HPE's private London drinking club: Name that boozer

Our recent shock exposé on plans by Hewlett Packard Enterprise to open a private drinking club in its new City of London HQ led to speculation as to what exactly the boozer might be christened. To recap, a Reg reader spotted a licence application attached to the front of 1 Aldermanbury Square, on which the-then HP signed a 15- …

[chivo243]

First thought

Hurling Puking Evacuating... sorry it's early!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: First thought

Excessively complex making it an acronym. The Hurlitt Puke-ard is plenty good enough.

[Chris Miller]

So many to choose from

The Outsource and Duck.

The Offshore Inn.

[ZSn]

Wibble

The Hurd Inn?

[BlartVersenwaldIII]

Hey, no fair!

I already pre-emptively entered this competition a fortnight ago!

[Lester Haines]

Re: Hey, no fair!

Previous comments are on the consideration list, fret ye not.

[Captain DaFt]

Re: Hey, no fair!

Well, even so, I'm re-submitting "The Ink Cartridge" here.

[Yugguy]

HP Packaging

Knowing HP, you will open a series of doors to a series of ever smaller rooms. In the final, smallest room there will be half a pint of lager shandy fully encased in styrofoam.

[Stoneshop]

Re: HP Packaging

So, The Box and Padding?

[Yugguy]

Re: HP Packaging

It would actually be fantastic if they named it that.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: HP Packaging

I think we have a winner! Not only totally fitting for HP - the world's single largest offender in packaging to contents ratio even for trifles like license certificates - but also fits in perfectly with the typical English "x and y" pub names!

[Fraggle850]

Mos Eisley Cantina

Should adequately give a hint at the quality of clientele

[Bloakey1]

Aon ósta cánach

Given their prediliction for Irish tax avoidance schemes I would take it to be a "genuine"{1.} Oirish <sic> pub called the Aon ósta cánach or as you English speakers might say "No Tax Inn".

1. About as genuine and as Irish as a snake goulash or a year round dry spot.

[Steve Davies 3]

How about...

The Abandon Hope ( all who dare to enter the HPE world)

[Anonymous Coward]

The Sauce Boat

It works on several levels

- HP Sauce (a well known comestible on this side of the Atlantic)

- Sauce as slang for alcohol

- Sauce Boat as a allusion (?) to Gravy Train; this is the IT industry after all.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sauce_boat

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: The Sauce Boat

A comestible you say ? Symptoms after consumption of such condiments are often more akin to a combustible.

[Dan 55]

Disappointed

As they've expressly stamped their jackboots and said that they should be called HPE or Hewlett Packard Enterprise but not the perfectly reasonable HP Enterprise, I'm disappointed that El Reg is allowing itself to be bullied in this way. HP Enterprise should be part of El Reg's style guide, just because.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Disappointed

Bullied? As a matter of course, we try to call companies as they call themselves at least once in the article. Yahoo! is a good example.

[Anonymous Coward]

How about

Hopelessness Pissup Expected

Yes pushing it a bit there...

[bwright72]

Since this is London...

...we need a good traditional British pub name...

How about 'The Merger and Split'?

However since we live in Hipster times, and given the Logo colour, why not simply call the place:

'Cyan', or even 'CMYK'

[jrp13149]

.matrix

harks back to their roots, but sounds a little bit techy.

use courier for extra kudos.

[MarkET]

The Hype Inn

[DarkLordofSurrey]

The H PEE Bar

[dogged]

The Dead Horse.

[Dan 55]

The Turkey's Head.

[Doctor Syntax]

Ye Olde Apothecary

[JockStrap]

How about the... Don't Bother Coming, Just Send Us Your Money

[Barely registers]

HP Instant (Dr)Ink

[Velv]

HP Enterprise - it could only be "Ten Forward"

[Phil O'Sophical]

The Garage ?

or maybe The Ink and Printer? (yeah, OK, wrong bit of HP)

[Munchausen's proxy]

I'm thinking, 'Not The Garage'

would be more appropriate.

[Primus Secundus Tertius]

The Jolly Coda.

(A noteworthy end to a day's programming.)

[wolfetone]

Autonomy

[Anonymous Coward]

Hey I already did that one :)

[Jimboom]

The Blade Bar

Screwdriver not included

The Beer and Switch

[Stoneshop]

The Beer and Switch

Ordering a pint you will get served two packets of crisps and a complimentary beer mat. You will then need to fill in an RMA for the crisps before the desired beverage will be delivered to you (if in stock). The bill amounts to a fair chunk of the GNP of Namibia, simply because you forgot to uncheck the "Gold Product Support" option.

[Arthur the cat]

The Fiorina and Fiasco

A friend of mine had a fairly senior position with HP during the Fiorina period and all the stories I heard ranged from bad to "she did what???"

[TonyJ]

The Due Diligence

You go in and it's empty :)

[dotdavid]

I don't know what it'll be called, but judging by the company's printer ink management techniques I fully expect that the staff will whip your pint away when it gets below half full.

[TonyJ]

And cost US$60k per pint. :)

[x 7]

Carly's Climax?

Meg's Menagerie?

Hot Pornbar?

[hivized]

Drink up

The Race to the Bottom

The Stagnant Salary

The Redundant Server

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Drink up

Harsh... did you ever work at HP?

[lafnlab]

"The DrinkJet"

[BlartVersenwaldIII]

At over £2000 a pint who could afford to drink there?

[Henry Minute]

Yes, but.....

@ BlartVersenwaldIII

The glass only costs £0.05

[P1xbay]

Name

The Foo Bar

[Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse]

It should be called "The Professional Service"

With a motto above the bar that in big friendly letters states that "We're not satisfied until you're not satisfied..."

[x 7]

Re: It should be called "The Professional Service"

"The Professional Service"

not a good idea unless it gets frequented by certain Ladies of the Night.......

[chivo243]

Second offering

Crash Palace

The Bloated Bar

Really, I'll stop now. Maybe at beer thirty I will have some better inspiration ;-}

[Anonymous Coward]

The Accountants Woe.

The Dells Bottom.

The Whitmans Retreat.

[Dan 55]

The Bloated Driver.

[TeeCee]

The Serengeti Bar.

(A place where, over a drink, you can discuss the never-ending migration).

[x 7]

The Hack & Profiteer

[Elmer Phud]

Shirley it should be called 'print cartridge not recognised.'

Or is that already the name of a GSV?

[Stoneshop]

Slight error

Pint cartridge not recognised.

[Throatwarbler Mangrove]

For some reason, I feel like "Print Cartridge Not Recognized" is more of a GCU name.

[Anonymous Coward]

The Genius Bar

SettingTheLow Bar

[f1rest0rm]

Assuming it’s full of Marketeers rather than techies ...

The Arse and Elbow

[Captain DaFt]

Re: Assuming it’s full of Marketeers rather than techies ...

That will keep the marketeers out, since they'll never be able to find it. :)

[Trigonoceps occipitalis]

Re: Assuming it’s full of Marketeers rather than techies ...

Surely you mean "The Elbow and Arse"?

[lawndart]

The Cloud and Computer

[Caff]

boozy times

High Profit Enviroment

The Innovation Lounge

The Innovation connection

[Anonymous Coward]

P45

[Scott F. Gunelius]

Hoist and PEe?

[Mark 85]

Ye Crash and Burn

The Pig's Eye

The House That Meg Broke

WTF? <--- Name not a question

[Happy_Chris]

Bar Names

"esc", the Terman Arms or the Dusty Server.

[redneck]

starbucks

ya'll got it wrong. my local starbucks has applied for a liquor license. There's probably just a starbucks located inside this HP Enterprise facility, which is common at other facilities.

[Throatwarbler Mangrove]

Re: starbucks

Interesting . . . but I don't think that name will fit on the bar sign.

[Matthew Taylor]

The Fiorina's head

[chivo243]

Last Call

Heavy Puking Emporium

The What If Tavern

Anybody remember those old HP commercials when the guy gets inspiration while not working and calls a colleague and says What If....?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0AvrxbRqkM

[TonyJ]

The Bait and Switch

The Get Yer Coat

The "And yet more redundancies"

[Anonymous Coward]

Segmentation Fault.

[Munchausen's proxy]

PC Load Letter

[Dwarf]

If they moved the rectangle a lot lower

Then they could use it as a letterbox - probably good for short sighted posties too.

As to the name, it should be called "the datacentre" that way people have a genuine reason to go there

I'm off to the up datacentre - it even sounds like you are still working.

[Darryl]

Re: If they moved the rectangle a lot lower

I like that... I could work on getting expenses approved for a trip to the London Datacentre.

[Anonymous Coward]

The Last Chance Saloon

The Apothecary

S'Meg and the Heads

[Stephen McLaughlin]

Meg's Kegs on Tap

[Steve Channell]

raffles

As the building is the former head office of Singapore's finish Opium traders (and lately bank), Singapore's Raffles would fit... Because Rafles looks grand, but is just a bit shit inside.

Or the Pack' IT Inn to fit the future, or Pack' Inn for main positive contribution of each leader

[Antonymous Coward]

Hewlett Packard's Halfcut Punters' Hurling Palace ("HPHPHP" for short)

The Halfcut Hack

Ye Roofied CIO

The Meg's Head

Idiotic Barfing Manoeuvre

Bill and Dave's Excellent Boozer

[.@.]

Please Do The Needful.

[Henry Minute]

Office BoozerJet

[Tail Up]

Вспомним Молодость?

07 Агдама per trunk, батон, луковицу и под мост на Орбитал где-нибудь в районе Stains on Thames)), the upper you appear, the fewer stains pass by))).

[gz3zbz]

The Machine Inn

Memristor Bar

Photonics

Helion Tavern

Synergy Inn

The Bill and Dave

[Anonymous Coward]

:) Fun!

Another Empty Rectangle

Turnaroundroundroundround

Breakup Breakroom

Old Wine in New Bottles

The Pink Sip

Investor Inebriations

Five Beer Plan

[Robert Helpmann??]

Dave's Garage

[HP(e) in the blood]

really?

It doesn't matter what they call it, it will be renamed in 6-months under great pomp and circumstance.

[Anonymous Coward]

The Jolly Roger

Its where managers can take employees for a free drink to tell them they are being made redundant.

[Anonymous Coward]

The Jolly Roger

Where managers take employees for a free drink to tell them they are being made redundant.

[Paul Woodhouse]

404

lp0 on fire

[Swarthy]

The Space Bar

The Any Key (Finally an answer to "Where's the Any Key?" - 1 Aldermanbury Square, London)

[Paul Woodhouse]

Soul/Work Interface

[Steven 2]

The Halt and Catchfire

possibly.

Or "The Square on the Green".

If it were square and not rectangular.

"The Wrecked Angel"

[Christopher W]

The Packard Bell Tavern ("The Bell")

The Whitman Arms

The Spirit of Enterprise (bonus: bar staff nicknamed "Enterprise servers")

Le Megan et Boursiers (to the tune of The Waggon and Horses, yes it's a stock price pun in French, yes it's a stretch)

I could go on, but I'm off down the pub

[Anonymous Coward]

Meg's Last Shot

The Share Price Dive

[msknight]

"The Claustrophobia Lounge." - only room for one customer at a time.

[msknight]

"The Quick One, Two" - Pints are served in two halves so efficiently, they have offered to train other bar staff in the technique.

[msknight]

"The Crooked Pint" - the glass tells you its empty when there's 10% left.

[msknight]

"Simon Says" - They lose the contract for the bar to IBM; win it back again a year later, and then lose it to IBM again the following year....

[msknight]

"The Swift Exit" - As soon as it starts up, it will trade for a few weeks and then mimick the parent company by exiting the market.

[msknight]

"The Phoenix Bar" - the staff are outsourced.

[Ironclad]

Dog & Cartridge

The Hole in the Accounts

The iCarly

[TonyJ]

"...Dog & Cartridge

The Hole in the Accounts

The iCarly...

My kids watch a programme on TV called iCarly.

Not sure how it applies to HP though... I mean it just seems to be a load of loud, chaotic, headless-chikcen-like running around in a completely clueless fashion....oh right... ok! Good call!

[Doctor Syntax]

The Engineer's Lament

The Last Chance

The Lost Chance

The Former Glory

The Withered Husk

The Silent Women - This has a dual version of the traditional inn sign for The Silent Woman featuring portraits of the two guilty parties

[msknight]

"The Liquid Screwdriver"

[Andy8]

The best endeavours.

You order a drink and pay for it and they have no contractual obligation to deliver anything.

[r2pi]

"@HyPE"

[Anonymous Coward]

"@ the HyPE"

...

"Here Pukes England" ;-)

"Half Pint Emptiness"

"Hybris Powered Environment"

[Muad'Dib]

It's obvious...

Tying together the core HP principles of Silicon flogging and overcharging, I think it should be:

"The RAM and Fleece"

[Andy00ff00]

subtle

So this is the same company that spun of Agilent, without noticing the unfortunate acronym.

Accordingly, I'd call the new establishment "elect sits"