back to article WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

We're into week three of the Western Digital caption competition – so we tested your sense of mirth with a cute critter. Of course there were the references to the meerkats who sell insurance, but lots of people looked at the creature’s hands along the lines of Andy Non: “Hey, who swiped my keyboard?” He also entered “But, …


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  1. Barely registers

    Biting the hand that writes IT.

    1. Sixtysix

      Close, but...

      Striking the hand that bites IT

  2. i steal your leccy

    This is not the python tutorial i wanted!

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Australian equivalent of "The dog ate my homework".

  4. msknight

    Finally, a keyboard rollover that's good enough for a ssssnake.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Python developer tests out script which distorts the perspective and scaling of web pages.

    Pen tester tries out sssql injection.

  6. Anonymous Custard

    A few

    Give me a chance, I'm still learning Python.

    Someone said there was a product round-up on mice here?

    Apple's new mouse didn't please all the beta-testers.

    The new-look Register website is just charming.

    Surely locking with crtl-alt-del is quicker if you need to pop to the loo?

    When I said I needed more bytes, this isn't quite what I meant.

    BOFH? Pah, amateur...

    When I said I wanted to get more hands-on with Python, this isn't quite what I had in mind!

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Gosh darn it there's a snake when it boots!

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Revealed: Who's really behind all those "I for one welcome our reptilian overlords" posts.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      A photo of David Icke's laptop.

  9. AlCro

    Mr Jackson rejected the script for the sequel after only seeing the cover.

  10. Come to the Dark Side

    Just for kicks...

    Although the Garden of Eden was but a distant memory, the snake was still trying to entice humans to take the apple...

  11. JetSetJim

    Snakes on a keyboard - making Word as easy to use as Vi/Emacs

  12. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

    "If I can just get the perspective right on this screen capture of the Register home page, it'll make a good picture for the photo caption competition".

  13. Bob H

    Hissing Sid

    Sid's obsession with cat videos was getting a little unhealthy, so was his appetite.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Press 'snake' to continue...

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Snakes on a ..

    I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking keyboard.

  16. Queeg

    Crtl Alt Delete....Your kidding right?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Ctrl Alt Delete.... You're kidding right?

      [Blatant steal but the original is a grammar fail and I have no shame, so nyeah, nyeah. ;-) ]

    2. Queeg


      Ctrl Alt Delete....Your kidding right?

  17. Dan McIntyre

    "Why yes support, there is something on my keyboard as it happens. Remove it? I don't think I can do that..."

  18. Steven Raith

    Quality 'Shoop of t

    "I could do a better photoshop of a web page than that, and I've got no bloody hands"

    1. Steven Raith

      Re: Quality 'Shoop of t

      Sigh, Subject should have been "quality shoop of the web page"

      Clearly I have been working too hard today.

      1. Swarthy

        Re: Quality 'Shoop of t

        Ah, I just figured that the snake ate the rest of your title.

  19. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

    "I'll know I can take that meerkat. I'm sure there was a picture of it round here somewhere".

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm getting tired of telling you. DO NOT let Bear Grylls order the takeaway.

  21. sjaddy

    When someone was bringing back the retro games, this wasn't the type of Snake I was envisioning!

  22. Matt Siddall

    The BOFH decided to make today's "blindfold typing test" a little more challenging

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This malware infestation is getting out of hand.

  24. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

    Coily waited patiently for the next reboot of Q*bert.

  25. stucs201

    I know I'm always complaining about the cat sitting on the keyboard, but I don't think putting a snake there instead is the solution.

  26. Ol'Peculier

    The Register is currently testing a Python script to stop people installing AdBlock.

  27. lawndart

    Of course I'm on the keyboard. I'm not a monitor lizard.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Oh well played sir, and probably congrats on your new hard drive...

  28. Chris Griffiths

    Danni soon found out why buying the snakeskin laptop case from the cheapest seller on eBay was a mistake.

  29. TRT Silver badge

    Locale specific packaging fail for Transylvania...

    Ven dey said dey vanted a viper for the screen.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Our office was having a laptop theft problem, not any more.

  31. Anonymous Custard

    Internet of things for real men

  32. Chris Griffiths


    The IT admins were getting serious about clamping down on people forwarding joke emails...

  33. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

    "Oh My", said Ayame Sohma, "I wish those Ashley Madison photos wouldn't trigger my transformation. It's supposed to require them to touch me!"

  34. Anonymous Custard

    Simon's latest order from Amazon may need to be returned

  35. Antonymous Coward

    "FFS that's a venomous bastard of a website"

    PS. It's good to see the art dept. didn't needlessly waste a moment's boozing time on pasting that screengrab into the pic :P

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This is what you get when you pick Apple.

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Aarggh, there's an adder on my keyboard. Don't be such a noob, the correct term is calculator.

  38. Ben Bonsall

    Come on out! I know you're hiding in there, you 2 bit adder!

    1. Ben Bonsall

      Or possibly,

      It's Friday lunchtime already, so where is the BOFH story then?

  39. Geoff May

    You know you said the coffee in this Internet cafe was snake piss ...

  40. Paul Westerman

    More cold-blooded reporting from El Reg

  41. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

    You've been looking for a snake oil salesman. Well, here I am!

  42. This post has been deleted by its author

  43. Kaltern

    New Reg Moderator remembers there is an serious snakebite antidote shortage...

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    These battery mice don't taste anywhere near as good as free range ones.

  45. Antonymous Coward

    What the hell's that venomous bastard thing doing on my computer? The link was supposed to load Phoronix

    1. Antonymous Coward

      Third time lucky?

      "What the hell's that venomous bastard thing doing on my computer?" Thought Vernon the grass snake.

  46. Thomas Steven 1

    Computer plays snake

  47. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

    Kaa was unused to being mesmerized himself, but this website was just ssssssooooo captivating!

  48. Paul Westerman

    No arguments, I'm just the default constrictor

  49. Paul Westerman

    I'd do a better job of this screen shot but I'm not a Corel snake

  50. This post has been deleted by its author

  51. macjules

    "Hi, this is IT Support. The good news is that you do not have a virus on your laptop."

  52. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Intel "Terror Scaley" Processor inside

  53. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

    That blonde won't half get a surprise when she opens this one on the beach.

  54. dajames

    The day was only getting worse for Susuan; now she had a snake on her keyboard as well as a ladder in her tights!


    9 out of 10 snakes prefer HP laptops with overheating batteries

  56. AdamT

    "I wonder if I can friend Captain Beaky on Facebook? I've finally proved I'm innocent!"

  57. Sixtysix

    The "I'm Feeling Lucky" return for "Vulture Pron" search set Syd seething.

    Seeking warmth, we here observe a troll in it's natural environment, searching for the next hot topic to set alight.

    Syd still wished he'd picked a laptop with discrete GPU as trying to warm up by trolling the "Most read" posts wasn't really working.

    The Register: the site with a bite that even reptiles respect

  58. Julian 8

    Microsoft's latest attempt to crush any final user resistance to Windows 10

    Learning Python hardore

    New environment friendly shrink wrapping technology

  59. kryptonaut

    Chappie with Crappy Lappie Makes Fake Snake Mockup Cockup

  60. codemonkey


    El Reg....the charmer....

  61. Cardinal

    ....but I ordered a Windows WIPER!

  62. Richard Jones 1

    Genuine Snake Oil

    Our IT sales force uses genuine snake oil producers.

  63. Snow Hill Island

    Oh come on, I auditioned for Snakes on a Back Plane. WTF kind of server is this?

  64. Omgwtfbbqtime

    It was simple to tell the cooling fan had gone titsup.

  65. adnim

    I told you...

    it rattled when I shook it

  66. Dave K

    Sammy the snake had to admit that his Photoshop skills still needed some refinement.

  67. Slacker@work

    Not what you expect to get when you order Solid Gear 5; Snakes special box set

  68. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Here goes

    Caption 1. Your passsssword pleassssssse ......

    Caption 2. I think we've found why your laptop was rattling

    Caption 3. New George Foreman internet-connected grill selling like hot snakes in Arizona

    Caption 4: My name is Olga. I am blonde, 23, and I want to meet rich, plump American business-man

    Caption 5: Help desk? I'm having trouble with my key combinations

    Caption 6: OK - I admit I was exaggerating when I said USB is worse than Untreated Snake Bite

    Caption 7: I knew I shouldn't have emailed the boss when I was legless

  69. Cardinal

    As he read El Reg's latest Windows10 exposé the scales began to fall from his eyes

  70. The Jester

    I come to The Register for the puns, they're hiss-terical!


    A few...

    Windows key +L? I laugh at your windows key + L

    Who needs windows key + L?

    The new McAffe anti-frape module for Total Protection was actually rather reliable!

  72. John Robson Silver badge

    104 keys, a multitouch trackpad and no fingerssss


    Testing the limits of force sensitive touchpads

  73. Wizardofaus

    Basic error made by Reg in re-enactment of Garden of Eden story

  74. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Go f**k yourself!

    I can, i'm asexual, hisssss.

  75. i steal your leccy

    And low, the serpent tempted Eve with a MacBook Pro.

  76. Fried


    Apple announces stylus for Eve.

  77. Billum

    "For those who have chosen to receive automatic updates through Windows Update, we help customers prepare their devices for Windows 10 by downloading the files necessary for future installation," a Microsoft spokesperson told El Reg via email. "For those who have opted out, snakes."

  78. Cardinal

    Eve now saw that she had been deceived by the snake and his Apple pie-in-the-sky promises.

  79. djdafz

    Nokia unveil their new laptops and it comes with a new and improved version of the original snake game as standard.

  80. retro41

    Satan reviews potential replacements after Adam and Eve took his Apple.

  81. SteveK

    Snakes on a paper plane [in spaaaaaaace]

  82. DarkLordofSurrey

    Proof that Ashley Madison clients browse El Reg...

  83. Fried

    NoScript upgrade for 3D printers.

  84. quattroprorocked

    Python WTF? I'M the Python round here

  85. Grunth0s_T_Flatulent
    Black Helicopters

    Once Hissing Sid, an evil snake, kept the IT folk awake

    In fear and trembling every night

    In case he gave El Reg a byte

    Said Tech Support, 'We'll work 'til late

    And try to get this webpage straight."

    The PFY said, "Have no fear! For I will get the BOFH some beer!"

  86. joepublic

    They ssssaid thisss implementation was..... ssssscalable

  87. broken

    its seems windows 10 isnt the only thing slithering onto laptops these days

  88. joepublic

    I think I know where my mouse went, but at this point I'm afraid to ask.

  89. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Visit Ireland...

    Ireland, the land where snakes are driven out but IT companies' corporation taxes are retained.

  90. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Post-pub nosh neckfiller

    Cumberland Sausage is hard to find in this corner of rural Spain so we substituted local ingredients ...

  91. AlgernonFlowers4

    God I am so hungry I could eat a meerkat!

  92. MrTuK

    What smartphone do you have ?

    I think its all a Storm in a Teacup to choose a Smart phone, I prefer to be Swift about it and grab the first Wileyfox I can lay my hands on so don't Rattle on about an iPhone or Samsung !

  93. Necronomnomnomicon

    I hope your anti-venom is more effective than this anti-virus...

  94. Necronomnomnomicon

    My manager said he wanted a web scales solution. This is why we try and keep him away from procurement.

  95. Cardinal

    The Housemaster of Slytherin was an avid El Reg reader.

  96. Andrew Yeomans

    He kept badgering me, but there's not mush room here!

  97. AlgernonFlowers4

    Talk about jumping out of the nokia frying pan and into the windows phone fire!

  98. Necronomnomnomicon

    I bought this laptop because it has everything I need: Hissplay port, USsssssssB 3, and ASPdobe ReADDER.

  99. Jango

    The laptop comes packaged with a Krait, said the description. On the plus side, now I know why the mouse went missing.

  100. Cardinal

    Hey Mum look! The fox next door is on the news.

  101. shonangreg

    All your snakes are belong to us.

  102. Kaltern

    Razer team up with El Reg to offer one lucky reader their latest must-have accessory.

  103. AdamG57

    Sorry Eve

    It'ssss not an Apple. I'm a Windowss viper...

  104. Spanners Silver badge

    Do you mean a makefile then?

    The post is required, and must contain letters.

  105. Pauli M

    Blew the budget on CGI: no Samuel L Jackson....

  106. Tat2Ninja

    Rather thlippery way to advertithe the new Wileyfocth Phone, but Hey ho!

  107. zed666

    What, no clickbait?....di sss apointing

    Where's the indigestion articles at, that mouse ain't sitting too good

    Overheating i7's are the bestessst

    *facebook returned 0 results for Mowgli* - ssssigh

    El Reg hiring python developers

    No Cortana, t e r r a r i u m.

  108. Flash.Gordon

    Hello IT? Yes, when I use my laptop I keep on hearing a rattling noise. Can you help?

  109. i steal your leccy

    Star of Raiders Of The Lost Ark tries to impress his girlfriend by showing her his big scene with Harrison Ford in the 'Well of Souls' clip on YouTube

  110. Kaltern

    Reptilian overlords home in on last remaining Human intelligence...

  111. kryptonaut

    Hacker Disables Reality Distortion Field - Ghastly Truth Revealed!

  112. i steal your leccy

    Her Majesty the Queen relaxing at home.

  113. i steal your leccy

    Researchers defeat Apples new Anti-Theft feature with a bucket of mice.

  114. MAF

    Never a pontoon plane around when you want one....

    Indiana Jones' new laptop was ruined even before Windows 10 got it's claws into it.....

  115. BenBell

    Only John Mcafee...

  116. cardinalsin

    I want to return this laptop. The keyboard has a rattle.

  117. Dus

    Lost in translation

    Too late, the German intern realised the error of asking for a "screen wiper"

  118. JHizzle

    OCP Laptop Security: "We don't screw around"

  119. choleric

    No, I said I wanted a screen WIPER!

  120. theeggmaster

    Ransomware makers step up their game.

  121. Dus

    I was just checking out my pr0n collection on the new 3D screen when this snake appeared. Mom says you'll have to suck it out.

  122. essjaygee

    This new app has to take a bite out of the market, rattle some cages and it must scale.

  123. Shambles

    Still no bios access

    Got CTRL-ALT-DEL covered, plus F1 through F9 and ESC and ALT plus the whole numeric keypad.


  124. snowpages
    Black Helicopters

    A variation...

    Microsoft resorts to ever-more-desperate methods to stop users uninstalling KB3035583


  125. Just Another Script Monkey

    "Shakespeare? That's for script monkeys!" Snake takes a career change into IT journalism

    I'm complaining to the pet shop right now! The packaging on this snake is pathetic!

  126. Stax

    Apples latest innovation 3D snake game.

  127. g e

    At last, an El Reg Story NOT about *Trouser* Snakes

  128. John H Woods Silver badge

    Did I miss it, or has no one mentioned...

    "Snake, SNAKE, SNAAAKE!?"

  129. Duffy Moon

    What good is a keyboard to me? I must have been one of the few creatures to appreciate the Windows 8 touch interface.

  130. Greeba

    The user left shortly after searching for the news of the latest game starring Solid Snake.

  131. i steal your leccy

    A rare behind the scenes look at GCHQ

  132. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The organic alternative to encrypting your laptop.

  133. tony2heads


    No, Eve, it was an apple you were supposed to eat.

  134. lawndart

    That's my flight ticket ordered. Now to look at my sexy ladder pic collection.

  135. Barely registers

    "As ideas for 'Post-pub nosh neckfiller' go, it wan't his brightest. Shame." said the PFY.

  136. lawndart

    It's a laptop. I'm sitting in its lap.

  137. kryptonaut

    A delegate checks the latest news whilst waiting for the Prime Minister to address the emergency COBRA meeting.

  138. pug0772

    When Microsoft bought Nokia they didn't understand why Snake was so popular

    We wantssss it, we needssss it. Must have the precioussssss

  139. pug0772

    New haptic keyboard feedback for adrenaline junkies

  140. OgreMHDW

    They don't make these computers comfortable for watching a movie!

  141. kryptonaut

    Frank's innovative design was a complete failure - the COMPOUNDi™ display was hard to read, and the revolutionary Snakepad™ controller would frequently rear up and hiss at the user.

  142. Snow Hill Island

    I don't care how funny you think your name for it is, I'm calling it a "Trackpoint Style Pointer."

  143. Comedy of Errors

    2 captions

    1) For sale. 1 terror bite laptop. Buyer collects.


    2) Labour party spokesman: "It is untrue some people were unable to vote for Jeremy Corbyn online. Everybody was welcome to do so using the laptop provided."

  144. MrNed

    "No way will I be able to finish compositing that screen grab now"

  145. Swarthy

    Amazon Review

    Instead of item ordered, box contained a mongoose. Would not buy again.

  146. MrNed

    Having persuaded Eve to take a bite of an Apple, Serpent turned his attention to seeing what he could persuade Adam to swallow.

  147. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How Magee viewed the rest of El Reg's editorial staff after his departure.

  148. Gasp!

    Passwords finally to be replaced with strong security, trained guard snakes!

  149. TitterYeNot

    On sitting down in front of his laptop, Jim suddenly had second thoughts about learning ASP.

  150. TitterYeNot

    No, you idiot, I said I wanted you to put Quake on my new laptop! Quake!

  151. lawndart

    It can't be an adder. I been watching it for hours and it hasn't incremented the register once.

  152. essjaygee

    El Reg news quake shakes snake awake

  153. bigp2

    Hold on, I've been pronouncing Voldemort incorrectly for years?

  154. Just Another Script Monkey

    Japanese interactive game for reptiles "Snake Hips 3" panned by reviewers: "Great tunes but the videos are rubbish"

  155. Frumious Bandersnatch

    this competition should be the #1 article on the site

    The Droste effect would blow the snake's mind.

  156. i steal your leccy

    A Civil Serpent at the DWP gets ready to sanction a claimant.

  157. Frumious Bandersnatch

    New Atom range fails to put a tiger in the tank.

  158. i steal your leccy

    Shit!! I've just bit my own tongue!

  159. Frumious Bandersnatch

    This was definitely not what I had in mind when they said "come work in Slough"

  160. i steal your leccy

    OFCOM's response to Internet Piracy is a bit drastic!

  161. i steal your leccy


    It's true, i tell ya!

  162. i steal your leccy

    "I hate meeses to pieces"

  163. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Venomous, Cold Blooded, Poison Spitting reptiles!...

    But enough about The Register commentards

  164. Frumious Bandersnatch

    On the internet, no one knows you're a snake.

  165. Frumious Bandersnatch

    The new 3W TDP CPU wasn't quite as toasty as his last laptop, but at least it wasn't crippled by a 1366x768 screen resolution.

    1. Antonymous Coward

      Intel inside; toasty outside.

      /shameless plagiarism ;)

  166. Frumious Bandersnatch

    The Register's occasional booze-up with the readers sometimes revealed some surprising faces behind the screen handles.

  167. i steal your leccy

    Amazon's 'Novelty Draught Excluder' causes a bit of a panic!

  168. TonyWilk

    Snake Charmed By El Reg's Wit and Innuendo

    Not a trouser snake according to boffins.

  169. i steal your leccy

    Fellow 'Lisper' gives Chris Eubanks 'Youth Hosteling' video, the thumbs up.

  170. Jason 24

    Snakes... much better than passwords.

  171. i steal your leccy

    A 'Belt & Braces' approach to online Safety.

  172. AlgernonFlowers4

    New microsoft stylus speak with forked tongue

  173. i steal your leccy

    Yeah i'm a Puff Adder, what about it?

  174. NoneSuch Silver badge

    Having had two laptops stolen, an enterprising technician decided to replace his company issued cable lock with something a little more intimidating.

  175. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Snake waits patiently for hydraulic hoist to clean screen.

  176. chartupdate

    Tom's vision of a scale-able infrastructure wasn't quite what the board were anticipating.

  177. NoneSuch Silver badge

    Here's an effective method to keep people from installing Windows 10.

  178. i steal your leccy

    Sneak Preview: Ubuntu 16.0 LTS [saucy serpent]

  179. s5PGmU

    Revenge is mine!

    Ashley Madison slithered into his life, so I slithered into her logs..

  180. i steal your leccy

    A behind the scenes look at a Talk-Talk customer support centre.

  181. He's Dead Jim

    Riddle me this...

    What has a laptop but no lap, a keyboard but no fingers?

  182. He's Dead Jim

    But you said to put my snake on the keyboard and send you a pic..

  183. NoneSuch Silver badge

    Two more

    "Get off your Asp and visit this web site."

    "Our web technology scales."

  184. Fungus Bob

    Snakes... Why did it have to be snakes?

  185. Jim Preis

    The race for President of the United States was joined by John McAfee today...

  186. nigkettle

    ctrl ... alt ... hmm ...

  187. securityanylastdude

    I suppose wasn't the right place to ask how to remove a remote administration tool.

  188. Dalen

    "...and here we see a magnificent specimen of an El Reg commenter in his natural habitat."

  189. Nolveys

    Janet was determined to help her husband to either overcome his fear of snakes or his crippling pornography addiction.

    The password-protected screen saver quit working, so I use this instead.

    Huh, a poisonous snake on a laptop. I guess that explains all the dead coworkers.

    Huh, a poisonous snake on a laptop. I guess that explains all the dead children.

  190. i steal your leccy

    When you said i had to choose between Windows 10 or a Spitting Cobra...i didn't think you were being serious.

  191. chronicler

    Friends don't let friends use Windows.

  192. chronicler

    ‘It was warmer here when they still had Flash.’

  193. p.m.j

    Monty checked his email; nothing but SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM.

  194. ap011013

    New password policy - One byte long

    err... where's the mouse gone...

  195. ap011013

    You just just can't get the staff...

    Helpdesk? I've been waiting *ages* to get through. I have a problem entering my password. It's "Asclepius" you say.....

  196. Nick Roberts

    "I couldn't possibly bite an El Reg hack - little thing called professional courtesy."

    Latest addition to the spec - a built-in screen viper.

    I always wanted Nokia to port Snake to the PC.

    Something wrong with this laptop - I shook it, and it was a rattler.

    Just checking the browser hisstory.

    It's the Lester Haines Fang Club webinar.

  197. Kev99 Silver badge

    Wise Asp.

  198. Antonymous Coward

    Hoping to appeal to young people, the Vatican releases illustrations from it's forthcoming 21st century Bible

  199. AlgernonFlowers4

    Snake Plissken reporting, about to break into suspect's network by going in-tru-der the windows!

  200. Harvey Trowell

    Dear sir, I have a complaint...

    A spokesperson for Mr Choo denied suggestions that his latest snakeskin laptop cover had been rushed to market.


    Reg hack suffers from a reptile dysfunction.

  201. Awil Onmearse

    "Enter the Natrix" Image © 2015 Kraitive Commons.

  202. EmbeddedDoctor

    Register the serpent that feeds on IT


    Register the serpent that bites IT

  203. DancesWithLice

    Steve's visual metaphor for Windows 8 was simple but effective.

  204. mattkillen

    Don't mention the war

    (Bavarian accent) Ordered in from Germany, Gary's new secure hard disk wiper wasn't what he expected....

  205. Frumious Bandersnatch

    when given the choice

    between the browsing The Register via its mobile app and a snake-infested laptop, most chose the laptop.

  206. Frumious Bandersnatch

    a chop too far?

    El Reg photo department shuttered, work speedily outsourced to N. Korean shop shop.

  207. Rol

    Touchpad! I hate touchpads. I want a mouse please.

  208. Rol

    Mmmm, my last dinner guest mentioned he was quite famous on this site, I wonder if they have any more meerkats, as they're good eatings.

  209. Rol

    Bob assumes his colleagues have cracked his password. He can't take his laptop to the toilet, per chance it is assumed he's browsing Linkedin. "Yep, this'll do nicely"

  210. Rol

    Mm, yes. This scales very nicely.

  211. Rol

    Cyril, the huge Jimmy Somerville fan, was greatly disappointed to find nothing but commentards.

  212. Rol

    I find it quite offensive to have my slinky looks placed above my abilities.

  213. ap011013

    Begone sibilant sock of venom!

  214. Billy Nomates

    Had to take a tablet today. I have a reptile dysfunction.

  215. Rol

    Cyril realised he'd come up with a great game, vastly more competitive than twister.

  216. Rol

    Having newly arrived in Europe, Cessil is annoyed his immigration status is still in question, after answering countless questions and getting upvoted three times.

  217. Rol

    Undaunted, Samantha is determined to outdo the infinite monkeys next door.

  218. Rol

    We gave ten IT trouble shooting companies our laptop to inspect, to find the source of the hissing noise.

    The results will not surprise you one bit.

  219. Rol

    After the limelight fades, Cleopatra's asp fills its time ranting endlessly on about how hieroglyphics trumps HTML.

  220. Rol

    Bez, keen to modernise his character in The Arabian Nights, transforms into something suitable to use a touchpad.

  221. ap011013

    Anguis is that you? I hear you're legless down at the bar...

  222. Billy Nomates

    Chuck Norris upgraded my laptop security...

  223. Rol

    The snake looks puzzling at Googles Captcha request to prove he's human, then quietly laughs.

  224. Billy Nomates

    The Jungle Netbook.

    When you know Disney is scraping the barrel.

  225. Billy Nomates

    The closest you'll ever get to gaming on a Mac.

  226. toms

    As BOFH left for the watering hole, at beer o clock on a Friday, he took a cursory glance at his answer to the physical security aspects of ISO 27001 and decided against defrosting another mouse on the GPU before leaving, so as not to impair performance.

  227. SoberGuy

    No wonder the malware 'SNAKE' lay undetected for so long, look who wrote it!

  228. SoberGuy

    ...and the winner of the WPM challenge is...!

  229. DarkLordofSurrey

    BOFH explains to the Boss that the hissing from his laptop is perfectly natural....

  230. Chairo

    Siri I have a problem

    no UK mailing address.

  231. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    Enough cats

    Where are the Hamster Videos

  232. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    V̶i̶r̶u̶s̶ Viper on computer

    Call the m̶e̶e̶r̶c̶a̶t̶ mongoose

  233. Warm Braw

    A city trader urgently reviews Worstall's article on Corbynomics.

    (I was going to do Mowgli's fatal mistake was to join Linked In, but I think someone's already suggested something similar)

  234. Billy Nomates

    Rule #1 for The Register caption competition;

    My anaconda don't want none unless you got puns hon!

  235. JoshTheGeek

    "I think we found the problem"

  236. JoshTheGeek

    "Caption contest? Okay, I'll bite."

  237. JoshTheGeek

    "El Reg devs aren't quite clear on the concept of converting from Python to ASP."

  238. JoshTheGeek

    "Pardon me, ma'am. Did you know there is a snake on your keyboard?"

  239. JoshTheGeek

    "While the trackpad works okay, Jim misses his mouse."

  240. JoshTheGeek

    "Have you met the new guy in Sales?"

  241. JoshTheGeek

    "Finally a use for those overheating Macbooks."

  242. JoshTheGeek

    "Apple... Yes, I like the name."

  243. JoshTheGeek

    "These new security requirements are getting out of hand."

  244. JoshTheGeek

    "I told you not to open suspicious attachments!"

  245. chronicler

    Cameron demonstrates his latest plan to save the children.

  246. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    After Friday's beer o'clock Sid was completely legless.

  247. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    Feds at the door?

    Put a Viper on your laptop

  248. ap011013

    Welcome to the visual dictionary...

    Today's word is "contrived"

    The following phrase will help you remember both spelling and meaning;









    *The above phrase is also contrived

    **Neither Cobra or Thinkpad were hurt in the taking of this picture as neither were present

  249. Sebastian A

    "Hey, you try using photossssshop with no handsss."

  250. Neoc

    El Reg - Giving you the full Monty.

  251. Sly


    These articlessss aren't even worth a ssssniff, much lessss a byte.

  252. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Touchpad? I specifically asked for a model with a clitor-hisss...

  253. Holtsmark Silver badge


    Well Officer, what happened here is a clear case of bad communication skills leading to tragic misunderstandings.

    The consulting security skills auditor requested that we demonstrate a scaled and persistent pro-active keyboard protection system utilizing only python, and the PFY, always eager to please, did exactly as was requested...

  254. p.m.j

    Helpdesk Ticket #374 : Closed


    User didn't respond to requests for further information.

  255. DPride

    Babbage had it right...

    Having a dedicated adder for every Register is overly complex.

  256. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Why is it that when I sssearch 'Sssnake Oil Sssalesmen' it bringss thisss up every time

  257. howsmiff

    Good Advert

    Must be a good phone, They're the tastiest bits!!!

  258. Warm Braw

    Disconnecting the network was no longer enough to stop the installation of Windows 10.

  259. Desidero

    Lessee - "Thin computer + snake = Cloudscale"?

    another Surface with a useless keyboard?

    the new "Alice Cooper Touch"?

    circus artist's rendering of Apple's new "Pencil"?

    Rattler & Hum...

    "Snake Eyes" Retina display?

    Type => Swype => Slither

  260. stucs201

    A quick game of Elite suddenly seemed a lot more Dangerous with a MKIII Cobra on the laptop.

  261. Teabags12

    IT had another "hissy" fit when they were asked to use this heap instead of the latest Apple kit.

  262. Andyman

    I know I said I used to enjoy Snake on my Nokia and wanted it on my laptop this isn't quite what I meant!

  263. Evoflash

    Nokia Fanboi

    Yeah, yeah, yeah very funny. You know what I really meant when I said I wanted "Snake" on my laptop.

    Fang you very much.

  264. Evoflash

    There once was a snake called Dwight,

    Who found papers so very trite,

    But then he found Reg,

    Was so cutting edge,

    Each article felt his bite.

  265. This post has been deleted by its author

  266. Evoflash

    I.T. get mighty bitey when almighty blighty sadder adder bangs fangs on clean screen!

  267. rivergarden

    Expecto screensaver...!

    "This is a new laptop...? But it only has an ssssVGA display...!"

    "I'm the only one around here who speaks with a forked tongue."

  268. Steve Kennedy

    Once again the Register takes the pithhhhhhhhhh out of its readers

  269. Tempest8008

    "Very funny. - Dr. Jones."

    "ARRGH! Windows 10! Oh, look! A snake."

    "The real reason the complaints about the new Register website went unanswered."

    "No. I'm not a viper. No. I'm not a python. I'm a run-of-the-mill, non-venomous, ophidian. I'm sitting here because it's nice and warm. I am not amusing nor do I care to be. Like this laptop I am merely being used to further the advertising goals of The Register. Later on I'll be put back in my terrarium and fed some crickets...perhaps a small mouse or frog. Then I'll sleep for a week. This is my life. Could be worse, I suppose. Like most things, there's less complexity here than you'd expect. And if you're looking for the punchline at the end of this long winded ophidian's monologue, keep waiting. I'm not here to entertain you."

  270. DPride

    Babbage had it right...

    a dedicated adder for every Register is overly complex.

  271. PK

    OK, who asked for the hands free option?

  272. PK

    I'm surprised no-one has said the obvious...

    Is that a snake on your laptop, or are you just pleased to see me?

  273. Dongliz

    six pages in and I have to make this joke myself?

    It appears my computer has a wyrm on it...

  274. Oliver 7

    Dear Currys....

    When I ordered the laptop I thought serpentine was the colour!

  275. Billy Nomates

    After thinking he got a good deal on a cheap copy of Vipre antivirus... Billy wondered how different things could have gone if he'd opted for Panda.

  276. TeeCee Gold badge

    New version of Novell Netware to get 3D screen saver.

  277. ap011013

    So long... and fangs for all the killerbytes

    Groan... thud...

  278. theleader

    Better password protection

    "Hey mum!"

    "I'm going to need a new laptop!"

    "I think it's caught a the new adder virus!"

    "where's the mouse gone?"

  279. trydk

    Not an iPhone? Great, slither to unlock is such a drag!

  280. AlgernonFlowers4

    Google launch must have accessory for cars, a windscreen viper!

  281. hamsterXjam

    Straight to Video is sooo last century

    Due to funding cuts, the sequel to Snakes on a Plane will be streamed directly to your device.

  282. macjules

    "Hello IT Support? A snake has gone to sleep on my laptop"

    "Have you tried moving the mouse a bit to see if it wakes up"

  283. AlgernonFlowers4

    Dammit I was trying to jump on board the Microsoft Linux bandwagon before those pesky pythons took over!

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