HERE COMES APPLE with some new sh*t or something Holy Crap! It's Apple hypegasm launch day again, and here's your fabulous soaraway Reg with continually updating hot live news-a-like barrelscrape content of some sort delivered via our proprietary LiveBlurt technology to tide you over until the fruitcast actually begins. We're unbelievably excited about this and we know you are …
Please let it be an iShit.
A bluetooth enabled toilet seat for monitoring bowel movements and methane production to enable changes in diet to stop global warming. Available in gold, diamond and Ivory.
or maybe an iW*nk
A bluetooth band for the gonads that tells you when capacity has been reached with a handy notification.
Geberit and a couple of Japanese companies have the market sewn up. I have one of the lower spec Geberit superbogs, it cost as much as a few Macbook Pros, and it was worth every penny. What's more it will probably still be working in 25 years time, reminding people of how all that messing around with bog paper was just so 20th century. I'm told the Japanese ones are even more awesome but I have yet to do a field test.
Apple can only dream of making a product so perfectly adapted to its function, and I don't even work for the company so I get no financial benefit from writing this.
why can't the new content be added to the bottom, so that when you don't turn up half an hour early only to find a load of pre-event gumph, you can read through it, from top to bottom (easily skipping anything you are not interested in), (as you would any other text based item) with it updating at the bottom as you progress. Instead of, having to scroll all the way to the bottom (which could take some doing if you are late, and they are rapidly posting), and then slowly work your way back up to the top, while being interrupted every time a new post is added and being jumped around all over the place as stupid hi-rez photos of a video on a screen, taken from the back of a conference hall, are uploaded and re-sized and re-rendered.
On the subject of having to scroll all the way to the bottom, what happened to the comments section in relation to adding new comments and voting up/down comments?
When the page reloads it always stays at the top instead of automatically scrolling down to where the related comment is.
Looks like all the <a name=" tags have gone missing.
OK, you hate Apple, we get it, but whatever they unveil today will sell millions of units, and Apple will continue to be the only truly profitable smartphone manufacturer.
In the meantime, carry on with the Apple clickbait articles, advertisers demand traffic! :D
How about telling us how many Reg hacks are packing an iPhone, Macbook Pro, iPad?
Surely you can be honest with us for once, no?
Whilst this might be clickbait, and what part of the internet isn't these days? I like to think of this article as a satirical, text based, slap of "get a grip" on all the hype swallowing/regurgitating news channels.
Have an upvote. That's how I took it. The only ones getting in the slightest their intimates (sorry, been a long day and couldn't think of anything else starting with i ) in a twist would be dyed in the turtleneck cultists.
Have you bastards at Team Reg blown the budget on Vodka for Dabbs in order to help him cope with the task?... Did he volunteer or did he pick the short straw and how many other staffers were hoping they could pick the short straw?
No doubt his gob now stinks and his shit, if he manages to land it in his repaired toilet having got back home rather than snoring and shitting his trousers under his desk overnight, will be suitably highly volatile.
"Morning Alistar."
"Bleurgh."
"Excellent Copy Yesterday."
"Snore."
Dude, it's 5 AM here on this side of the pond.
Inverse time frame British humor just blew my mind (boom)
Coffee on, coffee, do your job...
In the words of Monty Python, "He used... SARCASM!"
...Cirdan...
P.S. No apple hate. But Apple apathy at this point from me. Evangelist 1991-2005. Lost me to the Penguinistas.
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