WATERPROOF iPhone 6Ss? Old news. Check out the OTHER 7 SECRET FEATURES

We here at the Reg, as all our readers know, subscribe completely to the idea that people need a continual stream of iPhone related news-style content. We were especially impressed by the idea that the new iPhone 6S and 6S Plus might be "secretly waterproof". Some curmudgeons might suggest that this is merely a standard …

[Knewbie]

Making calls

Making Calls : Unsassuming function that is used maybe 1% of the time...

Otherwise I have the following :

Hand Warmer - launch a nice pretty intensive app and chug the phone in your pocket

Scoliosis Inducer : just look at the bent heads around you..

Germs Cultivation : you use your phone in the toilets ? I hope you wiped it, too...

Entropy Generator : the document you asked me for ? I received this Puppy video, look at how nice it is...

Magic Money Creator : when the guy with no office coffee/tea money gets an iphone, and you wonder..

Mine is the one with a grand burning a hole in the pocket, off to the Apple Store ^^

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Making calls

>"Entropy Generator..."

You mean "Entropy Enhancer." True generation occurs at the point of sale...

[Anonymous Coward]

I heard the secret feature only activates if you hold it a certain way.

[Anonymous Coward]

Somewhere someone is sat stroking their new iPhone unable to comprehend sarcasm or humour.

I doth my hat to you sir.

[dotdavid]

Methinks the AC doth doff too much

[Anonymous Coward]

>"I heard the secret feature only activates if you hold it a certain way."

Maybe it has a bendomometer for that...

[Andy Non]

iHelp!

iCan't swim!

[Delbert]

No mention of the "tipping point" function which advises Cupertino when over 58% of their target market has purchased a unit and connected, this triggers a "new model press release" automatically.

[Bob Wheeler]

:(

How come with these polls, I only pick one or two of the top answers... 2/7 this time.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: :(

You're excessively average.

[Bill M]

Do the new iPhones have a SECRET heater function?

Left mine charging and in the sun yesterday, it's black.

It rang and was so hot I couldn't pick it up for fear of blistering my hand due its hotness.

That when its hands free speaker phone really comes in handy.

[Anonymous Coward]

Monday, Cartoon Steve arrived in work with his arm in a sling

Me - OMG Steve what happened.

Steve - I bought the new iPhone, pretty much the heaviest in the world, one cant be too careful.

There is no warranty on my near 200 grams worth of joke either.

[Anonymous Coward]

NFZD chip

Near field Zombie Detection. Those guys think of everything! Sadly the app is still in development.

[hplasm]

Re: NFZD chip

"Sadly the app is still in development."

It keeps going off every time the user comes near to the iPhone...

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: NFZD chip

Wouldn't FFZD be a lot more useful? Oh well, baby steps...

[Captain DaFt]

Missing heater option:

Perfect for brewing a cuppa.

[Dr Scrum Master]

No nail brush feature by the looks of things...

[Anonymous Coward]

RADAR, GAYDAR, ......

The most secret hardware sensor is the NF and FF iPhone user detector. App for using this detector sits in the users brain. iS unlocked by BUYiNG SOMETHiNG.

The hardawre and software combo goes by the name of iDAR.

[chivo243]

Dead Kennedy's

It's Jello Biafra, not yellow.... Damn kids these days can't get anything right.

[GitMeMyShootinIrons]

But.....

Does it have an Infinite Improbability Drive?

[Martin Budden]

Re: But.....

Probably.

Oh no, not again...

[cortland]

Picture

Looks like ... sardines!

[John Brown (no body)]

It has a NFC mind control interface too.

Unfortunately the range is so short, hipsters have to sit on it to get it close enough to their brain cell to operate. The upside is that the solar charger gets huge amount of virtual sunshine in that position.

[Alistair]

These polls reveal something important.

That the vast majority of us commentards are sick, twisted individuals.

Have a beer to celebrate.

[Alan Denman]

sales booster

Yes, I read that someone tested theirs in water heirs with success.

Someone else tried and the phone is a complete write off.

So you're deep in the soup there, but whatever, it might just supe up sales.

[Anonymous Coward]

Fanbois control

That's all.