back to article Zuck, Gates and Bono in ludicrous internet access for world+dog by 2020 bid

Two of the world's richest men and Bono* have pledged to help bring internet access to everyone across the planet by 2020. It comes just days after a UN report warned that broadband growth had sharply slumped, noting that hitting a target of four billion internet users five years from now was "unlikely" to be achieved. …

  1. Andy Tunnah

    Sounds fun

    Considering how god-awful people act online, and how it is seemingly turning us into worse people because everyone just turns off their filters when talking to a screen, I think this is gonna turn out just...peachy.

    Coming in 2020 - the first civil war started over a lost COD match

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Sounds fun

      LMFTFY

      Coming in 2020 - the first civil war started over a lost GOD match

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Sounds fun

          And COD said let there be water, and there was water and COD was happy, or at least until that damned Norwegian trawler came along...

  2. chivo243 Silver badge
    WTF?

    Sounds like the Beats announcement

    Lots of hot air, but no way to direct it...

  3. Martin Summers

    Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we've found the new replacement board of ICANN! ;-)

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Maybe other things to do first

    How about stopping that damned war in Syria first...

    How about changing the laws so that greedy business men/politicians actually get punished for theft/fucking things up royally....

    How about Bono truly donating all future royalties to the poor and the needy, it's not like he needs any more.

    How about putting an end to the USA making wars with other countries under false pretexts......

    No, let's not do any of that, instead we will put that damned silly 1980s Irish self proclaimed savoir of the world on a little stool and let him tell us how unfair things are for the poor and needy..

    Everytime, I see or hear that little Irish man it reminds of how twisted our society has become... Do we really need these aging [c]rock stars to remind us that we live on planet earth... I usually like the Irish people because they are generally honest and down to earth, Bono is the exception.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Maybe other things to do first

      "The vast majority of the world's hungry people live in developing countries, where 13.5 percent of the population is undernourished"

      Incidentally the same amount as broadband users, so if everyone cancels their broadband connection to fund just one person monthly for food, we'd solve world hunger.

      Where's my medal?

      1. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Re: Maybe other things to do first

        Incidentally the same amount as broadband users, so if everyone cancels their broadband connection to fund just one person monthly for food, we'd solve world hunger.

        Yeah, but then Bono and the lads in the UN would be upset because less people were on the internet. Maybe we're supposed to cancel our broadband and pay for theirs?

        Seems strange that they're more concerned about internet access than many other things going on in the world today. Or maybe not. It is the UN and they have some strange priorities.

      2. Quortney Fortensplibe

        Re: Maybe other things to do first

        "...The vast majority of the world's hungry people live in developing countries, where 13.5 percent of the population is undernourished..."

        Looking at funny cat videos helps take your mind off your empty belly!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Maybe other things to do first

          "Looking at funny cat videos helps take your mind off your empty belly!"

          What you have to be carefull about though is watching Bono vids, as it's likely to make you sick and with an empty belly that's not a good idea.

    2. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Re: Maybe other things to do first

      They'll probably not be much worth looking at on the 'web' by 2020, it'll just be a wasteland of advertising, shopping 'channel's and surveillance.

      Just ignore Bon[o|e]head, he's just another fading collection of shallow pretensions looking for media attention, and they're annoying never mind the nationality/origin.

  5. Snowy
    Joke

    Sounds like a Dr Who plot...

    Connect everyone to the net so theyare easier "upgrade".

  6. John Tserkezis

    This can only be a good thing.

    In some parts of the world, the most fortuate within a community have access to water. Polluted as it is. But I'm sure Facebook will make their miserable lives infinitely better, and that's a good thing. When they can get electricity to charge their fucking iPads that is.

    A little closer to home, we have some homes here in australia who have their phone lines draped over their front fences, courtesy of Telstra who always know what they're doing. But that's all right, they have access to not only clean water and plentiful food, they have a landline modem with facebook. So these rich bastards don't deserve a thing.

    Meanwhile, Zuck, Gates and fucking annoying Bono can fuck right off.

    [throws keyboard across room] </rant>

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: This can only be a good thing.

      You know that was my thought as well.

      They can fuck right off and so can the U.N. and the sanctimonious bastards (especially Bono)

      When the world (U.N. excluded as they are useless due to vetoes etc...) ends poverty/hunger I'll listen to these pr*cks talking about internet access but only when they aren't using it to sell everyone sh*t and profile/control the planet.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Devil

    If Bono's for it...

    ...then I'm against it.

    1. Khaptain Silver badge

      Re: If Bono's for it...

      Yes, it's very ironic but this public figure is an amazingly unloved character. In my opinion he symbolizes a lot of what is wrong with the media today.

      * A commercial singer with what became a commercial band and basically sings commercial songs for purely financial gain - no integrity.

      * Extremely difficult to believe that anything that he says has actually any honesty attached to it.

      * No modesty.

      * Lives in a world of luxury but would like us to believe that he understands what it is to be poor and hungry.. Bono, Ireland is not a third world country, please do not confuse the two.

      If Bono want's to do something good for society all he has to do is find a very, very remote island, that has no outgoing communications or media facilities, and remain there for a very, very long time. It would already relieve a lot of world tension.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: If Bono's for it...

        reminds me of another irish singer who you wouldn't want you to look after your kids but is a god in the eye's of the media/news/f*ckwits.

        Not quite Monday yet but looking forward to watching the m o o n that spells moon... tell me why? Mondays annoy me I want to shoot the whole day down stupid lyrics all the same.

        1. Teiwaz Silver badge

          Re: If Bono's for it...

          Well, done, that was todays, guest unintelligible rant... Here it is again (auto)translated to dutch for extra clarity.

          doet me denken aan een andere Ierse zanger die je niet zou willen dat je te kijken na uw kinderen, maar is een god in het oog van de media / nieuws / f * ckwits .

          Nog niet helemaal maandag , maar kijk uit naar het kijken naar de maan die maan spreuken ... mij vertellen waarom ? Maandag ergeren me Ik wil de hele dag neer te schieten domme teksten allemaal hetzelfde.

          And no, I never cared for Bob Geldofs brand of media crusading in the 80's either, and too young to remember his music career

      2. Quortney Fortensplibe

        Re: If Bono's for it...

        "...A commercial singer with what became a commercial band and basically sings commercial songs for purely financial gain..."

        To be fair, he's done all right for himself —for a dog biscuit.

      3. Ken 16 Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: If Bono's for it...

        and if he want's to do something good for Ireland, he should pay his taxes here.

  8. Rol Silver badge

    Internet for everyone!!?

    "This week, I have mainly been eating spam"

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Re: Internet for everyone!!?

      ""This week, I have mainly been eating"....

      Isn't that a repeating line from an old 'Fast Show' sketch?

      1. Rol Silver badge

        Re: Internet for everyone!!?

        Isn't that a repeating line from an old 'Fast Show' sketch?....

        Yes, you're correct. Although I don't think spam was ever mentioned, but the idea of a starving tribesman in the middle of a baked dry savannah coming out of his hut with perhaps a mouse in his hand and saying that, kind of sums up the whole absurdity of it.

  9. flearider

    get em all online so we can sell em more shit .. that's four billion extra sales ...

    how about just feeding and clothing them first but debt and sales makes the world go around ...

  10. ashdav

    Zuckerberg and Bono

    Icons of our time.

    And I mean that with a MASSIVE dose of irony (or truth, depends on your point of view)

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Zuckerberg and Bono

      That is the scariest thing I've read all week... those two, icons of our time. I grieve for humanity.

  11. Bladeforce

    Of course Suckerberg...

    ..this has NOTHING to do with getting more people on Faceslap

  12. silent_count

    Stated vs revealed preferences

    "But Zuck and chums didn't offer to fling any cash around at this weekend's UN summit."

    And right there is the real indication about their level of sincerity.

    Three seriously rich guys advocate for something that they care about so deeply that not one of them is willing to spend a single cent on it.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Refugees

    With internet access for everyone in third world countries it will be much easier to tell people how and where one can get in illegally to some country where the life is much better than at home. Post videos of the "cruel" borderguards as they try to prevent undocumented immigrants trying to storm into the EU, give more ammo to the bleeding heart liberals to encourage even more third world people to come to Europe. Great future.

    BTW I am a former refugee from the then communist Hungary.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Refugees

      Funny how refugees make it into a country and not long after want to slam the door behind them. Then again, the second generation spends all their efforts on assimilation and the third, they are trying very hard to rediscover their roots. Or, at least, that's the pattern in South West United States.

      [My tablet is becoming frightfully accurate on my word choices. Where's a hammer?]

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Refugees

        To Jack

        1. I was not allowed to "shop" for the best country like the current bunch. I had to stay in Italy where I first entered into a safe country in a refugee camp until I could find a country which accepted me. I would have liked to go to Austria. West Germany or any Scandinavian country where the refugees were allowed to work. In Italy we could not work legally because the high unemployment at the time.

        2. Every other refugee in the camp had some kind of ID when they entered into Italy. The so called Syrian refugees often destroy every ID/passport they have as they enter into the EU. There were several news reports about this.

        3. It was practically impossible to get into West Germany as an immigrant that time, even most of the ones who asked asylum there had to find other countries to emigrate to. Ethnic Germans and people with close relatives were the exception.

        4 People without any useful qualification or trade had incredibly hard time, often they had to spend years in the different camps until some charity managed to help them into a country. This current lot seems to think that everybody is entitled to go to whichever country they fancy.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Refugees

          So because it was so horrible an experience to you, it has to be a horrible experience to "this current lot." [Which phrase raises serious warning flags here.] I don't discuss this subject much here as I'm quite sure that no one would be the least bit surprised at my position on this topic, but here goes. I'm for completely open borders here in the United States with only two requirements. You apply for and get a work permit (updated type of green-card) and if you can't find work, or are unemployed for a long time, you go home. That's it.

          I'm surrounded by refugees. The Central Valley (California) is a popular destination, has been since at least the Armenians. The latest legal immigrants are the Hmong who would have been killed at the hands of the Vietnamese for having the temerity to work with the US in Vietnam. The illegal population is mostly Latin American although they are usually from far farther south than Mexico. I'd accord them refugee status as well given the conditions in their home countries. In any case, this state wouldn't/doesn't function without illegals (agrarian/low-end service sectors) and legals. Most every professional you come across that has stayed here, or returned here, isn't "white." Not even close. And I like it that way. They're here because they want to be here. We have a ton of jobs here needing employees yet Americans are unwilling to take them at any wage. Our unemployment rate is double the national average, decades long. So, all I have to say to anyone that is opposed to immigration to where I'm at is: "Send MOAR!"

          BTW, it's not often talked about either in the political and economic arenas but a dirty little secret about the federal government is that they don't want to fix the problem. Medicare would have run out of money ages ago and Social Security wouldn't have lasted so long without illegals using other people's Social Security numbers. Health & Human Services knows exactly who is using them and what firm they work for. All it would take to getting started on the 11 million illegals here is a computer print-out. Forbidden by law, interestingly enough, eh? Take that 11 million number with a huge grain of salt. That's "people of color." We have a hell of a lot more from Asia, Eastern Europe, Western Europe for that matter (Ireland, huge!), and even Canada. Yes, Canada. Whatever.

          The track record around these parts is very clear. First generation low-end jobs, second generation assimilationist (invented a new word, woo hoo!) and college and/or starting business aspirationally (two!) professional. Third generation, thoroughly professional/business-executive and seeking to return to their roots. We have a ton of community festivals here at the local convention center and churches. Excellent Greek food to be had just last week.

          So to sum it all up: "Send MOAR!"

          [BTW, I enjoy working with non-White/non-male/non-heterosexuals (mix and match). In the military I consistently found that anyone not White-Male-Heterosexual that select group was seriously better at their job! I considered keeping them around a survival skill. I'm into keeping myself alive, or at least was. YMMV.]

  14. Zork-1
    Stop

    Parts of the world that has no electricity nor running water. I guess access to the Internet is pretty low on their survival priority list - Yes, I am looking at Zuck as well - give refugees homes/work, not Internet access.

    Also reminds me of one laptop per child ...

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