WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

El Reg's last caption competition had two men experiencing an Oculus Rift in a forest. Lots of the captions – indeed, most of them – hinged around a large ear growing out of a tree behind the two VR viewers. Christian Bertrand / Shutterstock.com There are lots of regular names here, and multiple entries from some of the …

[Jimboom]

Ok. I have turned upside down and ensured the feet are resting flat... but I still don't see how this will help me change the battery!

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

ooh what a feeling

when you're surfing on the ceiling.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: ooh what a feeling

Ohh you mongrel, now I've got that Lionel Richie song stuck in my head!

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

asana 9?

More like asinine if you ask me.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Kate gets her bun on the floor and settles in to watch a movie.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

"actually, I'm not upside-down. My roommate glued my laptop to the ceiling. There was still some glue left, so ... "

[Richard Jones 1]

Sadly the latest location software did not quite work as intended when setting the user's location.

[SW10]

I'll head down there now.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Bob had to admit: using the alt-arrow keys to rotate the screens at the local hippie commune was much more fun than doing it in PC World.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Those "learn to breakdance" videos on youtube should come with a health warning.

[Electron Shepherd]

"The best way to use your new Lenovo Yoga"

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Alas, Twoflower couldn't afford a Yoga tablet, but she would have to make do.

[JASR]

What Ctrl-Alt-Del is like in universe 3

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

I signed up to snapchat because I heard there are a lot of fit birds on the Internet. This is not what I imagined.

[Chronos]

Windows 10

...Australian edition.

[Mark 85]

Re: Windows 10

Hey.. it's installing Windows 01!!!

(US based... no chance at a drive for me.)

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

God-damned glare... maybe if I move my legs like this? ...

[Anonymous Coward]

Six months hard work trying to get girls interested in a career in IT undone in an instant.

[Dantarian]

Standing desk? That's so last week...

[p.m.j]

If I just lift my big toe I should finally get the wifi working faster than 4bits an hour

[p.m.j]

Emma decided to call her cousin in Australia on Skype.

[Seen_Canary]

The steps you have to go through to avoid an upgrade to Windows 10 are getting more bizarre.

[excession]

This new Yoga Pad is pretty hard to use.

[excession]

Sally's new Yoga Pad proved challenging to use.

[Danjmcintyre]

Nope. Windows 10 is still shit in this orientation.

[Anonymous Coward]

Oooh - now the prize is a 9TB Western Digital hard drive

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Parents everywhere justified: proof of what happens when you're always too close to the screen.

[Anonymous Coward]

Conducting the team building exercise via Skype wasn't quite the same.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

This new gesture-based emoji input is taking a bit of getting used to.

[Doctor Syntax]

"hinged around a large ear growing out of a tree behind the two VR viewers."

You didn't notice the two others?( Forearm of one of the viewers & tree in the distance on the RHS).

[Soruk]

Installing Windows 10 turned her entire world upside down.

[Doctor Syntax]

Are you sure I'm watching it wrong?

[Doctor Syntax]

I still can't make head nor tail of the new start menu.

[VinceH]

Microsoft releases its first preview build of Windows 11, with yet another new user interface.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

I hate Internet posers.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Finally, a way to use the webcam that banishes embarrassing nostril hair from the shot!

[TitterYeNot]

Barbie ever so slightly misunderstands the concept of using parallel computing to generate an inverted index.

[Doctor Syntax]

Why do they call it a laptop when it won't stay on my lap?

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

How real fans listen to Coldplay's "A rush of blood to the head"

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

This gesture unlock business is getting ridiculous.

[Anonymous Coward]

Yes I am a management consultant and yes I am talking out of my arse. Next question.

[DarkLordofSurrey]

How to avoid a Windows 10 optional update...

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

You wouldn't believe the lengths that SwastikaGirl69 (real name Claire Godwin) went to to find her other half on Internet dating sites.

[monty75]

It was at this point that Kate began to suspect that the phone call she received wasn't really from Windows Support.

[DarkLordofSurrey]

¡¡ʞǝǝʍ sᴉɥʇ uᴉʍ oʇ ǝʞᴉl plnoʍ ʎllɐǝɹ ʎllɐǝɹ I

[Grikath]

EULAistics: Putting the TLC in those TLA's

[Anonymous Coward]

"Why yes, I will sign the petition to rename the currency to dollarydoos"

P.S. No UK postal address - just for fun entry.

[Doctor Syntax]

Anna regrets trying draw a structure diagram of systemd.

[monty75]

The Health and Safety department's approach to carpal tunnel syndrome prevention was unorthodox to say the least.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

To understand computer programming, first you have to understand that they are really dumb. In order to code, have to bring yourself down to their level.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Boffins dubbed this new, rare form of dyslexia "8ƐƖƖXH⊥"

[Barely registers]

Now _that_ is Agile development.

[Snow Hill Island]

I'm getting a new agent, I bet Julie didn't have to do this to sell that EEE pc.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Woooo... I'm LEVITATING my LAPTOP.

[Bryn Evans]

Ann Droid

Where is that ****ing "Rotate Display" now, and how do I stop yet another auto-upgrade ?

[James Delaney]

I could tell her how to rotate her photos…

…but watching her do this is too funny.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

I find your lack of furniture ... disturbing. And yet strangely arousing.

[john devoy]

No dear, the video chat is fine here, the problem must be on your end.

[AlCro]

No matter which way she looked at it, it was still Windows 10.

[Barely registers]

Agile development - you're doing it wrong.

[Inspector71]

I think the facial recognition login software needs a bit of work

[Jamie Bowden]

The new craze in offices, the head stand-up desk.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

[AlCro]

Healthy Computer Guide

Jane was not really sure if this was what Microsoft meant when it said "Position the top of the screen near eye level."

[Queeg]

Hi Gran, I can't talk for long these Video calls to Australia are a pain in the neck.

[AlCro]

Feng shui

Miranda reckoned applying feng shui in the office was badly affecting her productivity , especially when it left her with no hands to operate the keyboard.

[Camilla Smythe]

If you stand up on your head then they all look alike.

[js1592]

Workstation locking policy

That's the last time I leave my workstation unlocked and unattended...

[clasmc]

So I read a few articles at work this morning: "Sitting is the new smoking" "Standing is bad for your knees and feet". How am I supposed to get anything done? Oh its lunch time, Yoga time! I have to keep looking good. Wow, the blood is really rushing to my head, maybe it will temporarily make me smarter. Hey, I think it is working. Can't sit! Can't stand! And post to Twitter, "Just quit smoking. Keeping myself young and looking good with the extended plow pose!"

[clasmc]

Open Network

He thought he would stop his neighbors from using his wifi by flipping all the images upside down. I guess I showed him!

[clasmc]

TMI profile

Errrh! I've signed up for a dozen dating sites and I can't get a bite... Well, desperate times call for desperate measures!

[Doctor Syntax]

Welcome to the topsy turvy world of social networking and data privacy.

[chivo243]

Once again, the rotating screen jedi trick has been defeated by the gifted and beautiful Bendy Yoga Warriors from Mars. hubba hubba oops, that one belongs here:

Nippy, palaver and cockwomble: Greatest words in English?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/10/16/nippy_palaver_cockwomble_english_language/

[Doctor Syntax]

At least she realised that whatever she tried prices on eBay only went up.

[clasmc]

If I am more flexible than my boyfriend's laptop, why does he keep ignoring me?

[clasmc]

Glass ceiling

Why would this qualify me for his campaign team?

[Diodelogic]

A difficult choice... elegance vs. portability...

[AlCro]

So much for the inverse square law. My screen is no brighter from this distance!

[jonathan keith]

Gemma had integrated seamlessly into the hipster lifestyle.

[Innocent-Bystander*]

It was easy till now, but what will I do when I get one that folds all the way back?

[sjsmoto]

What happened after WebMD was hacked with new entry "How to cure Asshat".

(I live in the US, no free drives for me.)

[Anonymous Coward]

Amy was starting to consider calling off the engaement with her Australian fiancee. It was bad enough that he insisted she learn Strine for their weekly Skype calls, but why was he constantly talking to some woman called Sheila during them?

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

After deleting the last of the last of her German friends' contacts from her address book, Alice finally reached nirvana: Hans-free computing.

[Anonymous Coward]

How the hell do I remove the rotation lock ?

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

One of the new Facebook status icons: it's complicated.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Setting up a transparent proxy to send all traffic through www.upsidedowntext.com: always good for a laugh.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

After splashing out on a new Apple laptop, Sarah was determined not to "hold it wrong".

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Siri, search webmd for "piles".

[AlgernonFlowers4]

Winnie thought her business plan for a webcam based laptop dancing streaming service was something not even Lord Sugar could pooh pooh!

[Captain DaFt]

After years of neck pain and incessant mockery and concern from her friends, Amelia finally went online and searched "How to sit in a chair".

[User McUser]

"Yoga ova' Lenovo Yoga"

[arj]

Someone taught me a new trick. If you stand on your head you can plug a USB lead in the right way around on your first try!

[Doctor Syntax]

Does the light really go off when you close the lid?

[DPride]

Denton Pride

At last! I have 01 smopuim!

[Anonymous Coward]

1. "It's a laptop, Sarah. MAKE A LAP!"

2. "Even if you learn to type that way, you're going to break your neck!"

3. (variation) "I'll wager you can't type with both hands."

4. "Quit being so lazy! Reinstall the graphics drivers!"

5. "Brilliant! Let me pull up a chair, and I'll have a place for my laptop, as well."

(I don't have a UK address. If I'm lucky enough to win, please donate the HD to a school.)

[Anonymous Coward]

Who istalled windows 10??!??

anon cause not in UK

[Martin Summers]

And thus proving that some people will indeed do anything a spam email or a Facebook comment tells them to...

[stucs201]

She was starting to regret insisting her friends stopped posting vertical videos without also being explicit about which of the two horizontal orientations should be used.

[kyndair]

f*ck*ng cr*ppy wi-fi, I can't keep this up till the contracts over

[Ciaran McHale]

Some fertility websites provide dubious tips for increasing the chances of conception.

[stucs201]

She wondered if this week's Register caption competition looked any more sensible if I look at the upside down picture upside down.

[Martin Summers]

Emma did start to feel that the Nigerian Prince she had met online was becoming a little too demanding for her liking.

[Martin Summers]

After slim returns on recent 419 emails, the Nigerians decided they'd just take the piss instead.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

No, Margery, Yoga is just an effin brand name.

[flipflopper]

Giving your loved ones a crummy netbook off eBay for Xmas will lead to them taking dangerously extreme measures to be a happy poser. Don't do it!

[Antonymous Coward]

Sprinkles' registration with the new internet model agency began typically enough...

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Chuffed with adding gait analysis to its self-destructing phones, the FBI begins porting to laptops.

[The Dude]

OOPS

My bad... I was getting into position because I thought they said rectal scanner.

[Tim Wolfe-Barry]

Buying a cheap netbook had seemed like a good idea, until her friends showed her how to change screen orientation...

[Holtsmark]

..and with this, Mrs. Julie Larson-Green has completed demonstrating the 27 simple steps that you must perform if you wish to opt out from having your computer upgraded to Windows 10. ..this week.

[Little Mouse]

Love you too, Mork. Nanu Nanu.

[Pookietoo]

Hey, that was going to be my line.

[Anonymous Coward]

Ok Satya, I've adopted the position, now you can stick Windows 10 up my arse.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Are you "lumbared" with a crappy aspect ratio? You're not the only one!

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Right, that's step one for curing hiccups done. Damn. Now I can't read step 2. *hic* :(

[TheManCalledStan]

Dorothy was finding the optimal position of her 5G trouser antenna to stream 4K films was giving her a bit of a headache...

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Laptops these days ... they'll even make you one with the Internet.

[DBarber]

It's all about the reception

Don't laugh - I get 480Mbps WiFi in this position.

[Kev99]

Finally! I got Windows 10 to look decent.

I don't know what else to do to get my insider build to activate.

How is doing this supposed to help my internet speed?

How much longer before your Viagra refill gets here?

You do realize this is actually a trick picture from a carnival house.

[seanj]

Bezos Spin Team hard at work interpreting the 'Staff Satisfaction' data trends...

[mderouss]

Everyday IT experiences, #666

No... no, the Oracle EULA still isn't making any sense, but.... I think there's an image forming in it... it's a man with a beard and a grin and... horns...

[DPride]

Denton Pride

OK, who forgot to give the lassie a heads-up?

[Doctor Syntax]

...and now flex your hips a little more and you can plug in the network cable with your toes.

[Doctor Syntax]

From this angle the winner of the obfuscated C competition made sense.

[g00se]

See, I told you Gimp was just as good as Photoshop. Rotate 180° - no problem!

[davidp231]

The all new Levono Yoga notebook, Australia edition. For optimum results, sit upside down.

[-Alpha-]

Why are those two wankers in the woods with the funny glasses staring at me???

[Anonymous Coward]

"So, umm, what was the keystroke needed to rotate the screen back again?"

(Sadly, I'm not eligible to enter, but that's what comes to mind.)

[Jim84]

So my laptop has made my boyfriend infertile, we'll see about that!

[Soap Distant]

Hmmm

Should've taken the blue pill...

[Kaltern]

After following Apple's advice, the Wifi signal was still too weak.

[lawndart]

and it was only then, that the third character of the CAPTCHA became clear.

[lawndart]

Amazingly, it took a week of sore necks, minor falls, wardrobe malfunctions, and greatly reduced productivity before anyone in the office ventured the opinion that the DSE Assessment they had downloaded from the internet may not have been entirely legitimate.

[Anonymous Coward]

> wardrobe malfunctions

It's okay, she's wearing the bra from week 1.

[lawndart]

Fig 12: The "Ready" position, seen from the side.

An experienced Leg Semaphore specialist can achieve rates of twenty words per minute.

[Lith]

Steve Jobs told me I was holding it wrong before...

[Lith]

Apparently this is the Emacs shortcut to change all text to comic sans.

[choleric]

The new "uplighter" position for self-righteous office workers.

[Jos V]

practical joke

After resetting her screen from jokingly doing ctrl-alt- ^-key a month ago, the wife still has problems re-adjusting a bit

[Anonymous Coward]

Exercising the right to an uncensored Internet.

[Anonymous Custard]

The things I have to do so someone can win a hard drive!

[Shadow Systems]

Just a quick question...

How, exactly, is this style of contest even remotely fair to the Blind whom stand no chance in hell of participating?

Here's my submission given I have no way of knowing what the picture entails: "That's funny, I could have sworn I saw a joke around here somewhere."

I'd ask if I've won but since I don't have a UK mailing address it's moot... Much like a caption contest. Sigh.

[Pookietoo]

Re: Just a quick question...

Did you consider asking for help, or do you just go straight into whinge mode? And where did "whom" come from?

[Marvin O'Gravel Balloon Face]

Re: Just a quick question...

I'd also like to put in a complaint on behalf of the unimaginative...

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Just a quick question...

A fair point, at the risk of alienating the deaf (or deaf/blind), perhaps we could have a sound caption competition as well?

[Anonymous Custard]

What do you mean I'm holding it wrong?

[Anonymous Custard]

Even the PFY struggled to keep a straight face as Simon dealt with the accounts drone and her failed log-in for the third time that day.

[Anonymous Custard]

Jane decided that perhaps raising a helpdesk ticket at 4:30pm on a Friday afternoon was not the best of ideas.

[Anonymous Custard]

OK, done that and I still can't log in. And why are those people behind you all pointing and sniggering?

[Anonymous Custard]

Her colleagues began to suspect that Jane wasn't giving this video conference her full attention

[Anonymous Custard]

If that doesn't work, try going into dangling dog and using your mothers maiden name and your pet's birthday as the password...

[Anonymous Custard]

Ethel was a little to eager to please on her first video conference with the Australian branch

[Anonymous Custard]

The Phantom Furniture Thief of Old London Town was getting more brazen in his attacks.

[Doctor Syntax]

"Phantom Furniture Thief of Old London Town"

Upvote for Two Ronnies reference.

[Anonymous Custard]

HR decided that the flexible working policy needed some clarification.

[DPride]

Denton Pride

Despite her best efforts, Fiona couldn't get the new video Captcha to recognise her 'r's.

[stucs201]

First there was Tetris the computer game.

Then there was the human Tetris TV game show.

Image recognition now allows the two to be combined...

[Thaumaturge]

I REALLY hate these amature videos! RTFM jerks!

[JimRoyal]

It's not comfortable, but Simon Travaglia assured me that you get a stronger WiFi signal like this.

[Arthur the cat]

Sarah's colleagues still hadn't told her about the Ctrl-Alt-Down Arrow trick.

[soulasassin]

Despite her best efforts, she just couldn't make windows vista usable.

[Proctalgia Fugax]

Treatment Works

"How2 Avoid Haemorrhoid Pain whilst Typing" instructions seem to be effective.

[Proctalgia Fugax]

Treatment Works

"How2 Avoid Haemorrhoid Problems" for typing certainly seems effective, but I have to ask does my Butt look big in this?

[Anonymous Coward]

Hipsters newest attempt to stand out, now standing desks are too mainstream

[Anonymous Coward]

New viewing angle reducing privacy filter may be a little bit too secure

[Velv]

OK, I accepted it when they told my I was "holding it wrong", but now they're just taking the mickey!

[Colin 27]

How the feck do I hit <ctrl><alt><del> now?

[Colin 27]

Kate tries a new angle on how to win this week's El-Reg caption competition.....

[Misky]

When Health and Safety videos get corrupted...

[Colin 27]

Microsoft launches Windows for Aussies.

[dajames]

Let those guys on the dating site say my breasts are sagging now!

[Phil O'Sophical]

Nope, still looks White&Gold to me.

[dajames]

They say if you do it standing on your head you can't catch a virus ...

[J4zz_x]

Microsoft surface Book

Breaking news: Microsoft have released the all new surface book, and its due to change the way we think about laptops (promotional picture enclosed).

[KnightGarion]

The latest Windows 10 Installation Requirements.

[KnightGarion]

Microsoft: Cortana V3 now does Yoga!

[KnightGarion]

Captcha Updated!

[KnightGarion]

New for 2016: Windows Password now use Facial Recognition

[Doctor Syntax]

New for 2016: Windows Password now use Faecal Recognition

[Blue Pumpkin]

Even from this angle she still couldn't make out the bloody captcha codes ...

[[e-mail]]

These CAPTCHA tests are really getting challenging.

[midd]

To see how to finish this exercise manoeuvre safely, click Next now.

[Anonymous Custard]

What do you mean I'm holding it wrong?!?!

[Anonymous Custard]

The PFY's sniggering almost gave the game away, but Simon managed his best prank yet.

[Gio Ciampa]

Helen wasn't sure the Wikipedia recipe for upside-down cake was entirely accurate...

[Anonymous Custard]

Help, my smart bra has crashed again!

[Steven Raith]

Bad joke

Damnit Janet, just press CTRL+ALT+UP ARROW like I told you an hour ago.

(those who have supported users with Intel GPUs know what I mean...)

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Bad joke

Already upvoted for humour factor... but thanks to that I just "discovered" that [Ctrl]+[Alt] plus any cursor arrow is a nifty workspace switching shortcut!

Count this splaff as a second upvote in appreciation

[Steven Raith]

Re: Bad joke

My memory is a little flakier than I'd like, but I'm pretty sure that CTRL+ALT+<direction> is the rotation shortcut for Windows Intel IGP drivers.

Obvs workspace switching on *nix DEs too.

Anyway, that's my entry, I'll go back to being droll and unfunny now :-)

Steven R

[ruttinator]

These new ergonomic chair designs are getting out of hand.

[Anonymous Coward]

Secure login gone mad

Password, check

Radius token, check

Finger print, check

Retinal scan, check

Wind blowing from SSW, check

Balancing on head, check

Legs at 90 degrees, check

Failed login, oh hell I forgot to cross my fingers

[Russicles]

This years models are so thin and light... also we have a new notebook range.

Her computer still sucked even in zero G.

So I bought a Mac, but oddly the world didn't look different...

Our usability team are evaluating problem scenarios with the new detachable screens.

[Doctor Syntax]

English is such an odd language. F'r instance my head isn't really over my heels at all.

[Doctor Syntax]

Despite all her efforts Emma couldn't quite get to look through the front grille to see if the rumours about a miniature Difference Engine were true.

[Dippywood]

Tech Support? Good. Folded at a right-angle, as requested. No, no, the screen is still not right...

[Dippywood]

Having joined the "flexible workspace program," Jane now need to prove that she could get into the workspace.

[quattroprorocked]

So this postural login replaces my password? Ah, the IT guy's behind me isn't he. Don't you dare put that photo on The Register.

[goldfish]

Dave from IT wins the bet.

Well it looks like Dave from IT has won the bet.

No-one would have thought he'd convince the new girl that was how you started the laptop with Windows 10 installed

[Danny 4]

Antipodian Cousins

G'day, guys! Life in Britain is much like Oz but upside-down!

[Julian 8]

A new definition for parallel computing

Windows Tiles may look better from a different perspective.

The new Lenovo Yoga tablet takes things to extremes

[Antonymous Coward]

After resisting for months, Bubbles finally submitted and prepared to receive Windows 10.

[Marvin O'Gravel Balloon Face]

After three days Janice was regretting taking the job in Australia.

[Anonymous Coward]

Being a bit pressed for time, she decided to combine today's Yoga exercises with her XrandR maintainer duties.

[Doctor Syntax]

Whatever angle I look at it from the £100 Microsoft cashback offer hasn't persuaded me.

[Doctor Syntax]

That's £2-68p in loose change, a fluffy Polo mint and my car key but no sign of my USB drive.

[AdamG57]

Feet up, don't shoot.

[AdamG57]

The installation imstructions for Adobe Acrobat Writer proved difficult to follow...

[AdamG57]

Movie over...

Bunnie's Bond girl audition was going quite well...

[AdamG57]

Sally met her "match" on Regrndr...

She really flipped for that guy in the desert!

[Rol]

"Human? NO! The Vindaloorian's despise humans. They are the vermin of the universe."

[Romney]

Alison has faith that Microsoft is even now updating her Windows 10 with a fix for the inverted screen bug.

[Dick Emery]

Upside down...

...MS turns me. Inside out and...round and round.

Upside down...why'd you spurn me? Update hell you..hound and hound.

Microsoft you're turning me. Your Windows 10 is burning thee.

Microsoft you're turning me...to Mint or some FreeB-SD!

To the tune of Chic's song 'Upside Down'

[justincranford]

What did I do this weekend? Oh, I binge watched Up! on Netflix.

[justincranford]

Have you tried turning it off and on?

[justincranford]

This crapware uninstaller for my Lenovo Yoga is a pain in the neck.

[justincranford]

"Fiancée discovers boyf is grumble flick stud"

[fluffybunnyuk]

Ive even bent over for el reg to win a hard drive...

[Anonymous Custard]

These Acrobat updates are getting ridiculous!

[Anonymous Custard]

Even with the latest version of Adobe Acrobat, Jennie still couldn't open the pdf file properly

[Anonymous Custard]

Gertie decided that the next 3d air gesture that she set up would involve two fingers and walking away

[PaulR79]

Karen loved doing group yoga online but really wished there was a local site instead of just an Australian one.

[Anonymous Custard]

Adobe Acrobat for dummies

[Anonymous Custard]

Anton du Beke's unprecedented success in Strictly left a vacancy for presenter of the new series of Hole in the Wall.

[Dstorm]

The development of the new Twister MMO game has employed many novel agile methodologies.

[GreenThumbStick]

Microsoft makes new version of windows for those users who actually liked Windows 8 UI.

[GreenThumbStick]

Because standing up whilst working at your desk is sooooo last year.

[GreenThumbStick]

She couldn't see what the problem was, but she was sure it was the IT Department's fault.

[GreenThumbStick]

Perhaps she should have RTFM in the first place.

[mi1400]

pressing ctrl+alt+left on intel graphic drivers installed machines ...

How easy is to destroy ur whole work day, urself and probably ur career specially over asking around plz save me from "my mistake" from getting my desktop rotated suaring i didnt do it and HelpDesk or peers making sarcastic smiles of wisdom "that nothing happens on its own,, tich tich wink wink...". yes on intel graphic drivers installed machines,..pressing ctrl+alt+left is a thing which no brain can register, rest aside as innocent mistake and yes ctrl+alt+left was and is the satins easiest way to destroy carriers ... Est Since 1990s.

P.S:

Yes in pic above its a divorced mother of three trying and praying to jesus 3:00am to get that ever so "important" report prepared 1st thing in morning.

[Malik01]

It was at that moment Claire realised that her colleagues were taking the ****

[samjoel_]

MRW I can't find find keyboard shortcut to rotate the screen oriantation back again.

[Cab]

Helpdesk ? Yes, hello, there's something wrong with my screen. No, no, I haven't changed anything. No I just switched it on as normal and everything looks different and I can't find my emails, I'm not doing anything unusual at all. Have you changed something on the server ?

[Barely registers]

Yes, I can do Angular.

[AdamG57]

Figure/ground effect

Fiona found forming a face from her front far easier facing forewards....but her Facebook friends just couldn't see it.

[Junait Chakman]

Microsoft announces the new OS

Microsoft announces the new OS. Win69...

[AdamG57]

Yankee Doodle

Betty celebrated July 4 by singing "The world turned upside down".

[AdamG57]

beghilos

...37919 5376006 317537

Impressed by the Vulture's picture of Jesus,

Leslie googles bible...

On her new calculator

[Zippo]

About these new Auzzie firewall rules .....

[Trigonoceps occipitalis]

(Clippy)

"Hello, it looks like you're trying agile programming, do you want help with that?"

[gevor]

That's the netbook ergonomics.

Oh, well, any laptop since IBM <your favourite ThinkPad>...

[Evoflash]

Latest reviews @ Reg are always well balanced.

[Antonymous Coward]

Sushimi-Croak bent over backwards to understand the new Windows interface

[Antonymous Coward]

What Lovebubbles couldn't understand is why the new Safari rendering bug only affected The Register

[Antonymous Coward]

BOFH lesson three: Posture

[Anonymous Coward]

User testing the new Lenovo Yoga.

[Anonymous Coward]

Bug found in Windows 10 auto screen rotation.

[ecofeco]

"I really need a new job."

[Anonymous Coward]

UK Mailing Address Required for Prize...

.

...When Many of Your Content Sources, Contributors, and Readers Are in the United States?

.

.

.

To cheapskate publishers who do not value their American readership, I think that the proper UK/US response, in John Oliver's voice, is:

.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Go get circumcised, cologne won't do!

.

.

.

[Neoc]

Nope... the License still doesn't make any sense.

[John Brown (no body)]

...and to complete the sign-up process...

...sing The Star Spangled banner... backwards.

[Jonl]

Google provide a solution to the 'Copy date' problem which does not involve any of the standard ways to achieve this.

[Medixstiff]

I hate it when IT plays with my PC for leaving it unlocked.

[MrMase]

Dam Intel Hot Keys!!

[Dale 3]

Windows 10 finally levels the operating system playing field.

[El Trisco Smythe]

Now, where do I plug in the USB stick?

[Comedy of Errors]

I have been following your guide "Simple Steps in Install Windows 10" though some are a little strange. However I do not understand step 94: "Your hovercraft is full of eels".

[Marcus Fil]

New to her job in 'live cam' porn Alice totally misunderstood her client's request.

[MrFlakmagnet]

In an effort to get to the root of her WiFi problem, Jane researched the Inverse Square law.

[Dr Patrick J R Harkin]

Laptops are so passe. I've got a toplap.

[Squander Two]

Shut down all the trash compactors on the detention level!

[superturtle]

Ctrl-alt-arrow for humans, stand on your head for Luddite's!

[shoeshopboy]

Sorry, I can't hit ctrl+alt+delete from this position

[Squander Two]

You know, there are times I wish I'd never told HR I was getting RSI.

[Squander Two]

Work in IT, they said. See the world, they said.

[lawndart]

Title

After a spate of accidents and complaints, the Virtual Vaulting Horse app was quickly withdrawn.

[g e]

This ASUS Zenbook is more work than I expected

[mediabeing]

Wow...the same guy won, twice in a row, and with an awkward, 'not understandable by the average user' line. Nothing suspicious here. Don't ever ask us to trust you.

[IanDay]

They say setting up windows 10 is so easy you can do it standing on your head........

[Huw Barnes]

it was halfway through her presentation to the board that she realised dumping Paul McKenna the night before had been a bad idea

[Steve Kennedy]

Yoga

She hadn't really understood the concept of a Lenovo Yoga laptop

[A K Stiles]

Milton Keynes Mum reveals how to earn £5000 a week online with this one wierd trick...

[MAF]

EMC Australia IT helpdesk - can I help you?

Forgot your password - no worries - I can do that standing on my head....

[Ba55me15ter]

Prrpp.

[Zork-1]

MS released a new face unlocking feature in Win 10 - only to discover that no one tested it before shipping.

[Zork-1]

Win 10 can handle locale settings changes to the other side of the world ... can you?

[dowdinsk]

Standing desks are sooooo last year.

[Zork-1]

How to keep our kids safe from all the Internet porn, violence, propaganda, (and reg comments?), etc. - stream/display them upside down!

[wizard_of_odds]

Having accidently hit SHIFT+ALT+Downarrow, Lucy was reluctant to call IT support and admit it.

[Marcus Fil]

Kate was sceptical about the site's advice, but, amazingly, the suggested position instantly cured her trapped wind.

[taveirne]

iYoga - Looks good but is impractical...

[emmanuel goldstein]

Lydia's first skype with her Australian in-laws was not a success.

[SamJ]

You know, our corporate growth looks much better from this vantage point. Do you think that we could use this knowledge with our investors?

[Antonymous Coward]

"Now phone head office and order 5litres of tartan paint and a long weight"

[DancesWithLice]

Jenny's Australian cousins never tired of her upside down Skype gag...

[Anonymous Coward]

Latest internet craze goes viral; taking a shelfie.

[Anonymous Coward]

Privacy adovcate shows her determination to have the smallest ever digital footprint.

[Anonymous Coward]

And the IT Angle here? Exactly? (We're glad you asked us that)

[PaulAb]

Ok, I'm at Z=350, X=475. If I try Y=222, then I'm flat on my arse.!

I'm not sure that this is the modelling job I wanted.

[Werner McGoole]

Frankly, the new Rot-180 encoding was proving a pain in the neck.

[Winner2012]

Yes, Mr. CEO... I understand your computer seems head down... just applying a fix.

(no way, though... not UK based)

[The Corner of Moron]

Mary's after-market webcam that PC World fitted was becoming a pain in the neck.

[theleader]

Hello Computer!

“This will teach me to use an Australian version of Win 10 with face recognition login!”

[Omgwtfbbqtime]

Nobody move! I've finally got a stable 4G connection!

[jezbod]

"I'm sorry, but DSE and HSE state that this is the optimum position for you."

[kryptonaut]

You won't believe this!

One WEIRD trick for a flat cranium

[PK]

Ann finds that the face unlock utility has gone arse over tit

[DancesWithLice]

Whichever way she looked at it, Sally couldn't make head nor tail of Microsoft's business model.

[Anonymous Coward]

So this is what half price subscription to Office 360 gets you.

[Anonymous Coward]

(OK, it should be Office 365, but a bit of artistic licence hurt nobody. Norton 360?, now thats always half price at Currys)

[Anonymous Coward]

IT worker demonstrates latest form of 'Hot Desking'; aside from a few pressing issues, she converts easily from a laptop to a desktop experience.

[Anonymous Coward]

For my other ergonomic design work for Apple, I purposely designed the Lightning connector perpendicular to the base/glide of the new Magic Mouse 2.

[PK]

"....and this pose is called the Paris Hilton angle"

[Anonymous Coward]

For a fitness fanatic, uploading data from the Band proved harder than the initial training workout.

[Winner2012]

Yes, yes, Mr. CEO... I understood your computer seems upside down... let me apply a fix.

(no way, though... not UK based)

[Winner2012]

IT angle? 90 degrees, let's say.

[Winner2012]

HP? Pretty sure it's not... it's called "dH", look here!

[Marcus Fil]

The things a girl has to do just to win a hard drive.

[emmanuel goldstein]

The yoga.com helpdesk always bent over backwards for their clients.

[DancesWithLice]

Sarah's boss's promise of an exciting new position turned out to be a huge disappointment.

[Doctor Syntax]

I tried these new IoT wearables and now I've been hacked.

[alexwiththesar]

Windows 10

Reintroducing the helpful (now extra invasive) Paperclip Helper, "I see your doing some Yoga, I'll just watch you quietly"

[alexwiththesar]

"Hello, im the new windows 10 invasive Paperclip, I see you doing some Yoga, Ill just watch quietly"

[Observer]

El Reg 16th Oct weekly competition

When I agreed to help you with a novel app for Windows 11 - this isn't what I had in mind!

[Haalia]

Well this certainly is the oddest request I've received since setting up my camgirl site!

[Khadajico]

New OS

The Australian version of Windows had a few unexpected side effects when installed on a English laptop.

[James Wilson]

Kirsty's first attempt to implement ROT-13 was woefully misguided

[Warm Braw]

Despite the BOFH stapling her hair to the floor, Miriam still managed to raise a support ticket.

[DPride]

Denton Pride

Despite her best efforts, Fiona just couldn't get the latest video CAPTCHA to recognise her 'r's.

[Kepler]

SFW, my arse!

"This way I can take it down the arse* from Microsoft instead of up!"**

.

* I wrote "arse" instead of "ass" because Simon politely asked us to "Please try to keep it kind[-]of SFW." To the best of my knowledge, I did. If "arse" is considered as off-color as "ass" in some circles, it's news to me. Which might, for all I know, serve as a clue concerning my eligibility.

.

** I thought that many of the other submissions I spied while scrolling down the page to get to the submission form were much cleverer than my own. (And all of them entirely clean!) But mine was the absolute first thing that popped into my head the instant I saw the picture; for better or worse, I'm sticking with it.

I apologize to anyone who notices that this has become a recurring if not persistent theme in my contributions to El Reg's Reader Forums over the past month or two —

Re: Offensive, sure, but is it actually HARMFUL?

— but as a Windows user, can you really blame me? I recently had to reinstall Windows 8.1 Update — and even worse, before that use plain-old Windows 8 for several days (shudder!) — and now I've read article after article relating how Microsoft has surreptitiously snuck unwanted spyware onto my computer through Windows Update. Which it appears I can no longer trust, so I do not.

Experience made me this way.

[Antonymous Coward]

Myfanwy found her laptop had "upgraded" itself to Windows 10 and she totally flipped out.

[Doctor Syntax]

Combining gymnastics with the obstacle race. Will it make it to the Olympics?

[Doctor Syntax]

Oops. Who left that there?

[MCMLXV]

Too late, Alice realised that "Do a barrel roll" was meant for Google.

[Rol]

Selling laptops to women is easy. You just have to get the right angle.

[treborpeg]

This is probably too late and might have already been said, but...

"What?? All I needed to do was Ctrl+Alt+Down???"

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Hello?

My face is down here!

[MCMLXV]

As a newcomer to computers, Alice's first attempt at Ctrl-Alt-Del went badly.

[TheCashier]

Travelers flipping for the new low cost Super-Economy seating arrangements.

[NotMyRealNameToo]

It's bad enough that it's a yoga - but this one has Aussie updates too.