back to article Steve Ballmer praises Twitter job cuts after buying 4% stake in ailing micro-blab site

Erstwhile Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer revealed on Friday that he had recently acquired a 4 per cent stake in troubled micro-blurting site Twitter. The news came in a tweet from Ballmer who congratulated Twitter on its decision earlier this week to cut costs by lopping off 8 per cent of its workforce. Good job @twitter,@ …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Kiss of death

    Steve Ballmer buying your stock is the first sign of the oblivion that lies ahead.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Kiss of death

      Not as bad as finding out that Elliot Management owns a chunk of it, but close enough. Just different reasons to panic.

  2. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    Stock Manipulation

    So man buys stock, tells the world, stock rises and he sells stock(possibly)

    Profit!

    I woner if the SEC might like to give Mr Balmer a polite slap on his wrist?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Stock Manipulation

      If he has $23bn then he already owns them - and everything else.

    2. a_yank_lurker Silver badge

      Re: Stock Manipulation

      Only if he sells. But I would not buy any company's stock that the Boy Blunder is interested in.

      1. tmTM

        "Boy Blunder"

        I'd happily take that name if it came with over 20 billion dollars

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Stock Manipulation

      > "I woner if the SEC might like to give Mr Balmer a polite slap on his wrist?"

      If people think that Balmer buying some stock makes that stock more valuble, I fail to see where punishment is merited. Perhaps there is some thought crime involved?

  3. Gordon 10 Silver badge

    yet again

    Steve Balmer shows the acumen and business knowledge that made both the Skype and Nokia deals such a great success for Miscrosoft.

    I'd rather take financial advice from Steve! Bong!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: yet again

      "Steve Balmer shows the acumen and business knowledge that made both the Skype and Nokia deals such a great success for Miscrosoft."

      Well, think about it. Microsoft invested in Nokia, de facto, by funding their development of WP phones. This while Nokia was busily digging its own grave in several different directions.

      Several years later, Nokia bosses have dodged a number of bullets, Elop has eloped, and Microsoft has given them money for something they were having trouble giving away. Those bosses must still be looking at one another and saying "Did that really happen?"

      So if I was part of the Twitter management I would be thinking that the Cunning Plan to get rich without ever being profitable is right on track.

  4. Chas
    WTF?

    Oh dear!

    Expenditure, expenditure, expenditure, expenditure...

    Oops, sorry: wrong meme (or maybe not!)

    =:~)

  5. Bleu

    is a funny thing.

    It is wildly popular here, many performers and events use nothing else.

    A hippy techno event I like at times has a site, but they never update it.

    All on twatter. They seem to have forgotten that they have a web site.

    Fascist friends have replaced their lovely archaic Japanese gig guide with a twatter 'feed'.

    Twitter has ad space in train carriages, the posters claim 'we deliver the most rapid news'.

    I think that it is good at delivering bullshit, really irritated that so many drink this variety of Jonestown cordial.

    1. ecofeco Silver badge

      Websites are so last century, bruh!

      /sarcasm

      Other than that, I agree with you 100%. Twitter and it's various clone-like-things are a thoroughly useless fad.

  6. hplasm
    Meh

    Balmer-

    Noun: Long for twat.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Balmer-

      If you are unable to add value to the thread, why are you here?

      Rhetorical. I know why.

      1. hplasm
        Windows

        Re: Balmer-

        Do enlighten us - and don't forget to add value to the thread...

      2. Nolveys

        Re: Balmer-

        If you are unable to add value to the X, why are you here?

        I wonder how many people have wanted to ask Ballmer that question.

  7. zen1

    Wow Steve!

    Celebrating people losing their jobs, what next, evicting orphans? Stomping on baby ducks? DOUCHE!

    1. Gray

      Re: Wow Steve!

      'tis a management meme: profit slippage demands layoff slips, from middle managers down to the loading dock grunts.

      Actually, the perfect American company is one with only one worker at the site, whose sole function is to turn out the lights, lock the door, and report to the unemployment lines. Management promptly reports 100% profit increase, total reduction in expenditures, and glowing forecasts for acquisition $$.

      1. ecofeco Silver badge

        Re: Wow Steve!

        No, the perfect American company is one I've described before.

        To paraphrase myself, it is one with NO employees, only one owner and its customers are forced to buy its product which is actually an automated service that delivers nothing tangible at all.

        No joke.

  8. W Donelson

    Steve Ballmer ....

    ... is the George W Bush of the corporate world.

    1. ecofeco Silver badge

      Re: Steve Ballmer ....

      You have no idea how redundant that it.

      George Bush is the George Bush of the corporate world. The USA has been a corporate fascist nation for a long time now.

  9. ecofeco Silver badge

    Remind me again

    How does twitter make money and what role does it play in making our lives better?

  10. x 7

    Ballmer's "tweet" proves that he still has not yet learnt the basics of the English language.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      At least on Twitter, he can't throw a chair...

  11. Charles Manning

    Twenty comments in and nobody has said:

    tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet, tweet, twet, tweet,tweet,

    1. x 7

      Re: Twenty comments in and nobody has said:

      "tweet, twet, tweet,tweet...........................................................tweet, twet, tweet,tweet"

      More intelligent than Balmer's usual missives

    2. Gray
      Big Brother

      Re: Twenty comments in and nobody has said:

      supercilious twit!

  12. John Styles

    Shouldn't his team be the L.A. clippys?

  13. Pu02

    Forget Nokia, buying access to a database of truly active users is all just part of the plan...

    Maybe now he has 8%, he'll up the ante and keep buying larger chunks the more people they lay off (whose stocks get liquidated as the ship sinks). Then when it's worth nothing, he'll introduce cram the twitter.com with the highest paid banner ads, adware (Ballware) and who knows what other form of paid miscreance.

    Then as he makes money from all the impressions and downed payloads, he'll harvest the customer database, cross-reference the active users it with the MS licensing database (that he so carefully maintained and would have no trouble accessing), and start a wholly owned subsidiary staffed by paying legal interns to begin 'the great licensing collection' that will has been on the cards ever since Bill told him not to chase 'doze users to death for fear of hindering it's evil spread. Bill turned out to be right like usual (they do now reap the rewards of near-global domination, and extraordinary global market-share). All before stage 2; in which they roll out the world's largest surveillance program (aka telemetry service) by which total domination is assured and stage 3 can commence... bwahahaaa

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