back to article French Playmobil heist: El Reg denies involvement

We at El Reg's Playmobil department would like to categorically deny any involvement in a heist last week which saw thousands of boxes of miniature fun lifted from a lorry in southeastern France. According to this local report, thieves made off with 12 pallets of Playmobil from a lorry parked in Saint-Quentin-Fallavier, some …

  1. Quortney Fortensplibe
    Holmes

    The Reg Denies All Involvement...

    ...But the crime took place on the 'Rue de Bretagne'

    I don't believe in coincidence. This is obviously a three pipes* problem

    [*but not in the French sense of the word!]

    1. TeeCee Gold badge
      Coat

      Re: The Reg Denies All Involvement...

      Well the answer's obvious then.

      The playmobil figures' French wasn't up to snuff so they thought the truck had crossed the channel and parked in Britain. On seeing this, they all jumped out and ran for it.

  2. lawndart

    Lifted from a lorry

    By a big high altitude rocket carrying balloon?

    1. NoneSuch Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: Lifted from a lorry

      If someone on the El Reg staff could contact Iain Thomson and let him know I still have his 1,000 Franc deposit for the forklift rental I'd appreciate it. Merci.

      1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

        Re: Re: Lifted from a lorry

        Je le lui dirai.

  3. Fraggle850

    There's far too little Playmobil on El Reg these days

    Hopefully, now that you have purloined some you'll put it to good use. Any chance of a commemorative Special Projects Bureau balaclava/bolt cropper set?

  4. Your alien overlord - fear me

    And you just gave a bronze badge to a perp....coinsidence or what?

    And why no re-enactment photos?

    1. chivo243 Silver badge

      They are still trying to change the names to protect the innocent!

      1. ElectricFox
        Boffin

        To do a playmobil reenactment of a Playmobil heist, you would need Playmobil models of Playmobil. At 1:24 scale, the models of the models would be 1:576. The best way to recreate this off the shelf would be to see if you could get a model ship of 1:570 scale with people. Although 1:600 is more common as it represesnts about 1/10th of a nautical mile to the foot (new register standard for scale?).

        Even then, it wouldn't be a Playmobil heist of Playmobil, but a Playmobil heist of Airfix...

        1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

          Upvoted for taking this to the meta level. And expanding my mind.

    2. dotdavid

      "why no re-enactment photos"

      Because no-one at El Reg has any idea how the crime happened, got it?

      1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

        No idea, guvnor

        Exactly. We can't possibly imagine what went down. In any case, we don't have Playmobil bolt-cutters / forklift / getaway vehicle, etc.

        1. Fraggle850

          Re: No idea, guvnor

          > In any case, we don't have Playmobil bolt-cutters / forklift / getaway vehicle, etc.

          Weren't they in one of the boxes on the third pallet from the front on the drivers side?

          1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

            Re: Re: No idea, guvnor

            Ah yes.

        2. MrT

          Re: No idea, guvnor

          The Decepticons did it, disguised as Optimus Prime...

          Imagination never failed on the previous re-enactments ;-)

  5. Paul_Murphy

    Of course that should be spelt 'coincidence' but I'm only being picky.

    I agree that the rewarding of a bronze badge to a known (when they tell you of course) criminal - together with this article about a high-value theft makes for uncomfortable reading.

    Also do the staff at El Reg believe that we wouldn't be able to piece this together? Hah - they under-misestimated us!

    (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bushism)

    :-)

  6. Charlie Clark Silver badge

    I know who did it

    It was the Small Soldiers and this doesn't bode well for life in suburban France

  7. Chris King

    So, the cops are hoping to catch the offenders by shouting "Playmobil or it didn't happen ?"

  8. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    One can only hope that...

    Perhaps they'll use this as the central story arc for the next series of Braquo or Engrenages?

  9. M7S
    Coat

    Perhaps time for a change of format?

    Rather than holding on to this playmobil obsession you could just...

    ...lego

    1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson
      Mushroom

      Re: Perhaps time for a change of format?

      lego?

      LEGO!!!

      HERESY!!!!!!!

      1. Snivelling Wretch

        Re: Perhaps time for a change of format?

        I like Playmobil and I like Lego, but which is better? There's only one way to find out: FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

        1. VinceH

          Re: Perhaps time for a change of format?

          Playmobil vs Lego FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

    2. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
      Childcatcher

      Re: Perhaps time for a change of format?

      Meccano or for the really obscure, Bako

      Yes I have some of both (well a lot of the former, sharp edges and all)

      1. Graham Bartlett

        Re: Perhaps time for a change of format?

        Bayko with a Y. My gran had a load of it. It was actually quite neat if you didn't mind that all you could make with it were 1930s-style semis. And later on when I started with Warhammer models, it was quite neat for my standard-bearers that I had a stock of thin tempered-steel rods, when all the other guys were using cocktail sticks which snapped on a regular basis.

        1. Fraggle850

          Re: Perhaps time for a change of format?

          Yes, now that you've elucidated on Bayko I do recall having inherited some during my '70s childhood. Never used it mind, as you say you could only really build 1930's semis (or possibly castles that looked like they'd been designed in the'30s). At that point I'd already had a lengthy exposure to Lego and Meccano, it seemed superfluous and quaint in comparison.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wait... don't some sects of Islam believe that artistic depiction of the human form is against the holy teachings?

    1. Jason Bloomberg
      Angel

      Not just Muslims; it's right there at the top end of the Ten Commandments ...

      Exodus 20:4 - "You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below".

      1. Fraggle850

        Is that god asserting copyright?

        He needs to get his lawyers on the case...

      2. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Devil

      I mean, I like Playmobil but its hardly artistic depiction of the human form - why do I need to say playmobil aren't human and don't look like humans - humanoid maybe but not hominid

      1. Fraggle850

        > its hardly artistic depiction of the human form

        You've obviously never encountered cubism then.

  11. Kane Silver badge
    Happy

    In related news....

    ...a Lego delivery truck was seen speeding away from the scene of the crime.

  12. regadpellagru

    No surprise here

    Frankly, since Playmobils, those days, cost nealy as much as any hard drug, there's no surprise they get stolen in lorries like drugs, cigarettes, and solid gold.

    If my memories of the period when my nephew whas crazy about them, and every Christmas was an obligatory 60 bucks on a small Playmobil box with 2 figurins, those palets have to be worth millions !

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Pint

      Re: No surprise here

      Costs a small fortune these days...

      Daughter is getting this for Xmas, http://www.tesco.com/direct/playmobil-5265-summer-fun-large-furnished-hotel/427-3931.prd?pageLevel=&skuId=427-3931

      It will no doubt take a good couple of hours for daddy to build given its Ikea quality instructions!!

      The saving grace was when I doubled my clubcard vouchers I only actually paid about £20

      pint because I will need one after trying to put the @*&#!,; thing together

  13. Cynical Observer
    Coat

    Search Warrant

    Police are applying for warrants to search all duplo duplex houses

  14. A. Coatsworth
    Black Helicopters

    So, the delays with LOHAN, the problems with the Spanish bureaucracy, the issues in SpacePort... it all was an alibi for this formidable heist, and now we commentards are all accomplices of it...

    ... It makes perfect sense: the original Playmonaut is the mastermind behind it all, its supposed disappearing over the English Channel was coldly calculated so he can continue pulling the strings from the shadows!!

    How can we even be sure that this "Lester Heines" is a real person and not an avatar of the evil Playmonaut??

    What medication? I don't need no stinkin' medication!

    1. Neil Barnes Silver badge
      Black Helicopters

      Sir, I fear you may be mistaken...

      I was there with Lester on the sad day that our brave Playmonaut sank to his watery doom, and I can confirm that (a) the English Channel can be a very uneasy body of water and (b) there was neither hide nor hair seen of the plucky chap.

      But then, I would say that, wouldn't I?

      1. Steve Foster
        Joke

        @CMOT Barnes

        Would you be suggesting that the rumours of the imminent rename from LOHAN to LUCAN are not true?

      2. Fraggle850

        @ Neil Barnes Re: Sir, I fear you may be mistaken...

        Oh, that's okay then. I'll just ignore the rumoured sightings of a Playmobil submarine cruising the channel on that very day and give no credence to the alleged sightings of it surfacing near a beach at the southern end of The Bay of Biscay a few hours after the alleged 'disappearance'.

        Could it be that the 'plucky playmonaut' is the mastermind behind all of this? Perhaps you are just unwitting puppets in his plan for global domination? Even as we speak he could be melting down captured lego blocks in some volcano-lair, probably much like the laser that got pointed at Sean Connery's nether regions in the documentary 'Goldfinger'.

  15. earl grey
    Facepalm

    Those aren't the playmobils you're looking for

    Well, i think they rather are....

  16. FozzyBear
    Happy

    I DEMAND

    A playmobil re-creation of the heist to the tune of Yakety Sax.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: I DEMAND

      Upvoted for the image of Playmobil and Benny Hill.

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