Drunk? Need a slash? Avoid walls in Hackney

London's Hackney council is targeting male revellers' time-honoured practice of necking a skinful, and then relieving themselves against walls, with a hydrophobic coating designed to send steaming streams straight back to the piss-taker. According to the BBC, the authority spends £100k a year cleaning up after al fresco …

[Anonymous Coward]

Lots of public loos like that. The metal ones can be particularly splashy.

[Danny 14]

just pee at an angle then. Not really hard even when drunk.

[tiggity]

Or

Maybe provide, free, actually open in the evening public toilets - the vast majority of al freso micturators are not doing it for fun.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Or

Indeed! In the centre of Bristol they put out urinals that look like giant yellow traffic cones at the weekend. Much more sensible than trying to punish those of us who keep the night time economy booming!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Or

they put out urinals that look like giant yellow traffic cones at the weekend

To the sober these look like normal traffic cones. And to road workers on Monday morning, they are just like standard traffic cones, but reeking of stale piss.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: To the sober these look like normal traffic cones

That's some good acid! I can stand inside one of those "normal" traffic cones!

[Stretch]

Re: Or

Sure, but did you miss the ideological tory slash and burn on council services? Maybe they can have them sponsored by some drinks company.

[dajames]

Re: Or

Sure, but did you miss the ideological tory slash and burn on council services?

Surely "slash and burn" is what you get with an electrified wall?

[emmanuel goldstein]

The Result:

Literally pissed-up hipsters.

[Anonymous Coward]

What's to stop people leaning on the wall and directing the stream at an angle? You wouldn't normally lean because the wall might be covered in urine; but that's not a problem here. A drunken slash would be a more comfortable experience if you knew which walls were coated.

I've seen that coating before...pretty impressive. Wonder how hardwearing it is.

[Message From A Self-Destructing Turnip]

Hardwearing? Good for a year in outdoor applications according to the FAQ on the manufacturers website, might rub off on your hands too, you decide.

[Anonymous Coward]

@Message From A Self-Destructing Turnip - thanks. I was a bit involved at the time, so didn't look at the source as hard as I should have. I find the training video quite interesting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hwozHdrxgI

..it all looks a bit toxic. And I'm not sure if they're selling xylene or the spraygun.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xylene

[John Tserkezis]

"Wonder how hardwearing it is."

We had seen this at an electronics trade show about last year. One of the vendors was flogging it off for protecting electronics.

They were quite clear to say there was no "home application kit", though it appears they were holding it for themselves.

They did say the the resulting coating was quite thin and would rub off with time. I know the FAQ claims a year, but like any claim, they only apply to best case conditions. If you were to apply this to a phone, it wouldn't last very long, though the innards would (because you're not touching them. Taking the phones apart and insulating the connectors is another matter however.

[Steven Roper]

Exactly. Angle of incidence = angle of reflection. I've known that since I was a kid, to the point where I always piss into a urinal at an angle to ensure no splashbacks. I do the same if I have to use a wall, so this stuff won't bother me.

One of the joys of being male is that the world is your urinal!

[Anonymous Coward]

By "the world" you often are really talking about "someone's front door/personal property". The entitlement of some people who think it's OK to just piss anywhere is astonishing.

[Afernie]

Hmmm.

"The authority spends £100k a year cleaning up after al fresco urinators, and has decided to spunk £1,000 treating walls at "two popular drinking locations in Shoreditch and Dalston"."

Why do I get the feeling that if this becomes the approach taken, the cost of treating the walls (and maintaining the treatment) will somehow manage to exceed £100K? Also I predict many pissers will be canny and/or just sober enough to piss at an angle to the wall, probably after a first unwelcome experience with the new coating. Then the piss is still on the pavement to be cleaned up at taxpayers expense, doubling the cost.

[Stuart Elliott]

Re: Hmmm.

but.. but.. the company selling the product said they wouldn't, so it won't...

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Hmmm.

> "Then the piss is still on the pavement to be cleaned up at taxpayers expense..."

So coat the pavement. The piss will levitate and seek it's own level. With luck the pub will be lower than anything else...

[Jediben]

Re: Hmmm.

All well and good for piss, but what about rainfall? Some unlucky bugger will receive ALL the piss diluted by ALL the skytears, every single time it rains!

[Charles Manning]

re: piss at an angle

That's going to make for a new game of piss billiards. Sounds like fun. Even more lads will start pissing.

The law of unintended consequences strikes again!

[PNGuinn]

Re: re: piss at an angle

How will this affect the ancient skill of chasing spiders? will good burgers (sic) of 'Ackney provide sufficient subsidised training courses? Will the RSPCA object? Will they provide suitably sized inspectors in lieu?

Enquiring etc...

[Unep Eurobats]

"Smile, you're on slashcam"

If you're drunk and/or desperate enough to use the wall you won't have any qualms about simply using the gutter instead.

Surely a case for strategically positioned CCTV? After all, trousers can be washed, but YouTube is forever.

[Dr Dan Holdsworth]

Or, on the other hand, we could actually solve the problem

The basic problem is that when exiting a club into the cool night air after an evening's drinking, the average person feels a great need to get rid of recycled beer. Thanks to councils closing down public toilets, there are simply no convenient facilities available.

Temporary urinals, even automatic ones which rise up out of the street in the evening, and drop down again in the morning, would seem to provide a much better solution. You could even go as far as re-engineering the walls of alleys into actual urinals, complete with some sort of cleaning system, to give clubbers somewhere to relieve themselves.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Or, on the other hand, we could actually solve the problem

Or you could just piss in the club toilets before leaving.

[JohnMurray]

Re: Or, on the other hand, we could actually solve the problem

In my experience, the male toilets are full of females urinating. Those with no female presence tend to have a smell that requires a strong stomach to tolerate. After 6 pints strong stomachs are not much in evidence. Instead of pissing down a wall, just pee on the ground.

[Jan 0]

Re: Or, on the other hand, we could actually solve the problem

> Instead of pissing down a wall, just pee on the ground.

Better still, just look along the road for one of those convenient DRAINS!

[MT Field]

Re: Or, on the other hand, we could actually solve the problem

Yeh, and then again three minutes later. Duh.

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: Or, on the other hand, we could actually solve the problem

Just Google for Westoe Netty Cheap, simple and handy. And yes, I'm old enough to have stopped off there many times on the way home from the pub and don't recall ever seeing any of the so-called "behaviour" that caused the council to close it or ever met a Wham singer there.

[graeme leggett]

Re: Or, on the other hand, we could actually solve the problem

That sounds like an argument that because the clubs and pubs are unable to maintain sufficient "capacity" for their clientele, the public sector should pick up the tab.

That way lies Socialism! Probably. Possibly. Who knows.

[Caff]

Rain

Wonder what will happen when during a rain storm passers by get randomly drenched by wind driven rain bouncing off the walls?

[dervheid]

Sod walls

Get it on my car paintwork. Glass too, if wipers don't erode it.

[Whiskers]

Re: Sod walls

It apparently works on gloves and boots, so presumably also on socks and trousers. In fact waterproofing clothes could be the main use of this stuff, if it has any real durability.

[Havin_it]

Re: Sod walls

Who's pissing all over your car?

[Message From A Self-Destructing Turnip]

Re: Sod walls

It dries to a translucent white colour.

http://www.spillcontainment.com/everdryfaqs#36

[HarshKarma]

Re: Sod walls

>>Who's pissing all over your car?

God

[John Tserkezis]

Re: Sod walls

"Works better than wipers..."

Only if you're moving at a reasonable rate for the wind to blow off the beads. I've done it as an interim for a busted wiper motor. But you need to be brave to go fast enough before it starts working well.

A case of how long you can keep your balls in your throat.

It's better than virgin windshield, but not better than wipers.

[llodge]

Re: Sod walls

Rain-X

I find it works well when freshly applied once you get past about about 25mph. At motorway speeds it works very well.

The older the coating the less well it works. I find on windscreens you can get around 2-3 months between applications on side and rear windows 6 months between coatings.

A very useful side effect is it repels seagull crap as well! :-)

[CrazyOldCatMan]

Re: Sod walls

> It's called Rain-X. Works better than wipers...

And pretty good when used on motorbike helmet visors. Although it does sometimes require you lift your head up into the airflow if your fairing is particularly good..

Only downside is that it wipes off quite easily so you need to re-apply every few days or so.

[Anonymous Coward]

Missing the point

I really want to get on a train, underground and bus to Hackney and try it. It looks amazing! (will pack spare pair of trousers)

[Dadmin]

Re: Missing the point

You only need one pair of trousers, if you coat them with this hydrophobic paint system! Imagine dozens of pub crawl attendees, ladies too, standing in the nearby alley, pissing all over each others pants, the wall, parked cars, dumpsters, the cat, trash cans, sleeping homeless guy, another cat, etc.

Also, how much for a pair of those and a ticket to good old London town?

[Lobrau]

Re: Missing the point

Any physicists care to explain what would happen if a wall coated with the repellent splashed urine onto similarly coated trousers?

Any non-physicists care to speculate as to the boundless energy that could be harnessed by the same?

[Danny 14]

Re: Missing the point

@Dadmin sounds like Glasgow on a sunday morning.

[Martin Budden]

Re: Missing the point

Missing the paint

FTFY

[Loud Speaker]

Re: Missing the point

After a swift pint (or two) near Hackney Central last night, I had a look for this "feature" and I can assure you that 99.723% of Hackney is NOT equipped with this substance. I was able to piss in loads of places with no problem whatever.

I admit to deliberately avoiding Hoxton. That is quite normal for me.

[Known Hero]

Went partying up in London, My sister friends were amazed I decided to hold it in, rather than urinate on another persons abode, until we had walked back to the apartment.

A certain amount of restraint is needed, none is given by very many.

[Anonymous Coward]

Hold It In?

You're obviously not drinking enough beer.

[Known Hero]

Re: Hold It In?

Heheh,

Cant really argue against that ;)

[Jediben]

Re: Hold It In?

Missed your chance to impress your sister's mates with yer spam javelin too.

[chivo243]

Really, Slash?

Non-Brit here... That's slang for urinating? I bet people really take the piss out of Slash from GnR, can't wait to tell the biggest GnR fan I know. hehehehehe

[Eponymous Cowherd]

Re: Really, Slash?

Oh, that's nothing.

Here "trump" is slang for a noisy fart.

[chivo243]

Re: Really, Slash?

The only difference there is he's a rich noisy fart... Am I getting too political? Or too musical?

[John Bailey]

Re: Really, Slash?

"Here "trump" is slang for a noisy fart."

Over there too it seems.

[Stuart Castle]

Re: Really, Slash?

re : Here "trump" is slang for a noisy fart.

Actually, that's quite a fitting description for him. Also, it's presumably the reason you don't see his perfume in the shops (http://www.trump.com/merchandise/trump-fragrance/) much..

[Toltec]

Re: Really, Slash?

Yes, really, however we use so many words with multiple meanings that context is all so I cannot say the guitarist's name ever occurred to me as funny.

Taking the piss out of him is a perversion of a quite different sort...

Or then again maybe not.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Really, Slash?

Is that the same Slash that is usually seen sucking on a fag?

[Mark 65]

Re: Really, Slash?

Is that the same Slash that is usually seen sucking on a fag?

That's slander, and was never proven.

[Anonymous Coward]

Fun and Games

And wee pong has just been invented!

[Gordon Stewart]

What's to clean?

> the authority spends £100k a year cleaning up after al fresco urinators

Eh? It's not graffiti, it's just a bit of piss - It gets cleaned for free next time it rains!

[LucreLout]

Re: What's to clean?

@Gordon Stewart

"the authority spends £100k a year cleaning up after al fresco urinators"

Eh? It's not graffiti, it's just a bit of piss - It gets cleaned for free next time it rains!

It does, but that £100k is probably not paying for cleaning. What you'll have is a help line to register complaints, manned by someone earning £40k, they'll need a manager, so thats another £40k, and the reaming £20k is probably their cost centres share of the diversity co-ordination team.

[Toltec]

Re: What's to clean?

"the reaming £20k"

Hang on, splash back is one thing, but isn't that taking payback a little too far?

[JohnMurray]

Re: What's to clean?

Actually, the help line will be in Malasia. Probably one already handling talktalk cuntstomer shitvices.

[Lamont Cranston]

Re: What's to clean?

£40k to man a phone line? You've never worked in the public sector, then?

[Loud Speaker]

Re: What's to clean?

Its Hackney - someone's uncle needed a juicy contract.

[Anonymous Coward]

People will just start urinating on the floor instead of the walls.

About as useless as a Shoreditch IoT startup.

[captain veg]

Hackney Carriage

Isn't it legal to urinate on the offside rear wheel of a Hackney carriage? Presumably there are a few of them in Hackney.

-A.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Hackney Carriage

Only for the driver.

[Jediben]

Re: Hackney Carriage

I have never seen that happen - must be quite a bit of pressure and angulation required to get the stream up and over your head to reach the back of the cab, out the window and onto the tyre. Making sure you keep the vehicle in motion at the same time must be a bitch too!

[Neil 44]

How long will it last? How much will they save

"2- How long will Ultra-Ever Dry coating last ?The SE 7.6.110 formula’s longevity in use is susceptible to environmental conditions (UV / abrasion). This coating will generally last 2-8 months in direct sunlight and outdoor conditions before recoating of the top coat would be required. When used in indoor or covered applications outdoors, the SE 7.6.110 coating should last for a year or more. Other formulas are being added to our product line that can provide years of useful life before any recoat is needed."

(from http://ultraeverdry-tap.co.uk/faq.html)

[PNGuinn]

Re: How long will it last? How much will they save

Since this is Hackney and most of 'em will probably be p***ing red hot rivets....

Thanks, it's the nice clean dry one at the end.

[Aqua Marina]

£1000?

Surely it would be more cost effective to simply paint the walls with a bit of Ronseal (does exactly what it says on the tin). Once the walls are no longer porus, kinetic energy will ensure that the first time you pee perpendicularly against a wall, it will bounce straight back at you. About £10 per litre and lasts for years.

[Robert Helpmann??]

Re: £1000?

I'm a bit surprised no-one has suggested an electric cattle fence. Having witnessed the results of an ill-aimed stream, I doubt there is enough alcohol to induce someone to try it twice.

[Pompous Git]

Re: £1000?

I'm a bit surprised no-one has suggested an electric cattle fence.

For some odd reason I find that idea shocking...

[Martin Summers]

Re: £1000?

"I'm a bit surprised no-one has suggested an electric cattle fence."

Ouch, I'm reminded of the time halfway up a hill in a roadside lay-by in Wales in pitch dark where I was taking a leak. I thought the sheep watching me was bad enough until my stream hit the fence I hadn't realised was electric. Not an experience I want to repeat.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: £1000?

I'm sure there's a niche market willing to pee on electrified fences more than once (see icon).

Mmm... hurts so good...

[Nixinkome]

I'm not surprised to read about this in .... Bootnotes.

The San Francisco/Hamburg experiments of the late Summer seem to have worked.

[Leeroy]

Piss off

Spend it on half decent public toilets that are open 24 / 7 you plonkers !

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Piss off

"Spend it on half decent public toilets that are open 24 / 7 you plonkers !"

Most of Hackney's public toilets were sold off as lock up shops and trendy resturants

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/gallery/2014/oct/09/at-your-convenience-converted-public-toilets-in-pictures

http://dalstonist.co.uk/a-public-toilet-in-clapton-is-being-turned-into-a-cafe/

[Loud Speaker]

They sold off the public toilets to raise the £100k

[foxbatgb]

> They sold off the public toilets to raise the £100k

Nope, they sold off everything to pay for this little list of gems:

http://www.hackney.gov.uk/Assets/Documents/Senior-officer-salaries.pdf

[Anonymous Coward]

Piss on the town hall walls instead.

Or perhaps the Mayors car. They'll get the message eventually and stop selling any remaining public toilets.

[thomas k]

non-skid shoes?

Would a coating of this on ordinary shoe soles make them anti-skid? That would be very useful, as it's easy to find a pair of shoes you like (and could then treat) vs. finding a pair of non-skids you like, many of which come with steel toes which you may not need.

[Captain DaFt]

Re: non-skid shoes?

"Would a coating of this on ordinary shoe soles make them anti-skid?"

More like the opposite effect. If the pavement's wet, the treated soles would be repelled and... Hey! New sport, rainy day downhill skiing!

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: non-skid shoes?

"Hey! New sport, rainy day downhill skiing!"

Excellent!

My first though on reading Thomas K's comment was ice skating on wet roads.

I have no idea if Hackney has hills so didn't think of skiing.

[thomas k]

Re: non-skid shoes?

Thanks, didn't think of it from that angle.

[MD Rackham]

Rustoleum sells this stuff in DIY stores over here in the states. It works as advertised, but does have a milky, translucent appearance. And you can rub it off fairly easily.

[Anonymous Coward]

If I didn't know any better I would say the "rub it off" and "milky translucent" are the wrong way round.

[David Roberts]

Solvents?

No mention of how it handles non water based liquids e.g. paint thinners.

If it will take auto touch up paint then all you need is a spray can of "can spray" and you can paint a quick target and go for it.

Which then opens the door to innovation. Banksy could paint a mural of a urinal thus proving beyond doubt that modern art is a genuine piss take.

[Jan 0]

For the easily offended: How about 'modesty screens' on three sides of street drains?

Pissing on walls seems relatively innocent.

What pisses me off is the people I see pissing on other people's doors and doorsteps. That must be wonderful when they step out first thing in the morning, If I had that problem, I'd want to fit a net of high voltage (current limited) wires about half way between prick and ground level and laugh at the screams.

[LaeMing]

I still think,

farm-style electric fence voltage on metal plates would work better (and be far more fun to watch too!)

[Ed_UK]

Perpetual Motion?

This product was describe on the BBC site as something which would reflect the stream back onto the perp's feet. BUT - what if the perp is wearing those treated boots? It would bounce back onto the wall, creating an oscillation. Where do I collect my Nobel Prize?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Perpetual Motion?

You'll need to data for your theory.

Who are you going to pay to pee on their own shoes?

[Prst. V.Jeltz]

its a bit of a mystery to me why we need walls in these circumstances

[Anonymous Coward]

£100k?

Hackney raises £1.2 BILLION from local taxes. And it gets a mahoosive government grant.

And this is going to save £100k?

It'd be far quicker to fire Hackney's appallingly overpaid chief executive. That would save £150k AND the associated pension costs.

[Dr Fidget]

Does it also work on dog pee?

[photobod]

This is Hackney Council...

The one thing they've always been good at is taking the piss.