back to article Aroused Lycra-clad cyclist prompts Manchester cop dragnet

Manchester cops swooped on a city centre tram stop on Tuesday after a concerned woman reported a man sporting both Lycra cycling shorts and an erection, the Manchester Evening News reports. In a nail-biting blow-by-blow account on Twitter, Greater Manchester Police first confirmed they were moving to investigate... Call from …

  1. Kaltern

    Concerned woman.

    Get a fucking life.

    That is all.

    1. chivo243 Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Concerned woman.

      maybe she was? wink, wink, nudge nudge... Maybe she wanted the plods to play matchmaker.

      1. HildyJ Silver badge

        Re: Concerned woman.

        Where was that women's cell phone camera. If I can't laugh about it on YouTube or Instagram, it didn't happen.

    2. Kaltern

      Re: Concerned woman.

      I wonder if I got a downvote from the Concerned woman in question?

      Or just someone who automatically dislikes my posts?

  2. chivo243 Silver badge

    Clearly a hardened criminal maybe a member of a deviant biker gang... ok, I'll stop already, enough of the raised eyebrow...

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    > near young people.

    Note the implicit accusation of paedophilia.

    Here's an another possible scenario that might not immediately have occurred to her:

    The guy might have seen an attractive woman (or man of course) and is extremely embarassed aboit what ensued. To top it all some strange woman calls the cops to exacerbate the situation.

    It's also possible that he was really busting for the loo.

    1. chivo243 Silver badge

      @skelband

      My cousin's are young people to me, but the are pushing 30.

      "It's also possible that he was really busting for the loo."

      I only get that at night at my age ;-/

      And finally:

      How many guys call the cop shop complaining that some women's nipples were totally aroused, popping through her blouse because of the rain and possibly the sheer fabric of her blouse and causing a nuisance?

      Welcome to the Double Standard World in which we live in...

      1. Mark 85 Silver badge

        @chvo243

        How many guys call the cop shop complaining that some women's nipples were totally aroused, popping through her blouse because of the rain and possibly the sheer fabric of her blouse and causing a nuisance?

        Well.. maybe we should. If it happens often enough maybe things will change like "political correctness" and "Oh.. I'm offended, pass a law, quick!". Or, we'll all get a "morality police" like Sauds have.

      2. Blitterbug
        Angel

        Nips?

        I'd only point out that nips aren't exactly genitalia. A more appropriate comparison would be with women proudly displaying their camel toe?

        1. Matt 21

          Re: Nips?

          You spot said young woman with rain soaked blouse, so you take a photo to help the cops and then you get into trouble!

          Double standards as you say!!!!!

          1. Matt 21

            Re: Nips?

            To my beloved down voter: I don't think you understand the seriousness of such an offense.

            There's a grown woman, bra-less, soaking wet blouse, nips out and there were teenage boys around... I was outraged...... well in my theoretical example I was anyway.......

            1. KA1AXY

              Re: Nips?

              The only sensible thing to do, would have been to take multiple photos of this outrage, preferably from several angles, to be used in court.

        2. hplasm
          Big Brother

          Re: Nips?

          To the Moralist, all the human body is disgusting.

        3. chivo243 Silver badge

          Re: Nips?

          @Blitterbug

          1. Erect nipples generate the same attention as an erect penis in lycra, probably more, help me out here guys. Maybe this guy was one of the recipients of an helping of manhood, and the lycra was at maximum capacity?

          2. Proudly or ignorantly? I have to guess whether some women wouldn't notice if their pants were on fire...

      3. disgruntled yank Silver badge

        @chivo243

        About 40 years ago, people started selling flowers at intersections in Denver and its suburbs. One day, a call went out to police stating that a topless woman was selling flowers at a west-side intersection. Many officers showed up, not all from the jurisdiction that included the intersection. The poor chunky guy who was selling flowers was said to be much embarrassed--I hope that the dozen or twenty officers were.

        So no, don't call the cop shop for such matters: you could tie up traffic with all the responses.

      4. Alan Brown Silver badge

        "How many guys call the cop shop complaining that some women's nipples were totally aroused, popping through her blouse because of the rain and possibly the sheer fabric of her blouse and causing a nuisance?"

        Or about public displays of cameltoe.

        GMP should know better than to play to implied accusations of paedophilia, especially when the biggest risk to young people is the immediate family or their circle of friends.

        1. Updraft102

          Men are presumed to be rapists and child molesters until proven otherwise. Didn't you know that? Witness the articles we've seen about airlines that have secret rules against allowing children flying alone to sit next to an unknown man... or, rather, it's the other way around, as the man is the one who is subject to the humiliation of getting up and changing seats when that happens. In other stories, there have been signs noted at playgrounds that single men not accompanied by a child are not permitted there.

          In this world where we're told of "male privilege," typical behaviors for male children have been turned into criminal acts that require police intervention. Boys have ended up being arrested for such heinous crimes as biting a pop tart into the shape of a gun or drawing a picture showing a scene of war. It used to be that "boys will be boys", but now, apparently, it's "boys had better not be boys, or they will be inmates."

          When raising the child, it has usually been the mother who wants to protect the child from everything and the father who wants the child to learn from his bumps and bruises. Hopefully, they'd arrive at a relatively happy medium somewhere in the middle. Now, though, the mother's way of looking at things seems to be mandatory: Things that were commonplace and normal in my childhood during the 70s and 80s, like letting an eight year old walk to school alone or allowing play outside without constant direct supervision or riding a bicycle with no helmet, would be neglectful or abusive now. Children are just about mummified in bubble wrap before being allowed outside now.

          At present, we have considerably more women in colleges and universities than men, and the disparity is increasing. Perhaps it's not surprising that today's college students expect to never be offended by anything, and that they nearly have a panic attack if they hear an opinion other than their own. Campaign propaganda for candidates other than the one they like sends them running for their safe zones, and the university will gladly offer them counseling services to get over the trauma. I wish I was kidding!

          No matter what the circumstances in divorce, the woman is almost always going to get the stuff, and the man is going to get the bills. The woman could be a drug-addicted criminal with a history of child abuse and will probably still get custody of the kids even if the husband is a clean, responsible member of the community. If she accuses him of something violent... or if any "she" accuses any "him" of something, it's apt to be believed without question, because everyone knows that men are just like that. (Just ask the Rolling Stone editors.)

          So yeah, male privilege. Check yours today!

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Being in lycra shorts at 50 is probably more offensive. Mind you, he should be old enough to know to tuck the tip in his waistband until it goes away.

    1. RubberJohnny

      Don't be silly, who wears their waistband at nipple level? Surely he would need to be tucking it into his collar?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Perhaps the commentard meant

        Tucking into waistband after passing over shoulder?

        1. hplasm
          Happy

          Re: Perhaps the commentard meant

          Tucking into waistband after passing over collar and tying a good old Windsor knot.

          Stops the tip curling up, like Dilbert's... tie.

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

  5. Zog_but_not_the_first
    WTF?

    What!?

    WHAT!!??

  6. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

    Doubtful

    I don't think a 50 year old man on a bicycle on a wet winter evening could achieve that condition without pharmaceutical assistance.

    That's possible (there is that advert where the old bloke loses his last Viagra tablet and goes off bicycling to get more) but it's a bit of a waste.

    Also "young people" would be anyone under 40.

    I suspect she misidentified his multi tool or rapid inflater, or possibly a spare pair of socks.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Boffin

      Re: Doubtful

      Guy arranges a hook-up, guy takes Viagra in preparation, guy jumps on his bike to head over to the rendezvous!! That answers everything, except for the lady getting upset about a clothed man in a state of arousal.

    2. Throatwarbler Mangrove Silver badge
      Megaphone

      Re: Doubtful

      Or the poor guy was having a heart attack.

      1. Robert Helpmann??
        Childcatcher

        Re: Doubtful

        Or was suffering from a spider bite (some cause priapism) and raced off to find medical help, poor bastard.

        1. Steven Raith

          Re: Doubtful

          To be fair, if you've arranged a hot date, and arrive in lycra cycle gear - unless you're built like an Adonis, then that's doomed to failure.

          Steven "Doesn't wear lycra because no-one wants to see a badly made balloon hippopotamus" R

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

  7. Infury8r

    Maybe she was just flattering herself?

  8. Donald Becker

    If this is an offense that needs to be investigated by the police, there are a lot of teenage boys that will be dealing with the coppers. You would need at least a half dozen officers per high school classroom, and a whole department at every event with cheerleaders.

  9. Graham Marsden

    "Interesting debate"?

    Here's what the law says:

    * * * * *

    Sexual Offences Act 2003:

    66 Exposure:

    (1) A person commits an offence if—

    (a) he intentionally exposes his genitals, and

    (b) he intends that someone will see them and be caused alarm or distress.

    * * * * *

    So unless he was waving it around and shouting "Get a load of this, darling!" no offence was committed.

    (PS for pedants: Although it says "he", that's simply for convenience and brevity and it includes women too)

    1. graeme leggett

      Re: "Interesting debate"?

      You overlooked the old "Ways and Means Act".

      There will be something that covers, or can be considered to cover, wandering around with bulging trousers.

      1. RubberJohnny

        Re: "Interesting debate"?

        Going equipped?

      2. Loud Speaker

        Re: "Interesting debate"?

        "There will be something that covers, or can be considered to cover, wandering around with bulging trousers".

        As in "A dirty mac"?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "Interesting debate"?

          The woman in question was obviously worried and perhaps even terrified so couldn't they do the bloke for possessing an article preparatory to an act of terrorism?

      3. Alan Brown Silver badge

        Re: "Interesting debate"?

        "There will be something that covers, or can be considered to cover, wandering around with bulging trousers."

        Presumably this means that the old fashioned way of dealing with this (codpieces) is illegal too because, well, bulge.

    2. Fraggle850

      Re: "Interesting debate"?

      Perhaps we should return to the renaissance fashion for codpieces?

      1. Ken 16
        Trollface

        The Black Russian tonight, I think

        That always terrifies the clergy...

  10. Christoph

    I trust it will be equally illegal for women to have erect nipples? (With no regard for the temperature of course.)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Paris Hilton

      Re : I trust it will be equally illegal for women to have erect nipples?

      Or camel toe...

      1. BebopWeBop

        Re: Re : I trust it will be equally illegal for women to have erect nipples?

        Camel toe? I shouldn't ask - but I have to WTF is that?

        1. Anomalous Cowturd
          FAIL

          @BebopWeBop Re: Camel toe?

          You're new here aren't you?

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camel_toe

        2. Evil Weevil
          Coat

          Re: Re : I trust it will be equally illegal for women to have erect nipples?

          A camel toe ? What is that ?

          Well here's a song to help you understand.....

          The Camel Toe Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALYoQ_-5sUI

        3. chivo243 Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Re : I trust it will be equally illegal for women to have erect nipples?

          @BebopWeBop

          "Camel toe? I shouldn't ask - but I have to WTF is that?"

          TBH, if a friend of mine hadn't used the term, then explained when I didn't laugh or check the woman out, I would not know it either.

          I keep saying El Reg needs the "rock" icon, as in the one some of us live under. Some sort of rock with a pair of eyes peeking out from beneath?

          (Trench) Coat for obvious reasons...

      2. FozzyBear
        Coffee/keyboard

        Re: Re : I trust it will be equally illegal for women to have erect nipples?

        I'd be more concerned, offended by moose knuckles

    2. D 13

      No, but I'm sure that the police will be keeping an eye on the situation.

  11. TRT Silver badge

    He could have been an undercover policeman...

    Although he obviously hadn't hidden his helmet very well.

  12. Blipvert
    Thumb Up

    He was almost' Grabbed by the Rozzers'...

    If so, that would've been very painful!

  13. CAPS LOCK

    It's a shame he wasn't picked up by the...

    ... fuzz.

  14. DeafGoose

    "Patrols on route to take a look....."

    Female Officers??

  15. nsld

    meanwhile

    the real criminals in Manchester consider that the bike they nicked and gave to Grandad and the £10 cycle shorts from Aldi have proven to be a good investment

  16. Camilla Smythe

    Assuming

    The Lycra was not for posing and he was on his way out of The City, Plod could not find him, then he probably lost the woody due to the numb middle bit of his nuts 10 miles down the road prior to arriving at the intended field of sheep who called Plod on their Bahbiles to complain about not getting a good Rodgering because Farmer Giles had not fitted their back legs with clip-ons and, after he had struggled with them, the bottle holders were not a good substitute for a pair of wellies and he could not get it up anyway.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Christ on a bike...

    Overt - done or shown openly; plainly apparent.

    Overly Overt. How can you overly show something openly? Using the definition it's already shown openly so unless he was running around shouting look at my massive inner tube I really don't see how that works.

    The interesting question is why was she looking in the first place?

    Also, what gives her the right to deem what is suitable and what is not for someone else's children? Have people been brainwashed through claims by the government about the internet that everyone is peadofile until proven innocent? It's a good job there were no muslims with back packs or all hell would have broken loose.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You will have to be careful how you carry your mobile phone in your trouser pocket. My M&S chinos came with a little sub-pocket designed to keep it upright against the inside of my leg.

    We are becoming a nation of over-sensitised people who see "offence" in every way they can imagine with their febrile minds.

    1. Jediben

      We are becoming a nation of over-sensitised people who see "offence" in every way they can imagine with their female minds.

      FTFY.

  19. x 7

    FFS, a lot of decent quality cycling shorts have heavily padded crotches to stop the cyclist suffering from terminal knob bruising and galloping crutch rot......think of it as a padded cross between a cricketers box and a cod piece.

    Naturally they tend to show a fair bulge........interestingly some women cyclists wear similar padding as well. What would our Manchester complainant have done if faced with a girl with an apparent oversized clitoral erection? Insist on female genital mutilation to save little girls from horny lesbians?

  20. Teiwaz

    I hope they (the Police) doubled back

    And picked up their informant for a charge of wasting police time...

    It's the only way to prevent these alarrmist nutjobs from doing it again. A course of court ordered therapy does wonders...

  21. Blofeld's Cat Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Hmm...

    Being a somewhat hirsute, fifty-something male, I can assure you that if I were to don Lycra and attempt to cycle off the Christmas food frenzy, the police would be inundated with calls...

    ... about an escaped, multi-coloured walrus.

    "... not only that it's riding a bike, officer."

  22. x 7

    "hey fella.....

    "are you pleased to meet me or is that a pump in your shorts?"

    A question commonly heard around Canal Street, Manchester

  23. The Infamous Grouse
    Joke

    "I nearly had a stroke!" said the woman. "But he cycled past too quickly."

  24. David Roberts
    Coat

    Has anyone considered....

    ...that it might have been flacid, but just well proportioned and well contained?

    IMHO it would be very difficult to tell in properly padded cycle shorts.

    Not that there is any danger of me offending in that manner.......

    Anyway, even if they arrested him it probably wouldn't stand up in court.

    1. druck Silver badge

      Re: Has anyone considered....

      Maybe this register story featured on the same page, might be an explanation?

  25. Sequin

    ... but he was NAKED under the Lycra!

  26. David Roberts

    Further

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2014/01/15/mountain_bike_mishap/

    1. x 7

      Re: Further

      bloody hell...........I bet he needed a stiff drink after that...

      it would save on the sildenafil though

  27. Anthony Hegedus

    it's a question of degree

    I actually own a penis, and I can tell you that when I was younger, spontaneous tumescence was occasionally a problem. It didn't need a reason, if it wanted to, it would. Now that I'm nearly 50, thankfully those days are but a limp memory.

    Don't the Manchester police force have any penis-owners who can testify that that's how they work: They get big. The go small. They go big again. Totally normal. No need to investigate.

  28. Mr Dogshit
    IT Angle

    Well I think she should be entitled to com pen say shun.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    New Bike Names.

    May I start with the Raleigh Tumescent.

    1. Wommit
      Coat

      Re: New Bike Names.

      Possibly a Chopper.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It is blatantly obvious

    there are no cyclists amongst you El Reg commentards. These things happen when you ride a sports bike.

  31. Dave Horn

    Even if they catch him, it'll never stand up in court.

  32. Glenturret Single Malt

    I suppose

    that in the right light and from a suitable angle, his bicycle pump could have looked a bit like an erection. Not sure why he would have it stuffed down his pants, though.

  33. Asterix the Gaul

    Maybe the sight of a 'camel toe' sent a surge to his nether regions & ditto for her when she saw the outline of male organs.

    An old joke, two male mice, one said to the other,"There's Harmonica,lets go play with her".The other said,"No, lets play with our 'mouse organs',lol".

    In the UK today,men have become effeminate thanks to the PC brigade in the 'Labour Party' when in power & women have lost touch with the biological imperative.

    Not surprising really when every other male of the younger generation sounds female & thinks another male's anus is perceived as a vagina.

    At least this woman was able to distinguish the sexual difference even if her experience of it was somewhat limited by her observation,or so it seems.

    Personally,when I was young, the mere sight of many a young filly was enough to send the blood pumping ferociously through a certain organ giving frequent embarrassment to myself in public.

    Nature is nature,that woman is a healthy woman,it's just that her mind is affected by irrational 'morally' repugnant political-religious puritanism,that's unconsciously conditioning her responses.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A matter of distinction

    I wonder how she's sure he had an erection versus just being well endowed with a vertical orientation.

    I don't know who is more stupid, the lady for reporting it or the police who continued to make an issue of it. Meanwhile murderers, terrorists and other criminals run loose.

  35. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    IT Angle

    Was he wearing a Vulture Velo?

    If not, then there is absolutely no IT angle in this story.

    I suspect the story planted by the El Reg Marketing Department as a subliminal marketing ploy to shift their stockpile of these

    http://cashncarrion.co.uk/collections/frontpage/products/vulture-velo

  36. Natalie Gritpants Silver badge

    Congrats are in order

    If I were to cycle in Manchester in December in Lyrca my penis would shrink to negative length.

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Reminds me of the time as a 17 yr old I had to cycle home 6 miles from a girlfriend's

    standing up

    1. x 7

      "I had to cycle home 6 miles from a girlfriend's

      standing up"

      kicked you in the nuts as a way of explaining to you she was an EX girlfriend?

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