back to article You’re clever? But are you clever enough to give a Reg lecture?

The Register is looking for speakers who are as fascinating and knowledgeable as our audience and as good at story-telling as our writers. Over the last year our Register Lectures have covered topics as diverse as Big Data, interplanetary exploration and the chequered history of GCHQ, the future of driverless cars, and the …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    If I stood before a group to give a lecture it would be like a re-enactment of a famous scene from Scanners, with a buffet on standby.

    So on the whole, more entertaining than the usual narcoleptic inducing power-point lecture, but a load more messy.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Nope

      Other reasons;

      a) Not that clever,

      b) Generalist, not a specialist so doubt I'd have anything to give in a lecture,

      c) Lack self-assured confidence required to make any statements in person to a room full of experts

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Nope

        I'm clever enough to know that I'm not clever enough. Does that count as clever enough?

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not a question of clever...

    I dont think I am brave enough to deal with the aftermath!

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Not a question of clever...

      Just imagine the audience is naked. That gives you your pshychological edge, in order to dominate them. Of course, if your imagination is too good, you may require counselling afterwards...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Not a question of clever...

        "Just imagine the audience is naked."

        I can see this advice leading to difficulties in a couple of scenarios (especially if both at the same time).

        1. The audience is school children

        2. The mental image is so vivid as to visibly arouse your generative organ.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Not a question of clever...

        Re:I ain't Spartacus

        Ah, but then I'd imagine them imagining me naked, any luck it'll be a warm room...

      3. John Tserkezis

        Re: Not a question of clever...

        "Just imagine the audience is naked"

        Knowing my luck, it'll be me standing on stage naked myself.

        But that's OK, my chat would be short.

        I'm sure the audience would appreciate that it's short.

        The chat I mean, not, oh never mind.

  3. fruitoftheloon

    Er, were is Worstall?

    OK, not exactly on-topic, but what happened to Worstal???

    Of course we all like diff'rent stuff, but he was my fave El Reg scribbler by miles...


    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Er, were is Worstall?

      Let go sadly. Off to pastures new. You can find him on Forbes though. Was very sad, I missed his lecture in June. But had a wedding that day.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Er, were is Worstall?

        >But had a wedding that day

        I hope she was worth the sacrifice.

      2. maffski

        Re: Er, were is Worstall?

        You can also find him at the Adam Smith Institute blog

  4. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

    I could give 90 minutes on the 1999 Water Regulations. I've already got the Powerpoint slides and everything. In fact, I've even got posters pre-done. You're entitled to CPD certificates too.

    OK, so it's a bit dull. But you'll be grateful for it, next time you're up to your knees in zebra poo on a January site visit to London Zoo.

    Or, I could probably do 5 hours on the various problems my Mum has had with technology - and how I've tried to solve them. My favourite being, "I had a box pop up on my screen 4 days ago saying that I might get a virus, so I just clicked on OK and carried on browsing the internet. Is that something to worry about?" Sorry Mum, could you try being a little more vague...

  5. Lucasjkr

    This might be the first advertisement that I can remember going out of my way to click on. At least for long time. Good job. I don't think I'm a lecturer though..

  6. Howard Hanek


    .....but only if I can borrow your excellent set of Legos to REALLY get my point across.......

    That seems to work best with El Reg readers........

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: OK

      You're bringing toys!

  7. Bleu

    but NDAs, covering things that are vital but generally not spectacular, no mention possible in general.

    Ideas about what is happening, but have other necessary things to do.

    Also, too far away. However, I would like to write the occasional article for the reg. later.

    Too busy to go to SemIcon Japan this year, a big disappointment.

    Today, I was surprised to see a giant ad poster for the Murata chearleaders on a station platform (with the slogan translating as 'hooray, hooray, hooray, for makers'), since Murata doesn't directly make consumer electronics, I was very pleased to see that they bothered to pay for the ad at a station where I had to change trains.

    I think that the Murata cheerleaders are on the way to being a pop-culture phenomenon, at least here.

    Also think the new Star Wars copied the BB8 concept from the Murata cheerleaders, Disney Corp. should have to pay Murata royalties.

  8. FozzyBear

    I'll sign up.

    Lecture: The individual characteristics of hops derived refreshments

    Location: The local pub

    time: 5pm to ???? (sadly to ensure an impartial review several iterations of certain selections maybe required)

    This will be the first in a series of lectures exploring the world of alcohol. Audience participation is not only encouraged but required)

  9. Michael H.F. Wilkinson

    My students tend not to fall asleep during my lectures. That might of course be because I am LOUD rather than interesting. And I don't need no steenking megaphone to reach Brian Blessed's volume levels

    ARE YE DEEEEF???!!!

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon