the idiotic depictions of computing Hollywood promotes. And I'm not interested in seeing realistic depictions of people writing code, either.
That's why The IT Crowd was great - they so rarely did anything with computers.
(I'm not willing to even give Mr Robot a chance. Just won't do it. I have a literature degree; I know where to find all the unreliable narrators I want.)
>And completely lacking in technical accuracy, of course. Magical compression - really?
Yeah... but but if the writers of Silicon Valley knew what the Next Big Thing was going to be, they wouldn't be writing a TV show about it - they would be seeking funding! The 'Magical Compression' is just a McGuffin, a stand-in for a hot property made by a start-up that the big players want to get their hands on.
It is a satire about a culture and people, not a documentary about technology. So the writers' only choices for their McGuffin were:
1 Something that no one knows the value of (this would confuse the audience).
2 Something that already exists (this would confuse the audience)
3. Something that is impossible but clearly useful ( the audience knows it's impossible but choose to go along with it's utility)
As a plot device, coding is useful but to watch someone write or test code - the best cure for insomnia known. I can think of several movies or shows were the results of hacking was critical for the plot. Also, the Hollyweird stereotype of a hacker being a shortish, slightly built, very nearsighted, social misfit, male, nerd with social life makes it difficult for the character to carry the plot forward.
"As a plot device, coding is useful but to watch someone write or test code - the best cure for insomnia known."
True. But then consider other TV shows involving professions: do detective shows focus on the boring tedious work of going through thousands of scraps of information to exclude the irrelevant? No they focus on the moments of discovery/enlightenment/insight (and chuck in some personal lifestyle drama to widen the appeal).
Do medical shows spend time looking at patients needing a couple of stitches in a minor cut or presenting with "an annoying tickly cough" or a minor rash? No, unless it turns out that a minor symptom was an indicator of a rare and hard to diagnose condition that can form the basis of a strong story.
Similar might apply to IT if a writer could get a handle on it. The trivial glitch turns out to be an indication that a system has been hacked or that there's an obscure bug that risks bringing the global financial networks grinding to a halt. The book Zero Day (the one by Mark Russinovich) might be a good starting point.
And don't forget that great TV series "The IT Crowd" - as far as I recall it didn't cover coding but IT support and it could have been a fly on the wall documentary from somewhere I once worked.
A job or profession is simply a hook to hang a series off - virtually anything will do, what about "Steptoe and Son" (for younger readers: a couple of scrap merchants) of "The rag trade" a sitcom based around a small clothing workshop. Surely coding, although in detail is (nearly) as boring (to an outsider) presents comparable opportunities.
Apple TV, Sky Q, NowTV, Amazon, the lot of them are crap.
The only one showing any promise is Roku, the independent, and even then it looks like they aren't gonna bother releasing the Roku 4 in the UK. That's no doubt Sky using their stake in Roku to stop them releasing it here as it will compete directly with Now TV etc.
I, for one, don't want a seperate box for each different content provider.
Most egregious.
I guess the down vote came from a hardware maker who wants assemble all the different hardware boxes.
What will be next a love poem from the power generators who will produce power to drive all these stupid boxes or, more likely the warehouse builders who will create the storage space for the rejected unsold items.
Well thats only because they spoiled us in the UK with the nowTV box (basically a Roku 1 but nerfed to run on Skys streaming platform)... I got mine free with the broadband (no idea why they just did) and so we got the £10 box for naught..
And it's now running plex so I can stream everything off my homeserver instead. I wonder if it'll be more painful/navel gazing than Helvetica? (Yes that was just one movie thankfully but thats 2 hours I'm never getting back)
Crap? Sure. But my wife wanted Apple TV, so we got one. And sometimes I watch stuff using it.
It's somewhat better for that purpose than the half-dozen broadcast channels I grew up with, which offered little variety and did such a poor job of accommodating my personal schedule. And the picture wasn't very clear either.
Most of the time I'd rather read anyway. But when I do want to watch, I can find something I'm interested in through Netflix or one of the other providers that Apple TV carries. Good enough, as far as I'm concerned.
First of all, just remember, whether it's a comedy or drama the best TV shows revolve around people and their interactions with one another. It doesn't matter if it's about police, doctors, soldiers, or superheroes. At its heart it has to be about people, or no one will watch it. So what might this show about application developers look like? Hmmm. Let me see...
Title: The Decompiled (something dramatic and suggestive of conflict and personal sacrifice)
The players: The brilliant but naieve CEO of a startup company. he/she is likeable, but far too trusting. Senior management is composed of people out for themselves. They don't care about the CEO's dreams. They'll do whatever it takes to get ahead, and then leave for new hunting grounds, leaving someone else to pick up the pieces. And finally the staff -- programmers, artists, writers and Quality Assurance. We'll omit for the purpose of this discussion the office staff.
The conflict: the staff is given vague, conflicting goals which they are forced to make sense of and deadlines that are created by the Marketing Manager that have no bearing on reality. Fortunately, the staff includes some of the best minds in the business (even if they are oddballs). But the more they meet these impossible goals, the farther the goalpost gets moved. Forced to work long hours, various staff members have to deal with marital problems (e.g. wife pregnant, but husband not allowed to be by her side due to another deadline/crisis). Another staff member is deep in debt due to poor judgement in making investments/spending/whatever and is forced to make money by selling IP to competition, working second job, ratting the company out for violating licensing. You get the idea. Add other forms of conflict such as lawsuits, C-and-D orders, security breaches, unreasonable investor demands, etc. The nature of the conflict doesn't matter. What does matter is how the various people deal with it. In the end, they get the job done, in spite of the potholes in the road before them.
Bottom line is: make it real, don't pull any punches, and cover real issues found in the real world of software development. The company succeeds brilliantly, of course, and the application that finally appears in the app store is a hit (which creates all new problems). But getting to that point isn't easy, and requires hard work and determination by the "people in the trenches". Sure it sounds like a soap opera, but some of the biggest hits on TV follow that formula to one degree or another. To paraphrase Bill Clinton, It's the people, stupid!
Forced to work long hours, various staff members have to deal with marital problems (e.g. wife pregnant, but husband not allowed to be by her side due to another deadline/crisis).
There would be no question here. I would not be at work. I would call in sick, they would have to deal with my absence. Not even a contest as to where I would choose to be.
Let's see if they fire me. I'm betting...not.
Not every critic rated it in their top ten:
There is a creepy, undead feel to this lumbering comedy set in the offices of Google, and Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn have a distinct Baron Samedi look in their eyes. (Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian)
You need only watch the trailer to know that The Internship is a promo for Google; think Google for Dummies, as well as Summer Comedy for Dummies. It's as if the writers googled "how to write a script" and nothing came up, so they wrote this anyway. (Joe Morgenstern, WSJ)
Let's see Apple fall even flatter!
Not every critic rated it in their top ten
Judging from the IMDB cemmentary ("Just what section of the cinematic audience this pile of tripe is aimed at I really don't know. Maybe it's teenagers, those Dre wearing plastic headphone types who like to think they live in a land of cool and internet worldliness, but then it features two middle-aged heroes trying to find a job at Google so how does that compute? Pardon the pun.") etc., I would say this is a faint understatement?
This is nuts. Hendrix "I used to live in a room full of mirrors" comes to mind.
When Steve Jobs was alive, Apple was all about his ego, about being The Best, about being perfect in every way... AND he was a genius.
Now, Apple is all about Money. Feel the difference?
They will ever increase my interest in developing for the app store is a increase as revenue transparency and provide official tools that work well cross platform tools. Xcode is fucking shit.
Android isnt't that much better but at least theres a wealth of tools and knowledge out there.
Everywhere you look in iOS dev theres a pay wall.
If I can't mess around with it for free then our interests aren't aligned.
..then the obvious challenge is to produce a show which appears to champion "core values" "brand excellence" and other such wonders but laces it with subtle sarcasm. See how many episodes you can produce before the sponsors twig.
Although what is really needed is the equivalent of "Yes (Prime) Minister" where the public think it is so unreal that it is ludicrous (but funny) and the insiders keep asking "Who told you about that?".
Titled...ummm...."Yes PM (Program Manager) {all pigs fuelled and ready to fly}" where the politicians are replaced by clueless suits with no IT knowledge, the Civil Service by Sales and Marketing...there is loads of scope in Government IT.....
Well, no, that is starting to look more like a depressing tradgedy than light hearted comedy.
As soon as you get a new show on TV there quickly follows several copycats. I'm not sure which came first but the deluge of Saturday night "talent" shows such as X factor, Britain's Got Talent (sic), The Voice is an example.
So what will copy "Apple Nerds have Got Apps" ? I used to work in telecoms so I nominate "Network Planners Unleashed" Any ideas?
On a slightly different note has anyone modified a Formula 1 game to use Google self driving cars? Should be fun.
The IT crowd was funny because it understood that most of the humour generated by working in IT comes from systems not working, products that massively fail to live up to their claims, clueless managers, project disasters, etc.
That's not going to be allowed by App -hell in their corporate ad-com, expect hip young smugsters effortlessly churning out apps that seamlessly improve lives. Corporate propaganda is funny, just not in the way those producing it think it is.
Another great computing book
"Dealers of Lightning" by Michael Hiltzik
And does anyone remember Tracy Kidder's "Soul of a new machine"?
On the deficit side, sometime in the early 1970s a book called "the Glitch" (IIRC) was published - this claimed that electronic circuits were frequency-limited by "glitches" that increase with frequency (probably referring to metastability) and that the computer industry was doomed, doomed...
There's two ways they could do this. They could make it about the drama involved in the development of an app, and have it concentrate on the people concerned. Something like "The Social Network" did, or they could concentrate on the mechanics of app development. Which, lets face it, would be boring for >90% of the population, including most developers. If The Social Network had done that, it would have consisted of Mark Zuckerberg, and a few others, sitting there in their dorms night after night looking at pages of PHP code.
"The soul of a new machine" - excellent book, how to write about hardware and software design.
Oh, except at the end when the engineers go to the product launch and see people they've never heard of take all the credit for their work.
Oh, except at the end when the engineers go to the product launch and see people they've never heard of take all the credit for their work.
That's why you always need to take Claymores to the launch meetings in those nerdy carry-ons...
"Oh, except at the end when the engineers go to the product launch and see people they've never heard of take all the credit for their work."
Been there. Been the engineer. Nothing official of course. On the contrary, when I designed anything for our department, the boss let everyone know that it was me who did the work.
Then, shortly after my colleague left, I found that that colleague had actually taken credit for several things I'd designed. I was not happy.
Oh, except at the end when the engineers go to the product launch and see people they've never heard of take all the credit for their work.
But...that's what happens. It's right here in the "Stages of a Project" list: Rewards for the non-participants.
// I was there...the book is pretty much a true account.
I found The Soul of a New Machine a strangely unsatisfying book. When you reach the end you feel as if you've read an account of the design and building of a computer, but you haven't learned anything about what they did or how they did it. I've re-read it more than once, but the effect doesn't change. I suppose it's because it's really a description of the personal, social and commercial aspects of the enterprise.
Watching them try to debug it, while worrying that every day their release is delayed is another day that someone with the same idea will beat them to the App Store? Riveting, I'm sure!
There is no way this show can be any good if the writing of apps has any of more of a place in the show than coming up with new physics theories has in the Big Bang Theory. That show succeeds because of the characters and their interaction, that they are scientists is mostly irrelevant to the story other than for explaining their personality quirks.
Oh sure, there are hundreds of thousands of app writers, millions if you include those writing for Android or writing small shareware utility type stuff for Windows. I suppose there's no reason a streamed show has to gain a wide audience and can be very narrowly targeted. But even if such a show was well regarded by 'app writers' it would make no sense having Apple produce it, since their raison d'etre is making tech that's approachable by the general public.
Is what they should call it and the title sequence should show a dot matrix printer doing its buzzy dotty thing and 15 tape units spooling back and forth making boople-bleeple noises because that's what computers at Apple HQ look like. And the leading character should be called Newton Sadmac.
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