All aboard the gravy train...hey, not you!
"Hello, please come in and take a seat Mr Google"
"Thank you, Mr HMRC"
"Now, I would like for you to have a quick read of this"
"mm, yes, yes, err, yes"
"Do you notice anything about it?"
"Well, err, I can't say that I do"
"I shall enlighten you. It is a comprehensive list of all the people who we are not allowed to chase for tax and your name isn't included"
"Why ever not?"
"Well, you're not British, you're family isn't mentioned in the Magna Carta and you have not been invited onto the gravy train"
"Well can we buy a ticket?"
"Err, no! You see, you are now too high a profile. The media have got their teeth into you and frankly, it's distressing the hell out of all those on the list"
"Why should they care?"
"Obviously, if we can't come to a satisfactory solution to this and are forced into closing all these archaic loopholes, then thousands of honest law abiding citizens would end up having to pay a fair amount of tax."
"I see your dilemma"
"Yes indeed. That is why we have called you in. You see, those mentioned on the list are willing to redirect a small fraction of their annual tax avoidance into your revenue stream on condition you pay that back in tax and thus stop the media from digging any further"
"Well, on that basis, I think we can make a deal"
"Great, just sign here. Ahem, In blood if you don't mind"
"Our master will not have it any other way"
"What! David Cameron insists on blood?"
"Mr Cameron? The Master? No, he's just a loyal servant of Mammon"