back to article UK.gov plans to legislate on smut filters after EU net neutrality ruling

Prime Minister David Cameron confirmed today that the Tory government planned to legislate on smut filters, following yesterday's net neutrality ruling in the European Union. Cameron told MPs during PMQs that he had "spluttered over my cornflakes" when he read this morning that the EU measures would fail to think of the …

  1. This post has been deleted by its author

  2. John Styles

    Oink

    Will this include scans of Polaroids showing certain youthful indiscretions?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Oink

      How about starting by first protecting Children from members of your own party?

      1. teebie

        Re: Oink

        In faitness the prime minister has a pretty good record of keeping children away from members of his own party. Mainly by leaving them in pubs.

  3. Alister Silver badge

    These providers will not be able to block or throttle traffic in their networks or give priority to some particular content or services in exchange for payment.

    To be fair, the telling phrase is that one in bold, and shouldn't have any impact on government imposed filtering, which (should) not be driven by commercial interests.

  4. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Gimp

    Usual TOTC BS.

    You know this has f**k all to do with them.

  5. msknight

    So ... this basically comes down to the UK government "opting out" of the "opt-in" requirement, so our own "opt out" remains, "in"?

    My head hurts. Bloody politicians.

    1. Suricou Raven Silver badge

      I had enough of this when the filters were first being debated - whenever an article mentioned 'opt-in' it was hard to tell if they meant people would have to opt in to the filters, or opt in to the porn.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    One of the most enthusiastic proponents of the government's opt-out filters is that paragon of user data security - TalkTalk.

    1. Nigel Whitfield.

      Well, quite... we don't know exactly what "TalkTalk account information" might include, but it wouldn't surprise me if it does indicate if someone's on the "porn user" list.

      Even if it doesn't in this instance, this should hopefully make people think about the potential consequences of forcing companies to record this sort of info, which will almost certainly leak in one way or another.

  7. theModge

    An Elite Club

    People's Republic of China, Russia, The United Kingdom.

    Old Established countries who don't like their citizens reading too much.

    1. Salts

      Re: An Elite Club

      You missed one

      North Korea

    2. Stuart 22

      Re: An Elite Club

      "Old Established countries who don't like their citizens reading too much."

      On the contrary. Reading PPE qualifies you for almost anything. From running HM Government to TalkTalk. What could possibly go wrong?

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I applaud the PM

    for giving my kids first-hand experience of what censorship is like. I mean, you talk to them kids about democracy and censorship, regimes and survaillance, and they just yeah-yeah-dad-whatever. But hey, real-life application... it's like "wow, lol, let's find 365 ways to go round it and post them on PM's website!

    1. GrumpyOldMan

      Re: I applaud the PM

      Nope - with my kids it, like - "yeah, yeah - dad's off on one again." Eyes glaze over, etc etc.

      1. Tom -1
        Thumb Down

        Re: I applaud the PM

        @GrumpyOldMan: Obviously you're bringing them up wrong.

  9. Tachikoma
    Coat

    Cameron told MPs during PMQs that he had "spluttered over my cornflakes"

    Makes a change from a pigs head!

    Maybe this is why Hameron wants to ban porn, he just doesn't understand normal sexual preferences?

    Coat... yes it is mine, is it time to go already?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It could have been worse, he could have dribbled over his bacon.

      1. JohnMurray

        Don't you mean ejaculated into his bacon?

        1. Mark 85 Silver badge

          Sacrilege of the highest order!!!!

    2. SolidSquid

      Maybe he's hoping to find out what other people are into so he can undermine attempts to use his own... interests against him politically

  10. Big_Ted

    "I think it's absolutely vitally important that we enable parents...............

    "I think it's absolutely vitally important that we enable parents to have that protection for their children from this material on the internet," he told the Palace of Westminster.

    Well there you have it, we have to enable parents to do their job and safeguard children. Never mind that its parents and close family that abuse children more than strangers, never mind children have been finding dads porn collection for years now. No the internet is the big evil they must be protected against.

    If these politicians were serious about this they could simply asset up a separate internet for children that only has content suitable for them. They would then be safe, its simple enough for the isp's to route one lot of logins to the safe network and all others to the internet itself. But no, they expect others to do the impossible and block all content they feel is not acceptable ignoring that this is impossible....

    1. Dr. Mouse Silver badge

      Re: "I think it's absolutely vitally important that we enable parents...............

      "I think it's absolutely vitally important that we enable parents to have that protection for their children from this material on the internet," he told the Palace of Westminster.

      We already enable parents to do this. There are a variety of technical solutions available which require little-to-no technical ability to set up. On top of that, the parents could, I don't know, spend time with their children, take an interest in what they are doing, and educate them about sexual matters.

      It is not the government's place to do this. The correct way for them to handle it would be to educate parents on how to protect their children. A website, some TV ads, mailshots, access to free tools etc. would do a better and more ethical job than blanket censorship.

      1. JohnMurray

        Re: "I think it's absolutely vitally important that we enable parents...............

        The gov knows all that...this is stage 1 of active censorship

    2. SolidSquid

      Re: "I think it's absolutely vitally important that we enable parents...............

      "I think it's absolutely vitally important that we enable parents to have that protection for their children from this material on the internet,"

      More accurately, we have to enable parents to do nothing to protect or monitor their children's use of the internet, because why should parents be expected to show any interest in raising their kids?

  11. TomChaton
    Stop

    To prevent the kids...

    ...from putting their genitalia where it doesn't belong?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: To prevent the kids...

      It is vitally important to this government that children not be exposed to the vile perversions that lurk in dark corners of the internet in any circumstance where they cannot be quietly disposed of afterwards.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How about

    He sorts out Data protection. Cunt.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I can tell the House that we will legislate to put our agreement with internet companies on this issue into the law of the land so that our children will be protected.

    I can tell the House that we will legislate to put our agreement with internet companies on this issue into the law of the land so that we can control what people have access to on the internet then make it mandatory for everyone without an opt-out.

    Fixed it.

  14. adnim

    It's called

    Censorship.

    Kids will always seek the forbidden. (some dude wrote something about it once, involving a snake I think). Look up on how that ended.

    Only when adults get involved in a child discovering their sexuality does it become threatening to the child.

    Some porn goes way beyond what I would like my child to see. But people do these things. It's a fine line choosing how much reality and ideology one teaches/indoctrinates/conditions into a child.... And how the ratio should change over the years.

    Children have to grow into, integrate into and know how to react in a world made up of many characters.

    The days of playing with Lego at 14 are over. And I think we underestimate the resilience of our children. Not from physical abuse. No, that always damages. But from the bullshit and insensitivity to another's feelings so often available as a cheap image/download.

    One only has to trust someone to have ones mind swayed. Generate trust in your children.

    Basically Mr Cameron you are an employee, Look after your own children, don't you dare tell me how to look after mine. And, don't you dare employ legislature that restricts how I raise and educate my children.

  15. Camilla Smythe

    Look..

    Stop publishing pictures like this,

    https://regmedia.co.uk/2015/10/28/david_cameron_pmq_smut_filter_law.jpg?x=648&y=348&crop=1

    It really really incites me to go out on a head kicking spree and helps me identify other glib faced targets beyond the obvious subject.

  16. hatti

    Gag

    Looks like the back row are sniggering at the 'KICK ME' notice on Daveo's back.

  17. Dan 55 Silver badge
    WTF?

    Ban this sick filth on the Internet

    Go outside, get some fresh air, and stick to wholesome porcine activities.

    Should he really be lecturing a nation about this?

  18. MissingSecurity

    All I can do it laugh...

    least I start to cry.

    My government wants to stare at my privates without me knowing and your government wants to prevent perfectly good privates from being stared at.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well, it looks like the comments have finally reached Fark levels. Next stop, Reddit...

  20. dmck

    I would rather that they legislated the manufacturers of the how gateways (routers) to add better configuration of the boxes, including using supplied white/blacklist lists if required.

  21. Mark 85 Silver badge
    Coat

    It's not about kids... really...

    It's about PM's not getting letters from little old cat ladies who typed in pussy.com think it would be a source of cute kitten pictures.

    1. Panopticon

      Re: It's not about kids... really...

      God forbid they type in TubGirl or Goatse then.. Look away... look away... If he gushed cornflakes over p0rn, heaven know's what he'd make of uncensored goatse... although he does remind me of the Giver!

  22. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    2 thoughts

    1

    Paraphrasing Mark Twain: Censoring is telling a grown man he can't have a steak because a baby can't chew it.

    2

    Quick! Download ALL the porn!

    1. Jedit Silver badge
      Boffin

      "Quick! Download ALL the porn!"

      Your attempt to download allthepornontheinternet.zip has failed at 99%. Free up more disk space and retry.

  23. Herby

    Censorship:

    The internet treats censorship as damage and routes around it.

    John Gilmore (Time Magazine 6 December 1993).

  24. Graham Marsden
    Alert

    "We worked so hard to put in place these filters..."

    ... which were immediately circumvented by tech-savvy kids.

    So obviously the Tories are actually *improving* the Tech skills of children!

  25. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Filters

    Of course once in place it would be simple mission creep for "political filters" to be included; I mean yer pinko-commie Corbyn-style content is likely to harm the kiddies by making them question the Leader!

    or restrict comment about current policies that might be embarrasing (the comment & the Policies)

    or restrict all content to the Red Tops -but then there is page 3...

    how long before they Ban classical statues - after all they are frequently nude - but only for the general masses who can't control themselves not like the elite!

    Anyone who wants to be a Censor isn't fit to be one - much like most politicians

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